First D/s dynamic break down in trust

[Sweetpotatoetwo]

Currently taking some time apart to gather ourselves before hopefully reconnecting, but my heart and body is broken. I've not felt pain like this for the longest time. I was prepared to walk away for good because I don't want to mess either of us around with an on again off again situation.

But I'm genuinely grieving him being in my life. And I really don't think he's feeling the same. Out of sight and out of mind. I understand he is respecting my wishes that we don't communicate during this time apart but every moment I'm praying he messages or calls me.

My fear is without this time apart he won't sort things out in his life. But I'm also worried I've just pushed him away and he will find what we had somewhere else. I'll be redundant.

I'm utterly broken.

How you cope?

[GreyHog]

Focus on the things in yourself which YOU feel need improvement or support. Look inwardly for strength, not outwardly. Only when you patch the holes in your boat will you be able to make safe journeys. Good luck and be well.

[Je****]

I'd say run. You're worth more.

[4R****]

Unfortunately, without the context of knowing what damaged your trust (and in turn your dynamic) it's difficult to know what to advise you in regards whether to stay or not. 

I've been in situations where trust has been broken and in some cases I've simply walked away, whilst in others we've worked to rebuild the trust and move forward. It really came down to what I would stand to lose/gain in each situation - and only you know the answer to that in your situation. 

What I can say is that the hurt does get easier to handle over time. Sometimes you can forgive, but you never forget. 

Often when things like this happen, we are scared of the prospect of loss and change in our lives. This fear keeps us returning because "what if I'm missing out on something?", or, "what if it's a one off?", or, "what if I can't find someone else?", or, "what if he's the one?". But rarely do we consider "What If there is someone far better waiting in the shadows to step forward and blow your mind?".

In honesty, if he's taking a 'couldn't care less' attitude after breaking your trust (which is what you've suggested) - then I'd suggest the answer you are seeking is staring you in the face - you just have to choose to see it. 

Good luck!

[MisstressStorm]

I’ve experienced similar sister. You are not responsible for the shite in his life , but indeed acknowledging and addressing yours likes grown up you are.
You’ve pushed him away for a reason, stick with that until he rocks up and proves otherwise.
He’ll never find another you - you are never redundant to a soul worthy of you.
Storm ⛈

[Deleted Member]

If he’s moved onto a new submissive then that tells you. If he hasn’t then my fingers are crossed for you 😘

[Deleted Member]

Take a long look at yourself, and decide what you need most. Think about what you control, and focus on that.

[Deleted Member]

And buy yourself a beautiful new plant and a box of chocolates and a bottle of wine and find a beautiful person to speak with who will make you feel good about yourself because that’s what you deserve! Hugs sweetie xxx

[Em****]

Oh I feel this to my core.. Xx

[Mistress_of_Death]

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. It's never easy when you find someone who you truly connect with, and something does not work out along the way. I can empathise with that.. Stay strong and know your worth, if they're meant to be in your life, they will.. Feel free to message me personally, we can chat about this more. Sending you a big hug x

[Am****]

Talk it out! Don’t over think it. Talk it out talk it slow but be honest. I kinda feel like you may be giving him mixed message and I think you have mixed messages. That more common then most people realize! Take it slow talk it out feel open. Find friend that you feel safe to talk with

[sado_maso_kiss]

if you care about him, and hes got problems, then maybe instead of resenting him not calling when u asked him not to, help each other thru your problems. dont  make it a competition, its a race to the botoom, show him that his problems are valiid as yours and that the ways in which you are struggling the other can be there. thats the adult thing to do. these women sayin "youre worth more" what? than a man thats showing you respect and that might need you right now? i personally have never shown women the weak part of me in fear of rejection, and as soon as i did, she hates me for it. i can only commrnt on personal experience, but work as a team more. that i would help her as each other thru things

Edited June 26 by sado_maso_kiss

[MisstressStorm]

On 6/25/2023 at 2:56 PM, GreyHog said:

Focus on the things in yourself which YOU feel need improvement or support. Look inwardly for strength, not outwardly. Only when you patch the holes in your boat will you be able to make safe journeys. Good luck and be well.

A wise few words/..not mine …. Calm waters rarely make good sailors. 

[in****]

Honestly, it will feel impossible. I was here at the start of this year. Not my first dynamic, but a very serious one. I was broken, my confidence gone, I felt like I lacked value… I ultimately chose not to resume communication after our break. Trust, once broken, is incredibly difficult to get back even with the best will and all the effort. It’s harder, I find, within kink.

What I can tell you, is the pain lessens with time and you will eventually be ok.

[Firefox_]

This is a tough one for sure. I had my trust broken in the first few months of my first serious D/s relationship and honestly it crushed me. That being said his remorse and everything that he has poured himself into showing his love for me, has helped us become even stronger. It's hard to know what to say without knowing what your trust crushing issue was. I forgave mine and we are stronger than ever -that being said, I won't forget. X