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Which Green Flags Do You Look For?


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Posted
My favor green flag is what I like to call the “holy crap” moment. It’s when I meet someone and reveal what I am taking off the vanilla world mask and making myself *** to judgement by suggesting we enjoy each other in a certain way. And they respond with “that sounds fun but let’s also do this too” …. And I am totally pleasantly surprised!!!!!
Posted
They ask about my turn ons and will incorporate them day to day. Being sweet and loving, respect goes a very long way. Communication both good and bad, to help me learn them better. And the ability to take the lead without being told to.
Posted
: sub has a minimal amount of ’s.
Posted

Hear hear! And thank you for the reminder, you're right we can become so focused on watching out for red flags that we forget about the green.

Off the top of my head (I'm in a bit of a rush this afternoon 🙈):-

They want to know about you - not just your kinks and sexual tastes, won't turn absolutely everything into an innuendo.

Won't pressure you to respond, will understand that you're not at their beck and call.

Won't push or expect you to move faster than a pace which is comfortable to you.

Will express authentic concern for your wellbeing and offer support without conditions.

Posted
Take time to have time for me.
Respect and affection appreciation for me. Conversation and let’s me be a brat
Posted
11 minutes ago, Aranhis said:

Hear hear! And thank you for the reminder, you're right we can become so focused on watching out for red flags that we forget about the green.

Off the top of my head (I'm in a bit of a rush this afternoon 🙈):-

They want to know about you - not just your kinks and sexual tastes, won't turn absolutely everything into an innuendo.

Won't pressure you to respond, will understand that you're not at their beck and call.

Won't push or expect you to move faster than a pace which is comfortable to you.

Will express authentic concern for your wellbeing and offer support without conditions.

“Offer support without conditions”
: That is ripe for ***.

Posted
43 minutes ago, CbusDomDaddy said:

They ask about my turn ons and will incorporate them day to day. Being sweet and loving, respect goes a very long way. Communication both good and bad, to help me learn them better. And the ability to take the lead without being told to.

Communication, whether good or bad, is essential, as is the way the other person responds to said communication.

Posted
26 minutes ago, Aranhis said:

Hear hear! And thank you for the reminder, you're right we can become so focused on watching out for red flags that we forget about the green.

Off the top of my head (I'm in a bit of a rush this afternoon 🙈):-

They want to know about you - not just your kinks and sexual tastes, won't turn absolutely everything into an innuendo.

Won't pressure you to respond, will understand that you're not at their beck and call.

Won't push or expect you to move faster than a pace which is comfortable to you.

Will express authentic concern for your wellbeing and offer support without conditions.

You're in a rush?! Queue faux shocked face 😲 🤣

 

I can very easily turn everything into an innuendo, if in a silly mood, but there is a line, and those that can't see or keep to that are 🚩

 

Won't pressure you to respond...uhmm, yes. Yes I like this one 😳🙈 I will get there, really 🤣🤣

 

 

Posted
34 minutes ago, Xavier1978 said:

: sub has a minimal amount of ’s.

Could you elaborate on this a little please?

Posted
20 minutes ago, Xavier1978 said:

“Offer support without conditions”
: That is ripe for ***.

There is a difference between without conditions, and without boundaries. Without wanting to put words into @Aranhis mouth, I believe by "without conditions" he meant that the person offering the support does not do so with the expectation of receiving something in return.  

For example, I might offer someone support without conditions, such as chatting to them about their own difficulties without any judgement, but have a boundary that means I won't offer practical help where it would be too much for me to take on.

Posted
"Easily" willing/trying to do it your way, or make compromises.
Posted
Conditions=boundaries=parameters=rules, etc.
You negated your own point; your exchange/support relied on the condition that the other did not over burden you.
Posted
16 minutes ago, Xavier1978 said:
Conditions=boundaries=parameters=rules, etc.
You negated your own point; your exchange/support relied on the condition that the other did not over burden you.

My take on what Aranhis is saying re offering support without conditions is,
One person saying, "I'll do this for you and I don't expect anything in exchange". Very basic example, I buy a friend lunch, I don't expect them to pay for lunch next time we go out

Posted

 

33 minutes ago, Xavier1978 said:

You negated your own point; your exchange/support relied on the condition that the other did not over burden you.

I disagree. Me not over burdening myself by offering physical help, is not a condition of offering my support. I can still offer my support, without expecting something in return, even if I cannot help physically. 

 

Are you going to elaborate on your previous comment, as requested, that a green flag is a sub who has a minimal amount of ️'s?

Posted
1 hour ago, GoodGirlBetterBrat said:

There is a difference between without conditions, and without boundaries. Without wanting to put words into @Aranhis mouth, I believe by "without conditions" he meant that the person offering the support does not do so with the expectation of receiving something in return.  

For example, I might offer someone support without conditions, such as chatting to them about their own difficulties without any judgement, but have a boundary that means I won't offer practical help where it would be too much for me to take on.

Thank you, yes that's very well put. It's the same as what people mean when they talk about (for example) unconditional love. No expectations, no demands - offered without condition.

45 minutes ago, Xavier1978 said:

Conditions=boundaries=parameters=rules, etc.
You negated your own point; your exchange/support relied on the condition that the other did not over burden you.

We absolutely can split hairs and if so I'll agree and say that technically yes this is true, but in the spirit it is intended this isn't what these unconditional offers mean. And if you note, I didn't say what that expression of concern or level of support had to be. It can be as simple as sending a text message every few days - that's really difficult to take advantage of or ***.

1 hour ago, GoodGirlBetterBrat said:

You're in a rush?! Queue faux shocked face 😲 🤣

Heyyyyy!!!! I don't know WHAT you mean 🤣🤣🙈

Yes, I'm off for a family meal with my Aunt and Uncle over from America. Had to do the making myself pretty thing because I know darned well she'll have the camera out 😆🙄

Posted
1 hour ago, Aranhis said:

Heyyyyy!!!! I don't know WHAT you mean 🤣🤣🙈

Yes, I'm off for a family meal with my Aunt and Uncle over from America. Had to do the making myself pretty thing because I know darned well she'll have the camera out 😆🙄

Yes, it’s splitting hairs; and yes you were vague; hence why I said it can lead to ***. We both generalized.
People give examples as if it’s contractual, when often, one way or another, they’ll come collect what they believe is owed to them.

Posted
In a bizarre way by looking for an absence of red flags you're actually looking for green ones - so having no red flags is a green one in itself 😉
.
On a more serious note though, connection, mutual attraction and chemistry are massive green flags for me - if I have those with a person, the rest naturally falls into place for the most part
Posted

Generally I look for the following:

  • is friendly and approachable
  • makes an effort
  • is honest and upfront
  • can communicate
  • takes care of themself
  • respects time
  • educates themself
  • is willing to grow
  • knows their limits
  • has realistic expectations
  • shows loyalty
  • shows restraint
  • is in control of themself

amongst other things

Posted
eye contact
brutal honesty
approachable and kind
positive rein***ment
communicates likes, limits and possibilities
Dom is responsible for safety and checking-in with sub consistently when in scene. Sub is responsible for speaking up when things are not right.
Goes slow and builds trust through actions as partnership evolves
Posted
Thanks OP for the post, it's a good one.

I'm loving reading everyone's responses. I find the ones about respecting time and eye contact interesting, as they are pathological struggles for me, but it's good to know they are valued :)
.
.
My green flags:
.
- Messaging to learn more about me and who I am rather than just kinky me
- Asking about aftercare early on, and before very sexual conversations.
- This one is hard to explain, but when they ask about your hard and soft limits not to see if you don't like their interests, but to make sure they are aware of your limits and can respect them.
- When they enthusiastically, openly, and honestly discuss sexual health, sti screening, and contraception including
- Offering to get an sti check
- Discussing different contraceptive options. For me this includes being open to condom use and accepting one method of contraception may not be enough. Huge green flag, I really appreciate when they care about sti and pregnancy risk, and prioritise safety over pleasure.
- Having a dom continue aftercare beyond what's obligatory and tailoring it to your specific likes
- Checking in for drop for multiple days post scene
- Taking an active interest in your interests, trying to learn about them and share them with you
- Trying to remember the little details about your life
- Sharing the travel burden if you live far apart
- Feels weird to explain this one, but when they try to be considerate and not order certain foods, drinks, or use certain smells that you're really not keen on. A little niche, but it's always such a green flag for me when they don't order an alcoholic beverage on the first date or, upon realising I don't drink on first dates, altering their choice of drink. I'm huge on SSC and won't ever drink on first or second dates or before scenes.
- Changing their bedsheets and cleaning their space before you come over
- Bonus if they smell nice
- Good dental health - probably my weirdest one but poor long term dental hygiene is my biggest ick


These are just some, and some of the more niche ones.
I also think it's really important to monitor the green flags in yourself, including maintaining an external outlook on life and good communication.


Posted
Very thorough and exactly what should be done. Thank you!
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