Pl**** Posted December 20, 2022 Posted December 20, 2022 I've been called too picky before, but only by my friends who aren't trying to date me. And that's very different, because they actually know me. If your friends are saying it, maybe listen to them. If random people trying to date or sleep with you, that you don't even know, call you too picky after you reject them, I don't even know why you're entertaining this. They don't know you at all, and are literally just trying to argue their way into a date or session, and they need to learn that being pushy and pathetic isn't attractive and almost certainly isn't going to get them anywhere. That's a noodle-armed Hail Mary if there ever was one.
Deleted Member Posted December 20, 2022 Posted December 20, 2022 15 minutes ago, flatnuts2 said: Many comments so I will keep this short, honestly if you do respond with any message informing that you are not interested, I am almost positive that you ARE THE ONLY WOMAN that has is respectful enough to do so. It's not about being respectful. There are threads and threads on this in the forum and I just explained it - it's about the rest of us being done getting zero respectful replies back. Because the only respectful response is "OK, thank you." Don't call us disrespectful for not wanting to receive ***. And I'm going to preemptively cut off the "that's on them, just block argument " - when we have to do that, *we have already been ***d*.
Se**** Posted December 20, 2022 Posted December 20, 2022 Conversely I have never had a negative reaction messaging a female sub a ‘Thanks, but no thanks’ message. Says it all really 😉
Sh**** Posted December 20, 2022 Posted December 20, 2022 I wish I could just say I am not interested and that was that. I don’t like to feel mean but it’s overwhelming sometimes
Deleted Member Posted December 20, 2022 Posted December 20, 2022 10 minutes ago, SensuousDom said: Conversely I have never had a negative reaction messaging a female sub a ‘Thanks, but no thanks’ message. Says it all really 😉 ^^ this is a good profile to look at for ideas on the sort of thing it's helpful to include for subs who might consider you.
ey**** Posted December 20, 2022 Posted December 20, 2022 1 hour ago, fruity-rainbow said: i actually think it might be a bit different. boys/men on this and in general on dating platforms, get basically zero matches. while women get overloaded with messages. this is frustrating for men too, especially when they aren't top gun material. so once they get a match/reply and it turns out not to work, they simply lash out. i mean there is more than just this, but i am certain that this plays a significant role in the issue you raised. one thing a lot of these folk need to then realise (and anyone outside of this) is how does that look? that they get aggressive and lash out when they don't get their own way? how is that going to go down if she says "no" to "do you want to come to mine" after a date or declines sex : it is total red flag behaviour
ey**** Posted December 20, 2022 Posted December 20, 2022 Being called "too choosy" is someone else trying to control and dictate your own boundaries which is a red flag and as I said above that someone getting aggressive or offensive that you said no to them - how would that translate to a "No" in other scenarios? All this does is prove you were right to say no to them because they lack the decency, maturity, or anything else that you need. Sometimes I think a problem is sometimes some men (in particular) aren't choosy enough and that leads them into bad experiences and dead ends. Of course; it is important for everyone to be realistic about potential matches but you can't *** how you feel at the time - and leading into a conversation you're already not feeling wastes both of your time (and becomes the type of convo guys complain about where it drops off or you say no to meeting) and that also things change over time. So, I've played with people who initially said no to me. That a few weeks or so later they either came back to me or welcomed a fresh discussion to ask if I was still interested because of things I had been saying and doing (just as saying yes to someone can become a no if you see them go on to be awful) and the best way to change someone's mind about you is not to try to make them change their mind.
Gi**** Posted December 20, 2022 Posted December 20, 2022 You are not too choosy. They are justifying a reason why you rejected them that doesn't hurt their ego.
Deleted Member Posted December 20, 2022 Posted December 20, 2022 The internet is full of undesirables. Not to mention the fake profiles that you have to weeks thru lol. Remember the good old day when we met people by going out! Yes I’m old lol
BigPolly Posted December 20, 2022 Posted December 20, 2022 It’s not about being too choosy, it’s about having your own mind, knowing what you do & don’t like, having chemistry & having standards. You’re an adult with a mind of your own & it doesn’t matter what role you play within BDSM or Kink, ‘NO’ is & always will be a sentence all on its own & requires no explanation. You continue being amazing wonderful ‘You’ & let people weed themselves out with their own silly comments. They just leave plenty of room for the right person to come along 😊
fl**** Posted December 20, 2022 Posted December 20, 2022 55 minutes ago, Lady_Char said: It's not about being respectful. There are threads and threads on this in the forum and I just explained it - it's about the rest of us being done getting zero respectful replies back. Because the only respectful response is "OK, thank you." Don't call us disrespectful for not wanting to receive ***. And I'm going to preemptively cut off the "that's on them, just block argument " - when we have to do that, *we have already been ***d*. Many things I could argue about that but I will be RESPECTFUL and just say have a good day bye.
Deleted Member Posted December 20, 2022 Posted December 20, 2022 14 minutes ago, flatnuts2 said: Many things I could argue about that but I will be RESPECTFUL and just say have a good day bye. Wonderful.
Th**** Posted December 20, 2022 Author Posted December 20, 2022 2 hours ago, havre-de-grace901 said: From the guy perspective I think you are perfectly fine, I see no problem with a “polite” no thank you. These idiot guys ruin it for all us. I absolutely agree. I really wish there was a class that some of these guys could take, but then again, in order to take the class they would first have to think they need it lol.
Deleted Member Posted December 20, 2022 Posted December 20, 2022 14 minutes ago, Th4tFl0w3rL4dy said: I absolutely agree. I really wish there was a class that some of these guys could take, but then again, in order to take the class they would first have to think they need it lol. The first step is admitting it lol.
th**** Posted December 20, 2022 Posted December 20, 2022 I’m polite, well mannered, I start every convo with a greeting yet I get blanked, I know it’s a lot more difficult in here for men, but so far I’ve had little to no interest in even replying to me? Am I doing something wrong?
Erebus Posted December 20, 2022 Posted December 20, 2022 8 minutes ago, the_northern_gent said: I’m polite, well mannered, I start every convo with a greeting yet I get blanked, I know it’s a lot more difficult in here for men, but so far I’ve had little to no interest in even replying to me? Am I doing something wrong? The Short answer is Yes!... Here's the longer answer! To be honest your profile is lacking in actual information about you and what you are looking for one, I keep saying it over and over in multiple posts so maybe an analogy is in order... You're in a big pool and there are 100 guys and 20 females are you going to just be average and do the bare minimum or are you going to stand out from the crowd and sell yourself? When you message a girl are you going to say "Hi how are you today?" or are you going to read their profile and find some common ground between the pair of you or a talking point! I'm not saying this is you but the other big thing I noticed is that you've been registered on this site for 2 days and you’re already forming an opinion about being blanked on the forums... Try getting to know people first and chat with the people on the site learn as much as you can and take your time... as the OP said not everyone is compatible and why I've never had an actual rejection response from a lady on here I have been blanked plenty, but I’ve also met some lovely people and had some great dates too so it happens you just need to give it some time!
Th**** Posted December 20, 2022 Author Posted December 20, 2022 2 hours ago, SensuousDom said: Sadly many “Doms” become petulant children when rejected (no matter how politely) and apparently they have been victimised and this is a personal affront to them. My advice; Hit the block button, or better still, copy and paste in open chat to improve the general level of people interactions 😁 Oooh I like that idea! Lol
CopperKnob Posted December 20, 2022 Posted December 20, 2022 I see no problem with being "too choosy" What it means is, knowing ourselves, our wants and needs and being able to use that information to make a decision about whether I want to converse with them etc. Others declaring that I or others are "too choosy" simply means that they've not dealt with rejection well, that they've not been able to accept it or respect the other persons decision. It simply validates my initial view, that they aren't for me because, if that's how they respond or, if they respond with something like "give me a chance" etc, they also don't respect boundaries and that's not going to bode well in a friendship let alone anything more. . To the people that have commented that women/those presenting as femme are inundated with messages. That may be true in the first few weeks, its not once we've been here a while . To those commenting that they don't receive replies to their msgs and asking what they're doing wrong, maybe something maybe nothing. I've not read/responded to any of the msgs I've rec'd this week simply because I don't have it within me to hold a conversation with anyone right now. It's not always about *you
Th**** Posted December 20, 2022 Author Posted December 20, 2022 3 hours ago, fruity-rainbow said: i actually think it might be a bit different. boys/men on this and in general on dating platforms, get basically zero matches. while women get overloaded with messages. this is frustrating for men too, especially when they aren't top gun material. so once they get a match/reply and it turns out not to work, they simply lash out. i mean there is more than just this, but i am certain that this plays a significant role in the issue you raised. While I can certainly understand the frustration, lashing out is just a sign of immaturity and isn't going to do anyone any favors
4R**** Posted December 20, 2022 Posted December 20, 2022 I'm definitely choosy. But I don't think being "too choosy" is possible. I have high standards, I know what I want and I won't settle for anything less. I'm happy to chat to anyone about anything but they need to put just as much effort into communicating with me as I will with them. But most of the opening messages I get are: "Hey", "Hi", "Hi There" - A lot of effort was put into these clearly! "Where are you from?" - It helpfully tells you at the top of my profile! "What are you into?" - I spent a long time putting all of this information in my profile for your perusal! "What are you looking for?" - Well if you'd bothered to read the aforementioned profile you would know the answer to that! "Add me on WhatsApp" - yeah right, of course I'm gonna give some random off the interwebs my mobile number! "Do you want to serve a real goddess?" - I've never submitted to anyone in my life, I'm certainly not about to start now, and especially with someone calling themself 'goddess'! My advice is to stay being as choosy as you need to be. To echo your words: "I know who I am and what I bring to the table. I'm also allowed to choose who sits at my table." In addition, People who know me equally know my worth. People who bother to make the effort to get to know me find it's well worth the effort. To everyone else I probably appear standoffish - and I'm fine with that, because it means I'm not wasting my valuable time on those who don't deserve it.
Deleted Member Posted December 20, 2022 Posted December 20, 2022 You're not being too choosy at all, you know what you want and you know your self worth. Stick with it and ignore anyone who cannot handle rejection x
Th**** Posted December 20, 2022 Author Posted December 20, 2022 1 hour ago, 4RCH said: I'm definitely choosy. But I don't think being "too choosy" is possible. I have high standards, I know what I want and I won't settle for anything less. I'm happy to chat to anyone about anything but they need to put just as much effort into communicating with me as I will with them. But most of the opening messages I get are: "Hey", "Hi", "Hi There" - A lot of effort was put into these clearly! "Where are you from?" - It helpfully tells you at the top of my profile! "What are you into?" - I spent a long time putting all of this information in my profile for your perusal! "What are you looking for?" - Well if you'd bothered to read the aforementioned profile you would know the answer to that! "Add me on WhatsApp" - yeah right, of course I'm gonna give some random off the interwebs my mobile number! "Do you want to serve a real goddess?" - I've never submitted to anyone own my life, I'm certainly not about to start now, and especially with someone calling themself 'goddess'! My advice is to stay being as choosy as you need to be. To echo your words: "I know who I am and what I bring to the table. I'm also allowed to choose who sits at my table." In addition, People who know me equally know my worth. People who bother to make the effort to get to know me find it's well worth the effort. To everyone else I probably appear standoffish - and I'm fine with that, because it means I'm not wasting my valuable time on those who don't deserve it. OMG yes alllllllllll of this!!!! And then you ask them to please read your profile and they say something like "I just want to hear it from you to make sure you're real." First of all I don't appreciate being tested, and second of all you're full of sh*t. I'd rather they just say they aren't willing to put forth the effort. At least then I'll know to just go ahead and move on, because if you're not willing to take minutes to learn a little about me, then you probably aren't going to put much effort into a relationship either. So, bye lol
sm**** Posted December 20, 2022 Posted December 20, 2022 Personally I am choosey in Vanilla as well as kink, it sounds callouse but it's also form of self preservation. If you have been burned bad in a relationship then you learn to avoid the things that are not for you, as in the long run id rather be happier single than just going with the flow and having a relationship just for the sake of it with no real meaning to it, it will always end in disaster or unhappiness.
Na**** Posted December 20, 2022 Posted December 20, 2022 Oh I’m definitely ‘too choosy’. At my age I don’t have time for games. If I don’t think we’ll work, then it’s not happening. Then again, if I message and get that response back I reply with ‘Gotcha! Good luck in your search!’. Again, because I’m to old and my feelings don’t get hurt that easily. 😂
4R**** Posted December 20, 2022 Posted December 20, 2022 13 minutes ago, NamelessGhoul said: Oh I’m definitely ‘too choosy’. At my age I don’t have time for games. If I don’t think we’ll work, then it’s not happening. Then again, if I message and get that response back I reply with ‘Gotcha! Good luck in your search!’. Again, because I’m to old and my feelings don’t get hurt that easily. 😂 Amen!
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