Communication 101. Back to the basics

[Deleted Member]

For those new to the Lifestyle and those who have been in it, but seem to forget, the #1 rule is still treat each other with respect. In terms of boundaries, opinions, but as importantly messaging. Having a community like this where people have the ability to feel safe to express and explore their kinks is important.

I wanted to start this thread so people can have a spot where they can share their dos and don't of communication etiquette.

Rather than hit any of the big obvious ones (or the tiny ones if you know what I mean) I want to start with something a little more nuanced.

Don't start messaging with honorifics. Calling someone daddy, sir, pet, little, slut, good girl, etc before a dynamic has developed can be triggering and isn't a good way to engage in a conversation.

[sh****]

No chat to build up the trust up .

[Se****]

Once you start talking with someone and begin developing “something” KEEP talking the way you did at the start. Don’t read and ignore messages and don’t refuse to answer questions the other may have or get cross with them for having feelings x

[Deleted Member]

I agree. I have contacted people just to say hi, introduce myself, get to understand what the person is expecting, just to be shut down instantly. I HAVE to question if anybody has normal manners anymore, irrespective of their lifestyle, kink or fetishes, no common decency just to say " HI, sorry I am not available or you do not fit my lifestyle choice" . If you are seeking someone, a friend, partner whatever, how will you meet anybody if you fail at "Hello" ?

[Em****]

I love this

[AKA_Copper]

I think communication online is problematic from the get go for a number of reasons but, the basics for me are
Be coherent
Be courteous

[thatguy812]

Appreciate it D A D i O!
Id like to say about communication... Dont be a scammer... Its embarrassing..
Transparent asf, thinking yer slick..Just ya, 🧐dont!
However! If you like being
em bare assed... Hmu😉

[Deleted Member]

Yes ...

[Deleted Member]

Spot on its about communication trust respect and honesty

[kimutu72]

I recently got a message from someone who thought " How do you take anal" was a great message lol obviously I just deleted

[Go****]

That is one of my biggest bugbears, so thank you for beginning with that. Another one is - Treat people as exactly that; people.

You wouldn't go up to a stranger in person and begin a conversation by asking about their kinks, you begin by getting to know them a little first. The same applies online.

[pl****]

I agree with everything stated, and I thank you for that. :)

[AKA_Copper]

1 hour ago, Banger-Mash69 said:

I agree. I have contacted people just to say hi, introduce myself, get to understand what the person is expecting, just to be shut down instantly. I HAVE to question if anybody has normal manners anymore, irrespective of their lifestyle, kink or fetishes, no common decency just to say " HI, sorry I am not available or you do not fit my lifestyle choice" . If you are seeking someone, a friend, partner whatever, how will you meet anybody if you fail at "Hello" ?

This one's been done to death in the forums. By giving a 'no thanks' response, gives the initiator of the 'conversation' the opportunity to respond unless you block them and, well lets just say it's not always pleasant. By not responding it means that the initiator of the conversation does not have the ability to send any further messages simply because that's how Fet is set up

[Th****]

Got a message not too long ago. "Hello Bunny, the wait is over. Daddy is finally here." I said you have got to be joking. He assured me that he wasn't. I assured him that his arrogance betrays his inexperience lol

[Sh****]

I think it’s amusing when a Dom tells me what they are going to do to me…when in my profile I clearly state that I am an Alpha sub and chose when I am submissive

[kimutu72]

How many people actually read someones profile? the amount of times I've been messaged by someone who I can tell thry havent read it and then try make out they have

[Deleted Member]

8 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

This one's been done to death in the forums. By giving a 'no thanks' response, gives the initiator of the 'conversation' the opportunity to respond unless you block them and, well lets just say it's not always pleasant. By not responding it means that the initiator of the conversation does not have the ability to send any further messages simply because that's how Fet is set up

I understand what you are saying, and agree that some opening lines, as mentioned in this discussion, would totally warrant that reply. But if a friendly hello can we chat is treated the same way, how do people expect to make contacts ? People could always give a no thanks or more detailed response then block that conversation starter? Each to their own, but being new here, and having some of responses I have received makes me question the survival of human kind ...

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, Banger-Mash69 said:

I agree. I have contacted people just to say hi, introduce myself, get to understand what the person is expecting, just to be shut down instantly. I HAVE to question if anybody has normal manners anymore, irrespective of their lifestyle, kink or fetishes, no common decency just to say " HI, sorry I am not available or you do not fit my lifestyle choice" . If you are seeking someone, a friend, partner whatever, how will you meet anybody if you fail at "Hello" ?

I disagree on this point. Just because you reach out to someone doesn't mean they owe you a response. Some people are just on here to read and respond to forums and learn and aren't ready to chat with others. And others probably get so many messages it's exhausting to reach out and respond. As much as you would like them to send you a courteous rejection, it's definitely not something they need to do. Silence should say it all.

[Zela]

Love this. The same goes with pet names, i.e.: sweety, hun, cutie. The person may be all that but trust hasn’t been established yet and there are A LOT of scammers/fakes that try to bring down a person’s walls by talking that way. Be genuine, that’s all anyone needs to be. No more, no less.

[Deleted Member]

14 minutes ago, kimutu72 said:

How many people actually read someones profile? the amount of times I've been messaged by someone who I can tell thry havent read it and then try make out they have

I agree. I guess we could go around in circles all day about this, I think when profiles are written the author understands what they are writing, the reader may however misunderstand. Or crucial information omitted, such as age preference etc. End of the day, I think just simple manners in general are what is missing.

[Deleted Member]

Got a message last night that started off “you look like you want to be ***d and called slut” ummm nice to meet u? Lol

[Deleted Member]

33 minutes ago, doggydaddy said:

I disagree on this point. Just because you reach out to someone doesn't mean they owe you a response. Some people are just on here to read and respond to forums and learn and aren't ready to chat with others. And others probably get so many messages it's exhausting to reach out and respond. As much as you would like them to send you a courteous rejection, it's definitely not something they need to do. Silence should say it all.

No, they need not reply. But if you walked up to someone in the street and said " Hello, how are you?" And they just ignored you, how would you feel ? I will leave that there.

[Deleted Member]

I want to end my participation by saying; If someone stood in the street with a sign stating: Looking for friends , long term relationship etc, and I walked over to say hi and they point blank ignored me, I would take it personally. Possibly good old fashioned manners don't matter anymore. But this is just my personal opinion.

[Valpine]

I agree with everything said and must admit I like that Fet only lets folks send one mail and await a response. Also like how it shows how many mails a person has received and sent. I mention all that because I do think us guys have be to cognisant of how much attention females and anyone identifying as a sub get. But it’s not just messages on Fet, they are hounded on any site or even just walking down the street. I bear that in mind when I do reach out and don’t see their non-return as rude or lack of etiquette, it’s simply their choice for whatever reason

[ey****]

53 minutes ago, Banger-Mash69 said:

I want to end my participation by saying; If someone stood in the street with a sign stating: Looking for friends , long term relationship etc, and I walked over to say hi and they point blank ignored me, I would take it personally. Possibly good old fashioned manners don't matter anymore. But this is just my personal opinion.

it's a fairly weak argument

how often have you seen anyone standing in the middle of the street holding up a sign stating this?