I messed up

[Deleted Member]

3 hours ago, Toxic365 said:

These guys replying are just trying to make you feel better. Which is great but it's not quite the truth. Hopefully yall work things out.

I’d quite like to hear your thoughts to. Like what’s your insight to the convo apart from the useless comment you made..?

[do****]

Face it you fucked up. Did you think you were in a open relationship?

[ki****]

You're human. Every single one of us has made mistakes in our lives and felt bad about it. If your dom is mature enough to accept your apology, you will recover and both learn from this. Communication is a two way process, he needs to learn from this too.

You can never fail, only win or learn from an experience.

Now you understand the rule, you do need to think carefully and consider if you are happy with it. If it's not for you, say so and either renegotiate or move on.

[gl****]

F that guy. Sounds like a child whining.

[Ru****]

You basically cheated on him and destroyed the trust. Good job 🤦‍♂️

[gl****]

Define cheating. Please.

[ey****]

if you'd misunderstood the rule then it wasn't communicated clearly.

this is something he needs to work on.   and it may be part of his hurt is that he has messed up and hasn't wanted to seem "weak" by admitting it, when it actually takes strength

one thing with a lot of "rules" that people insist on is they often go against a grain of what we've previously learned, like, why wouldn't this be OK?  So there has to be a little understanding - draw a line and move on.

If he is going to be unreasonable over a simple mistake, it's not going to get any better no matter how otherwise it first seems.  The solution is for him to go "OK, you didn't realise this wasn't OK.  So, I understand - but no this is against my rules so don't do it next time" 

[d3****]

After reading your profile i see why you say that the Dom you are with its the one for you in all honesty he should just punish u good 10 hard lashes and call it a day if after that he still cant get over it then he has taken on the wrong role 

[gl****]

Sounds too Insecure to communicate with or dominate anyone.

[Mo****]

I agree with @glenadale13.

[mi****]

Please
Clarify this. Is it an in person or online long distance? How long have you two been together? Are the rules written down? What does went out on my own for pleasure mean ? There are a lot of ways this could have gone wrong. Communication communication communication

[To****]

Yeah but @glendale13 doesn't mind if people run a train on his woman. Can't get Dom advice from a sub

[se****]

@glendale13 everyone has their own boundaries and rules. just because someone else’s in different from yours, doesn’t mean they’re insecure. It’d sound ridiculous to you if someone called you insecure for having whatever your boundaries are.

[Deleted Member]

Ok so some clarification. This is in person. Not a romantic relationship just D/S dynamic with sex (he doesn’t want a relationship) he IS an amazing guy not a douchbag. It’s been about a month. Rules are not written down just verbal. My understanding of the rule when it came to sex with other people was we inform the other person and we make sure protection is used (which I did both) but I either missed or didn’t understand that he wanted to be involved in picking out those other people.

[AKA_Copper]

2 hours ago, mkirk329 said:

Ok so some clarification. This is in person. Not a romantic relationship just D/S dynamic with sex (he doesn’t want a relationship) he IS an amazing guy not a douchbag. It’s been about a month. Rules are not written down just verbal. My understanding of the rule when it came to sex with other people was we inform the other person and we make sure protection is used (which I did both) but I either missed or didn’t understand that he wanted to be involved in picking out those other people.

So again, if you misunderstood the rule, it wasn't communicated well enough by either him or clarified by yourself.
Both need to learn from it (which is what lifes all about) but if he's continuing to hold it over your head/cause you to feel bad/your apology isn't accepted once the miscommunication/misunderstanding has been identified then yep, I'm sorry but he's a douchebag. It's a huge overreaction on his part and a pretty childish one at that

[mi****]

Once feelings get involved. And jealousy keeps in it’s over. This lifestyle isn’t for everyone.

[Re****]

Be prepared to lose him! I did the same thing, and I lost my Master! I’m on here now searching again! I have such a high Sex drive , some DOM’s don’t understand! Learn for the next time! Losing a Master is a hard lesson to learn!

[Ju****]

On 3/6/2023 at 4:10 PM, mkirk329 said:

Ok so some clarification. This is in person. Not a romantic relationship just D/S dynamic with sex (he doesn’t want a relationship) he IS an amazing guy not a douchbag. It’s been about a month. Rules are not written down just verbal. My understanding of the rule when it came to sex with other people was we inform the other person and we make sure protection is used (which I did both) but I either missed or didn’t understand that he wanted to be involved in picking out those other people.

Okay so to my understanding after reading your post and all comments underneathe it....

 

You have a D/s, fairly new of a month. Some rules and things were verbally agreed but not in depth. 

You are solely a D/s couple and not romantic. 

You did inform him of sex with another, and that protection was used. 

And he got upset as he wanted to be the one who picked out people for/with you?

So now he is upset with you and you feel guilty and are apologising.

 

I think I have gotten that so far.

 

So my questions and/or input would be:

 

You are both fairly new. How long has he been a dominant? It doesn't sound like he ensured all rules or whatever were fully understood.

In my opinion and I feel harsh, he didn't actually state he wanted to be involved with picking people out, but was a little butthurt when he found out you went and found someone on your own. Call it FOMO maybe, but all of a sudden he's not ok with this and wants to be involved in picking people for you to sleep with. 

 

Right. Okay. So how do YOU feel about him picking out people for YOU to sleep with? If it isn't a part of your dynamic, and said person you choose to have sex with isn't a part of the kink dynamic, then imo it's none of his business. 

If you are not in a relationship and are only involved kink wise, I don't think it's fair of him to choose who you can sleep with/date/etc. 

Unless of course you have said this was ok for him to do. But as this is so new, I am assuming this is the first person you've went and found alone to sleep with? So what you need to do from here, is see if this sulking guilting behaviour comes up again should you find another sexual partner (not involved with you D/s) or should people you are interested in and confide in him about, and he says no to all...

Then something is wrong. 

 

I would say this was both at fault, until I read the "he wants to pick them out" comment, and as I said above, I don't think this was even a thing until he heard you slept with someone. If it were me, I'd be very guarded right about now. And I am aware that's not what you are going to want to hear but please be careful. It's still very very early to know him and his intent after such short time. xx

[Chloebear]

This seems like a learning curving honestly…. Now you can clarify and move forward. Writing things down can be helpful and rules can be updated and changed, writing them doesn’t mean they never adapt as your dynamic evolves. That feeling of disappointment is part of the D/s dynamic imo, especially with Daddies, where if you break a rule and they are actually disappointed you feel really rubbish. However, it also tells me that you take the dynamic seriously - you don’t want to let him down. An experienced Dom would work through this (with punishment 😂 probably, although the rules needed more clarity), especially since this is D/s only and it’s therefore a rule break only. Personally, I’d orgasm ban for a month 🤣 but I think in this instance he has some responsibility to bear too

[sw****]

I know I’m late to the party on this, but here’s my two cents. Your understanding of the rules doesn’t matter. And this is just MY opinion, but going out on your own for pleasure is disrespectful, regardless of the rules. Does he typically allow you to seek pleasure elsewhere?

[Chloebear]

8 hours ago, TheMissBerkeley said:

I know I’m late to the party on this, but here’s my two cents. Your understanding of the rules doesn’t matter. And this is just MY opinion, but going out on your own for pleasure is disrespectful, regardless of the rules. Does he typically allow you to seek pleasure elsewhere?

I guess it just depends though…. It would be acceptable depending on the dynamic, if poly or open or if seeking romantic connection. It’s disrespectful to be dishonest or unsafe.

[sw****]

Understood, I guess that’s the one part that’s left out and would change this whole scenario. Generally speaking, I wouldn’t have done anything without my Dom knowing beforehand. Am I the only sub that walks on egg shells when it comes to their Dom?

[Ju****]

22 hours ago, Chloebear said:

This seems like a learning curving honestly…. Now you can clarify and move forward. Writing things down can be helpful and rules can be updated and changed, writing them doesn’t mean they never adapt as your dynamic evolves. That feeling of disappointment is part of the D/s dynamic imo, especially with Daddies, where if you break a rule and they are actually disappointed you feel really rubbish. However, it also tells me that you take the dynamic seriously - you don’t want to let him down. An experienced Dom would work through this (with punishment 😂 probably, although the rules needed more clarity), especially since this is D/s only and it’s therefore a rule break only. Personally, I’d orgasm ban for a month 🤣 but I think in this instance he has some responsibility to bear too

This is where i question the lines between having a D/s and a relationship and where they meet a line. 

 

He bans her from orgasming for a month. Sure.

But if she has a partner or meets someone for her sexy fun outside of the D/s 

Where does that rule break/boundary lie? 

Surely the D/s would be encroaching on her personal love affairs?

[Ju****]

20 hours ago, TheMissBerkeley said:

I know I’m late to the party on this, but here’s my two cents. Your understanding of the rules doesn’t matter. And this is just MY opinion, but going out on your own for pleasure is disrespectful, regardless of the rules. Does he typically allow you to seek pleasure elsewhere?

Its not disrespectful if they only have a D/s dynamic. She's entitled to have romance and whatever else she chooses outside of that D/s. Her dominant is with play and kink by the sounds of it. He doesn't rule her life

[Ju****]

37 minutes ago, TheMissBerkeley said:

Am I the only sub that walks on egg shells when it comes to their Dom?

This is flaggy for me. 

Can you elaborate?? You shouldn't ever feel like you're on eggshells with any dominant or submissive dynamic or an intimate relationship