Which Green Flags Do You Look For?

[Deleted Member]

👊❤️👊

[Vi****]

Great Post and refreshing to see it from the other perspective

[Dh****]

A Green Flag to look out for; a lack of Red Flags, 😏

[Deleted Member]

For me it’s just communication and the freedom to ask why. Why do you want/not want that. Sometimes, it’s no one’s business. Sometimes it makes sense and helps understand more about that person. If they don’t like something and you know why, it’ll help keep you mindful on other things. Rather then. Don’t do that. And not speaking about it.

[Deleted Member]

4 hours ago, Dharhan said:

A Green Flag to look out for; a lack of Red Flags, 😏

A suspicious green flag : no red flags 🚩

[4R****]

18 minutes ago, Xavier1978 said:

A suspicious green flag : no red flags 🚩

Good call!

[se****]

Aftercare being a green flag. I used to think if a person asked about, it was a good sign. In another forum, @4RCHmade a comment an ***r can beat the crap, then give the most sweetest/loving aftercare to cover up their bad action. Bit confused on this one....

[Na****]

There is a huge difference in kink/aftercare and ***/grooming.

[4R****]

49 minutes ago, NaughtyGoodGirl said:

There is a huge difference in kink/aftercare and ***/grooming.

Yes there is……. The intent.

but how does someone who doesn’t realise they are being ***d know the difference between aftercare and “grooming” as you put it?

[Deleted Member]

Simple, the more they push/advertise, the higher chance it is, or will be abusive.
Like myself, if “aftercare” is a top priority in a sub, it becomes a 🚩 for me.

[se****]

6 hours ago, NaughtyGoodGirl said:

There is a huge difference in kink/aftercare and ***/grooming.

Can you please elaborate the difference in your thoughts. This would be helpful to me and others.💖

[Na****]

A Dom should always make decisions based on the sub and what is best for the sub. If that is through training, punishment should serve a purpose and so should the training.
When you have to ask why the Dom is going to the extreme they are, then there isn’t enough communication happening.
The aftercare doesn’t always have to happen after. Depending on the dynamic, subtle touches, the way the hair is brushed away from the face, a soft kiss on the shoulder before a bite, and other intimate acts during play will allow the sub to understand that there is intimacy and care between them.
Is the Dom spanking the sub because the D wants it or because the sub enjoys it?
Is the Dom punishing the sub because the sub didn’t do what the Dom instructed or because the sub isn’t bettering themselves by the tasks given to them by the Dom.
You can even move into a different dynamic and still have the same type of questions. Anyone going into a dynamic should be in well enough mental health to think through things for themselves regardless of the dynamic. Always make sure you find a partner(s) that doesn’t make you question their intentions.

[Na****]

And let me clarify that aftercare does always need to happen after, but I meant it doesn’t ONLY have to happen after. You can show care in simple ways during play.
You should be checking in with your partner to make sure they’re ok. If your partner is only concerned about themselves during the play, this is 100% a red flag.
@4RCH the ***d person doesn’t always know and that’s why it continues for so long. Communities like these are good to have so that we can discuss our experiences. We can protect and look out for each other. If someone reaches out to you about a concern, listen to them. Get a second opinion.

[FETMOD-BD]

OK I've allowed those last two comments but this needs to get back ON TOPIC - The discussion is about GREEN flags, not red ones.

[se****]

12 minutes ago, FETMOD-BD said:

OK I've allowed those last two comments but this needs to get back ON TOPIC - The discussion is about GREEN flags, not red ones.

Sorry, but felt this was important information to be asked. Aftercare can be red and green too. Thank you.🙏🤗

Edited January 9, 2023 by kiseu

[Na****]

Apologies - I was just answering questions from previous posts

[se****]

Another green flag is "consistency", but this is regarding any type of relationships. 

[Na****]

Green flags:

Checks in on YOU and doesn’t just ask sex/play related questions

Always makes sure you’re ok before, during, and after play

Is interested in how they can fulfill your desires, not in how you can fulfill theirs.

[Na****]

Isn’t it the same thing?
Red flag - if they don’t ask about you during play
Green flag - they ask about you during play
I can rewrite my entire post to say that a green flag is someone who thinks to do aftercare before, during, and after play.

[Li****]

Someone who feeds me ✅️
Someone who does cuddles/plays with hair/back tickles💆🏽‍♀️ ✅️
Someone who likes surprises/gifts/being cuddled ✅️
.....All the serious ones were taken😉

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, NaughtyGoodGirl said:

Isn’t it the same thing?
Red flag - if they don’t ask about you during play
Green flag - they ask about you during play
I can rewrite my entire post to say that a green flag is someone who thinks to do aftercare before, during, and after play.

Yes, exactly; it’s just what viewpoint you’re looking from.
For example,….
Green flag: Lots of red flags 🚩….. because I like a challenge 😈

[se****]

6 hours ago, NaughtyGoodGirl said:

Isn’t it the same thing?
Red flag - if they don’t ask about you during play
Green flag - they ask about you during play
I can rewrite my entire post to say that a green flag is someone who thinks to do aftercare before, during, and after play.

You are right with this viewpoint, but I was thinking the "intentions" aspect like @4rch. This one is definitely a debater, because it is both to me.

Edited January 9, 2023 by kiseu

[CopperKnob]

I put some more thought in to it because, I liked NaughtyGoodGirl's thought that green is the oppositr of red and so rather than having a list if my own red flags, figured I'd put together a list of my greens...I'm well aware that no one's going to check all of them
.

1. They decline being called/calling othere any honorific title from the start, until the parameters of a dynamic have been negotiated and agreed to.

2. They are mindful that you are a human being on the same level as them. Respect and courtesy are shown consistently from the very first exchange.

3.  They show interest in your interests.

4. They are honest when admitting to mistakes, and actively learn from them.

5. Their actions are consistent, reliable, fair, and transparent.

6. They are approachable, friendly and warm. Their ego is rarely, if ever, on display. They have a sense of humour and are able to laugh at themselves.

7. They are prepared to walk away from forming or maintaining a relationship with you, if they believe your needs are better met by somebody else. They are comfortable to introduce you to other potential partners, even if it means they will lose you.

8. They don't gossip and avoid drama. They do not criticise other people publicly or behind their backs. They do not feel threatened by others, instead they view them as a peer support network. They have a good balance of D and s-types as online/real life friends.

9. In conversations, they are an active and respectful listener. They do not try to dominate conversations, grandstand, or showpony. They walk the talk. They are a team player in group dynamics.They treat everyone the same, from the CEO at work, to the waiter serving them in a restaurant.

10. They do not prey on the ***. They maintain long term relationships with their partners, and are on cordial terms with exe's.

10. In the case of D-types, they don’t attend munches and public events looking for ‘fresh meat’ or take advantage of inexperienced s-types. They are willing to be vetted, and for the s-type to set the pace of their preliminary interactions.

11.  They treat everyone they meet with kindness and respect. They are generous with their time.

12. They refrain from becoming involved in politics, bitching or petty interactions with third parties when the issue to hand does not involve them or their partners directly in any way. Their approach, when faced with inflammatory situations, is concilitary, fair, constructive, and focused on resolution.

13. They are comfortable with a partner who is more capable in certain areas, or more knowledgeable. They recognise that being a D-type does not mean they need to know everything. They are willing to accept constructive criticism and are open and accommodating to creating scenes and play that satisfy both party's needs.

14. They have nothing to prove. They are quietly comfortable in their own skin. They are not fazed by others disagreeing with their approach to kink, and support the view that everyone has the right to express this in their own unique way where it is safe and consensual.

15. They are trustworthy, discreet, responsible and compassionate. They uphold agreements and terms. They are honest, even if it is not in their best interests.

[mu****]

Clear from the beginning and communicative throughout.

[ey****]

I've came back and forth to this thread a couple of times - and think - I don't expressly look for any flags.

However of course in any conversations there's always stuff that is going to increase my interest or views.

For example - someone having an interest at times when it's not just play. Remembering something important to me (like a birthday) or respecting my time and boundaries.

But also, I'm running an event this week and had to prevet attendees and the green flags have included good communication, showing they've read and understood instructions, speedy payment to confirm their place.