Am confused need help understanding

[Gambler36]

 First of all hello everybody , am really new on any sort of fetish forums but I feel like I need a bit of help with some opinions and maybe someone with similar situation like me or with a better understanding can help me .

  What I would like to say it's that I would not describe myself as a submissive person , not in bed not in normal life quite the opposite , however this being said I have a lot of fantasy of being beaten by a woman / group of womans  or other similar fantasy of being hurt . 

 Problem it's that when I tried to pay someone to do it , it was not at all how I imagine I mean I felt rather bad about it then enjoying it but the fantasy still persisted . I just think that am too dominant to enjoy this but in the same time I wanted , I know sounds strange but maybe some solutions can come from someone here as I really need help because so far am stuck with a fantasy I cannot get rid of or enjoy . This being said it would not bothered me that much but recently I start not being able to normally perform sexually 8 out of 10 times as when I go in bed with a woman my brain fantasies more about getting beaten by her then having sex with her . ***y hell just reading what I just said makes me feel bad enough just hope I can get some answers . Cheers 

  

[Flutter]

I always say try what your mind is telling you, what is it going to hurt. You don’t like it, it doesn’t feel right, don’t do it. Never leave a day with regrets xx

[Kyrron]

You can be a masochist and a Dom, I've known a couple over the years.
The key I would think is to have a long conversation about what it is that you want and expect and do it with someone that you trust.
There is no one type of Dom or sub, there are many many facets to BDSM.
If it helps, do a 4 way chart, left and right Dom and sub, top and bottom Sadist and masochist then see where you land 😊
Best of luck

[ge****]

Could be many reasons behind why you feel as you do - self-guilt could be one of them and the confliction between your fantasy and the reality is causing you to feel bad about yourself, for that you need to find self-acceptance of what you fantasise about and through that acceptance that it's OK to like it.
.
It could however simply be the age old thing of the reality being very different from the fantasy and whilst the fantasy is very strong, the reality of it is not something you enjoy.
.
Then it could be the difference between paying to experience it, and experiencing it with someone you have a connection and chemistry with - paying for it may have made it seem very cold and clinical and transactional, and it's that the brain struggles with as opposed to it being something you shared with someone you had feelings for.
.
It's not an unusual feeling though, the very first time I submitted to someone I can remember feeling quite ridiculous and not being sure it was for me, despite my inner feelings, it just took time for me to train my brain and accept my inner submission for what it was.

[Gambler36]

Hey thank you for your reply I mean you really gave me a new perspective , however I find it imposible to do it with someone that I have any connection with as no woman would like to beat a man and even bring this into discussion would be an instant ending to whatever sort of relationship was there . 

  Can be guilt as well as to be honest am not that much happy about feeling the way I do and acceptance it's easier said than done because however I try to look at it myself will always be the reality which telling me something it's wrong in my head . 

 Anyhow thank you all for your replies and for not ridicule me as I thought would be 

[ge****]

46 minutes ago, Gambler36 said:

Hey thank you for your reply I mean you really gave me a new perspective , however I find it imposible to do it with someone that I have any connection with as no woman would like to beat a man and even bring this into discussion would be an instant ending to whatever sort of relationship was there . 

  Can be guilt as well as to be honest am not that much happy about feeling the way I do and acceptance it's easier said than done because however I try to look at it myself will always be the reality which telling me something it's wrong in my head . 

 Anyhow thank you all for your replies and for not ridicule me as I thought would be 

No problem - however to pick up on a couple of points - you say that you "find it impossible to do it with someone you have a connection with as no woman would like to beat a man" and that discussing it "would be an instant ending to whatever relationship was there" - unless you've had that conversation you'll never know for sure, there are plenty of women who are open minded and who indulge in kink some of them openly, some of them, like you, in fantasy, or privately - but until you raise the subject you'll not know either way. I get the *** of opening up, it's only natural, but having that conversation may bear fruit - it doesn't have to be full on whips and chains from the start, can be more a conversation about unfulfilled fantasies and then taking it from there - you may be surprised.
.
Sites like this also have plenty of prospective partners who may be into the same things as you - sure it's not easy, and a case of finding the right person etc but it's possible.
.
Self-acceptance is more tricky, but again not impossible - learning more about yourself and the lifestyle, maybe attending munches and kink events are all things you can do to help with that - finding that there are others with similar likes and desires will certainly help you come to terms with your fantasies.
.
Ultimately it's up to you whether you pursue your fantasies but if you decide to, some of the above should help.

[se****]

Another food for thought. Let's say you found such a woman. She enjoys what you enjoy, but there is a good chance it will always be one sided. Good chance it will pour into other aspects of the relationship. Are you good with this kind of a relationship?. I forgot who said this, but sometimes fantasys are better staying fantasys.

[Gambler36]

 Well if I would find such a woman that would be great perhaps , however will need to be a clear separation between sexual life and normal life . I mean as long as we both enjoy that will be an ideal scenario , the only problem it's that probably such a woman dose not exist . 

 About a fantasy staying a fantasy all what I can say it's that exactly this is what I tried to do , ignore it , or pay someone to do it , both did not work and just make it grow bigger in my head . Probably there are not too many realistic solutions to my problem as how you very good said it , it will always be one sided . 

 However thank you for reply and suggestion really appreciate all the feed back 

[se****]

20 minutes ago, Gambler36 said:

 Well if I would find such a woman that would be great perhaps , however will need to be a clear separation between sexual life and normal life . I mean as long as we both enjoy that will be an ideal scenario , the only problem it's that probably such a woman dose not exist . 

 About a fantasy staying a fantasy all what I can say it's that exactly this is what I tried to do , ignore it , or pay someone to do it , both did not work and just make it grow bigger in my head . Probably there are not too many realistic solutions to my problem as how you very good said it , it will always be one sided . 

 However thank you for reply and suggestion really appreciate all the feed back 

Ohhh, they do exist! The problem with most (not all) was one sided, and it bleeded to the normal life. There was clear agreements, but all had ended. I meant fantasy as are you willing to go through this?. Again, clarify... it's not all of them, but most.

[Gambler36]

If they do exist how you saying I never meet one trust me I tried , yes of course you can buy anything for a price ( which I even done it couple of times ) however unfortunately like this did not worked out for me . 

 If I would meet someone that really enjoy hurting me ( beating up name it how you like ) I would of course be willing to go to any extent of her fantasy as well not even from altruism but because would be probably my only chance to live my fantasy,  obviously in any situation something mutual can be much easier managed then something one sided . Till I register to this forum I honestly thought that I must be the only one on this planet feeling this way and as a result will never be able to actually socialise with someone that can complete my desire . This being said from all the answers I got so far am already feeling much less lonely in this and maybe if I would be lucky enough will be able to explore this in the real way .

[se****]

22 minutes ago, Gambler36 said:

If they do exist how you saying I never meet one trust me I tried , yes of course you can buy anything for a price ( which I even done it couple of times ) however unfortunately like this did not worked out for me . 

 If I would meet someone that really enjoy hurting me ( beating up name it how you like ) I would of course be willing to go to any extent of her fantasy as well not even from altruism but because would be probably my only chance to live my fantasy,  obviously in any situation something mutual can be much easier managed then something one sided . Till I register to this forum I honestly thought that I must be the only one on this planet feeling this way and as a result will never be able to actually socialise with someone that can complete my desire . This being said from all the answers I got so far am already feeling much less lonely in this and maybe if I would be lucky enough will be able to explore this in the real way .

It's was not about *** or fantasy.  Basically, it all lead to an  indirect version "My way or the highway"! It is good trying to have a positive outlook.💖

[LadyRedDomme]

On 11/19/2022 at 10:07 PM, Gambler36 said:

 First of all hello everybody , am really new on any sort of fetish forums but I feel like I need a bit of help with some opinions and maybe someone with similar situation like me or with a better understanding can help me .

  What I would like to say it's that I would not describe myself as a submissive person , not in bed not in normal life quite the opposite , however this being said I have a lot of fantasy of being beaten by a woman / group of womans  or other similar fantasy of being hurt . 

 Problem it's that when I tried to pay someone to do it , it was not at all how I imagine I mean I felt rather bad about it then enjoying it but the fantasy still persisted . I just think that am too dominant to enjoy this but in the same time I wanted , I know sounds strange but maybe some solutions can come from someone here as I really need help because so far am stuck with a fantasy I cannot get rid of or enjoy . This being said it would not bothered me that much but recently I start not being able to normally perform sexually 8 out of 10 times as when I go in bed with a woman my brain fantasies more about getting beaten by her then having sex with her . ***y hell just reading what I just said makes me feel bad enough just hope I can get some answers . Cheers 

  

 

On 11/19/2022 at 10:07 PM, Gambler36 said:

 First of all hello everybody , am really new on any sort of fetish forums but I feel like I need a bit of help with some opinions and maybe someone with similar situation like me or with a better understanding can help me .

  What I would like to say it's that I would not describe myself as a submissive person , not in bed not in normal life quite the opposite , however this being said I have a lot of fantasy of being beaten by a woman / group of womans  or other similar fantasy of being hurt . 

 Problem it's that when I tried to pay someone to do it , it was not at all how I imagine I mean I felt rather bad about it then enjoying it but the fantasy still persisted . I just think that am too dominant to enjoy this but in the same time I wanted , I know sounds strange but maybe some solutions can come from someone here as I really need help because so far am stuck with a fantasy I cannot get rid of or enjoy . This being said it would not bothered me that much but recently I start not being able to normally perform sexually 8 out of 10 times as when I go in bed with a woman my brain fantasies more about getting beaten by her then having sex with her . ***y hell just reading what I just said makes me feel bad enough just hope I can get some answers . Cheers 

  

We should chat .. exploring and fulfilling fantasies  gone from a hobby for me to a service ..   Finding out what makes someone’s mind tip into fetish/ fantasy.

So much of our physical functionality  depends on our mindset .  Controlling someone mind and thoughts, seeing the body react to words, touch, suggestion is amazing.   Big brazen cocky men who are pleased to be called my boy and willing to say Please Mistress, Thank you Mistress.. 

I give freedom , I allow you to “be” without having to think.. just BE 

[Gambler36]

Anybody that wants to chat just feel free to message me will be a pleasure to hear from you