Why do so many people Catfish?... What's the point when you'll have to reveal your real self anyway?

[1B****]

@frontman23 Stay on topic, please.

[Deleted Member]

All the fishes I have met want to get my account information. It's sad when all I want is to make a connection

[ey****]

3 hours ago, Shilo66 said:

eyemblacksheep, thanks for this. Are women really more likely to forgive this deceit?  I imagine that if I were female and a guy lied to me about this, I'd be less inclined to trust him, because I'd be thinking that if he's lying about this, what else has he lied about, or would lie about. 

I suppose if I were female I could forgive if the guy told me he was 5ft 9 inches, and then in reality he was actually 5ft 8inches, but lying about more than that?????.... really????

there's a little experiment (gosh, i do hate some of these) one of the papers did where they got a guy and a woman to arrange dates and matches and come date day, they put these people in fat suits.

3 of the 4 guys due to meet the lady saw her, sitting alone, waiting - and left without saying hello. The other did go for the date and was awkward about it.

While the ladies did still sit with the guy for the date (I think one actually went somewhere)

but some of this ties into general ***s for dates anyway.

the thing men typically *** most about dates is that the lady is 'fat' or doesn't look like the profile.  (online: that they'll be scammed)

the thing women typically *** most about dates is that it ends in harassment, stalking, physical or sexual ***

So a couple of extra pounds, or looking older than photo might raise an eyebrow but is certainly not a worst scenario

[1B****]

Bad scenario: I show up, he doesn’t. Worst case scenario : he shows up, and is Jeffrey Dahmer.

[CopperKnob]

I know of an individual who catfished someone essentially because they wanted evidence of predatory behaviour (they got it and outed them) I'm not saying it's right but, if we think about it, paedophile hunters are catfishing which whilst it's an example is quite a different topic.

[De****]

I think the definition of catfish is a little nebulous. Is it outright lie (I.e. a picture or identity completely different than reality) or is it an massaging of the truth? I’m thinking about filters, camera angles, manager vs employee, calling yourself slim if your really overweight. Most people do the later to some extent. So over time do they just keep “massaging” the truth until they are suddenly representing themselves as someone totally different? Is it a spectrum?

[Deleted Member]

4 hours ago, 1BlondeBombshell said:

Bad scenario: I show up, he doesn’t. Worst case scenario : he shows up, and is Jeffrey Dahmer.

I met Dahmer. You aren't his type. Not enough meat on your bones lol

[Ky****]

financial advantage, generally catfishers will try to get you to send them ***, if they can something b4 getting rumbled then they've scored, if their lucky they can get lots of *** from you

[Lu****]

From watching the show "Catfish" people do this for so many reasons ie: revenge, financial gain, insecurities, for fun....it's very insightful to watch at the same time does make one alot more cautious with online interactions.

[Deleted Member]

They will always out themselves, it never fails. Additionally I don't have that many people around me for milesssssss. So exploreinng the kinky dates or is where they are at

[Deleted Member]

Someone did this to my kid....
Young like they were.
Transgender... Afraid....
Though I just couldn't understand the story they were spinning.
Absolutely no way a born female could ever impregnate another female so there's that.
Perhaps the wanting to believe so much?
Needing to?
Getting caught up in the lies?
Unable to back it up or come clean for the ***?

I don't think every single time is malicious.
I think sometimes it's like this...
People just wanting to be who they are...
Just afraid...
Just trying...
Just going about it wrong...
Just unsure about who they will meet on the other side...

[Shilo66]

I hear you, but at the end of the day, Catfishing is still a selfish act. Those who Catfish are putting their needs and desires ahead of that of their victims.

The reason I asked this question, is because I was genuinely trying to understand the motivation and circumstances for such deception. 

Sadly, the more I learned, the more I realised it was down to pure and simple unadulterated selfishness. The Catfisher"s needs being paramount above all others and to hell with the consequences for their victims.

It's akin to a Rapist trying to blame their *** victim for the ***. No matter how they (the Rapist) spin it... there's just NO justification.

 

Edited July 7, 2023 by Shilo66

[Deleted Member]

3 hours ago, Shilo66 said:

I hear you, but at the end of the day, Catfishing is still a selfish act. Those who Catfish are putting their needs and desires ahead of that of their victims.

The reason I asked this question, is because I was genuinely trying to understand the motivation and circumstances for such deception. 

Sadly, the more I learned, the more I realised it was down to pure and simple unadulterated selfishness. The Catfisher"s needs being paramount above all others and to hell with the consequences for their victims.

It's akin to a Rapist trying to blame their *** victim for the ***. No matter how they (the Rapist) spin it... there's just NO justification.

 

Totally agree it's selfish. 100%, like in anything though why does one person go down one road and one, the other?

Guidance? Someone showing the way?
No one showing the way?

I've pondering this question in other ways.
One girl quite like me.
Grew up very much the same.
Yet we ended up very different...
She's very down the rabbit hole, ***, doesn't know her kids, I'm waiting to hear she's dead.
Genetics...
Nature / nurture...

For this though?

I think it's ***.
That *** is greater than everything else and so selfishness because how they feel and what they need and get?
More important than what they do to someone else in the end.

My two cents...
🤷🏻

[MasterDarcy1979]

I genuinely have no idea.

I haven't happened upon any Catfish in all my years of being online.

I attribute that, mainly, to my rather large profile (No. That isn't a euphemism).

No faker in their right mind is going to read a thousand word profile.

Plus, I'm very good at analysing people via text. Off-shoot of being a writer, I suppose.

[Deleted Member]

In addition to catfishing from scammers and the lonely souls who use an avatar for escapism, I’d like to mention ethical catfishers. 
There’s a guy on YouTube called Kitboga and he catfishes phone scammers to really screw with them, it’s hilarious and they get so angry. He wastes their time and *** and he often exposes them to the authorities. Not all heroes wear capes 

[Deleted Member]

I’ve been contacted by more scammers than catfishers but there’s been a few that thought it was smart to try tho lol

[Deleted Member]

On 6/19/2023 at 4:16 PM, Shilo66 said:

Yes, I do a similar test, I ask for a video chat and that soon stops them, otherwise they'd happily chat with you forever on a site. Obviously, the genuine ones don't mind video chatting, but they're few and far between. And, the phenomenon, like you've stated is not confined to just this site. I just don't get what there is to be gained.  

Sadly, I know, as I hear from many people I talk to, that most guys on here and every other dating site have come across their fair share of catfish, and as a female I can only see two reasons, one is wanting some sort of gain through blackmail or deception, and the other is the person (men do it too) has self esteem issues and believes their real face, body or identity is not good enough, so they embellish the truth and hope that by the time the other person realises, they may have started to like them enough to overlook things. 

But the point I wanted to answer here is the videocall test. I have a profile which I keep anonymous face wise for privacy, but I send ( clean) pics as soon as I start talking to someone new, and then more if we exchange numbers, however I detest videocalls. I don't even do them with "real life" friends, boyfriends or even family, I avoid zoom meetings or skype interviews, anything like that, I just hate it. I feel awkward and self conscious and it ruins everything for me. I am always happy to prove I am real by doing things on request such as sending a pic holding a paper with the date, time and name of the person I am speaking to, or three fingers up lol. So please don't assume reluctance to videocall means a person is fake or a catfish, some of us are 100% totally real and just don't feel comfortable interacting that way. I feel miles better meeting face to face, to be honest. Don't be so quick to write people off as a catfish just because they might not like videocalls. Xx

[RainbowTea]

On 6/19/2023 at 11:28 AM, frontman23 said:

I've had the exact same problems. You're not alone. I think it's just a part of being in the kink community. You spend the majority of the time weeding through the fakes so a video call makes sense. My tactic is to ask for a verification selfie and then to move across to WhatsApp. It's less intrusive and anyone willing to give their number is unlikely to be a fake but it can still happen without the verification picture. I've met many great women from here like that without ever having a video chat. Asking them for a verification selfie usually does the trick without scaring off the serious ones. You're definitely not alone in your troubles. I find it best to avoid really new profiles. That has always been a good starting point for me

A verification selfie is the best and least intrusive, safest way to go about this. If someone asks me for a verification selfie i have no problem with that. Anything else too soon is risky and unsafe. Many real people who aren't catfishers just don't wanna take the risk until they feel they've gotten to know that person better. Asking for a video call or even to WhatsApp right away is actually a red flag we're often warned of (both by these actual websites/apps and also by advocates of online safety) so for safety reasons a *lot* of people will refuse to move off to another app or do a video call right away.  My personal policy is not moving off platform and exchanging/giving out personal info (like with WhatsApp) where they could stalk or harass me if they turn out to be a predator, within the first 3-4 weeks. If this gives some the false impression I'm a "catfisher" and they ghost me then they're just not right and I'd have to wonder about their motives if they pressure to move off platform too soon. I've had random guys in my DMs asking to exchange WhatsApp within the very first message even, and that's 100% a major red flag. I usually end up blocking those people.

 

Being asked to move to a different platform to chat or do video chat within the first few weeks is major red flag behaviour. This is where you become *** to *** and harassment, especially as a woman. Predators/***rs start to try to niggle their way past your defenses once they get you off platform where you can't report their harassment to the website, and it's just easier for entitled people who try to push boundaries. Even pressuring for a video chat or to move off platform too soon is boundary pushing, and will set off warning bells with many legitimate people who are just trying to stay safe on the internet. Do that and you'll only end up being the one giving off bad vibes and making real people uncomfortable. It's especially more dangerous for women so a woman refusing these things until she feels more comfortable chatting with someone are not actial signs of catfishing in and of itself, especially if it's only within the first month. Some people still feel uncomfortable after the first month, it depends on how much they feel they're getting to know someone. Real people are just doing what's necessary to keep themselves safe online, especially in this day and age where secual *** and violent misogyny is on the rise and sexual predators run rampant. It's especially necessary for a woman who's under 30, and even moreso if she's under 25.

 

Anyone here worried about potential catfishers, keep this in mind and either *only* politely ask for a selfie with a specific sign or gesture, or skip the asking for a video chat/WhatsApp/socials until weeks later, say 3-4 weeks to avoid giving off creepy vibes to some. But even then when it comes to video calls and socials it's still the real person's prerogative if they feel comfy/safe enough to exchange that personal info with someone they barely know online, especially since said info can lead to stalking and harassment. Catfishers always eventually reveal themselves, so there's really no need to rush to off-site interactions in the first few weeks.

Edited October 19, 2023 by RainbowTea
Typos

[RainbowTea]

On 10/17/2023 at 3:21 AM, YourSubLady said:

Sadly, I know, as I hear from many people I talk to, that most guys on here and every other dating site have come across their fair share of catfish, and as a female I can only see two reasons, one is wanting some sort of gain through blackmail or deception, and the other is the person (men do it too) has self esteem issues and believes their real face, body or identity is not good enough, so they embellish the truth and hope that by the time the other person realises, they may have started to like them enough to overlook things. 

But the point I wanted to answer here is the videocall test. I have a profile which I keep anonymous face wise for privacy, but I send ( clean) pics as soon as I start talking to someone new, and then more if we exchange numbers, however I detest videocalls. I don't even do them with "real life" friends, boyfriends or even family, I avoid zoom meetings or skype interviews, anything like that, I just hate it. I feel awkward and self conscious and it ruins everything for me. I am always happy to prove I am real by doing things on request such as sending a pic holding a paper with the date, time and name of the person I am speaking to, or three fingers up lol. So please don't assume reluctance to videocall means a person is fake or a catfish, some of us are 100% totally real and just don't feel comfortable interacting that way. I feel miles better meeting face to face, to be honest. Don't be so quick to write people off as a catfish just because they might not like videocalls. Xx

Yeah, I actually prefer meeting face to face as well. Because 1) if you meet somewhere safe, you can get a good feel for the person's vibes and it's much quicker to see if you'll click with that person, whether as romantic/play partners or even just platonic friends, and 2) they still don't have your socials/personal info so they can't stalk and harass you after the meeting. I prefer to wait until after the meeting before exchanging more info.