A confused Switch

[Deleted Member]

I am a beginner. I am also a feminist with dynamic personality. I like to be the sub and I like to dominate too.
I am reading the stories of the subs here and I m thinking that I wouldn't be able to show that kind of submission to a man... I m so close to tell him f**k you who do you think you are 😅
As a domina I don't like to be cruel.
I m feeling confused.
Have other switchers that kind of a problem?
Should just give it time?
Any advices?

[Ki****]

Same!!!

[Be****]

Most of the Subs I have met have been very strong women who choose to submit in agreed ways with who they choose to submit too at that time. If a properly consensual relationship, then there is no clash with feminism as you are in control of what you choose. You just need to build the right level of trust with that person.

[Se****]

I like to allow her to ch*ke me every once and awhile. Makes her feel like she’s in charge and then grab her wrists and take all the power away from her. Sounds like you enjoy power play

[AProperDom]

Hi PF, Im not a switch and I cant begin to understand them. An experienced Dom/Domme doesnt have to be cruel though. Choose a sub who wants what you're willing to provide. You need to read a lot, experience a lot and know what you're doing. A bad Dom could easily injure someone permanently.

[ey****]

the one of the things about switches is there are differences to what either side of the slash looks like

and some of this also, coupled, that Dominant and submissive themselves are often used as broader "catch all" terms

so even ignoring the concept of switch - what being a sub, or being submissive looks like to one person can be very different to what it looks like to another. 

[Deleted Member]

Hi, OP! Feminist and a switch here. In my experience, it all comes down to clear communication and building trust between partners. Submission during a session and/or D/S dynamics in a partnership and partners being equal as individuals are certainly not mutually exclusive. I think the journey in kink is confusing and a little bit daunting for most, if not all people exploring it, but as long as everyone involved is informed, consenting and safe, there's tremendous fun in exploring the entire spectrum of kink. Wishing you all the best on your journey! ❤️

[Di****]

I understand where your coming from pf, as a switch you could consider the f**k you as bratty, it's kinda cute , and to be dom you don't have to be cruel , it's more respect than anything, not degrading or cruel

[Va****]

Oh don't worry lol there's plenty of doms out there that love when the pet fights back that's how I am

[Ta****]

Your issue seems easily solved by listing *** and *** as limits. Whether hard (non-negotiable) or soft (maybe ease into it as the dynamic grows), is entirely up to you. A BDSM dynamic doesn’t have to be those things, and should never feel like ***. There are plenty of other ways to punish or train a wayward sub, and a good Dom (or dominant switch) will always have your best interests in mind, even during those instances.

Two of the most important things to bear in mind when seeking a partner is ensuring they are good communicators and have a sense of empathy. Let them know where you stand, and things should work out alright.

Best of luck!

[ja****]

Just find more than one man to play with. Sub with the doms and top the subs. Both will tell you if you’re out of line, so just play and have fun.

[ca****]

So far in my sub journey after discovering I switch I've only been bratty
We gave plans to experiment with more devotion and worship but we're going to do that at femdom events where we can join others and make it a whole experience

[Am****]

I go oils like a sorta dominant sub! I like when they was to try and over power you then you just hold them down spank her a** too it’s purple and f**k her to she begs for mercy. I like a girl that will try and overpower me and act like she in charge but in the end still want to be the submissive one and submit to my interests. That suck a hot fun think to do but like everything communicate is key and very important

[Da****]

It’s okay, not everyone knows where they fit, and the beauty is none of us fit in one particular box. The important thing is finding good people In the community and hopefully finding someone you can trust to explore with and find out exactly what you enjoy, and what you don’t and discover more about yourself!
Good luck and welcome

[Mi****]

It is hard work being a kick ass, dominant woman in our culture! Unsurprisingly, you sometimes bring that attitude into your sex life and fuck the shit out of a submissive male. Being submissive yourself probably feels taboo, but many powerful women enjoy letting the man dominate them in the bedroom. There are men who enjoy both, but you can also take different lovers to scratch both itches.

[Deleted Member]

Do not allow your political ideology to become your entire personality. I’m pro feminist movement & support feminist + LGBTQ+ Etc
But that doesn’t define who I’m in my personal relationships & connections. Couple months ago I had a sub who’s a trump supporter but I personally don’t support trump. Outside the bedroom she dominate but in the bedroom she became soft & giving. My best friend is a republican & anti feminist & im pro feminist but it doesn’t effect our friendship because before we are feminist or not we are humans. Before we are men or women we are humans. If you’re *allowing* your political ideology to control how you move in your connections with others you might have be identifying with their ideas too much & might have made that movement their entire self your entire identity. Just because feminist or whatever movement you support & you agree with their ideas doesn’t mean you have to 100% live by them. If you’re unable to be friends with people or be with people who don’t politically identify same as you than in that case you might become a puppet & might end up being used by those movements & your entire identity might revolve around their ideas. For an example; I used to support BLM but lately it has been proven that BLM movement has been scamming people like me who have actually donated to them & stead of helping people they have been building mansions for themselves therefor I no longer support them. This is why my friend/my fellow human you must not *allow* yourself to support a movement/a political ideology too much because if you do you have a chance of becoming a puppet for them being used by them. Feminist movement is good? Yes sure but it doesn’t mean that one day they might become evil or bad. If you’re having hard time being submissive you either need a better partner or *allow* yourself to relax & know that women/feminine people are designed by nature itself to be submissive & you might not be in touch with your feminine side 100%. Allow* yourself the freedom* to experience your feminine nature & be one with your feminine side. Anyone can be submissive. Anyone can bend over & hold their cheeks open & say ‘take it it’s yours’ but to be submissive it’s a bit different. It’s you allowing yourself to hand your self over to a dominate person who you fully trust & respect & that person respect’s you & when he’s/she is dominating you it’s purely sexual & you should subconsciously know that he/she is not being disrespectful as long as it’s inside the bedroom. I’m not sure how old you are but one day you will grow out of identifying with political movements hardcore which only come’s with maturity. Either get yourself a better partner or someone who can make you feel more comfortable when you’re being submissive or realize & understand that being submissive doesn’t mean that someone is disrespecting or degrading women in general & if it does than in that case once again you’re either too masculine & not in touch with your feminine side because you have allowed political ideologies to ruin your mentality or your need to talk to your partner about how he/she can make you feel more comfortable.
Good luck ❤️

[Deleted Member]

Primal play might be a good place to start as a sub. This way you can still fight them. Also, don’t consider submission as at odds with feminism. I’m a feminist as well. Submission is my choice. A choice that can always be revoked.

[Pa****]

Totally in the same situation, from the beginning to the end of your sentence lol, I guess it's normal then, we just need to find the right partner

[bo****]

I agree with Adam.. being submissive isn’t about gender it’s about surrendering power. It’s sounds like you have underlying issues with men. Remember feminism is about supporting women and fighting for equality between genders. This is due to the real world where power structures arnt or weren’t negotiable in the past. It sounds more like your allowing hate or anger at someone else’s gender(which they have no control over anymore then you do) to cloud your ability to surrender your power willingly to someone else.

[de****]

hey Purple_Fire, finding out what >>brings you pleasure<< is allowed to be central to your feminism. There are many kinds of feminism, and finding balance in the inputs you get is important. Some previous posts (by men?) have been going in a "dont let your politics define you" direction, and i understand where youre coming from. But i also stand by the phrase "the personal is political". if i as a Black woman dominate a white man, that's deeply political (which is part of the pleasure, to me). If i whip and penetrate him, that's connected to a long history of *** inflicted by white men against Black women. Finding subs who can acknowledge that and who want to explore those types of play is something that excites me. But so is making any sub feel the pleasure of the lightest touches, increasing sensual awareness. It can all be part of it, and i focus on what is pleasurable to me!

So, instead of making this about outside political beliefs or actions, i'd suggest allowing yourself to trust your intuition! No one can tell you how and how much you should or "need to be able to naturally submit" (to a man? or can that also be to a woman without catering to men's pleasure?!?) - all of that is bullsh*t! if it's pleasurable, explore it deeper, if it doesnt feel right then trust that feeling. i agree with all the above posts saying that a trusting and respectful D/s relationship is key here.
At the end of the day, if the experience doesnt enrich you emotionally, mentally and spiritually, then maybe it's just not for you. Dont let anyone else put you in a box and tell you how you should or shouldnt be, and also dont compare yourself to the subs who post on here (who are only a small portion of the big wide world of kink). I wish you much pleasure (;

[De****]

Soft top/switch perspective: for me at least, when you actually step out of your comfort zone on us, it’s really enticing. Like the girl asking the boy out. It throws us off fr. Fight him for control and whoever is feeling it will back down first. 😁 all things in moderation of course, don’t let it become an argument and communicate!

[hiddenvixen]

I’m a switch but I started out thinking I only like being dominant but with experience I find that the more a man shows respectful and shows he cares about my pleasure the more i want to sub. Men who are only super dominant, aggressive and just assume what I want aren’t doing it right and disgust me. If they show respect by getting to know how to pleasure me THAT makes me want to sub. Unfortunately they’re are A LOT of fake doms I’ve learned to straight up say what I don’t like and stay away from men that don’t take the time to ask questions.

[gu****]

Lots of people think its binary(ur either sub or dom) but submission and domination cone in a spectrum like everything else, its about finding people who vibe with you if you ask me, i say just give it time you will find like minded people if you keep looking

[Deleted Member]

I am not a Dom, but tend to be dominant.. and I think that is about the crux of it.

I am an egalitarian (as close as I can be to a feminist) and wouldn't want someone to submit in the way that lots of people here do. I would prefer that my partner questioned who the fuck I think I am, in that case.

Lots just want to fulfil their fantasy. I think actually if a person is living the lifestyle to its extreme, they are less likely to truly embrace a dynamic, because they are chasing their own ideal.

I feel like I don't belong here a lot of the time because what I view as respect would be seen as weakness, or just not kinky/confident/dominant enough.

But really I just want to make sure that I respect someone as a human, before the games begin. Maybe I am naïve, or maybe lots of Doms can't bear the loss of control.

A lot of the time people are just following what they think is a rule book. Sticking to a script seems just as vanilla as anything else to me, irrespective of how violent or ***y it may be.

Probably it's a good thing that you already have your own ideas and your own opinion of what balance is.. and probably you just aren't a match with a lot of people, because a more intricate puzzle is more difficult to fit together.

Don't really know if I had a point to make, but your post felt familiar and it is something that I have questioned a lot, so I felt like I should ramble for a bit.

[Tu****]

Male switch here with sub inclinations, kinda coming at this from the opposite end of things. I’m big on enthusiastic consent, equality, and praise rather than ***. It goes against my personality to treat a sub like she’s property, or a toy, and my dom tendencies scared me for a while. But a few people encouraged me & just marginally altered my perspective on how good, supportive, and relieving it can be for a sub to give consent to a safe dom for them to alleviate the stresses of making decisions for a little while. It changed my view from seeing doms as power & subs as less than, to one of mutual trust, and of consent being given yet also able to be revoked at any time.
Maybe being a sub is kinda the same? Subs aren’t losing power by consenting & submitting. The power is ours. We choose to give to our doms, they don’t take it from us - it’s always ours & we can act on it even in the middle of the most intense scene & call a yellow or red light for any reason at all. To a dom that isn’t selfish, our sub’s safety & pleasure is actually what’s running the show, so I guess the real doms are just the subs we meet along the way 😝