Loss

[PixieDust]

1 hour ago, Alexander126 said:

I struggle with constantly depression, largely stemming from a rather long list of losses. Losses stay with me for a very long time, I find the best way to cope is to replace them.. but sooner or later I tend to lose the replacement as well, and then my mind goes back to previous losses to avoid thinking of the most recent (for example at the start of the plague I made a very good friend.. but she wound up getting into a full house-slave relationship and her Dom made her sever ties with.. everyone. That caused me to mentally recoil onto someone who discarded me like a piece of trash 10 years ago.).

Thank you for sharing 🙏🏼and I am sorry for your losses 🤗

Depression can be a tough slog and hard to pull yourself out of at times. 

I do hope things improve for you 💜

[PixieDust]

1 hour ago, lonelybeard said:

The lyrics are kinda odd, it's just the tune and how it's sung, i really can't explain why it gets me in the feels so much. Would love to hear what you think?
Would love to hear what you think?

I have long physical scars across my body, they tell a tale about me, and my own struggles., it makes us who we are, and all the more stronger through time. Our bodies are a story book of our lives. 🤗
I have long physical scars across my body, they tell a tale about me, and my own struggles., it makes us who we are, and all the more stronger

Thank you for sharing the lyrics.  I will drop you a line about my thoughts on them.

Agree with you there.....book of our lives is a great way to describe them.  😊

[PixieDust]

11 minutes ago, kiseu said:

So weird for me, the universe speaks. Yesterday, it was one of my grieving days with the loss of my dog. I think this will be a forever one. 

I really don't give advise on this, unless they ask. Just try to be there for them.

When you have seen loss in your life, you start appreciating every little thing in your life, and being thankful.

Thank you for sharing 🙏🏼I am sorry for your loss 🤗

I agree with just trying to be there for them and definitely appreciating the little things, as there are so many things out there to be grateful/thankful for 💜😊

[Ar****]

Pixie, you weren't clunky or long-winded at all - this post of yours was exactly what it needed to be. Thank you for sharing your story 💜

I wasn't totally sure whether you were looking for answers which were subjective or objective (or both, or - and I suspect this to be the case - more interested in starting a discussion/dialogue whatever the means). I'm also not sure anybody could honestly say this was a topic they could be objective about anyway 😆

How do I deal with loss? I think I've gotten so used to it that I expect it now, at least in regards to some things. That's probably why I'm such an awful hoarder and fierce sentimentalist over trinkets and material goods, which I otherwise put very little value on. Quiet bitterness and resentment married with a calm acceptance is probably my modus operandi. Lost/stolen/damaged property? I get pissed off, and replace them. Friend or loved one betrays me? Well then they obviously weren't a real friend/didn't care that much anyway. Health deteriorated before my time? Can't do anything about that, I'll keep doing as much as I can as best I can and making the most of things. I suppose the overriding theme is, evaluate the damage (both emotional and practical) then - if it is worth it - see what can be salvaged from whatever is left.

I've got past some losses, and some I think will stay me forever. I'd say relationships can be some of the hardest losses to deal with in the short-term, but eventually time heals. That said, I've had some relationships and dynamics where it's near impossible not to feel at the very least melancholy about how they ended, and others where I can't pretend not to be annoyed at the friend I've lost - in those cases I'd have much rather we never tried being anything more and I still had those friends in my life.

No, the big ones... they are things like what I lost during a particularly long abusive relationship - the friendships I was ***d to sever, the parts of my past I had to wash away, my actual self whom I lost for a time. They are things like my music collection, which I can't even talk about here and now else I'll get angry and that's not what I want; suffice it to say music was what mattered most to me, I was connected to the different parts of my collection in a broad and deep manner of ways, and I haven't ever recovered from losing it. And there is the year apart from my son when his mother effectively did a runner to another county with him and cut all contact - however amicable things may be now (for his sake), I cannot imagine ever forgiving her the damage she did him then.

I don't know if it's appropriate to call it a talent, I know it annoys some of my friends in a kind-of frustratingly endearing way 😆 but I do have a knack for being able to find the silver lining in near-as-dammit any situation, so that has probably helped in dealing with loss. I think I'm a realist, but I'm also a hopeless optimist too - I know when stuff is rubbish but I can still hope I'm wrong or that things will change 😂 Plus I believe in moving forward (or at least trying to) no matter what. It's important to me to set a positive example to my son and anyone else who might view me as a role-model, so feeling that responsibility can give me the nudge I need to grit my teeth, lift my chin, deal with loss and plough on. That's not to say I hide weakness or vulnerability, I very much try not to, but being able to say "hey, I'm not at all okay" and crack on anyway - to find the right balance - is something I feel it's important to learn how to do.

What doesn't help? That's a tricky one. My mother, ever? 😆 I suppose attitudes which lack empathy and understanding are what I find unhelpful, a that probably covers everything.

I do talk about loss sometimes, with some people, although I find I temper and restrain myself in terms of the details quite often because I don't want to drag anybody's mood down (and also, y'know, reliving some traumas is not at all pleasant). When it comes up it is typically either because a new friend or potential and I are getting to know one another and discussions about histories and such inevitably arise, or because I offer one of my stories as a way of connecting and demonstrating that I relate to/understand in some way what a person is going through.

I would suggest to others dealing with loss that they don't face it alone. Sharing a load makes it lighter, and usually people have far more people who care about them and would be prepared to listen than they realise. If they have any friends who are particularly supportive and insightful ("wise") then even better, as doubtless such people will be able to consider aspects previously unthought of which may help the healing process. Oh and also, laugh. It might sound stupid or simple, but people underestimate the power of laughter. However much you might not feel like it, spend time with the people who make you crack a smile. Watch those re-runs of your favourite comedy shows. Go and see that stand-up who is touring in your area. Be grumpy about it if you have to, but take the piss out of yourself for your own mood. Whatever you do, don't isolate yourself though.

And then, gains. There might be a few. For example I consider it a positive when I lose somebody whom I thought cared about me as much as I did them, whether they were a friend or something more, because I'd rather know/gain the truth and have the extra time in my life that losing them creates than them stick around me forever being two-faced. Or when my son and I didn't see each other for a year that meant that I had more time for the relationship I was then in - although I would obviously always have chosen that awful experience never happened, and the flipside was that the stress of the court process, police involvement and everything else surrounding it led to pressures on that relationship.

Cheers back at you 😉

[Ar****]

Oops, my comment posted twice. Edited so nobody has to read the ramble again

Edited January 15, 2023 by Aranhis

[PixieDust]

1 hour ago, Aranhis said:

Pixie, you weren't clunky or long-winded at all - this post of yours was exactly what it needed to be. Thank you for sharing your story 💜

I wasn't totally sure whether you were looking for answers which were subjective or objective (or both, or - and I suspect this to be the case - more interested in starting a discussion/dialogue whatever the means). I'm also not sure anybody could honestly say this was a topic they could be objective about anyway 😆

How do I deal with loss? I think I've gotten so used to it that I expect it now, at least in regards to some things. That's probably why I'm such an awful hoarder and fierce sentimentalist over trinkets and material goods, which I otherwise put very little value on. Quiet bitterness and resentment married with a calm acceptance is probably my modus operandi. Lost/stolen/damaged property? I get pissed off, and replace them. Friend or loved one betrays me? Well then they obviously weren't a real friend/didn't care that much anyway. Health deteriorated before my time? Can't do anything about that, I'll keep doing as much as I can as best I can and making the most of things. I suppose the overriding theme is, evaluate the damage (both emotional and practical) then - if it is worth it - see what can be salvaged from whatever is left.

I've got past some losses, and some I think will stay me forever. I'd say relationships can be some of the hardest losses to deal with in the short-term, but eventually time heals. That said, I've had some relationships and dynamics where it's near impossible not to feel at the very least melancholy about how they ended, and others where I can't pretend not to be annoyed at the friend I've lost - in those cases I'd have much rather we never tried being anything more and I still had those friends in my life.

No, the big ones... they are things like what I lost during a particularly long abusive relationship - the friendships I was ***d to sever, the parts of my past I had to wash away, my actual self whom I lost for a time. They are things like my music collection, which I can't even talk about here and now else I'll get angry and that's not what I want; suffice it to say music was what mattered most to me, I was connected to the different parts of my collection in a broad and deep manner of ways, and I haven't ever recovered from losing it. And there is the year apart from my son when his mother effectively did a runner to another county with him and cut all contact - however amicable things may be now (for his sake), I cannot imagine ever forgiving her the damage she did him then.

I don't know if it's appropriate to call it a talent, I know it annoys some of my friends in a kind-of frustratingly endearing way 😆 but I do have a knack for being able to find the silver lining in near-as-dammit any situation, so that has probably helped in dealing with loss. I think I'm a realist, but I'm also a hopeless optimist too - I know when stuff is rubbish but I can still hope I'm wrong or that things will change 😂 Plus I believe in moving forward (or at least trying to) no matter what. It's important to me to set a positive example to my son and anyone else who might view me as a role-model, so feeling that responsibility can give me the nudge I need to grit my teeth, lift my chin, deal with loss and plough on. That's not to say I hide weakness or vulnerability, I very much try not to, but being able to say "hey, I'm not at all okay" and crack on anyway - to find the right balance - is something I feel it's important to learn how to do.

What doesn't help? That's a tricky one. My mother, ever? 😆 I suppose attitudes which lack empathy and understanding are what I find unhelpful, a that probably covers everything.

I do talk about loss sometimes, with some people, although I find I temper and restrain myself in terms of the details quite often because I don't want to drag anybody's mood down (and also, y'know, reliving some traumas is not at all pleasant). When it comes up it is typically either because a new friend or potential and I are getting to know one another and discussions about histories and such inevitably arise, or because I offer one of my stories as a way of connecting and demonstrating that I relate to/understand in some way what a person is going through.

I would suggest to others dealing with loss that they don't face it alone. Sharing a load makes it lighter, and usually people have far more people who care about them and would be prepared to listen than they realise. If they have any friends who are particularly supportive and insightful ("wise") then even better, as doubtless such people will be able to consider aspects previously unthought of which may help the healing process. Oh and also, laugh. It might sound stupid or simple, but people underestimate the power of laughter. However much you might not feel like it, spend time with the people who make you crack a smile. Watch those re-runs of your favourite comedy shows. Go and see that stand-up who is touring in your area. Be grumpy about it if you have to, but take the piss out of yourself for your own mood. Whatever you do, don't isolate yourself though.

And then, gains. There might be a few. For example I consider it a positive when I lose somebody whom I thought cared about me as much as I did them, whether they were a friend or something more, because I'd rather know/gain the truth and have the extra time in my life that losing them creates than them stick around me forever being two-faced. Or when my son and I didn't see each other for a year that meant that I had more time for the relationship I was then in - although I would obviously always have chosen that awful experience never happened, and the flipside was that the stress of the court process, police involvement and everything else surrounding it led to pressures on that relationship.

Cheers back at you 😉

Thank you 🙏🏼 for all intensive purposes I now have a brain *** as the result of the strokes.  In my mind I know what I would like to write but its the articulating that  I feel I am still struggling with but one day at time as they say and I will get back there. But thank you for saying it doesn't read clunky and long winded.  Have to say Crosswords and Spelling Bee have become my new best friends, they are great tools for cognitive therapy and thank heavens for spell check  😁   

 

That's a good question about subjective/objective......  I know I wanted to create a discussion about losses as I have been thinking about them a lot lately and more so since I did the project the psychologist gave me.  Originally I just had the questions put together but it felt lacking so thought a bit of a back story was needed as to what led me to asking those questions.  So decided I would share my own  experience and thought maybe through everyone's insights of their own journey/experiences through losses, we could maybe all help each other provide further clarity/insight. 

 

Thank you for sharing your experiences of losses🙏🏼 and I am sorry you have also had them 🤗 

 

I can relate to many of things you have mentioned, especially about getting used to it and expecting it and the health side of things....for me now its just like ok universe what are you going to throw at me today, bring it on and we will add it to the pile and deal with as it happens.  I can also relate to the hoarding, I think my organsing lady could attest to that too.... I have so much I have held onto for sentimental reasons not at all helpful when you are trying pack and prepare for a future move to new a house......but more things I am not sure if I ready to part with, as in my mind it would be more losses but that is maybe why I am hanging on to them, its fills a void and brings emotional comfort but the question as to why I am still hanging on to over 200 giant sized pencils with tassles on the end god only knows 🤦🏼‍♀️yet I still can't bare to part with them. 

 

"Evaluate the damage"  thats a good way of putting it, I think I do the same.  Salvage is another good word too.....and I think with some losses there are opportunities to salvage atleast something, so the loss isn't as huge.  

 

I like the silver lining part, I am also similar always try to see it somewhere if I can.  My grandfather used to say don't worry it could have been worse.....I suppose in a round about way he was right, some losses can be far worse than others.  

 

Sharing a load is also another good one, I think if you can and you have a good friend or a counselor available, its totally worth it.  They may not be able to fix the loss but they can certainly help in other ways going forward. 😊

[li****]

Thank you for sharing this sis.......I agree that not many talk about losses and we should to be honest as a way to move forward. 

I've like many lost so much in my life, My mum's love when I was a baby/growing up as she suffered with depression and couldn't be near me or round me at all. So I was brought up by my Father and my Mum's Grandparents. The loss of my said Grandad when I was 15 spiralled me into a deep dark depression as he was like a second Father to me. I lost most of my life at that point, I left school early so loss of grades, I left home to live with a boyfriend who would end up being an abusive twat, a loss of family and friends because as time went on with him he made me cut all ties with them. I also lost my confidence and self esteem by being with my ex ( that's something that has come back over time but only recently )  I nearly lost my life as I tried to end it on two occasions, but luckily the family and friends that I'd lost while being with my ex they were they ones to help me and get me the help I needed. The loss of my dancing career after I suffered a knee *** which I was never able to come back from as it brought on arthritis which in time as got worse as I've got older, I was only 20 when I was diagnosed with it so definitely loss of health and such I can understand there. The loss of pets which always hit me in the gut and I have many ashes of them around the flat 🤦🏻‍♀️ but it's my way of keeping them close to me and always know they are there. 

The loss of D/s relationships now I've had a few of them too and they leave a hole for sure, but I've learned to move on from them in time and heal myself. I think the most major loss for me was not just loosing my Grandad, but also in the year 2019 I lost so many people and went to so many funerals it was unreal....in the space of a year I lost 

Two uncles 

A best friend

My Nan 

My Nan's *** ( who we lost on all days Christmas day 😞 ) I was completely and utterly fed up of loss by the end of that year but.....I met my Sir that year he was there for me thru the good and the bad and even when I pushed him away ( and boy did I ) he stood his ground and never gave up on me. In the last four years we've had more loss, Sir lost his brother at beginning of 2020 then COVID hit and the world lost so many!!! Then in 2021 I lost my friend who was like a *** to me as we grew up together she died ( along with her brother not two days after her ) both to COVID. That's a day I will never forget a double funeral that will haunt me forever. 

 

We all in time will suffer loss in one way or another it's just how we deal with it in time. I've seen many a counselor in my years and they have helped me to no end. I have friends and family who I can talk to at times too that I know will drop anything to help me. 

Thank you again for this Pixie 💓

 

Edited January 15, 2023 by lil-monster
Spelling

[Ma****]

Very thought provoking Pixie, thanks for sharing, well done.

[Wo****]

What have I lost in my life?

 

So many things, both bad and good.

 

My dad, twice.

Lost contact with my family a few years ago, reconnected with them when my dad was given three months to a year to live. So many regrets there and lessons learned.

 

Four miscarriages.

They hurt, still do. Always will.

 

My relationship with my daughter.

This one is the one that crucified me. 

I had PND, it got missed. I got involved with a guy who spent a decade grooming me, abusing me. It destroyed my marraige, nearly destroyed me. 

My daughter didn't have a mum, not really. It's only the strength and good heart of her dad that we didn't all go under.

(My relationship with my daughter is better, now. It will be a long road with a lot more communication but we are moving forward.)

 

I heard grief being described as a ball in a box. At the start the ball fills the box, crammed against the sides and it's all you can feel. Over time the ball deflates and starts to bounce around, hitting the walls less. Each time it does you feel it but there are periods when the ball doesn't touch the walls until it gets to the point you only feel it if you pick the box up and shake it.

"And this, too, shall pass" 🐺🙏

 

 

[PixieDust]

1 hour ago, lil-monster said:

Thank you for sharing this sis.......I agree that not many talk about losses and we should to be honest as a way to move forward. 

I've like many lost so much in my life, My mum's love when I was a baby/growing up as she suffered with depression and couldn't be near me or round me at all. So I was brought up by my Father and my Mum's Grandparents. The loss of my said Grandad when I was 15 spiralled me into a deep dark depression as he was like a second Father to me. I lost most of my life at that point, I left school early so loss of grades, I left home to live with a boyfriend who would end up being an abusive twat, a loss of family and friends because as time went on with him he made me cut all ties with them. I also lost my confidence and self esteem by being with my ex ( that's something that has come back over time but only recently )  I nearly lost my life as I tried to end it on two occasions, but luckily the family and friends that I'd lost while being with my ex they were they ones to help me and get me the help I needed. The loss of my dancing career after I suffered a knee *** which I was never able to come back from as it brought on arthritis which in time as got worse as I've got older, I was only 20 when I was diagnosed with it so definitely loss of health and such I can understand there. The loss of pets which always hit me in the gut and I have many ashes of them around the flat 🤦🏻‍♀️ but it's my way of keeping them close to me and always know they are there. 

The loss of D/s relationships now I've had a few of them too and they leave a hole for sure, but I've learned to move on from them in time and heal myself. I think the most major loss for me was not just loosing my Grandad, but also in the year 2019 I lost so many people and went to so many funerals it was unreal....in the space of a year I lost 

Two uncles 

A best friend

My Nan 

My Nan's *** ( who we lost on all days Christmas day 😞 ) I was completely and utterly fed up of loss by the end of that year but.....I met my Sir that year he was there for me thru the good and the bad and even when I pushed him away ( and boy did I ) he stood his ground and never gave up on me. In the last four years we've had more loss, Sir lost his brother at beginning of 2020 then COVID hit and the world lost so many!!! Then in 2021 I lost my friend who was like a *** to me as we grew up together she died ( along with her brother not two days after her ) both to COVID. That's a day I will never forget a double funeral that will haunt me forever. 

We all in time will suffer loss in one way or another it's just how we deal with it in time. I've seen many a counselor in my years and they have helped me to no end. I have friends and family who I can talk to at times too that I know will drop anything to help me. 

Thank you again for this Pixie 💓

Thank you sis 🙏🏼👯‍♀️  thank you for sharing and I am also so sorry for your losses.🤗

 

I am so thankful that you had your family and friends to support you when you were struggling, and you are still here today.  Also, the support from your Sir in the last few years.

 

The loss of self esteem and confidence is another tough one and I think we forget about what losses can do and it takes a lot to build that back again.   

 

You are so right about Covid, thank you for mentioning, I think the last few years have been a rough time for many as a result of Covid.

 

The arthritis I can totally relate and the losses that come with that.

 

I know you and I have had many a chat over the past few years about our losses and shed many tears along the way. But the bit you mentioned about dropping anything to help, you have done that also many a time for me  particularly on the morning I was having the strokes. So the biggest thank you for jumping on VC with me that day and helping me work out what was going on. You got me through until I could get medical help and that I am forever grateful for. Love you always ❤️❤️❤️

[PixieDust]

1 hour ago, Masterwilkie said:

Very thought provoking Pixie, thanks for sharing, well done.

Thank you 🙏🏼💜

[ma****]

I can't get past some losses (of partners) easily. Loss will always be buried there within me... it's a part of me that I can't remove. With some of them, I deal easier than with the others... it depends on the importance of them. When it comes to the loss of a romantic partner, I need counselling or therapy as I feel like I'm "destroyed"... I can't be in contact with them, I cry and have to go through all the memories I shared with them... it takes me months (or years sometimes) to be able to finally be myself again... but the loss will always be part of me...and, when I think of it, I still feel the hurt that I experienced then. When it comes to insignificant losses (which for others could be huge), I can easily move on and get past it. For example, almost three months ago, my father passed away... but I haven't really felt sadness. I felt almost nothing... a bit of mixed feelings and that was all. But it depends my level of attachment to that person or thing that I lost.

[Ki****]

Everybody always says the things you go with you make you stronger but I don't believe that's the case I believe the things that you go through show you how strong you really were all along it seems like you've came a long way and been through a hell of a lot and you've persevered too at all as for me I deal with loss and different ways depending on the situation I recently lost my *** and I'm still struggling with that I only got to meet her several years ago cuz I didn't know anyone on my dad's side of the family until a few years ago I always wanted to meet my dad and that one I think is the hardest for me I got to speak to him a couple times on the phone and then he was gone but as for like loss of things or anything material wise it's disappointing but it's a lot easier to get past for me sometimes I bottle stuff and just push it to the side because it's too much to deal with but I know it's still there at the end of the day which sucks I recently learned that I have a lot of healing to do from my past tramas a lot of childhood trauma and that's probably one of the hardest things to go thru but I know in the end it'll make me a better person for my family and for me
-Nikki

[li****]

7 hours ago, PixieDust said:

Thank you sis 🙏🏼👯‍♀️  thank you for sharing and I am also so sorry for your losses.🤗

 

I am so thankful that you had your family and friends to support you when you were struggling, and you are still here today.  Also, the support from your Sir in the last few years.

 

The loss of self esteem and confidence is another tough one and I think we forget about what losses can do and it takes a lot to build that back again.   

 

You are so right about Covid, thank you for mentioning, I think the last few years have been a rough time for many as a result of Covid.

 

The arthritis I can totally relate and the losses that come with that.

 

I know you and I have had many a chat over the past few years about our losses and shed many tears along the way. But the bit you mentioned about dropping anything to help, you have done that also many a time for me  particularly on the morning I was having the strokes. So the biggest thank you for jumping on VC with me that day and helping me work out what was going on. You got me through until I could get medical help and that I am forever grateful for. Love you always ❤️❤️❤️

We've shed many a tear over the years we've known each other but boy have we had some right laughs and giggles too. I thank you for being there for me when Sir was going through his dark time when he lost his brother.....I knew I could say I need a chat and you would drop everything at the click of a finger and for that I'm forever grateful too. 

 

Love you always too ❤️👯‍♀️

[Ki****]

17 hours ago, PixieDust said:

Thank you 🙏🏼 for all intensive purposes I now have a brain *** as the result of the strokes.  In my mind I know what I would like to write but its the articulating that  I feel I am still struggling with but one day at time as they say and I will get back there. But thank you for saying it doesn't read clunky and long winded.  Have to say Crosswords and Spelling Bee have become my new best friends, they are great tools for cognitive therapy and thank heavens for spell check  😁   

 

That's a good question about subjective/objective......  I know I wanted to create a discussion about losses as I have been thinking about them a lot lately and more so since I did the project the psychologist gave me.  Originally I just had the questions put together but it felt lacking so thought a bit of a back story was needed as to what led me to asking those questions.  So decided I would share my own  experience and thought maybe through everyone's insights of their own journey/experiences through losses, we could maybe all help each other provide further clarity/insight. 

 

Thank you for sharing your experiences of losses🙏🏼 and I am sorry you have also had them 🤗 

 

I can relate to many of things you have mentioned, especially about getting used to it and expecting it and the health side of things....for me now its just like ok universe what are you going to throw at me today, bring it on and we will add it to the pile and deal with as it happens.  I can also relate to the hoarding, I think my organsing lady could attest to that too.... I have so much I have held onto for sentimental reasons not at all helpful when you are trying pack and prepare for a future move to new a house......but more things I am not sure if I ready to part with, as in my mind it would be more losses but that is maybe why I am hanging on to them, its fills a void and brings emotional comfort but the question as to why I am still hanging on to over 200 giant sized pencils with tassles on the end god only knows 🤦🏼‍♀️yet I still can't bare to part with them. 

 

"Evaluate the damage"  thats a good way of putting it, I think I do the same.  Salvage is another good word too.....and I think with some losses there are opportunities to salvage atleast something, so the loss isn't as huge.  

 

I like the silver lining part, I am also similar always try to see it somewhere if I can.  My grandfather used to say don't worry it could have been worse.....I suppose in a round about way he was right, some losses can be far worse than others.  

 

Sharing a load is also another good one, I think if you can and you have a good friend or a counselor available, its totally worth it.  They may not be able to fix the loss but they can certainly help in other ways going forward. 😊

Thoughts and prayers for you

[Ch****]

@PixieDust

having a stroke is evil. Im sorry you had 2. Things and people around you change after having a stroke.

 

i had mine when I was 25. I had a life ,my own home and family and freinds.

 

I moved back into my parents after i was allowed home from hospital.  My mom went with me to all my appointments. 

 

I did get to move back home after a while. I love my parents and my family but I'd been used to my own home since I was 20. My mom used to help me wash an dress and family cut up my food for me. I lost my i dependants for a while.

Then when I did move home and a few months later when I started dating my family were so wierd an strict.

 

Luckily my freinds just treated me the same as ever as that's what I wanted.

 

Nearly 20 years from my stroke I still have problems.  It also left me with fibromailga. 

 

So I do understand you lost things.  My stroke was due to surgery I'd had a month before.  Well that's what my Dr's think happened. I had my gall blades out. But before then I was doing all.sorts of things I was a student. I went out to pubs clubs ect.

 

Having a stroke I reverted back to needing care. I lost my independence.  My family still worry about my health now. 

 

I don't think we ever get back to ourselves after a stroke. 

 

I often wonder what my life would be like if I'd never had 1. 

 

Hugs to all who's life as been changed by there health in any form. 

 

My pms are always open if anyone needs a chat

[PixieDust]

16 hours ago, WolfeWitche said:

What have I lost in my life?

So many things, both bad and good.

My dad, twice.

Lost contact with my family a few years ago, reconnected with them when my dad was given three months to a year to live. So many regrets there and lessons learned.

Four miscarriages.

They hurt, still do. Always will.

My relationship with my daughter.

This one is the one that crucified me. 

I had PND, it got missed. I got involved with a guy who spent a decade grooming me, abusing me. It destroyed my marraige, nearly destroyed me. 

My daughter didn't have a mum, not really. It's only the strength and good heart of her dad that we didn't all go under.

(My relationship with my daughter is better, now. It will be a long road with a lot more communication but we are moving forward.)

 

I heard grief being described as a ball in a box. At the start the ball fills the box, crammed against the sides and it's all you can feel. Over time the ball deflates and starts to bounce around, hitting the walls less. Each time it does you feel it but there are periods when the ball doesn't touch the walls until it gets to the point you only feel it if you pick the box up and shake it.

"And this, too, shall pass" 🐺🙏

Thank you for sharing🙏🏼 and I am also so sorry for your losses🤗

When you mentioned your family and particularly your Dad I can certainly relate, I lost many years with mine only to reconnect ever so briefly before he passed. 

I so am glad your relationship with your daughter is better now and the road ahead is moving forward. 💜

That’s a good description of grief. I haven’t heard it explained that way before.

I was also reading that grief/loss can be made up of seven stages: denial, anger, bargaining, acceptance, hope and processing….I guess each one of those stages has a life of its own on how it plays out as we navigate loss.  I think either way its a mind full of emotions we all go through.  

Sending lots of love to you and Fen 

womble ❤️❤️

[PixieDust]

13 hours ago, maryioni said:

I can't get past some losses (of partners) easily. Loss will always be buried there within me... it's a part of me that I can't remove. With some of them, I deal easier than with the others... it depends on the importance of them. When it comes to the loss of a romantic partner, I need counselling or therapy as I feel like I'm "destroyed"... I can't be in contact with them, I cry and have to go through all the memories I shared with them... it takes me months (or years sometimes) to be able to finally be myself again... but the loss will always be part of me...and, when I think of it, I still feel the hurt that I experienced then. When it comes to insignificant losses (which for others could be huge), I can easily move on and get past it. For example, almost three months ago, my father passed away... but I haven't really felt sadness. I felt almost nothing... a bit of mixed feelings and that was all. But it depends my level of attachment to that person or thing that I lost.

Thank you for sharing🙏🏼 and I am also so sorry for your losses🤗

When you mentioned about the level of attachment, I think I am the same, what I feel depends on what was lost whether be person or object and how deep that emotional connection ran with them/it.  I feel this may be the case for a lot of people.

 

[PixieDust]

8 hours ago, Mistresskimber469ing said:

Thoughts and prayers for you

Thank you ❤️❤️❤️

[PixieDust]

15 hours ago, KingNQueenMahaffey16 said:

Everybody always says the things you go with you make you stronger but I don't believe that's the case I believe the things that you go through show you how strong you really were all along it seems like you've came a long way and been through a hell of a lot and you've persevered too at all as for me I deal with loss and different ways depending on the situation I recently lost my *** and I'm still struggling with that I only got to meet her several years ago cuz I didn't know anyone on my dad's side of the family until a few years ago I always wanted to meet my dad and that one I think is the hardest for me I got to speak to him a couple times on the phone and then he was gone but as for like loss of things or anything material wise it's disappointing but it's a lot easier to get past for me sometimes I bottle stuff and just push it to the side because it's too much to deal with but I know it's still there at the end of the day which sucks I recently learned that I have a lot of healing to do from my past tramas a lot of childhood trauma and that's probably one of the hardest things to go thru but I know in the end it'll make me a better person for my family and for me
-Nikki

Thank you for sharing🙏🏼 and I am also so sorry for your losses🤗

Thank you,  that's a good way of putting it about being strong all along....I know I am stubborn as a mallee root, so that may have helped 

I don't think you are alone in bottling things up,   I think it can be a natural thing to do at times whether it be subconsciously or not and healing can certainly take time. 💜

[PixieDust]

8 hours ago, Charms said:

@PixieDust

having a stroke is evil. Im sorry you had 2. Things and people around you change after having a stroke.

i had mine when I was 25. I had a life ,my own home and family and freinds.

I moved back into my parents after i was allowed home from hospital.  My mom went with me to all my appointments. 

I did get to move back home after a while. I love my parents and my family but I'd been used to my own home since I was 20. My mom used to help me wash an dress and family cut up my food for me. I lost my i dependants for a while.

Then when I did move home and a few months later when I started dating my family were so wierd an strict.

Luckily my freinds just treated me the same as ever as that's what I wanted.

Nearly 20 years from my stroke I still have problems.  It also left me with fibromailga. 

So I do understand you lost things.  My stroke was due to surgery I'd had a month before.  Well that's what my Dr's think happened. I had my gall blades out. But before then I was doing all.sorts of things I was a student. I went out to pubs clubs ect.

Having a stroke I reverted back to needing care. I lost my independence.  My family still worry about my health now. 

I don't think we ever get back to ourselves after a stroke. 

I often wonder what my life would be like if I'd never had 1. 

Hugs to all who's life as been changed by there health in any form. 

My pms are always open if anyone needs a chat

Thank you 🙏🏼 I am really sorry to hear about your strokes also, 25 is very young. Thank you for sharing 🤗

My strokes weren't through surgery like yours but I did wake up feeling like I had been on the turps all night... really knew something was very wrong when I couldn't type, I hit every key but the one I wanted to and normally I can pretty much type with my eyes shut.  It was actually @lil-monsterwho picked up on the fact that it might be a stroke, she was spot on. 

I am sorry you are still having problems down the track, fibro is no fun either.  Sending hugs back 🤗

I understand also what you mean about not getting back to ourselves after a stroke and that's understandable, given the *** the brain acquires but I think all we can do is just keeping pushing through the best we can. 💜

[li****]

57 minutes ago, PixieDust said:

Thank you 🙏🏼 I am really sorry to hear about your strokes also, 25 is very young. Thank you for sharing 🤗

My strokes weren't through surgery like yours but I did wake up feeling like I had been on the turps all night... really knew something was very wrong when I couldn't type, I hit every key but the one I wanted to and normally I can pretty much type with my eyes shut.  It was actually @lil-monsterwho picked up on the fact that it might be a stroke, she was spot on. 

I am sorry you are still having problems down the track, fibro is no fun either.  Sending hugs back 🤗

I understand also what you mean about not getting back to ourselves after a stroke and that's understandable, given the *** the brain acquires but I think all we can do is just keeping pushing through the best we can. 💜

Well I was wearing my nurses outfit at the time 🤣👩‍⚕️

[PixieDust]

Just now, lil-monster said:

Well I was wearing my nurses outfit at the time 🤣👩‍⚕️

......and a sexy one at that 😍😍😍😁

[Deleted Member]

I lost my father to covid late October befor last. He was my life long hero my inspiration my shelter my joy nobody has ever made me laugh like he did he loved me so thoroughly I never doubted for one second his love for me my older siblings my mom my aunts and uncles my grand parents he had such a personal connection with each and every one of us each relationship was so special and he devoted his time to us all so none of us ever felt like we weren't getting enough of him or maybe I just got so much of his time since I was "daddy's little helper" but no each one is my siblings say the same thing that dad devoted so much time to them I don't understand how he did it none of us ever felt left out but I hadn't seen him in a year first I moved all the way across Washington state than he moved to Florida I missed him terribly and now he's been dead a year and I know their is no end to how badly I miss him I will never see my papa in this life I am not religious so when it comes to the after life I just don't know I want to believe I'll see him again but I am a woman of science and their is no way to scientifically prove their is an after life so I'm just lost I miss him so much I think about him all the time I wear his ashes around my neck and his guitar pick on my wrist I badly want to talk about him about all of this but my family doesn't include me in their grieving circles I have always ***ed my father was the only family member that loved me and now I know those ***s were absolutely founded they don't include me when they get together they don't include me in group texts I know because one time they accidently included me and they said such awful things about me but as horrible as it felt to read them I was glad I finally had proof so.... I'm grieving my father's untimely passing and I'm grieving my entire family for they are dead to me..... I don't know where to go from here I feel absolutely stuck like I'm sinking in a muddy bog and I know I know it will reach my head and when it's covered it I will be dead but not physically mentally emotionally and some other way I can't put into words but I feel it happening I would scream out for help but I know nobodys coming

[Deleted Member]

8 minutes ago, Beefybutt said:

I lost my father to covid late October befor last. He was my life long hero my inspiration my shelter my joy nobody has ever made me laugh like he did he loved me so thoroughly I never doubted for one second his love for me my older siblings my mom my aunts and uncles my grand parents he had such a personal connection with each and every one of us each relationship was so special and he devoted his time to us all so none of us ever felt like we weren't getting enough of him or maybe I just got so much of his time since I was "daddy's little helper" but no each one is my siblings say the same thing that dad devoted so much time to them I don't understand how he did it none of us ever felt left out but I hadn't seen him in a year first I moved all the way across Washington state than he moved to Florida I missed him terribly and now he's been dead a year and I know their is no end to how badly I miss him I will never see my papa in this life I am not religious so when it comes to the after life I just don't know I want to believe I'll see him again but I am a woman of science and their is no way to scientifically prove their is an after life so I'm just lost I miss him so much I think about him all the time I wear his ashes around my neck and his guitar pick on my wrist I badly want to talk about him about all of this but my family doesn't include me in their grieving circles I have always ***ed my father was the only family member that loved me and now I know those ***s were absolutely founded they don't include me when they get together they don't include me in group texts I know because one time they accidently included me and they said such awful things about me but as horrible as it felt to read them I was glad I finally had proof so.... I'm grieving my father's untimely passing and I'm grieving my entire family for they are dead to me..... I don't know where to go from here I feel absolutely stuck like I'm sinking in a muddy bog and I know I know it will reach my head and when it's covered it I will be dead but not physically mentally emotionally and some other way I can't put into words but I feel it happening I would scream out for help but I know nobodys coming

So sorry for your loss, I'm truly unable to say anything that can realistically reduce the *** your going through, I can only offer you a virtual hug all the way from England if it helps you even a tiny bit... 🤗🤗🤗