If you *think* you have "No Limits"....READ THIS!!

[Je****]

40 minutes ago, Kymi said:

one thing that is puzzling is why you think illegal activity should automatically be a limit for all of us, why?

plenty of what we consent to can breach laws, sex in a public place, whipping, branding, it wasn't that long ago in UK that 2 ppl who were physically male could not legally have sex with a 3rd person present, that's a law I broke many times- my list isn't exhaustive but you do see the point

As I said

I've named the 3 major things I was talking about, while trying to stay within limits of what can be discussed in forums here. 

 

People who don't have the limits a normal human being should have is basically implying... 

That its OK to *** and maim an underage person while performing sexual acts upon them and their pet. 

 

If you disagree with this... you have ***y limits!!!!!

If you don't agree these are limits I honestly pray for society and il have lost faith in humans as a race. 

 

I am so done on this pathetic argument basically trying to imply the above is ok

 

Sort yourselves out. 

[Ky****]

jen is anyone implying the above is ok? everyone needs limits, and I have the same ones, but in your op you did say all illegal activity should be a limit, illegality ranges from smoking a banned substance up to the most horrendous acts, we can't demand that everyone instantly condemns all illegality or takes it as a limit

[FETMOD-GP]

Can we all play nice please..........all well and good having opinions and we can all agree to disagree but if we carry on arguing and trolling on this thread then it will get locked, thank you kindly. 

[4R****]

1 hour ago, Finally_Jen said:People who don't have the limits a normal human being should have is basically implying... 

That its OK to *** and maim an underage person while performing sexual acts upon them and their pet. 

If you disagree with this... you have ***y limits!!!!!

If you don't agree these are limits I honestly pray for society and il have lost faith in humans as a race. 

I am so done on this pathetic argument basically trying to imply the above is ok

Sort yourselves out. 

I think you’re right in that everyone has limits of some description. However what those limits are, or aren’t is down to the individual. It’s not for you or anyone else to dictate someone else’s limits.

Generally people know the laws of the land they live in and they choose whether to adhere to them or not.

This is a discussion over whether people have limits or not, it’s not a discussion over the morality of those limits.

I, and many like me, don’t list out everything when talking about our limits because to us it would be absurd to even discuss things such as ***, Underage, ***s etc. Think about it, if someone spent weeks or even months getting to know someone enough to play with them then they’re not going to then kill or paralyse them because they’ll want to play with them again, so it’s common sense that those things are limits. 

From a personal perspective I want to know about limits that might affect play so things like impact play, implements, restraint, hoods, electrics, breath play etc.

So it’s possible that when someone says they have ‘no limits’ it could be they are talking in respect of being into all of the mainstream activities. However in my experience, someone saying “no limits” usually indicates either total inexperience or a reckless disregard for safety. Neither of which appeal!

 

[Je****]

2 hours ago, 4RCH said:

I think you’re right in that everyone has limits of some description. However what those limits are, or aren’t is down to the individual. It’s not for you or anyone else to dictate someone else’s limits.

Generally people know the laws of the land they live in and they choose whether to adhere to them or not.

This is a discussion over whether people have limits or not, it’s not a discussion over the morality of those limits.

I, and many like me, don’t list out everything when talking about our limits because to us it would be absurd to even discuss things such as ***, Underage, ***s etc. Think about it, if someone spent weeks or even months getting to know someone enough to play with them then they’re not going to then kill or paralyse them because they’ll want to play with them again, so it’s common sense that those things are limits. 

From a personal perspective I want to know about limits that might affect play so things like impact play, implements, restraint, hoods, electrics, breath play etc.

So it’s possible that when someone says they have ‘no limits’ it could be they are talking in respect of being into all of the mainstream activities. However in my experience, someone saying “no limits” usually indicates either total inexperience or a reckless disregard for safety. Neither of which appeal!

 

I agree. Safety is paramount and at the end of the day, we all have limits. That's my point. 

People need to think before they literally state "none". Because it's simply not correct. 

And yes it screams inexperience and naivity which is not good In a place such as thing which thrives on rules, consent, safety and responsibility.  

 

[gift_of_beli]

The conversations and the balance from some members especially in forum topics like this are thought provoking and inspiring. ( as well as the odd weird and or ridiculous) It's a pleasure to be guided by this community and though I may not say much, I learn a lot and you inspire the odd profile amendment with perspective you share. Thank you.

[YorkshireBiker]

Well, off the back of this, I’m giving some serious thought to my profile.  Its been an education for me, coming from the vanilla world, I used “no known limits” to mean anything sexual. I didn’t consider for a moment that this included so pretty heavy stuff in the bdsm world, let alone the non-sexual stuff such as the financial aspect. 

[Robhynne]

11 hours ago, FETMOD-GP said:

Can we all play nice please..........all well and good having opinions and we can all agree to disagree but if we carry on arguing and trolling on this thread then it will get locked, thank you kindly. 

It's a really important subject. I hope 🙏 more people read this so they are aware of how to stay safe.

[Deleted Member]

This is very important for everyone in this lifestyle to know and to actually practice. It's easy for people to happily throw the "no limits" line around to seem appealing to more people, to look cool, or even just out of sheer laziness because you cannot be bothered to think and reel out a list when the downstairs brain wants to get going. But having a clear list of soft and hard limits is essential in order to, first, keep you safe, and second to match with someone with similar boundaries or at least willing to respect yours. Not doing so never ends well. 

Needless to say humans change and evolve and so this list of limits can and should be fluid. What is not acceptable today may be fine tomorrow if you meet someone who makes you feel like you want to try. Likewise, you can be fine with something today but go off it at any point because you happen to have a bad experience that turns you off or because you simply grow out of it for any reason. This is totally normal. Our  kinks do not define us as a person.. we are simply normal humans WITH a kink. Stay safe x

[Ky****]

8 hours ago, YorkshireBiker said:

Well, off the back of this, I’m giving some serious thought to my profile.  Its been an education for me, coming from the vanilla world, I used “no known limits” to mean anything sexual. I didn’t consider for a moment that this included so pretty heavy stuff in the bdsm world, let alone the non-sexual stuff such as the financial aspect. 

that was Jen's point hunni, ppl often use no limits to mean anything sexual that I can think of I'm happy to do, we all forget that other ppl may have darker desires and will interpret no limits to mean they can do what they feel like doing, being bound and gagged is a good example, 99%+ of the time when you agree to this the person you are playing with will also have limits in the back of their mind so will stop regularly and check on your welfare, but if you have put yourself in that situation with the wrong person you may be lucky to just spend time in hospital, years ago my then Dom and I realised how close we'd come when I was frighteningly close to be discovered *** by a serial killer who's thing was strangling bound men, uuuurgh

[ar****]

And in general, when something isn't explicitly mentioned as a limit, that doesn't mean it's acceptable. Consent means a baseline of NO to everything, and YES only to the things that _are_ explicitly agreed upon.

[4R****]

3 hours ago, arnhem961 said:

And in general, when something isn't explicitly mentioned as a limit, that doesn't mean it's acceptable. Consent means a baseline of NO to everything, and YES only to the things that _are_ explicitly agreed upon.

THIS! 
 

4 hours ago, Kymi said:

ppl often use no limits to mean anything sexual that I can think of I'm happy to do, we all forget that other ppl may have darker desires and will interpret no limits to mean they can do what they feel like doing

To an extent, but without consent they can’t do this. And any self respecting Top would discuss the content of the scene beforehand and solicit informed and enthusiastic consent. In reality, regardless of what is or isn’t in your limits list, it shouldn’t happen without consent anyway - as that would be assault. 

[Chloebear]

4 hours ago, arnhem961 said:

And in general, when something isn't explicitly mentioned as a limit, that doesn't mean it's acceptable. Consent means a baseline of NO to everything, and YES only to the things that _are_ explicitly agreed upon.

That’s the problem, no limits mean there is no baseline. Consent rules, yes. But there’s an assumption here of certain mindsets and, unfortunately, without limits in place some will push what they want during a scene, or if a sub is perhaps compromised by subspace, or if there’s not a limit on drinking for instance and they’re ***, they could end up doing something they wouldn’t normally consent to. It’s about setting your baseline up so both parties know what they’re working within.

[ar****]

7 minutes ago, Chloebear said:

That’s the problem, no limits mean there is no baseline. Consent rules, yes. But there’s an assumption here of certain mindsets and, unfortunately, without limits in place some will push what they want during a scene, or if a sub is perhaps compromised by subspace, or if there’s not a limit on drinking for instance and they’re ***, they could end up doing something they wouldn’t normally consent to. It’s about setting your baseline up so both parties know what they’re working within.

I see limits as HARD LIMITS. Everything else that's not explicitly consented to would be NO, but negotiable. Negotiable still means there's room for NO.

[YorkshireBiker]

I think as well there’s also the factor of what you’re wanting within the community and how well you know your partner - while I am learning about limits and what this means, I’m married and have spent 24 years with my wife, and looking for ways to improve that. I have no plans at all to get involved with anyone else.

My wife is a nurse and I know she wouldn’t want to take part in any kind of knife play for instance.  That kind of thing would be a limit for me personally, but in the context of my monogamous marriage, doesn’t really need stating. 

[Chloebear]

15 hours ago, arnhem961 said:

I see limits as HARD LIMITS. Everything else that's not explicitly consented to would be NO, but negotiable. Negotiable still means there's room for NO.

I see what you’re saying, but I do think some would take advantage of a situation like that… not someone who understood consent and respect, but that is not everyone. Newbies especially could find themselves taken in by someone who sounded confident and was drawn by the ‘no limits’ on their profile…

[MissVoo]

Before getting big into the community I said that I hadn’t discovered my limits yet when asked, it was through play and took quite a lot of sessions to decide I wasn’t too keen on water sports, even though I liked the fantasy of it.

So when I see “no limits” people I take it as they havens learned what theirs are yet

[Ba****]

I have a lot of Hard Limits, but I'd say my Soft Limits list is longer. HLs being stuff like piss, scat, canes; while my SLs tend to be things I wouldn't mind trying, but either don't know enough about it to be safe, or I'm not 100% sure if I like it or not. Everyone should have limits, even if it's just a handful of things that you most definitely won't do and two things you'd okay trying. Not having limits is not sexy. It's scary, and I'm not sure how many would actually be interested in even talking to you.

[av****]

Thank you for the advice and I will learn how to approach a mistress properly

[TheBookCollector]

Im always amused by.the "newbie" that states they have no limits.until you ask if theyd put thier life in danger, or a situation where there is a high level of death, or serious *** the limitis start to comw out.

[ey****]

there's a lot I don't sympathise with, but a lot I do

it's always frustrating, for example, when someone says they have no limits - cos you, and I, and anyone with experience knows they do

they might think they'd be at least up for anything, hell, even do anything "for the right person" - but certainly of course if nothing else there's limits to how much *** someone can take, or whatever.

but

when someone says they have no limits - no matter how ignorant or naive they are... they don't think you're going to say "OK, cut your arm off" or something that is going to put them in serious danger.  You're supposed to be a responsible Dominant. They shouldn't have to specify "I won't mutilate myself or risk my job or life" because as a responsible Dominant, you would never ask this of a sub.   And if someone is not a responsible Dominant, then them giving out these instructions is still going to have the sub u-turn.

this argument isn't the gotcha people think.  

Equally if we do have a scenario where it's like

sub : I have no limits

Dom : OK, cut your hand off

how are you going to respond if the sub *actually* cuts their hand off.  

I mean, you kinda know they're not going to do it - so why are you asking?

when someone says they have no limits you know they're gonna be hard work so it's in context when to continue the conversation or not.  You can use "drop a brick on your foot!" as some form of gotcha, or you can have a discussion about what makes them feel they have no limits, why this could get them into situations they're not really happy with and why so many people find it frustrating.  That it doesn't impress people and when talking kink it's a better starting point if what interests you 

[Deleted Member]

14 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

there's a lot I don't sympathise with, but a lot I do

it's always frustrating, for example, when someone says they have no limits - cos you, and I, and anyone with experience knows they do

they might think they'd be at least up for anything, hell, even do anything "for the right person" - but certainly of course if nothing else there's limits to how much *** someone can take, or whatever.

but

when someone says they have no limits - no matter how ignorant or naive they are... they don't think you're going to say "OK, cut your arm off" or something that is going to put them in serious danger.  You're supposed to be a responsible Dominant. They shouldn't have to specify "I won't mutilate myself or risk my job or life" because as a responsible Dominant, you would never ask this of a sub.   And if someone is not a responsible Dominant, then them giving out these instructions is still going to have the sub u-turn.

this argument isn't the gotcha people think.  

Equally if we do have a scenario where it's like

sub : I have no limits

Dom : OK, cut your hand off

how are you going to respond if the sub *actually* cuts their hand off.  

I mean, you kinda know they're not going to do it - so why are you asking?

when someone says they have no limits you know they're gonna be hard work so it's in context when to continue the conversation or not.  You can use "drop a brick on your foot!" as some form of gotcha, or you can have a discussion about what makes them feel they have no limits, why this could get them into situations they're not really happy with and why so many people find it frustrating.  That it doesn't impress people and when talking kink it's a better starting point if what interests you 

I don't disagree with anything you say, but as to the point about cutting off their hand... yes, it's clearly hyperbole. However, the point behind it is "you think you have no limits, but you don't understand the things people do within kink bc you have no experience". Would any Dom with integrity ask such a thing? No. But there are Dominants who will put you in danger if you let them, and these new people who shout "no limits!!" also don't have the wherewithall to identify them.

[Ky****]

On 6/5/2023 at 12:31 AM, Char__ said:

I don't disagree with anything you say, but as to the point about cutting off their hand... yes, it's clearly hyperbole. However, the point behind it is "you think you have no limits, but you don't understand the things people do within kink bc you have no experience". Would any Dom with integrity ask such a thing? No. But there are Dominants who will put you in danger if you let them, and these new people who shout "no limits!!" also don't have the wherewithall to identify them.

there may be ppl out there who'd take that as carte blanche, and of course a D is never to know if someone has some kind of issue that they'd go through with it, always best to play that safe, if someone said to me ok I'll cut your hand off that's a no, but other parts I'm not as sure and I have limits