Building bonds

[Queen_Zen133]

I hate the strictly "business only" vibe. I can't connect with a sub unless I can CONNECT with them. 

For clarification, I mean I need a sub that can hold a conversation outside of the kink. Too many people seem to be looking for a quick orgasm anymore, and no one seems to enjoy getting to know each other, or the actual bond that forms between domme and sub. 

Does anyone else feel similar? I miss making the kind of connections I've made with some of my long term subs. 

[Deleted Member]

Are you asking for ***?

[ge****]

There are certainly those looking for a quick fix or a kink dispenser who aren't interested in anything more but there are also those who are looking for something more of a connection.
.
Nothing wrong with either approach so long as all are in agreement - so really the answer to your question is the key is finding those you are compatible with in that respect as well as others.
.
Personally I couldn't submit to anyone without a degree of connection and feeling submissive to them - without that they're not a dominant for me.

[Deleted Member]

On the flip side of this. I'm keen to experience submission but have absolutely no desire to do so for a quick fix, I'm drawn to something more meaningful. Based on my experience so far it's a tough nut to crack for both parties. I guess we've all got to keep the faith and carry on looking for the right partner. Good luck!

[An****]

I completely agree and not just in subbing. I mean like all the way around it’s hard to find anybody who actually wants to make a connection even if it’s short term.

[Deleted Member]

It seems everyone wants to say they want connection but the second you ask a question to build upon knowing what their interests or needs are people just dip out. We chit chat a lot on here and the second you even compliment someone it seems they run for the hills. Like geez, what did you expect to find? I don't know how a connection can be made without at least some type of partially intimate conversation at some point. If I was wanting to talk vanilla I'd be on Facebook instead. Just saying.

[ThumperG]

4 hours ago, Queen_Zen133 said:

I hate the strictly "business only" vibe. I can't connect with a sub unless I can CONNECT with them. 

For clarification, I mean I need a sub that can hold a conversation outside of the kink. Too many people seem to be looking for a quick orgasm anymore, and no one seems to enjoy getting to know each other, or the actual bond that forms between domme and sub. 

Does anyone else feel similar? I miss making the kind of connections I've made with some of my long term subs. 

Ohuhh GEEZ! Absolutely! If I can't sit there across the table and have a simple cup of coffee with you and be able to have normal conversation? Then honestly, I don't want to deal with you in any other way is how I look at it.

[AKA_Copper]

1 hour ago, ShibariDielkes said:

It seems everyone wants to say they want connection but the second you ask a question to build upon knowing what their interests or needs are people just dip out. We chit chat a lot on here and the second you even compliment someone it seems they run for the hills. Like geez, what did you expect to find? I don't know how a connection can be made without at least some type of partially intimate conversation at some point. If I was wanting to talk vanilla I'd be on Facebook instead. Just saying.

Frankly, i don't see the need to discuss anything kink here, at least not on a personal level putside the forums.
First and foremost, I am looking for a connection/spark, call it what you will. That's never going to be based on anything kink.
For me, any conversation re kink comes after a degree of vetting here/elsewhere etc and after meeting.
I have no desire to hold any form of conversation whatsoever about kink until I know there's something more than that going on.

[ey****]

having a good connection is important - but if this is in terms of kink it risks kink being the only thing you have in common

even where kink is a big part of someone's relationship it's only going to be a small part of the overall relationship.  

[infenron]

Agreed it's really important to have that, from a sub perspective I gave the same issue none of the tops want to just go out somewhere normally.

[El****]

On 4/12/2023 at 7:39 PM, Queen_Zen133 said:

I hate the strictly "business only" vibe. I can't connect with a sub unless I can CONNECT with them. 

For clarification, I mean I need a sub that can hold a conversation outside of the kink. Too many people seem to be looking for a quick orgasm anymore, and no one seems to enjoy getting to know each other, or the actual bond that forms between domme and sub. 

Does anyone else feel similar? I miss making the kind of connections I've made with some of my long term subs. 

No connection/communication no deal for me. 

[El****]

 

On 4/13/2023 at 12:32 AM, CopperKnob said:

Frankly, i don't see the need to discuss anything kink here, at least not on a personal level putside the forums.
First and foremost, I am looking for a connection/spark, call it what you will. That's never going to be based on anything kink.
For me, any conversation re kink comes after a degree of vetting here/elsewhere etc and after meeting.
I have no desire to hold any form of conversation whatsoever about kink until I know there's something more than that going on.

Completely agree, sir.

Edited May 2, 2023 by EloquentDCB

[ge****]

38 minutes ago, EloquentDCB said:

 

Completely agree, sir.

Errr think you'll find that'll be Miss not Sir 😉

[AKA_Copper]

5 hours ago, gemini_man said:

Errr think you'll find that'll be Miss not Sir 😉

Damn my username 😂😂😂

[El****]

16 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

Damn my username 😂😂😂

Oops, lol and apologies, dear lady x (one really should be more observant, and 'CopperKnob?' 🥵🤗)

[Setrion]

On 5/2/2023 at 11:29 AM, EloquentDCB said:

and 'CopperKnob?'

You gotta speak etymological British.  "Knob" actually means "head", which only later became a euphemism. Her name basically just reads "redhead" but, you know, cooler.

[AKA_Copper]

6 hours ago, Setrion said:

You gotta speak etymological British.  "Knob" actually means "head", which only later became a euphemism. Her name basically just reads "redhead" but, you know, cooler.

The only person in 2yrs whose 'got it'!

[Deleted Member]

I personally need that connection to have conversation the getting to know someone having a laugh together after a session it builds up a dom/sub relationship and makes for more exciting future sessions

[ge****]

May 7, CopperKnob said:

The only person in 2yrs whose 'got it'!

Ahem just because someone doesn't comment on it doesn't mean they don't "get it" 🤣😂

[AKA_Copper]

3 hours ago, gemini_man said:

Ahem just because someone doesn't comment on it doesn't mean they don't "get it" 🤣😂

2 people, that's 1 a year, I'm on a roll 😂

[El****]

I'll never live this down.. Me being a particularly passionate admirer of Copper Knobs everywhere, makes it all the more embarrassing 

[QueenMistress]

On 4/12/2023 at 2:39 PM, Queen_Zen133 said:

I hate the strictly "business only" vibe. I can't connect with a sub unless I can CONNECT with them. 

For clarification, I mean I need a sub that can hold a conversation outside of the kink. Too many people seem to be looking for a quick orgasm anymore, and no one seems to enjoy getting to know each other, or the actual bond that forms between domme and sub. 

Does anyone else feel similar? I miss making the kind of connections I've made with some of my long term subs. 

Agreed. I've been on the struggle bus trying to connect with subs and make real connections. They tend to off load their every desire like a kinky trash dump. If I respond with any sort of humanity, they immediately run for the hills and disappear. So few men treat this as more than a dirty secret which I find disheartening. It's hard to take anyone seriously.