Can I be gay if I have a boyfriend? lol... weird one incoming....

[Je****]

Okay so I have always known myself as bisexual. I have always in my past had mono relationships with men. 

When I joined here I tried for just that and was met with nothing but lies, deceit, being used and abused and lied to. My focus shifted to someone who was Non-binary and enjoyed the more feminine things in life, dressing up and even has a ladies mentality (to me). 

We have a very strong and successful relationship and even though they are of male nature, body and appearance, I love them so much and the attraction is very very strong for me. 

 

However, being in a poly lifestyle, (we date separately), I have had multiple attempts at dating men, in real life and online. Common denominator is me, I know, but they have always flopped. The one man I gave a bit of my heart to, ghosted me (later explained) after he wasn't ok with polyamory and me loving someone else. Since this person, I have had a few attempts at bonding with men and none of them work, as I simply lose interest. I find the "ick" of them being near me, touching me, sleeping beside me. I seen a gorgeous fella for a while (he's since become a friend) and through no fault of his own, I just hit a switch of "no". This wasn't for me. I LOVE sex with a guy, specifically with my partner, but from others, I just cannot even imagine the thought of it now without being a massive turn off....

 

The dilemma for me... Is I am wondering if I could be verging on gay. (I am not looking to mass label myself but just using term for sake of discussion). Besides my relationship, the only thing and people I can think of is women/ladies. I am just breaking my heart and longing for a woman in my life. Her smell, touch, long hair, soft skin, laugh, overall sense of being. Me and partner are opening our relationship, for now, for fun and flings with women to try 3 somes and whatnot, but the hope to meet a lady to join us indefinitely. This will be hard I know, but it is just what my brain is screaming for. 

Men are at a stage for me, if I try to think of anything sexual, I am massively turned off and feeling queasy. Women however just ignite something in me, and I would be more than happy dating women indefinitely (again, besides my already existing partner).

I know poly is for me, and I love the kink aspects also, to do with guys, but again, the one I'm dating already, not others. But the fire in my eyes thinking of playing with a woman just has my knickers sopping wet haha. I know this isn't a fantasy, it's a desire and want and need. 

 

Would I possibly be someone who's found "the one" where guys are concerned so I am satisfied and don't want/need another or is it possible that I am treading on a lesbian line within myself?

Has anyone else had this????

[Ri****]

I think the question that needs to be asked here is does it really matter whether you are gay or not? My thoughts are this do what makes you happy, it sounds like you have a connection with your partner but honestly I personally don’t think you need a label to tell you what you want. By the way it reads it seems to me you want the ladies and let’s be honest who doesn’t they’re gorgeous but you don’t need a label hun I don’t think anyone does. I think everyone should pursue what makes them happy obv within the laws etc. you seem to me like you know what you want and are trying to take things further and I believe that’s just genuinely awesome. You do you babe it doesn’t matter who you think you like because I’d bet money that not all women are for you either. I hope that makes sense I’ve had a few. Good luck out there ✌🏻❤️

[Ch****]

Mmmm dating men can be exhausting 🙃

[Deleted Member]

I would imagine that it’s not your turning gay more along the lines of your happy with the guy in your life so your not looking to add anymore but as for girls your exited because it’s new and you have your choice to pick 🙂 mabye I’m completely wrong but

[Fi****]

Two things might be going on here (absolute personal opinion). First, you might have found your “person” and they fulfill your needs in every aspect they can and the bisexual side of you is looking to fulfill your other needs.

Second opinion, it’s very possible you are gay. It’s not unheard of to not realize until adulthood. Sometimes, it’s due to religious upbringing or there wasn’t enough exposure to the LGBTQIA + community etc. That will take some really intense reflecting to figure out, but only you can figure it out.

[EM_ae_OE]

I was with a girl for 15 years, who was always bisexual, but later realized she was gay. So, it definitely happens. It obviously put a damper on our relationship, but I supported her in integrating her sexuality into her life

[pu****]

I mean you have a boyfriend right so the answer not gay because gay people don't f**k wit the other sex

[pu****]

Also f**k a label

[Ch****]

I mean when u said a gorgeous fella… was it because u feel some kind of attraction or u think he fits the attractiveness standards? Have u always liked women as much as u like them now? I’ve heard some bisexual women switching to the female side, because they don’t feel the “connection” they’re looking for … I find men less and less attractive everyday and I have been wondering since last year what is it that attracts me from men… haven’t found the answer yet 🤷🏾‍♀️

[Ta****]

What does it matter what label you put on yourself? Just be you.

[Deleted Member]

Lesbian here, tbh I had a somewhat similar experience to u. Personally for me it was a rly rly confusing thing for me right until I finally accepted that I’m a lesbian and then everything clicked into place and became very obvious. I’m not saying you are gay bc I don’t know but tbh if you’re questioning there’s probably some sort of reason for that. Main thing is whether ur bi or gay it’s ok!!

[rb****]

Does your non-binary partner identify as your “boyfriend” or your “theyfriend”?

[Je****]

1 hour ago, RiknAli86 said:

By the way it reads it seems to me you want the ladies and let’s be honest who doesn’t they’re gorgeous but you don’t need a label hun I don’t think anyone does

I knew someone was going to say about the labels, which is why I had specifically put on the post, that it is not for label sake, but more for discussion. 

I am exceptionally happy with my partner, he is 100% the guy for me, that I didn't even know I needed in life. But the thought of any other men near me or being sexual, sexual on the intimacy kind that is, turns me off entirely. 

I only have urges and thought and desires towards women, besides my partner. It is just confusing enjoying sex with him but any other thought of another man just borders on repulsing me :(

[Je****]

1 hour ago, ChiadaBrat said:

Mmmm dating men can be exhausting 🙃

100% I agree, however on the other side of the coin, dating women is almost non existant. It sucks haha

[Je****]

1 hour ago, ross_dom said:

I would imagine that it’s not your turning gay more along the lines of your happy with the guy in your life so your not looking to add anymore but as for girls your exited because it’s new and you have your choice to pick 🙂 mabye I’m completely wrong but

This can sounds familiar and possible for me, I know I love sex with my partner, and intimacy with him. He turns me on and I have no issue getting excited for and with him and kink and intimacy alike, just other men I cannot deal with at all. 

So yes possible I have found the man I wanted and needed and a woman I haven't yet, so maybe that is why the aspect is appealing. 

[Je****]

55 minutes ago, Firefox_red said:

Two things might be going on here (absolute personal opinion). First, you might have found your “person” and they fulfill your needs in every aspect they can and the bisexual side of you is looking to fulfill your other needs.

Second opinion, it’s very possible you are gay. It’s not unheard of to not realize until adulthood. Sometimes, it’s due to religious upbringing or there wasn’t enough exposure to the LGBTQIA + community etc. That will take some really intense reflecting to figure out, but only you can figure it out.

I am happy for opinions, so you're very welcome! 

Yes I agree I definately have found my male mate. I believe he's a soul mate (I believe there can be more than one). And I am absolutely happy, happier than I have ever been in any relationship. And I do feel fulfilled by him in every way. If we were mono I would be content and not even having this conversation, I reckon, however, I believe the openness is leading me more and more towards women and that longing is only getting stronger. It is a very different experience, being with a woman compared to a man. Not in any good or bad way, but just a different thing in general.

 

I do feel gay tbh. It is weird because intimacy and sex with another man, turns me entirely, but I would partake happily in a gang bang with men haha. But for romance and companionship and love and stuff, I want that woman figure in life. I cannot tolerate another male. I have tried and tried and I end up excited about it for a week then all of a sudden the "ick" sets in and I cannot have them near me. It isn't fair on the guys, being let go after a short time where I cannot give a plain reason why, except I want to pursue a woman. It is just a situation I think I have been dodging for so long and I cannot ignore it anymore. 

I am well versed in the Gay communities, all my friends are gay or bisexual men and women, and I work in a gay bar. It is not something I can escape from haha. 

[Deleted Member]

48 minutes ago, Jeneral_Whore said:

This can sounds familiar and possible for me, I know I love sex with my partner, and intimacy with him. He turns me on and I have no issue getting excited for and with him and kink and intimacy alike, just other men I cannot deal with at all. 

So yes possible I have found the man I wanted and needed and a woman I haven't yet, so maybe that is why the aspect is appealing. 

I’m glad I could somewhat help I hope you find the perfect woman for you and if you ever look for a guy again I hope you find the perfect man that can excite you as much as your partner does 😊

[Bi****]

You can be no and date a guy, doesn’t mean you’ll be open relationship. Some do that an some just choose a guy or girl to be with and stick with them

[Ar****]

The (very) short answer is yes. Jen... we need a catch-up where I tell you about my ex and I. I'm run into the ground at the moment, my eyes are only held open by the miracles of caffeine and determination and I'm going away in the morning until after the weekend (hopefully the getaway will recharge me). But once I'm back, I'll try and make some time. Big hugs 🤗

[Je****]

1 hour ago, BigbadWolfydad said:

You can be no and date a guy, doesn’t mean you’ll be open relationship. Some do that an some just choose a guy or girl to be with and stick with them

I am polyamorous.  Me and my partner have mutually decided to open us up.  

Sorry of there was confusion

[Je****]

12 minutes ago, Aranhis said:

The (very) short answer is yes. Jen... we need a catch-up where I tell you about my ex and I. I'm run into the ground at the moment, my eyes are only held open by the miracles of caffeine and determination and I'm going away in the morning until after the weekend (hopefully the getaway will recharge me). But once I'm back, I'll try and make some time. Big hugs 🤗

Keep in touch xxxx

[da****]

Consider yourself validated to be whatever your heart desires. Be free and comfortable with yourself and don't let others define you! I'm not interested in dating or getting to know you, but wanted to offer some nice words!

[hi****]

You can do whatever makes you happy ,let's chat sometime I have some different things going on

[Ch****]

Your partner with the male bits satisfies  you that way. Your brain is telling you no you have that part coverd.  But you need a partner with female parts .

 

Iv meet u an your non binary  human. U both rock. Ps lip stick kisses pls xx

[Tr****]

It could be that you're lesbian it could also just be that you've had terrible experiences with men and you need a break from them for now. I don't think you need to label yourself, I think you should take it slowly and do what feels best for you, see how it works, you might love it and you might hate it. The gift of being yourself is that you get to decide.