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Confessions of a Dom


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I will admit, I've been in the lifestyle for quite a number of years. Personally my parents were into it, so BDSM was only natural for me.

That's not to say I haven't made plenty of mistakes being who I am, but one in particular stands out, that, after discussing with my partner, we agree is a good teaching point.

It started when I accepted my first sub. We were both fairly new to it, so we were experimenting alot. At one point, something triggered her, and she said her safe word. Now. At this point, when she said it, I admit that, I didn't fully understand the need, and I was a bit over the top excited, and I honestly didn't realize that's what it was, because she had never used it before in similar situations. We were both learning though so she instantly stopped and rightfully got a bit upset that I kept going for a minute before I immediately stopped, pulled back and left the room to give her space until she had calmed down, and wanted me back in the room. By then I had come down from everything and felt horrible. I immediately wanted to go to her, but held off, because I didn't know whether or not she felt comfortable with me comforting her at that moment. After a while she relaxed, and we performed aftercare for the remaineder of the night.

Dom/mes. If this has happened to you, be aware it does happen. This does NOT make you a horrible Dominant, it simply means you have to be aware at ALL times, that at a moment notice something like this CAN, and WILL happen. The sooner you understand and realize that, the better off you will be. Mistakes are going to happen at first, understanding Aftercare, and NOT REPEATING this mistake, is of utmost importance. 

  • 3 weeks later...

hm ok, so the statement about your parents were into so logically you are into is a bit weird? the oppposite could happen. I will be horrified if i had children and they were aware of what I am doing with my partner/wife/gf/sub. Children shouldnt see/watch/know it. Not that I thing its negative but no need to sexualise their mind too early. they have their own let them discover by themselves.

the second part is very good. In my experience I always ask during communications with potential subs if they are any particular subject they need to tell me about. And I explain why I need to know and have experience about it, because at some point it will come up and like your experience, will break them again in pieces. So the more I know and the better I can assess how to play certain situation. 

I wont leave the room unless shes asking, maybe shes the one who leaves the room , but always stay with someone who break down. Hold the hand soflty maybe, or put your hand or one finger in her hand, she might want to grab it to regain composure. It wont last long but yes it could be intense for someone who never experienced it, and remind you that D/s is more than few spank and rough sex. 

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