Ideas for new dom/sub

[Garrotjax]

My partner and I have recently started investigating bdsm (bedroom only) she’s quite subby and it turns out I’m a bit of a switch.
I’ve had her tied up, blindfolded and edged, which it’s great fun for the both of us! I really like impact play, and she up for it as long as it’s light, which is fine by me as I like the control, of her and myself by keeping it light.
We’ve obviously done the usual sex stuff (hair pulling,choking and arse slapping) I praise her by telling her how good she looks and feels ect, and she’ll follow instructions I give her.
The problem is, I’m a decent problem solver, but don’t have a creative bone in my body! So if any of you guys can give me some ideas, that would be great. Softer ideas would probably be better until we actually get into the swing of it 😁

[Calesco]

We talk through scenes ahead of time. He is not super creative, and she knows exactly what she wants. We usually will talk through what we’ll do for the first 15 minutes or so, then ‘wing it” from there. We’ve yet to have a bad time, and talking it through has led to pushing our boundaries and discovering kinks we didn’t know we had.

[Charms]

Check out Evie Lupine on YouTube

[da****]

It’s more of a mental thing but have her stand naked legs shoulder width apart, hands laced behind her head, for your inspection. You are fully clothed and you circle her, randomly touching her, making comments about her, or trailing an impact implement down/around her, randomly giving light taps making comments, telling her what you are going to do to her.

Another way is to read some erotica books for ideas and phrases to use.

[Deleted Member]

Have her learn submissive positions and demonstrate them for you. Get your hands on a bdsm checklist and go through the activities, looking for things you like and looking up the ones new to you. *A downloadable check list would be a great thing for the site to have. Hint hint*

[kimutu72]

have you tried commanding her to go to the room in what you want her dressed in and the position to wait in she will be blindfolded and earphones on playing music she like

[Garrotjax]

35 minutes ago, daydream_believer said:

It’s more of a mental thing but have her stand naked legs shoulder width apart, hands laced behind her head, for your inspection. You are fully clothed and you circle her, randomly touching her, making comments about her, or trailing an impact implement down/around her, randomly giving light taps making comments, telling her what you are going to do to her.

Another way is to read some erotica books for ideas and phrases to use.

I really like like that! Thank you! You have suggestions on decent books?

[Lord_Talion]

Give her the 'Black Box' treatment

[PanamaJoe]

I never tried this - but I'd get my partner some latex underwear - not something so tight that it is uncomfortable - just something tight enough that she is always aware of it. Then have her wear it all day and don't mention any BDSM stuff the rest of the day. Do normal things with her - go shopping... take her to a restaurant, a nice walk, or anything with some motion involved. While you are relaxing and chatting away, she is constantly being stimulated in her most private parts and is ***d to think about her sex. Moving in and giving her a hug might even accentuate those feelings of desire.

The best type of underwear would be something with small nubs that smoothly glide over her skin when she's moving - nothing ***ful, just stimulating and that she feels it - especially in the crotch area and her breasts! Use a small amount of lube so that everything moves and glides over the skin slightly massaging it. If she is very sensitive to it, at some point she may break - so be ready to be grabbed like a piece of meat so that she can relieve herself sexually. She might not wait to get you home but may pull you with her into the closest bathroom.

But then again, you can turn it into a game and sternly tell her to get a hold of herself and keep going with the regular day ignoring her whines. Or maybe make a condition beforehand that if she breaks, she'll have to wear it for two days the following week as a punishment except she'll also have to wear a butt plug to add to the punishment.

Results may vary depending on a person's sensitivity - but you can give it a shot to see how she might react. Also be aware of allergies - just in case.

[Si****]

If she misbehaves during the day, consider having her take a cold shower as punishment and require that she stay nude without drying after for a set amount of time with you running ice lightly on her more sensitive spots (not just sexy, but also tickle spots for example). Aftercare by drying her off yourself, tell her that it's over, she's a good girl again, then cuddles for warmth, and you can tease her about perky nipples to see if she's at all in the mood to escalate, and if so, have fun :)

[Glasgowdom1991]

Nipple clamps and whartenburg wheel (pinwheel) and you will have time of your life

[ey****]

don't pressure yourself (or her) to be creative

let things develop in their own time ideas will rise up themselves as you both build confidence 

[da****]

1 hour ago, Garrotjax said:

I really like like that! Thank you! You have suggestions on decent books?

It really depends on what you are into what writing styles you like, there are tons out there, but Leah Brooke comes to mind. If you have kindle or nook, just type in bdsm romance, it should give you a large selection. Just remember they don’t cover risk assessment, consent, nor limits. So if something catches your eye make sure you talk to her and research the risks.

[DaddyDom2287]

I would have to agree with eyemblacksheep. You don't want to pressure or *** things to develop in a certain fashion or time frame. Just take one scene at a time and only do what you and your partner are comfortable with. You can also research things like Being a Good Dom. One thing I would say in my 15+ years of being a Dom that is most important and that would be Aftercare. You can research this and also both Dom and sub need proper aftercare. If you want you are more than welcome to private message me and I can provide some links on some articles in have found that are really good sources of information!

[Si****]

It’s best to let things develop naturally but if your willing to invest in toys then I suggest under the bed bondage kit for starters a higher end wand and a collar with leash or a heavy duty leather harness. You can also put a tie down ring in your ceiling so you can tie her up with her hands abover her head. As for impact play make her hold poses as you spank her/whip her. But ultimately as the more you do theses things idea will naturally start happening and don’t be afraid to ask her if she has any ideas for things that she’d like to be done to her.

[Da****]

7 hours ago, Glasgowdom1991 said:

Nipple clamps and whartenburg wheel (pinwheel) and you will have time of your life

Couldn't agree more..the pin wheel is so much fun

[Sy****]

Everyone has precincived notions of sex, read the karma Switch off

[Sy****]

Karma sutra*

[Garrotjax]

21 hours ago, kimutu72 said:

have you tried commanding her to go to the room in what you want her dressed in and the position to wait in she will be blindfolded and earphones on playing music she like

I haven’t but I will now!

[Stryker1988]

By no means am I an expert and quite honestly, I'm still very new to this.  But I'm an intellectual guy which means if I'm going to take on a challenge, I consume all the information I can so that I can be fully informed to be prepared.

From what I've read and the suggestions I've gotten from people I've met at a munch, I ran some ideas past my partner (total sub) as we are currently geographically separated and phonesex is holding us over.  She seemed to really like it so I'll share my plan.

Do anything that you guys find fun.  It doesn't matter what it is as long as it's something you both fully enjoy.  Think fun date night.  Bring her home and wrap her in your arms and kiss her passionately as you walk in the house. Tell her, "I had so much fun tonight....but I'm not done and want more.  Close your eyes and stay right here.  Do not move."   All of this, practice your voice tone to ensure you are adding some bass to your voice and your voice is not cracking.  Say it like it's a command from an military Officer but say it at a low volume and ....say it at a pace slower than you normally talk.  Confident people do not talk fast.  They speak slowly and with very deliberate intentions.

Then continue,  walk away and grab a blindfold.  It can be an actual blindfold but not a sleep mask.  those suck.  If you don't have one use one of your ties.  As she's blindfolded, slowly run your hands from her shoulders to her hands and guide both her hands behind her back.  With one hand, hold both her wrists behind her back as you lean into her so that you are essentially cheek to cheek and say, "Follow me."  Then walk her into the bedroom (slowly) and position her somewhere infront of the bed so that, if your room is large enough, you can sit on a chair and watch her or if your room is not large enough, you sit on the edge of the bed and position her far enough away so that you can watch her.

Then tell her, "I'm going to remove your blindfold....do not move until I say so."  Then sit back down and say, "Now I want you to remove your (shirt/coat/skirt/coat/dress/whatever she's wearing), and I want you to do it.....slowly.  Unzip your dress but don't let it fall.  I want you to use your hands to slowly slide your dress off your shoulders and slowly guide it down your hips and ass.  I want to watch."  As she does, verbally let out a slight "mmmmmm" and "hhmmmmm" or  "........yes."  as she does.  Keep going until she's fully naked.

Then slowly walk up to her and slowly run your hands anywhere on her body from low to high and cup the sides of her face.  Give her a short but passionate kiss and tell her, "I really enjoyed that.  You did very well."  Then guide her over to the bed or dresser.  Anywhere where you can have her stay standing but bent over so her hands are resting on something and it ***s her to bend over and stick out her ass.  have fun with her body however you want but don't touch any of her erogenous zones so no sex and no oral....not yet.  Feel free to give her a few spanks or use any toy to provide some light spanks or use them to rub on her body to provide anticipation.

From here....it depends on what you have available to play with.  Me?  I have a structural support beam in the room which I've installed a hook where I plan to bind her hands together and hook them up high so that her body stretches out and her high heels make her ass stick out.  I'd tell her, "I'm going to spank you now....and you're going to count the number of the spank, say my name, and tell me how that felt from a 1-10.  So I want you to say, '1 Daddy, 4 out of 10'  2 Daddy, 6 out of 10"  etc, etc.  Finger play and intercourse would continue after I have some fun with her body...but I wouldn't do it for very long.  I also have restraints on the bed where I will move her to the bed, restrain her and then fuck her face while she can't move.....or I'd restrain her face down, fuck her face and then tell her, "You can struggle....but it won't stop me from getting what I want."  and then fuck her from behind.

Really though....this is super light bondage as I'm still getting to know what limits my partner has and I'm in no rush to get to the finish line.   I rather enjoy the journey instead. 

Edited February 15, 2023 by Stryker1988