Too choosy?

[Th****]

I'm curious to see if anyone else has ever been accused of being "too choosy" and how they feel about it. I get a lot of messages, on a few different platforms, both kinky and vanilla. Clearly not everyone is going to make the cut. Some are just plain vulgar, and those don't get any sort of response at all. (Welll ok, maybe a 🖕 if the mood strikes me, but I try to keep it to a minimum lol) But with people whose initial messages are perfectly cordial and polite, a lot of times I'll go to read their profile, and I'll determine that this person just isn't a good fit for me, or I'm just not into them or for whatever reason I'm just simply not interested, which we're all allowed to be. I'll then send a polite message back expressing that. Something like "Hey I really don't think we're all that compatible. Best of luck to you." Usually when I do this I end up getting put on blast about how I don't know them and how do I know if we're compatible if I don't give anybody a chance, and how dare I be so judgemental, yadda yadda... And SO much worse Lol. Most of that I can attribute to an overly inflated ego, and maybe a dash of arrogance, but whatever. Boys will be boys I guess. My thing is this... If I have read what you have to say, and I either don't like it, or you just don't seem like someone I'd be into, why is it that I should be made to feel obligated to "try" to be into it/you? Truth be told I'm not necessarily here to "try new things" I'm here to do the things I already know I like doing. If I'm not into you it probably means I already tried it and either wasn't comfortable or it just wasn't my thing? Why is it that strangers will assume that I don't know myself we'll enough to know my own likes and dislikes. I know who I am and what I bring to the table. I'm also allowed to choose who sits at my table. Just because someone wants an invitation doesn't mean they're going to get one. I dunno I just don't think it's fair to assume that a stranger doesn't know what they want, and what they want doesn't have to be you. Thoughts?

[br****]

I’ve found that because I’m a sub men think that’s an automatic “in” with me and can speak to me how ever they want to.
-our kinks don’t always line up
-our personalities don’t always match up
-because I’m on a kinky app doesn’t mean up ready to play with strangers at the drop of a hat
-because you’re a dom does not make you worthy of my submission.
-I’m a sub, but not your sub

I haven’t been called too picky but I’ve gotten hate messages for refusing to play or entertain people who’ve messaged me. I feel like some people are used to instant gratification that the forget etiquette and basic conversation.

I’m sorry boundaries are something we have to fight for 💔🤍 hope people take notes and become less of an entitled asshat

[Cheekysub247]

God i feel your ***...
I generally reply with a basic
"Sorry too far/not compatible ect ect" , then get bombarded with a list of reasons why I AM WRONG in my decision not to take them up on their offer, most move on after a bit, others stick around insulting me with the usual crap lol.

[QXX666]

You are not too choosy. And it will be your right anyway.
But many times we discussed this in forums. It’s about the rejection, the immatures and the arrogants who basically trigger the insta block button. Some women like you so polite they give a farewell message and good luck but in return they get the wrong attitude from these men. Instead of saying thanks for your reply it’s the constant battle.
During communication both part will assess if there will be some kind of connection either for a further Ds or just friendship. On top the profile would usually tell a bit more about the person too, but if any time your guts tell you it’s waste of time then it’s best to cut it short.
Even me after many years on fetish site it happened. I make mistakes or women at first impression from my profile think we could be match then further down the conversation they said thanks but no. And it’s ok I hate wasting time myself so it’s a good result. Plenty more flogging the bdsm door every months…

[Deleted Member]

Don’t let the haters get to you. I always send a polite decline. If they want to get ugly after that they get added to the blocked list. Like you said you know your worth and what you like/want. Never settle. Chin up, Queen.

[typhoon2]

You're too choosy for THEM, not for yourself. Keep it up. A polite response is clearly more than they deserve, given their subsequent reactions. Good way to weed out the chaff though!

[Se****]

Sadly many “Doms” become petulant children when rejected (no matter how politely) and apparently they have been victimised and this is a personal affront to them. My advice; Hit the block button, or better still, copy and paste in open chat to improve the general level of people interactions 😁

[Deleted Member]

You have every right to decide for yourself who you want to chat to or not chat to. No one has the right to make you feel bad if your decision happens to be a 'no'. This is one of the many reasons women don't reply to everyone because if they dare to have the cheek to say no thanks to someone who clearly believes themselves to be some kind of sex god, then you open yourself up to a load of ***. Why bother with all that crap?? As always it's a few who spoil it for the nice respectful people.

[Je****]

I just let them yap on.
I get loads of messages telling me im too picky due to my likes and dislikes on my profile.
They literally only come into my inbox to slate me for it.
Nothing constructive... Perhaps no actual interest either, just wanting to bash me for my preferences.

But i wont settle. Why should i? If i don't find someone attractive or compatible i am not gonna string them along, lie and pretend. Il save us both time 🤷

[Deleted Member]

From the guy perspective I think you are perfectly fine, I see no problem with a “polite” no thank you. These idiot guys ruin it for all us.

[us****]

Those who argue with you aren’t worth your time. I am a submissive, but that doesn’t mean I will be a sub to just anyone. Like you there are things that say that we will not make a good pair. Hopefully they find someone who fits, but that doesn’t mean I will fit or that I will try to find the right person for you.

[DarkArts1066]

In my experience, I think a lot of people are accused of being ‘too choosy’ on platforms such as this.
Notice the use of the word ‘people’ - not women, or subs, or men, or Doms.
Because it happens to a wide ranging demographic - possibly for slightly different reasons.
We have freedom of choice. It is MY choice, and mine alone who I decide to chat with, like, meet - or block.

Is it possible to be “too choosy” ??
Yes. Maybe it is.
I know a woman who is on a dating site. She only wants to meet men who are over 6,4” tall.
“Wow” - you might say, that’s pretty specific.

Yes. It is.
Her reasoning ?
Simple. She is 6’ tall herself, and wants to wear heels when out on a date. She knows that many men are in fact intimidated (not in the fun, kinky way…) by women who are taller than her.
Does she now have to accept that dates for her are like Unicorns ? - yes, she does.
But it is still her choice.

(And yes, she gets bombarded by men whom she has politely rejected, calling her various unpleasant names, and telling her she is too choosy.)

Go figure.

[1B****]

Too choosy? LOL. You should read MY profile! And yet, the c*ck waggers think they can slip under the radar. There are passer bys, and then there are those who have been in the life for a long time and experienced; you can tell by how they construct their profiles. The c*ck waggers are not real kinksters, just looking for free and easy sex. I quickly dismiss those with a polite rebuff, which soon leads to a hostile hate mail response, but thank goodness for the “block” feature! Good luck!

[Mr****]

I just looked into your profile and figured we are not compatible 😁 Seriously though, why bother? Delete message and move on😊

[Deleted Member]

i actually think it might be a bit different. boys/men on this and in general on dating platforms, get basically zero matches. while women get overloaded with messages.
this is frustrating for men too, especially when they aren't top gun material. so once they get a match/reply and it turns out not to work, they simply lash out.
i mean there is more than just this, but i am certain that this plays a significant role in the issue you raised.

[Deleted Member]

It’s a persons right to be choosy and no one else’s business what so ever x

[ge****]

"Too choosy", "You can't possibly know me to decide" and other such things are the well worn and overused excuses of the rejected - nothing more nothing less, it's what those that come out with them do to justify their rejection, rather than either looking closer to home for the reasons, or simply accepting that they can't be for everyone - which is what they really should be doing.

[DeviantInside]

Never had a problem with people saying they’re not into me and/or what I’m into. Surely it’s far better to know rather than try to *** something or try to be something you’re not. I’m fully aware that I’m not going to be everyone’s cup of hot beverage, and am equally choosy too. Learnt a long time ago that the right connection matters far more to me than anything else… ok so it doesn’t help that I can be incredibly dense and not realise someone is interested in me, I tend to assume people are just wanting to chat or are being friendly. So in many regards it’s a wonder I’ve ever experienced anything. But even in spite of being oh so greedy and wanting things like mental and physical attraction/connection, kink compatibility, sense of humour (if only so they’re able to put up with mine), and a myriad of other things I have still been able to explore pretty much everything and with people I genuinely wanted to with… and it’s so much more meaningful when it’s with the right person/people.

[vl****]

I get what you’re saying! A lot of people feel entitled in the dating world specially in apps to be total assh*les cus they can’t get laid. They assume that just because their nice that they will get something out of it. They lack proper social skills and emotional intelligence or understanding that they aren’t everyone’s cus of tea. If I had a dollar for every person(about 30%of guys) that I told politely I wasn’t interested as get butt hurt… I’d quite my day job…and it’s in any app it’s just dating in general unfortunately… I feel your ***

[DonnaH]

I like when my profile says I’m totally sub and I get dozens of guys wanting me to domme them? Do they read anything???

[Ae****]

Not everyone is mature, and people are all on their own journeys, at different stages of maturity. So you'll get some men who can't simply take rejection easily. One day, hopefully, they'll grow past this behavior and way of thinking.

The same can be said about your question and your confusion - why would anyone ever expect everyone to be polite and mature when they're being rejected? You don't know their history, what they've been through, what their mental state is at that time, what role models they never had. And why isn't it obvious to you that you don't need to be bothered about it, and instead should probably just be humbly flattered that people message you in the first place?

The behavior of the men who respond to you may seem, perhaps to be illogical and silly to people like you. And your reaction, questions and conclusions in response to those men can seem illogical and silly to someone like me.

There's clearly plenty of immaturity, arrogance and over-inflated egos to go around. If you're lucky, one day it won't bother you at all, you'll just accept people for who they are and just move on. Maybe you'll look back on these thoughts and be happy you grew past them.

[Deleted Member]

Given that I have been on this platform for months and I’ve literally had 2 people return any kind of message, and no one ever contacting me first, no… I don’t believe I’m too choosy hahah

[Deleted Member]

This is why I stopped replying to 99% of messages. Arguing with people  - even the ones who do it politely - is just exhausting.  It comes down to this for me: you chose how to represent your sent in your opening message and (moat importantly) your profile.  I looked and decided no. No, I don't want to chat "just to see". I don't have the time, energy or patience for that.  As the OP said, respect my preferences (and also think about improving your profile if you think I've judged you wrongly. Your lack of effort there is not my problem).

[fl****]

Many comments so I will keep this short, honestly if you do respond with any message informing that you are not interested, I am almost positive that you ARE THE ONLY WOMAN that has is respectful enough to do so.

[Deleted Member]

You know what you want don’t settle. It’s all about respect. If you take someone’s limits personally you don’t belong in this lifestyle.