I messed up

[Deleted Member]

I messed up big time with my Daddy dom and don’t know how to fix it. I did not fully understand part of the rules of our dynamic and went out on my own for pleasure, which I have found out was against our terms. I’ve apologized profusely and I now am clearer for future reference but I really hurt and upset him. I don’t know how to fix this and I don’t want to lose him.

[His-Craft]

Were the rules clearly stated? Sounds like they weren’t and that’s not on you, that’s on your Dom. I’d be questioning if he was a Dom if he can’t communicate his rules to you and you don’t agree on them. Just my 2 cents though.

[Deleted Member]

His-craft is spot on with his answer. We’re the rules and terms agreed by both of you ? If you went out for your own pleasure is this really your right daddy ?

[Ch****]

Sounds like a toxic and a unhealthy relationship. Major red flags.

[Deleted Member]

29 minutes ago, His-Craft said:

Were the rules clearly stated? Sounds like they weren’t and that’s not on you, that’s on your Dom. I’d be questioning if he was a Dom if he can’t communicate his rules to you and you don’t agree on them. Just my 2 cents though.

They were stated I just misinterpreted them. At that time I assumed one thing and he did another. When it comes down to it I should have asked him first if it was ok but I didn’t want to bug him because he was going through some stuff. So I’m taking the responsibility of my mistake and asking for his forgiveness.

[om****]

definitely ditch the Dom who’s guilt tripping you for enjoying yourself. eff that noise

[Deleted Member]

29 minutes ago, BillJones541 said:

His-craft is spot on with his answer. We’re the rules and terms agreed by both of you ? If you went out for your own pleasure is this really your right daddy ?

He is 100% the right one for me. I think we both need to work on communicating better with each other on our wants/needs though, especially me.

[His-Craft]

@mkirk329 this doesn’t sound like you had full understanding of your role and the rules. They were not clear. That’s obvious as you mis interpreted them. Again this is on him and not you. Who’s the Dom in the dynamic? WHO’s responsibility is it to ensure the rules are clear and fully understood. I only hope he’s not punishing you for this. That’s abuse.

[Deleted Member]

I would leave him if I was you

[Deleted Member]

If you didn’t understand the rules and didn’t feel comfortable asking for clarification you need to ditch the Dom. Also are they his rules or rules you have discussed and mutually agreed? Because it doesnt sound like it!! You made a mistake and you’ve apologised. Them holding it over you isn’t signs of a healthy dynamic

[Ob****]

If you assumed one thing and he another, that’s a miscommunication between the two, and nobody’s fault. It’s a chance for the both of you to step up, communicate and remedy the situation. And in doing so your bond will deepen. If he blames it all on you, doesn’t hold himself accountable at all and/or guilts you, I’d have to agree with others, that’s a red flag…

[Ma****]

My personal opinion is if you are not allowed to have fun and do things with friends without getting into trouble that means I don’t think he is right dom for you. I am really sorry to say

[He****]

51 minutes ago, mkirk329 said:

They were stated I just misinterpreted them. At that time I assumed one thing and he did another. When it comes down to it I should have asked him first if it was ok but I didn’t want to bug him because he was going through some stuff. So I’m taking the responsibility of my mistake and asking for his forgiveness.

Can you go see him in person, maybe talk to him face to face?

[littlemiss37]

U may feel he is right for u but it could b the feelings u got from the situation Not from him x

[Sa****]

If it wasn't clearly agreed upon before hand and he's basically sulking because you went out, I'd be very concerned about a relationship with him

[Deleted Member]

Man are simple you only need to go apologize to him and ask him what you could do to make it up to him.

[Ze****]

I absolutely agree withSarah_J if it wasn’t clearly laid out as an expectation then he has no reason to be upset. That being said if he wishes for it to be added in the future it’s something that can be discussed. But if things like this continue to come up that’s a huge red flag.

[Mi****]

It takes two people to miscommunicate, and it doesn’t sound like his rules were stated very clearly or that you were acting out of malicious intent. Rules can be adapted, communication can be improved, and apologies can be accepted. If you find yourself at an impasse, he is 100% not the right one for you.

[CopperKnob]

Why have you apologised?
He made a 'rule' which you didn't fully understand and therefore couldn't have consented to. Miscommunication is on both of you, not just one one party. All you needed to say was, I'm sorry I hadn't understood.
What is unhealthy is his inability to acknowledge that, causing you to feel the way you do, rather than him simply accepting it for what it was. Where is his accountability in this?
You've apologised and that should be the end of it. He should be able to offer you that reassurance. You've offered us no indication that he has?
Consider this, I made an error at work, it was no biggy and again it was through a misunderstanding for which I'd asked time and time again for clarification which wasn't offered. I recognised the error, raised it with senior management and corrected it. Their response, was literally "OK, you've recompleted the work and now we all know, let's move on."
That's the response he should have given you.
Now you understand what was meant, you now need to decide whether it's something you are accepting of because, quite frankly a rule stating you can't go out and enjoy yourself is getting too close to the mark for me.

[To****]

These guys replying are just trying to make you feel better. Which is great but it's not quite the truth. Hopefully yall work things out.

[Mi****]

28 minutes ago, Toxic365 said:

These guys replying are just trying to make you feel better. Which is great but it's not quite the truth. Hopefully yall work things out.

What is the truth? Enlighten us.

[Deleted Member]

The truth is objective...
.
Because of the lack of information i could not give any actual advice.
.
But there is a method you can apply in these kind of situations: run the whole scenario in your head agan, but this time from a 3rd person's perspective, take your feelings and emotions out from the equation and look at it objectively, as if it would happened whit someone else.
Then assess your feelings. Does it would make you upset, if the same situation would happened whit someone else you care about?
.
I hope you can get to a solution soon.
In the meantime be nice to yourself and keep your head up.
.
Sincerely Adam

[AZ****]

2 hours ago, CopperKnob said:

Why have you apologised?
He made a 'rule' which you didn't fully understand and therefore couldn't have consented to. Miscommunication is on both of you, not just one one party. All you needed to say was, I'm sorry I hadn't understood.
What is unhealthy is his inability to acknowledge that, causing you to feel the way you do, rather than him simply accepting it for what it was. Where is his accountability in this?
You've apologised and that should be the end of it. He should be able to offer you that reassurance. You've offered us no indication that he has?
Consider this, I made an error at work, it was no biggy and again it was through a misunderstanding for which I'd asked time and time again for clarification which wasn't offered. I recognised the error, raised it with senior management and corrected it. Their response, was literally "OK, you've recompleted the work and now we all know, let's move on."
That's the response he should have given you.
Now you understand what was meant, you now need to decide whether it's something you are accepting of because, quite frankly a rule stating you can't go out and enjoy yourself is getting too close to the mark for me.

This is 100% correct! I agree completely. If I, as a Dom, I set a rule and my submissive does not understand it, I cannot blame her for my lack of specificity and need to look at myself and improve. Master the master first!

[ar****]

7 hours ago, Obbork said:

If you assumed one thing and he another, that’s a miscommunication between the two, and nobody’s fault. It’s a chance for the both of you to step up, communicate and remedy the situation. And in doing so your bond will deepen. If he blames it all on you, doesn’t hold himself accountable at all and/or guilts you, I’d have to agree with others, that’s a red flag…

Totally this. People jumping to conclusions and recommending to leave him despite you claiming he's the right one for you is pretty bad IMO. You're both adults, have an open and reasonable conversation about it. If he still feels hurt and upset and holds your accountable for it, and doesn't want to see past that (or if he says he wants time to process it), then the best you can do is give him space. IMO, true love also comes with a "if you truly love someone, be happy for them and set them free". You'll never forgive yourself if you didn't make clear to him that communication was key & there was no foul play at work. Only if he can't see past that, accept his position and move on. But at least know that you've said what you needed to say, lest it haunt you.

[Pocket_Sand]

Honestly this is kind of vague. What was the rule and what do you mean by you went out on your own?