We need a new dedicated room in the chat rooms. The rules need changed.

[Laurah]

So, lots of people I know are having issues with users talking about extreme kink stuff in the main lobby. For example CNC and R play.

Most people use The Lobby as a safe place to hang out with other kinky people. 

If people want to talk about potentially triggering subjects then it should be en***d that that go to another room to talk about it. It should be en***d by moderaters. 

Protect the more delicate users.

I'm sick of the people I care about having traumatic stuff from their past brought up casually in what they hoped was a safe space.

[Annalou]

Hi Laurah,

I totally understand that it's not comfortable or a pleasant experience when people bring up triggering topics. However, triggers for one person are not triggers for others – I may find a topic off limits, while another person may want to seek advice from the group about it. I want to avoid the Chat lobby becoming a police state and moderators being given the power to decide what is a trigger, and what's not. The best thing to do if you find something traumatic or triggering in the Chat lobby is to leave until the conversation has ended. 

All the best xoxox

[Je****]

4 minutes ago, Annalou said:

Hi Laurah,

I totally understand that it's not comfortable or a pleasant experience when people bring up triggering topics. However, triggers for one person are not triggers for others – I may find a topic off limits, while another person may want to seek advice from the group about it. I want to avoid the Chat lobby becoming a police state and moderators being given the power to decide what is a trigger, and what's not. The best thing to do if you find something traumatic or triggering in the Chat lobby is to leave until the conversation has ended. 

All the best xoxox

 

I know i would be classed as one of these more 'sensitive' users when it comes to this stuff. BUT there are many others!

 

The Lobby doesn't need policed or mods to 'decide' what is or isn't a trigger but i do agree with Laurah, The Lobby should be a safe place for EVERYONE. I've seen an increasing amount get upset and triggered lately by CNC and it's being thrown in without warning and by that stage the damage is done before a person even has time to get out.

How do we know when the topic is over? What if we walk straight back in full *** topic? What's so wrong with a dedicated room?

 

-----------------------------------------------

An example:

An abusive topic was mentioned last week and it triggered 1-3 members who were in The Lobby at the time, causing stress and upset. (I was not one of these).

They mentioned this to the room and though some wanted to discuss that topic more, the mod who was in at the time opened a purposed CNC room. 

The upset people were able to stay and chat on with others, while those interested in the topic went to the dedicated room and everyone was happy. NO ONE WAS ***D TO LEAVE. Shame this display of decency and compassion can't happen more often....

-----------------------------------------------

 

Since my own post went up i have had certain people make snide remarks, challenge me and some have even mentioned my very specific triggers when i've came into The Lobby. 3 times in the last week... Almost feels intentional. For this reason, i'm quite honestly terrified to publically discuss this subject again any further than what i've just said. I just hope over time more people speak up and voice themselves.

 

Thanks for bringing this up Laurah, and i hope your post can be discussed smoothly. 

<3

[qu****]

Under chatroom rules the lobby is primarily for general chit chat, kinky or not, personally I view that it means the weather and soft kink chat, many others feel the same, there are another two rooms for the more kink of all kinds to chat freely, it wouldn't be difficult to keep the lobby as it is, nothing to do with the lobby being a police state, just being that most using the lobby do so because of that reason, yes, you can leave the room if you don't like the chat but if you're already there chatting about the weather or work should you be expected to just leave if others coming into room instantly start chatting about harder elements of kink...

Edited March 4, 2021 by quietlysure
Chit not chi

[Deleted Member]

52 minutes ago, JenniferTP said:

 

I know i would be classed as one of these more 'sensitive' users when it comes to this stuff. BUT there are many others!

 

The Lobby doesn't need policed or mods to 'decide' what is or isn't a trigger but i do agree with Laurah, The Lobby should be a safe place for EVERYONE. I've seen an increasing amount get upset and triggered lately by CNC and it's being thrown in without warning and by that stage the damage is done before a person even has time to get out.

How do we know when the topic is over? What if we walk straight back in full *** topic? What's so wrong with a dedicated room?

 

-----------------------------------------------

An example:

An abusive topic was mentioned last week and it triggered 1-3 members who were in The Lobby at the time, causing stress and upset. (I was not one of these).

They mentioned this to the room and though some wanted to discuss that topic more, the mod who was in at the time opened a purposed CNC room. 

The upset people were able to stay and chat on with others, while those interested in the topic went to the dedicated room and everyone was happy. NO ONE WAS ***D TO LEAVE. Shame this display of decency and compassion can't happen more often....

-----------------------------------------------

 

Since my own post went up i have had certain people make snide remarks, challenge me and some have even mentioned my very specific triggers when i've came into The Lobby. 3 times in the last week... Almost feels intentional. For this reason, i'm quite honestly terrified to publically discuss this subject again any further than what i've just said. I just hope over time more people speak up and voice themselves.

 

Thanks for bringing this up Laurah, and i hope your post can be discussed smoothly. 

<3

That’s horrible that people are challenging you. I can’t understand why anyone would think that necessary. The lobby is more and more sounding a toxic place to be.

[Je****]

18 minutes ago, Curvykate said:

That’s horrible that people are challenging you. I can’t understand why anyone would think that necessary. The lobby is more and more sounding a toxic place to be.

I know my post went off course to how i intended it and i was picked up wrong, but i have had people mention my post from the forum and try to start a debate with me about it in the lobby. The comments went off on the post (by a mod), but that doesnt give someone the right to corner me and make remarks in the lobby. So i am avoiding saying much in the forum for *** of repeat. 

I mainly lurk now, Lobby is terrifying some days..

[Mz****]

The title of the room is a big part of the problem I think..to the vast majority a lobby is a holding/staging area, somewhere you sit and wait before moving to your destination/appointment/wherever, you don't expect to be confronted with play, or abduction themes, extremes of anything,  but you are whether you want to or not, and frequently..at the moment the lobby is trying to be all things to all people and that just can't work..hence all the posts about what's wrong with it and the way it's currently being used..if admin want it to be used for any chat at all, they, in my opinion need to give it a name that represents that, rather than an innocent lobby title where by the name alone you'd expect just general chit chat and small talk.

Either create a more vanilla room, or rebrand this one so people know what to expect, but its clear members are asking for one, and that should be accommodated, mods saying they don't want to police is a different matter  and again, there's no apparent consistency to that either and that's damaging too.

[qu****]

Perhaps the answer would be to have a permanent totally non kink/BDSM room that way these issues would be avoided, I know some will say just open your own new room, but if the site is truly inclusive of all then it would be the way forward to cater for ALL members

[Ms****]

I am going to keep my eye on this post as it is interesting...

I wound say I’m an active user that is into many kinks and fetishes and also uses the chat rooms sometimes.

In all honesty I to have to leave the chat rooms from time to time as the topic of discussion isn’t my cup of tea.

I don’t know if a new chat room would make much difference; as The more ppl in a chat room, the more kinkier the topics that seem to come up!!!

I just leave quietly.... 🤫 🤐🙄😬

[Je****]

2 minutes ago, MzJax said:

The title of the room is a big part of the problem I think..to the vast majority a lobby is a holding/staging area, somewhere you sit and wait before moving to your destination/appointment/wherever, you don't expect to be confronted with play, or abduction themes, extremes of anything,  but you are whether you want to or not, and frequently..at the moment the lobby is trying to be all things to all people and that just can't work..hence all the posts about what's wrong with it and the way it's currently being used..if admin want it to be used for any chat at all, they, in my opinion need to give it a name that represents that, rather than an innocent lobby title where by the name alone you'd expect just general chit chat and small talk.

Either create a more vanilla room, or rebrand this one so people know what to expect, but its clear members are asking for one, and that should be accommodated, mods saying they don't want to police is a different matter  and again, there's no apparent consistency to that either and that's damaging too.

The lobby is just that. Many times people come in and throw something random into conversation and are told this is a "general lobby for chit chat". 

 

It can go from talking about food, friends and family to how Annie next door was being gods-knows-what'd by who and into scary details. People dont seem to think. Lobby is a great place to get to know fellow kinksters and make friends. But to then have a very triggery subject thrown in and tell someone to leave when they're upset, isn't respectful or inclusive.

Shouldn't people have the choice to read such material? And if someone wanted to talk about 'abduction play' for instance, and as per lobby rules, someone says no i'm not comfy with this move topic on, how will anyone be able to discuss anything? They can however, in a specific room that people can choose to avoid or enter, without interruption. 

 

There are 2 other rooms. A "bdsm" and a "fetish/kink" room.

Perhaps these rooms could or should be used for the likes of CNC than in a general lobby? We aren't allowed to have 'role play', and people are told off for "throwing glitter bombs" but yet can talk about violent/extreme acts of play which isn't just that for some members, its very much a scary reality. 

 

I agree with the above though, members are asking for something and being told best to just leave and come back. No one should have to leave whether talking about triggers or not, we should all have a safe place/room in here to do so. 

[Deleted Member]

Just need a consistent mod in the chat

[Mz****]

@JenniferTP Those rooms aren't being used as intended, (or I should say, what I believe they're intended for from my interpretation of the room descriptions and rules), I tend to stick to the BDSM room, in the belief that those who enter live or aspire to live a BDSM lifestyle, as the description says, yet the flow of "anyone into x, y, or z" looking for hookups is relentless, the disrespect and animosity oozes and one reason I've not been using it of late its bizarre I can't type here to say I don't think r a p e play is ever appropriate in a public room yet I can role-play it ramming it down other people's throats and talk about it and upset and/offend people with it in open chat, any objections and your accused of kink shaming..its a popular kink, there is demand for the subject, many into cnc aren't also into Raplay I'm at a loss where it belongs, I do hope its not the BDSM room but like most who've posted here, I don't think the Lobby is the right place for it, certainly as it stands.

[Deleted Member]

I agree sometimes discussions is none kink related we need to have multiple rooms where people can join and roleplay or talk about specific fetish or kink.

The other day I created room related to mature women Dommes  I wanted to Roleplay but fet Mod closed my room saying you cannot look for a ladies chat room. I do understand why but I only wanted to RolePlay I wasn't looking for a Domme or something serious.

if you cannot RolePlay in the current situation means death to me.

Edited March 4, 2021 by Deleted Member

[Je****]

5 minutes ago, MzJax said:

@JenniferTP Those rooms aren't being used as intended, (or I should say, what I believe they're intended for from my interpretation of the room descriptions and rules), I tend to stick to the BDSM room, in the belief that those who enter live or aspire to live a BDSM lifestyle, as the description says, yet the flow of "anyone into x, y, or z" looking for hookups is relentless, the disrespect and animosity oozes and one reason I've not been using it of late its bizarre I can't type here to say I don't think r a p e play is ever appropriate in a public room yet I can role-play it ramming it down other people's throats and talk about it and upset and/offend people with it in open chat, any objections and your accused of kink shaming..its a popular kink, there is demand for the subject, many into cnc aren't also into Raplay I'm at a loss where it belongs, I do hope its not the BDSM room but like most who've posted here, I don't think the Lobby is the right place for it, certainly as it stands.

 

I know you and i have unfortunately got similar triggers. The Lobby is always said to be for general chit chat. There are other rooms as i mentioned but to have a CNC room would be amazing for those who wish to openly discuss this, without interruption or upsetting anyone. It would be very beneficial for them and very respectful of those who have CNC triggers. I got accused of kink shaming. I'm sorry but some of those kinds of play are not a fantasy for me. They are an extreme experience i had ***d upon me. I'm being ***d to accept that people should be talking about it in a general lobby and its my fault i have this trigger and to just leave. Makes sense huh?! 

I don't know which category it belongs to but i definately think a CNC room would be well used and inclusive of everyone who wants to be in it or avoid it. The mod who made one last week showed some human decency for those in the room instead of telling them to leave. 

 

But this is all i can say without going on to repeat myself. Hope you're keeping well Jax

xx

[Mz****]

Thats a great compromise @JenniferTP,the kinksters room could be renamed, it's barely ever used so they don't even have to create a new one..but they won't, it won't make them *** and that seems to be the only priority that ever motivates change anywhere..make members so uncomfortable they have to pay to open their own room is the only solution they're interested in, which is shortsighted, make the rooms usable for A/all and people will be happier, less likely to abandon their profile, more likely to contribute, pay for membership and stay.. instead we have a constant stream of new members who hang around a few days and then vanish, the number of deleted members seems to outweigh the active ones (on threads in particular), there's a reason for that.

 

(I'm good thanks, all things considered, hope you can say the same x)

[Deleted Member]

I understand your problem but where will it stop? Someone might not like feet, or talking about breath play etc..
as Annalou stated the lobby is for everyone and if triggers upset someone there are options. Leave, ask a premium member to open a chat room, or use the diversion tactic. if the subject is not appreciated by most then the rule of the flow apply, divert the conversation with a new topic It’s the only way to make the lobby a more democratic place with no upsets.
As for triggers used purposely to upset someone then the Mod should intervene as it’s against the rules to harass or being a troll

[Wo****]

@Annalou I appappreciate the lobby is for everyone but it's not consistent.

Trigger subjects are being discussed. In a general room. One that says it's for general topics... chatters get reprimanded for role playing, for having a giggle yet get told to just leave the room if triggered.

 

A separate room for CNC topics is a great idea. I'd help moderate a room like that, it'd be worth it.

 

There are more than a few members here that have triggers, and while I agree my trigger may not be yours and I, and I alone, am responsible for how I deal with my triggers, I think most people would agree that CNC and R topics are potential triggers which perhaps shouldn't be discussed in the lobby.

[Deleted Member]

@sub2Females it’s not against the rule to open a private room for role play but maybe your description sound like you were soliciting women which is not acceptable, or it was a public room?

[Annalou]

Thanks for the feedback, guys! I do like the idea of a pure chit-chat room, and a pure kink & BDSM. Let me take it to the team, and we'll discuss. Happy nearly weekend! 

[Wo****]

12 minutes ago, FabSeverus said:

I understand your problem but where will it stop? Someone might not like feet, or talking about breath play etc..
as Annalou stated the lobby is for everyone and if triggers upset someone there are options. Leave, ask a premium member to open a chat room, or use the diversion tactic. if the subject is not appreciated by most then the rule of the flow apply, divert the conversation with a new topic It’s the only way to make the lobby a more democratic place with no upsets.
As for triggers used purposely to upset someone then the Mod should intervene as it’s against the rules to harass or being a troll

Talking about feet is a lot different to discussing CNC or R.

One would expect things like feet to be discussed but R??

 

The lobby is for general chat..... there are other rooms for different topics already. Shouldn't CNC topics be discussed elsewhere?

[Annalou]

The thing is, we already have various rooms for these different subjects, but people use the lobby as the main room. I wonder if it's a messaging and branding issue, rather than a technical one. The separation is there – we just need to tell people to use the designated chat rooms. Food for thought. 

[Mz****]

@FabSeverus
"as Annalou stated the lobby is for everyone and if triggers upset someone there are options. Leave, ask a premium member to open a chat room, or use the diversion tactic. if the subject is not appreciated by most then the rule of the flow apply, divert the conversation with a new topic It’s the only way to make the lobby a more democratic place with no upsets".

 

Thats where the kink shaming starts to get thrown around, I and others have tried to divert the chat or to the report the role-play, and get shouted over and told we're inposing/interrupting, regardless of whether other topics are being discussed prior to the raplay or not, why should those who object have to leave why can't those who wish to discuss what they know is a trigger do so in a separate safe, consenting area..you've said more times than I can remember when these threads come up that you don't use the chatrooms, perhaps you're unaware of the extent of the issue. 

[Je****]

12 minutes ago, FabSeverus said:

I understand your problem but where will it stop? Someone might not like feet, or talking about breath play etc..
as Annalou stated the lobby is for everyone and if triggers upset someone there are options. Leave, ask a premium member to open a chat room, or use the diversion tactic. if the subject is not appreciated by most then the rule of the flow apply, divert the conversation with a new topic It’s the only way to make the lobby a more democratic place with no upsets.
As for triggers used purposely to upset someone then the Mod should intervene as it’s against the rules to harass or being a troll

It's not about not 'liking' something like feet or breath play. CNC has some seriously extreme themes and to some people these are not a fantasy. These are extremely upsetting, difficult and emotionally ruining to keep seeing someone in a general chat discuss how fun it would be to be ***d down and used, when all you see or hear is how your body was violated in a ciscumstance very far from play. Not everyone can control their trigger, some can but some can't. 

But its very different to likes being off. A lot of people messaged me privately after my last post as they have triggers but couldn't speak up. There are more and if everyone left when something upsetting was said half the room would clear. 

I have had people subtly throw in certain words when i have came in. once unfortunate, twice coincidence, third time seems foul. So i am mindful now of certain people. It's not done in a direct trolling way...so perhaps the mention of these things being stopped in a chit chat room would stop incidents like that too. Who knows.

[Deleted Member]

1 minute ago, Bounty said:

 

Your point if view on feet is yours and might different for someone who got feet phobia. In emotion is not less than another one. 
also the lobby is for general chat and kinky ones too... not only weather forecast. 
 

ps I am not encouraging triggers talk deliberately, just my opinion on what it is now. I don’t even use it 

[qu****]

More that some don't always stick to chatroom rules, I've noticed here and on other sites people always congregate to the busiest room, unfortunately no-way of stopping that