If you *think* you have "No Limits"....READ THIS!!

[Je****]

In the world of Fetish and BDSM, we all have things we like, don't like, would try and wouldn't try...

But, if anyone else is like me, it's excruciating to read and see people state they have "No Limits", or "Would try anything". 

 

No. No, you wouldn't, and if you would, you need to rethink your place in this community and society.

 

People have often came into the chat rooms and stated they have "no limits" and people have often joked and jested about thing which quickly changes people's minds. 

But they have a point and it's a harsh lesson...

 

Let me say now, if you *think* you have "no limits", you are opening yourself to abuse, and/or going down a very dangerous path. 

 

For example limits can be anything from:

- Spanking.

- Urine. Golden showers etc..

- Scat. Fart play.

- DDLG / age play.

- CNC (consent non consent), such as R*pe play, Abduction, sleep play, etc..

- Blood, cutting, needles, knives etc..

- Illegal activities, such as underage people, maiming/being seriously injured.

- Bodily fluids.

- Having your head shaved.

- Branding.

- Feet, anal play, cock locked, chastity etc..

- Financial play. Findoms, bleeding someone's wallet dry, being denied money of your own.

- Tied up without consent.

- Safe words.

- Smoking, fire, burns.

 

The list can go on. Anything that someone likes and enjoys can be a fetish, but everyone has a limit within that. 

A lot of the above are safe and acceptable when being done with someone you love, trust or have built a rapport with. 

If you are careless, and don't vet someone and think having "no limits" will make you more appealing, you are VERY wrong. This just attracts the wrong type of people. And as mentioned a lot of the above are safe and gentle, but they're also not for everyone. BUT... the illegal ones especially ARE limits that everyone SHOULD have. 

I've seen and heard some scary things, right down to someone wanting a Dom, to "unalive" them via knives, and alcohol... Because that person was unhappy, they wanted a "no limits" Dom to 'help' them with their "fantasies" but this isn't a fantasy. This person wanted to lure someone in, who maybe didn't know better and the Dom IF they had of helped, would be facing manslaughter/murder charges, and a lengthy prison sentence. But that "no limits" Dom, suddenly decided fatally hurting someone was a "limit". 

This isn't something to take lightly, or that should even take a second thought to consider as a limit. No one should be partaking in anything that is breaking the law, ruining someone's life or even going against their own self for the sake of someone else, simply for a quick fuck or to pass time. 

 

If you have read that list and haven't found at least 3 limits there, you should leave all communities and rethink some life choices. This place preaches safe practises, consent and respect. 

Please don't be stupid. 

 

[Char__]

One of my limits is people who don't have the personal responsibility to set limits.

[Du****]

2 minutes ago, Char__ said:

One of my limits is people who don't have the personal responsibility to set limits.

Same! 😁

[fe****]

This is the truest thing I've ever read, well said

[Cu****]

Just as a matter of interest, out of the last 12 newcomers, within a local area, only one has mentioned limits; feet and scat. So the even more serious limits, haven’t even been considered. Your list should be read by everyone. Thank you for posting such a valuable thread.

[Je****]

This post includes anyone or any thing that cannot consent, or being under the influence of things you shouldn't be, or haven't agreed to. 

Saying you'd try anything or have none of these limits leave you open to abuse in all of these areas. Please always rethink yourself before you look sloppy and like a joke, everyone has limits. 

 

And to agree with Char, I too cannot have people near me at all who can't think maturely and responsibly for themselves in this area. 

[Sheerpwr]

This should be a Public Service Announcement. Thank you.

[Sp****]

As Devils advocate here, newer people in the lifestyle simply may not be aware of activities that may genuinely *be* a limit, therefore wouldn’t necessarily think to list them as such. It’s unrealistic to expect anyone to research every bdsm-adjacent play types and form an opinion as to whether they constitute a limit or not. Hence a lot of “stupidity” may be a result of naïveté. Perhaps we should be endorsing the caveat of “that I’m aware of” to the “No limits” statement. In My tenure as a Dominant, I’ve been asked to do many things that most would consider hard limits as per your list. Factually (at least according to the criminal code of Canada) an individual cannot “consent to harm” meaning you technically cannot consent to ANY bdsm play that can be deemed “harmful” making everything from a consensual spanking to consensual female circumcision tacitly illegal. Ironically, tattoos, piercings and MMA fights fall into this category as well, which is why legal reform should be on the horizon. I’d have to say that “Suicide by Dom” is a rarity, blissfully. To tell people to “not be stupid” without telling them how to educate themselves comes off as high-horsey. It’s not a matter of being smart vs. stupid, rather one of lack of education, unawareness of safety protocols, and lack of instinct, in my experience. Unfortunately good judgement comes from bad experience, which is usually the result of bad judgement. If you’re new in the community, reach out to others more experienced and ask questions. The ones who will likely respond, are the ones whose advice will be the most useful. That’s just My $0.02 though.

[Je****]

4 minutes ago, CumbriaLeather said:

Just as a matter of interest, out of the last 12 newcomers, within a local area, only one has mentioned limits; feet and scat. So the even more serious limits, haven’t even been considered. Your list should be read by everyone. Thank you for posting such a valuable thread.

It's absolutely terrifying how many don't even think of serious things as limits but someone will fall into an abusive situation by saying they'll do anything. By falling in with the wrong person, they can end up tied up and god knows what happening and the "abuser" saying it's ok you said you had no limits. or would do anything for me. 

Those people mostly don't even know the value of safe words, but sure, safe words aren't needed if there's no limits. eh... *eyeroll

 

xxx

[Du****]

5 minutes ago, Spiral66 said:

As Devils advocate here, newer people in the lifestyle simply may not be aware of activities that may genuinely *be* a limit, therefore wouldn’t necessarily think to list them as such. It’s unrealistic to expect anyone to research every bdsm-adjacent play types and form an opinion as to whether they constitute a limit or not. Hence a lot of “stupidity” may be a result of naïveté. Perhaps we should be endorsing the caveat of “that I’m aware of” to the “No limits” statement. In My tenure as a Dominant, I’ve been asked to do many things that most would consider hard limits as per your list. Factually (at least according to the criminal code of Canada) an individual cannot “consent to harm” meaning you technically cannot consent to ANY bdsm play that can be deemed “harmful” making everything from a consensual spanking to consensual female circumcision tacitly illegal. Ironically, tattoos, piercings and MMA fights fall into this category as well, which is why legal reform should be on the horizon. I’d have to say that “Suicide by Dom” is a rarity, blissfully. To tell people to “not be stupid” without telling them how to educate themselves comes off as high-horsey. It’s not a matter of being smart vs. stupid, rather one of lack of education, unawareness of safety protocols, and lack of instinct, in my experience. Unfortunately good judgement comes from bad experience, which is usually the result of bad judgement. If you’re new in the community, reach out to others more experienced and ask questions. The ones who will likely respond, are the ones whose advice will be the most useful. That’s just My $0.02 though.

This is why I (usually politely*) direct them out of my DMs and towards the wonderfully useful forums, where they can educate themselves and avoid further embarrassment.
*Admittedly my patience wears rather thin by the fifth such direction of the day…

[Je****]

3 minutes ago, Spiral66 said:

As Devils advocate here, newer people in the lifestyle simply may not be aware of activities that may genuinely *be* a limit, therefore wouldn’t necessarily think to list them as such. It’s unrealistic to expect anyone to research every bdsm-adjacent play types and form an opinion as to whether they constitute a limit or not. Hence a lot of “stupidity” may be a result of naïveté. Perhaps we should be endorsing the caveat of “that I’m aware of” to the “No limits” statement. In My tenure as a Dominant, I’ve been asked to do many things that most would consider hard limits as per your list. Factually (at least according to the criminal code of Canada) an individual cannot “consent to harm” meaning you technically cannot consent to ANY bdsm play that can be deemed “harmful” making everything from a consensual spanking to consensual female circumcision tacitly illegal. Ironically, tattoos, piercings and MMA fights fall into this category as well, which is why legal reform should be on the horizon. I’d have to say that “Suicide by Dom” is a rarity, blissfully. To tell people to “not be stupid” without telling them how to educate themselves comes off as high-horsey. It’s not a matter of being smart vs. stupid, rather one of lack of education, unawareness of safety protocols, and lack of instinct, in my experience. Unfortunately good judgement comes from bad experience, which is usually the result of bad judgement. If you’re new in the community, reach out to others more experienced and ask questions. The ones who will likely respond, are the ones whose advice will be the most useful. That’s just My $0.02 though.

I respect your comment. It's not coming High horsey from me. 

However why would anyone join on here and not know what they're doing, sure, but to not even know their limits? Worse... say they have none. 

Sorry I don't think any mature and sensible and responsible person would ever say that. 

People come in to chat for instance and say they've no limits. Get trolling remarks from people being like "cool cus I like pulling finger nails and eating people's cut off skin". All of a sudden there's a limit. 

Someone should know if they don't consent to being maimed. Cut. Underagers. Beasts, financial spending, being injected etc. 

The laws on BDSM being non legal is something in itself sure but safe practises and people who are responsible make it work. Make it rewarding and not at all dangerous. 

But people who say they'll do anything are idiotic in my opinion and I will never take anyone seriously who doesn't even think being subjected to something they are strongly against is a limit. 

I just cannot cope with the profiles I have seen, and believe me, I am a year past trying to educate some people who have had that on profiles. As I stated above, most have had it on there to enable a quick fuck but those people will end up in danger one day if they fall into the wrong hands. That is why I am trying to rattle things a bit I guess. Safety is always paramount. 

[Je****]

3 minutes ago, DuchessFeuille said:

This is why I (usually politely*) direct them out of my DMs and towards the wonderfully useful forums, where they can educate themselves and avoid further embarrassment.
*Admittedly my patience wears rather thin by the fifth such direction of the day…

Same. Tried for so long. No patience left lol.

[punishkeiler]

Well put jen

[BruiseWayne]

15 minutes ago, Finally_Jen said:

However why would anyone join on here and not know what they're doing, sure, but to not even know their limits? Worse... say they have none. 

Because kink has become nothing more than a porn fantasy for a lot of people these days. They usually wind up seeing some steamy vids during their 'me' time, get all hot n bothered over it, want a taste for themselves, and wrongfully assume it's nothing more than a little hairpulling, ass slapping, rough sex, getting spit on, getting told they're a slut, being tossed and bossed around a bit, and/or calling someone Daddy/Mommy/Sir/Mistress/etc etc. Because that's pretty much what the 'mainstream' form of kink has become.

[Sp****]

21 minutes ago, Finally_Jen said:

I respect your comment. It's not coming High horsey from me. 

However why would anyone join on here and not know what they're doing, sure, but to not even know their limits? Worse... say they have none. 

Sorry I don't think any mature and sensible and responsible person would ever say that. 

People come in to chat for instance and say they've no limits. Get trolling remarks from people being like "cool cus I like pulling finger nails and eating people's cut off skin". All of a sudden there's a limit. 

Someone should know if they don't consent to being maimed. Cut. Underagers. Beasts, financial spending, being injected etc. 

The laws on BDSM being non legal is something in itself sure but safe practises and people who are responsible make it work. Make it rewarding and not at all dangerous. 

But people who say they'll do anything are idiotic in my opinion and I will never take anyone seriously who doesn't even think being subjected to something they are strongly against is a limit. 

I just cannot cope with the profiles I have seen, and believe me, I am a year past trying to educate some people who have had that on profiles. As I stated above, most have had it on there to enable a quick fuck but those people will end up in danger one day if they fall into the wrong hands. That is why I am trying to rattle things a bit I guess. Safety is always paramount. 

I can sense the frustration. It sounds like the bulk of these folks don’t WANT to be helped, which is sad. I suppose that would be the distinction between “I have no limits” and “I have no limits that I’m aware of”. Here’s a real life anecdote: I was playing with a submissive partner doing breast bondage/torture. W/we went over the boundaries and began to play. At one point (7 minutes in as I recall), I lightly punched her boob. (Note: I am not Mike Tyson, so it was approximately the force of fluffing up a throw pillow). She called “Red” and started crying. Of course, the scene stopped immediately and I tried to comfort her. She said something to the effect of “How could you, you monster?” I told her that such activity was (to My mind) well within the boundaries of O/our negotiation, and that in the event of something transpiring that she recognized as a limit, she had her safewords to control the scene, which I praised her for using. She was aghast that “people would do that sort of thing” so why would she think to mention it as a limit. In this case she had no limits about breast torture, until she did. I informed her that due to the exploratory nature of bdsm play, I could not guarantee something like that would never happen again, unmaliciously. She was SO shook either genuinely or histrionically, that the prudent course was to bid her adieu and happy hunting. As background we had met a few times previously and discussed things in detail, it was not pickup play by any means.

[Sp****]

2 minutes ago, BruiseWayne said:

Because kink has become nothing more than a porn fantasy for a lot of people these days. They usually wind up seeing some steamy vids during their 'me' time, get all hot n bothered over it, want a taste for themselves, and wrongfully assume it's nothing more than a little hairpulling, ass slapping, rough sex, getting spit on, getting told they're a slut, being tossed and bossed around a bit, and/or calling someone Daddy/Mommy/Sir/Mistress/etc etc. Because that's pretty much what the 'mainstream' form of kink has become.

Mainstream Porn ruined Anal sex and now it’s coming for D/s. I blame 50 Shades. Lol

[Ha****]

In general I agree with you, but not with a point and I won't go into that because it doesn't add anything to the OP and the context. I do add the following to also think about it, and that is that over the years there have been enough (serious) injuries and deaths due to ignorance, lack of knowledge and experience.

[Deleted Member]

No limits? Oh, so you like scat!

[Ru****]

I think the channel Kink University is excellent in educating many forms of kinks, fetishes, and BD/DS/SM dynamics.

[4R****]

No limit hey? Ok, I’ll just grab this rusty nail and hammer it into your foot…… No? 
That’s a limit!

[ey****]

1 hour ago, CumbriaLeather said:

only one has mentioned limits; feet and scat.

I think to be fair - one of the big problems with limits in general is they're not exhaustive and shouldn't be treat as exhaustive.

If someone says they have "no limits" they are being ridiculous - but actually listed every limit would also be insanely time consuming.

If we take yours : Anything illegal, scat, knives, blood.

I mean, actually a contradiction because a lot of things on your fetish list are technically illegal.  

But you haven't listed - psychological torture, being drained financially, being isolated from friends and family, turning up to work late wearing a clown suit - so on.

 

 

[Du****]

7 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I think to be fair - one of the big problems with limits in general is they're not exhaustive and shouldn't be treat as exhaustive.

If someone says they have "no limits" they are being ridiculous - but actually listed every limit would also be insanely time consuming.

If we take yours : Anything illegal, scat, knives, blood.

I mean, actually a contradiction because a lot of things on your fetish list are technically illegal.  

But you haven't listed - psychological torture, being drained financially, being isolated from friends and family, turning up to work late wearing a clown suit - so on.

 

 

It’s all about the negotiation, isn’t it? I think my profile mentions humiliation, but even if I’m willing to participate in it, I’d never expect a partner to actually jeopardise himself - by doing anything inappropriate in public, for example, that could compromise his reputation. You could say that’s a limit of mine, in fact. I’ve written before about boundaries, and the apparent desire by so many to constantly “push past” them. No thank you: I like them where they are.

[ey****]

I think it's important that while anyone declaring they have no limits is reckless - we shouldn't shame someone for at least attempting to identify limits

I also don't think limits should necessary be a first point of conversation especially between new people.  Discussing a white list - what you can/could do together has more certainty than a blacklist 

Because yeah, no one can realistically list all of their limits - and a lot might be contextual.

If we're playing in a dungeon then sure you can tie me, but just cos I didn't say you couldn't go in the other room and go through my wallet does that signal that you can.  Just because I didn't say you couldn't douse me in petrol and set fire to my pubes doesn't mean you can. Just because I didn't say you can't phone up your mate to come round - doesn't mean you can.   Just because I didn't say you couldn't hack off my foot doesn't mean you can. 

Things shouldn't need to be excluded on a micro transaction.

[Sp****]

21 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I think it's important that while anyone declaring they have no limits is reckless - we shouldn't shame someone for at least attempting to identify limits

I also don't think limits should necessary be a first point of conversation especially between new people.  Discussing a white list - what you can/could do together has more certainty than a blacklist 

Because yeah, no one can realistically list all of their limits - and a lot might be contextual.

If we're playing in a dungeon then sure you can tie me, but just cos I didn't say you couldn't go in the other room and go through my wallet does that signal that you can.  Just because I didn't say you couldn't douse me in petrol and set fire to my pubes doesn't mean you can. Just because I didn't say you can't phone up your mate to come round - doesn't mean you can.   Just because I didn't say you couldn't hack off my foot doesn't mean you can. 

Things shouldn't need to be excluded on a micro transaction.

This is where the safeword mechanism comes in. Even on things that have previously been “whitelisted” safewords should apply. I’ve seen a few “you agreed this wasn’t a limit, so I’m going to ignore your safewords and do it anyway” mentalities. Hence when they go to get the pliers and blowtorch, call “Red”. Lol

[Je****]

24 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I think it's important that while anyone declaring they have no limits is reckless - we shouldn't shame someone for at least attempting to identify limits

I also don't think limits should necessary be a first point of conversation especially between new people.  Discussing a white list - what you can/could do together has more certainty than a blacklist 

Because yeah, no one can realistically list all of their limits - and a lot might be contextual.

No shaming at all for trying I am merely talking about people who list on the profile description, they have none. I know it's not a first point of conversation but it is asked on a profile, for potential partners or whoever, to be aware of. 

I myself have dismissed so many people of interest from their profile pics and some sort of bio, for the simple fact they've (almost proudly) stated they've "no limits". I cannot fathom those who aren't responsible enough to list some, are just lazy or whatever, but those who try, or say "still finding" limits, I do have much respect for.