Brand new; help me start

[Je****]

I've spent time looking into what I'm attracted to and I have a list but no one to play with.
I have confidence issues and the idea of meeting someone new and going to play with them terrifies me.

What choices have I got?

[FETMOD-BD]

Please keep comments "forum friendly". This post is to give advice on how a newbie can get involved.
It's not for hooking up on - anyone being inappropriate will receive points. 

[4R****]

Attending a local munch (informal gathering of local kink friendly people) is probably best thing you could do as a first step. I don't think there's actually a munch in Wrexham itself but your closest is probably Chester Munch which is held on the third Thursday of every month at the Town Crier, City Road, Chester CH1 3AE which is located right opposite the train station. Alternatively there is Wirral Munch held on the second Tuesday of every Month at Townhose, Union St, Birkenhead, CH42 3TL. 

The idea is that people come together who have got an interest (even if it’s a bit of minor curiosity at the moment) in BDSM/Fetish to chat, chew the fat, share stories and BDSM experiences and reassure newbies that we really aren’t mad and that BDSM/Fetish covers anything from a bit of blindfolded, tie and tease sex, right up to severe *** and ***.

[Hu****]

Ride the wave of life don’t think too much into it stay in the present moment and just walk right into the situation you don’t wanna live life telling yourself I could’ve done something I should’ve done something you’re a sexy woman you’ll find a place in our community *********

[Se****]

Get a toy warm up then find someone worth taking a chance with

[Je****]

34 minutes ago, 4RCH said:

Attending a local munch (informal gathering of local kink friendly people) is probably best thing you could do as a first step. I don't think there's actually a munch in Wrexham itself but your closest is probably Chester Munch which is held on the third Thursday of every month at the Town Crier, City Road, Chester CH1 3AE which is located right opposite the train station. Alternatively there is Wirral Munch held on the second Tuesday of every Month at Townhose, Union St, Birkenhead, CH42 3TL. 

The idea is that people come together who have got an interest (even if it’s a bit of minor curiosity at the moment) in BDSM/Fetish to chat, chew the fat, share stories and BDSM experiences and reassure newbies that we really aren’t mad and that BDSM/Fetish covers anything from a bit of blindfolded, tie and tease sex, right up to severe *** and ***.

That is something I'd like to try. Just need the confidence to go to one

[CopperKnob]

Take your time.
The kink world probably seems like a sweet shop and you'll likely want to experience everything everyone whose entered your inbox offering since this was posted 🙄
Delete those messages.
Stop putting pressure on yourself.
Chat to sane/respectful people here, particularly those who are local to you until you're ready to venture to a munch where you'll likely meet the online peeps in real life.
Don't "walk right into a situation" 🤦‍♀️
There are a lot of unpleasant individuals online hiding behind persona's. The internet is a predators playground. You'll want to spend time getting to know someone before you start playing with them. Your safety is everything. Use the app to make connections with kinsters who have no ulterior motives other than to help you meet the real life community.
Plenty of posts in the forums that you may find interesting/helpful.

[Sh****]

Hi there! May I suggest a sex therapist? It seems one of the core issues is self esteem so getting to the reasons for that is a good idea. Especially before meeting someone.

[da****]

I have social anxiety as well. The great thing about this community and munches is there is no pressure. Treat is as meeting other who are of like minds and not a partner search. Less stress that way. I personally don’t do pick up play but I will still go to events, dungeons and so on and socialize.
The majority of the people I have met will happily answer and questions you have and share experiences with you.

[Deleted Member]

I think the above are some quite good options. Don’t just jump in. Listen to the advice

[Bi****]

Take your time.
There may be expo and that sort of thing where you can and learn about what you might like get to know the community, and life style before playing

[As****]

Hi Jenzo 👋 that's normal to feel.like that n tbh it won't last long once uve found a play ptr, in fact time will fly n u will have a fuckin gr8 time doing too 👍😜

[Puppy6411]

8 hours ago, CopperKnob said:

Take your time.
The kink world probably seems like a sweet shop and you'll likely want to experience everything everyone whose entered your inbox offering since this was posted 🙄
Delete those messages.
Stop putting pressure on yourself.
Chat to sane/respectful people here, particularly those who are local to you until you're ready to venture to a munch where you'll likely meet the online peeps in real life.
Don't "walk right into a situation" 🤦‍♀️
There are a lot of unpleasant individuals online hiding behind persona's. The internet is a predators playground. You'll want to spend time getting to know someone before you start playing with them. Your safety is everything. Use the app to make connections with kinsters who have no ulterior motives other than to help you meet the real life community.
Plenty of posts in the forums that you may find interesting/helpful.

CK sums it up.
Take your time, talk to people.
If anyone starts to pressurise you into anything you're not completely comfortable with, explain your discomfort, chat to other people.
Treat all messages since your status update with the utmost cynicism!

[Myia]

I’m the same. I decided to try going to a public, professional establishment with someone I know before actually meeting anyone new

[McGraw]

I’d echo the suggestions that if you find someone that you can see yourself getting kinky with at some point perhaps meet them for a coffee meet. I’ve done this numerous times and it has never been an issue if I or the other party has stayed we are meeting but everyone remains on ‘best behaviour’ on that occasion.

[Je****]

19 hours ago, CopperKnob said:

Take your time.
The kink world probably seems like a sweet shop and you'll likely want to experience everything everyone whose entered your inbox offering since this was posted 🙄
Delete those messages.
Stop putting pressure on yourself.
Chat to sane/respectful people here, particularly those who are local to you until you're ready to venture to a munch where you'll likely meet the online peeps in real life.
Don't "walk right into a situation" 🤦‍♀️
There are a lot of unpleasant individuals online hiding behind persona's. The internet is a predators playground. You'll want to spend time getting to know someone before you start playing with them. Your safety is everything. Use the app to make connections with kinsters who have no ulterior motives other than to help you meet the real life community.
Plenty of posts in the forums that you may find interesting/helpful.

I live a pretty solitary life and can't work so no idea how to start.

[fo****]

I’m in the same position except I am super DL and have other situations that interfere. I have still been exploring and having fun, but I get left behind a lot on things, or have fantasies I am trying to bring to fruition, but nobody ever comes through to give me the experience I am looking for… I am just going to keep trying

[Deleted Member]

7 hours ago, Jenzo84 said:

I live a pretty solitary life and can't work so no idea how to start.

How about just finding platonic friends here. Perhaps removing the pressure of meeting or of engaging in anything other than conversation about kink is a good start . I’m sure you could find a few savvy friends here.

[CopperKnob]

1 hour ago, fort-collins404 said:

I’m in the same position except I am super DL and have other situations that interfere. I have still been exploring and having fun, but I get left behind a lot on things, or have fantasies I am trying to bring to fruition, but nobody ever comes through to give me the experience I am looking for… I am just going to keep trying

"To give me the experience I am looking for"
I'd suggest that's the sticking point

[ki****]

The 1st thing is to meet someone, and get to know them, you have to trust someone and that takes time, establish trust, aet boundaries. Limits what you would like to lern or expermint with. You can meet people here or fetlife, that allows you to be more discreet, you can meet someone local who is also kinky or may want the same things you want or are lookig for. I also had confidence issues. Low self esteem and it is hard to meet someone new that you can open up to and talk about kinks and these type sites are good. fetlife you can go into city and look at them. Its like an adult version of Facebook lol. Hope this helps some.

[Je****]

Sunday at 10:07 PM, 4RCH said:

Attending a local munch (informal gathering of local kink friendly people) is probably best thing you could do as a first step. I don't think there's actually a munch in Wrexham itself but your closest is probably Chester Munch which is held on the third Thursday of every month at the Town Crier, City Road, Chester CH1 3AE which is located right opposite the train station. Alternatively there is Wirral Munch held on the second Tuesday of every Month at Townhose, Union St, Birkenhead, CH42 3TL. 

The idea is that people come together who have got an interest (even if it’s a bit of minor curiosity at the moment) in BDSM/Fetish to chat, chew the fat, share stories and BDSM experiences and reassure newbies that we really aren’t mad and that BDSM/Fetish covers anything from a bit of blindfolded, tie and tease sex, right up to severe *** and ***.

How do I find out about the chester one cos that sounds like a terrifying but good way to start

[4R****]

2 minutes ago, Jenzo84 said:

How do I find out about the chester one cos that sounds like a terrifying but good way to start

I've given date and time of the event in here. I'd DM you with details of the organiser but your message filters are blocking me.

Edited December 28, 2022 by 4RCH

[Je****]

Yesterday at 05:57 PM, 4RCH said:

I've given date and time of the event in here. I'd DM you with details of the organiser but your message filters are blocking me.

I think I've fixed them? Lol

[littlemiss37]

Hi I have been on this mayb say 5 or 6 weeks or more . I'm also new to this . At the start I had confidence issues but that is to do with me . I have gotten a little bit confident . Confidence will come in time . U will get there . I'm free to chat if u need to . Have a nice new year xx

[La****]

What would be the best way to go about finding a munch near me?