Chat room

[Charms]

Iv read the rules lots and still can not find what I'm after. 

 

What rule in the chatroom rules does it say you can not go into a chat room an just ask if anyone chatting in the room is from were you are.

 

I know your supposed to post a post introducing yourself an what your after. 

 

But why can we not just ask if people are from our area. Its just a basic question. Like asking what kink your into . It's so you can chat to like minded people in the room.

 

Sorry if I'm wrong 

 

Have a blessed day

[Je****]

It's mostly because people are asking for seeking purposes, so they should just place an ad really. 

[Ji****]

The chat tends to jump on people who appear to be seeking. I like quite a few people, but sometimes it really needs a moderator to check the gatekeeping there. I wouldn't look too much into it, otherwise. 

Edited May 30, 2023 by JinxieDjinx

[Charms]

9 minutes ago, JinxieDjinx said:

The chat tends to jump on people who appear to be seeking. I like quite a few people, but sometimes it really needs a moderator to check the gatekeeping there. I wouldn't look too much into it, otherwise. 

That's why I posted this comment. People who are new ask a simple question as we're do people live or even if there's any people from there country in an get jumped on for seeking.

 

To me it's not seeking a partner more that they want to know there not the only kinkster in there area. I think if you know there are kinksters in your area you feel better about being on a kink site /chat room

[Je****]

3 minutes ago, Charms said:

That's why I posted this comment. People who are new ask a simple question as we're do people live or even if there's any people from there country in an get jumped on for seeking.

 

To me it's not seeking a partner more that they want to know there not the only kinkster in there area. I think if you know there are kinksters in your area you feel better about being on a kink site /chat room

Only way to know is if you don't say anything when they ask, and just watch what happens after that... Most likely will be seeking in 99% of cases sadly.

[Charms]

Iv not seen people  seeking when they have asked if there's people in there area.

They also tend yo get jumped on by lots of people all at 1s.

 

The rules need to be more clear. 

[Deleted Member]

Every kink community attracts narcissists so the gatekeeping is fairly heavy. It's always a place filled with rules and a never ending supply of insecure newcomers to devour on.

[NoNameDom84]

Honestly pointless going into those chat rooms. Very clique. Very communal based. Their rules. Imagine asking where people are from is somehow rude. Or not allowed. Or whatever. Stay away from them

[Charms]

46 minutes ago, NoNameDom84 said:

Honestly pointless going into those chat rooms. Very clique. Very communal based. Their rules. Imagine asking where people are from is somehow rude. Or not allowed. Or whatever. Stay away from them

There are decent people who chat in the lobby. We mostly talk about food. Iv picked up some awesome  recipes.  

 

There's also a bit of car maintenance thrown in the mix. People  have helped others fix problems on the car.

[Charms]

5 hours ago, JinxieDjinx said:

The chat tends to jump on people who appear to be seeking. I like quite a few people, but sometimes it really needs a moderator to check the gatekeeping there. I wouldn't look too much into it, otherwise. 

Just wanted to say love your states update on your profile 

[NoNameDom84]

7 minutes ago, Charms said:

There are decent people who chat in the lobby. We mostly talk about food. Iv picked up some awesome  recipes.  

 

There's also a bit of car maintenance thrown in the mix. People  have helped others fix problems on the car.

I doubt people who have kink will come to a kink chat room for car advice. Just stay away from them. Soooo communal. They will tell you the meaning of 'submissive', 'slave'. Nope. Heaven forbid you tell munch types, communal types that 'slave' actually means slave. They hit the roof. Pointless. Stay away

[Deleted Member]

1 hour ago, NoNameDom84 said:

I doubt people who have kink will come to a kink chat room for car advice. Just stay away from them. Soooo communal. They will tell you the meaning of 'submissive', 'slave'. Nope. Heaven forbid you tell munch types, communal types that 'slave' actually means slave. They hit the roof. Pointless. Stay away

Maybe...we need more perspectives like you to come into chat?!? 🤔 It's refreshing to have different opinions. Also, I visit chat daily and I can confirm, I'm not cliqu-ish. I annoy everyone 🙃

[Deleted Member]

Asking for location is not against chat rules but can be grey area. Like those above mentioned it appears like seeking (depending on context). Buuuttttts....I think on the website only, when you're in chat, it'll show everyone's location where it lists "Kinksters in chat" (I could be wrong).

[Charms]

2 hours ago, NoNameDom84 said:

I doubt people who have kink will come to a kink chat room for car advice. Just stay away from them. Soooo communal. They will tell you the meaning of 'submissive', 'slave'. Nope. Heaven forbid you tell munch types, communal types that 'slave' actually means slave. They hit the roof. Pointless. Stay away

Actually the lobby is for general chat. Since you have never been in the lobby you have no idea what goes on in there. Iv been using it weekly for 6 years so I do know.

 

Come check it out. You never know you might like it. An nomic not qluiciky ill chat to anyone 

[Ji****]

7 hours ago, Charms said:

Just wanted to say love your states update on your profile 

Thank you 😊 It's not been very effective but it has made people laugh 😂 I'm behind this.

Also can confirm. The times I've been in chat Sweet has been very sweet 😁

I got a bit burnt out on the chat after being witch hunted by a couple of people one night. It's not really unique to here though. Nature of the internet and socialising in general. People are usually quite nice that I've seen but it does have it's cliques and gatekeepers like anywhere else.

Anyways I'm always open to chat to potential friends. No chatroom required. 😅

[Deleted Member]

Chat is supposed to be a community and there are many people in there including myself who try to keep it a safe place for all from some of the things that happen. People have been scammed out of *** and blackmailed from fake accounts just like any other sites. And yes the longer members of chat will have seen these things happen. New people need a chance to learn and adjust to the surroundings and some need advice and guidance, which the truly committed members of the chat room will happily do. There is a chat rules section and also a code of conduct which isn’t easily found unless you know where it is. Also yes some people do get a hard time when they are unknown, especially when they come in with abusive comments or disrespectful behaviour. Some people defend this but most who have seen it for many years won’t hold back. It’s a community. It’s for advice and learning. We were all new once, but don’t expect people who come in and start disrespectful, shaming, or being derogatory to things like mental health, to be welcomed with open arms. Those are the people who get a tough time. And they need to have a think about whether chat is a nasty place to be, or whether their actions and words made it that way

[Charms]

11 hours ago, JinxieDjinx said:

Thank you 😊 It's not been very effective but it has made people laugh 😂 I'm behind this.

Also can confirm. The times I've been in chat Sweet has been very sweet 😁

I got a bit burnt out on the chat after being witch hunted by a couple of people one night. It's not really unique to here though. Nature of the internet and socialising in general. People are usually quite nice that I've seen but it does have it's cliques and gatekeepers like anywhere else.

Anyways I'm always open to chat to potential friends. No chatroom required. 😅

Drop me a pm any time. You made me giggle reading your profile.  I'd love more giggles. 

 

I still get the random dick pics as well

[TabithaMoon]

I think the attitude of 'we are right because of x y z' is very problematic. Intimidating even. Speaking as one of the new members, based on the response from "oneknottyboy" I don't think I'd feel very comfortable either.

Edited May 31, 2023 by TabithaMoon

[Chloebear]

4 hours ago, TabithaMoon said:

I think the attitude of 'we are right because of x y z' is very problematic. Intimidating even. Speaking as one of the new members, based on the response from "oneknottyboy" I don't think I'd feel very comfortable either.

Are you for shaming and disrespectful behaviour? Seems an odd approach to support.

[Deleted Member]

No one is right and no one is wrong. It’s a learning community and everyone learns new things daily because of the chat room. My response to the post is genuine and I am also one of the people who try to help and educate, and I am more than happy to assist new members in areas that they struggle or are unsure. I have helped many people and will continue to do so. But one of the main things we all look out for and protect people from in chat is duplicate profiles, especially ones who claim to be new, but leave unprovoked attacks on other members profiles. But these profiles are getting checked for I.p. Addresses and will both get banned for life if that’s the case. These are the type of things we try to educate new people on in order to keep the chatroom safe

[Chloebear]

Charms - we could probably hold fire re people stating their location, although I think Jen is right, the vast majority are seeking ultimately. Some of us have been in there a long time (yourself included of course), lately especially there have been a number of catfish and trolls and people who are deliberately targeting regulars with offensive comments or reports. That bothers me more than this honestly… The length of time we’ve been there means we can see what people are doing more quickly usually. Many newcomers will dispute seeking rules and this tends to cause the blow ups. Having mods present more often would help, having rules visible on entry would help. They’re things that have been requested multiple times.

[Charms]

Iv been using the lobby  for 6 years. But I keep myself  to myself.  I'm either in pm on there whisper  or doing something  else while iv got chat open 

[Deleted Member]

I have known you for over a year now charms and you have always been more than pleasant to chat to and also when we met you in person. Your Very kind hearted and always happy to help people. There should be more people like you. We both think you are fantastic, and always the go to for Stitch advice haha 😂

[Chloebear]

1 hour ago, OneKnottyBoy said:

I have known you for over a year now charms and you have always been more than pleasant to chat to and also when we met you in person. Your Very kind hearted and always happy to help people. There should be more people like you. We both think you are fantastic, and always the go to for Stitch advice haha 😂

Agreed 🤗💕

[Je****]

so last night in the lobby, over a few hours, keeping this post in mind, 16 people came in (all male except one) asking where people be at, location or "anyone near...?!"

Instead of doing my usual "location doesn't matter as this is a general chat", line, I simply asked, "___name___ Why do you ask?"

10 or 11 people replied.. Looking for woman to fuck, a mistress, someone down to play or 'hit me up'. The woman was looking for an obedient sub, and the rest didn't reply once they seen the conversation was general. 

I will experiment for my own sake to ask this for the rest of the week, and if 99% are seeking, I will basically save my own time and effort, and tell them location doesn't matter as its a general chat/no seeking. I will welcome and help point someone in the right direction should they be asking for events near them, and if they're looking for friends, I will tell them chat is good for friends, but locals ones... filters, ads etc.

This is just me changing what I respond to when someone comes in asking about location, what any other person responds to that person is up to them.

 

I know your mind and intention on this subject Charms, one we have discussed before and bless you my friend, your heart is in the right place but as Chloe said being in here almost daily and seeing it 100 times a day, it is very easy to spot people's intentions when they ask. There is the rare exception, and we all welcome those of course! 

 

As for the gatekeeping comments, everyone does it. When people are regulars in there, they honestly tire so much of the same things 10000x over every week, seeking, insults, locations, horny folk using chat as a wank option or people who just hone in on women, it's not nice. But if some members don't "gatekeep" as in inform members what is and is not a rule, then the place just erupts into havoc, because again as Chloe said, mods are absent 90% of the time, some who are there do fuck all, and the chat rules are not clear or even visible depending on what device/feature they're logging in with. 

Perhaps if a mod or a few were alternating in there and Chat Rules were revised and "pop up" upon entering, maybe a lot of thirsty horny seekers would not waste their own time.