Blackie Quebedeaux isn’t your average kinkster. He’s a Cajun living in Canada. He’s written poetry since he was a child and blogs almost daily about his BDSM life. He is a slave, a Master, and a victim of human trafficking and forced sex work. He’s also blind and uses a service dog but that’s almost just a side note when you talk to him. And he has plenty to say about his own kinks and how others, in any situation, can find their own version of happiness in BDSM.*
I identify as a switch, about 70/30 slave/master, with some primal and furry components thrown in. I am owned by two Masters, and I also own a slave. We live in a 24/7, total power exchange arrangement. I have been with my primary Master for 19 years, and my secondary Master for 10, though until recently, he was just my dominant. I've had my slave for five years. We are a part of a larger gay leather family.
We’re 24/7. I do everything in a D/s or BDSM context. I know that's hard for many, but it is just what I need and what works for me. Even getting my Master a cup of coffee when my parents come over is done with a D/s context. I also have rituals, rules, and protocols to follow that might not be obvious to the vanilla onlooker.
I love the whip. I am very much into pain, any kind of pain, and it needs to last as long as possible. I also really enjoy prolonged bondage, cages, and any kind of impact instrument. I think, though, more than all of that, I enjoy the mental aspects of edge play. That truly risking one's life, putting it in someone's hands is...indescribable.
As a kid, I read stories of people being captured, prisoners of war, that kind of thing. My first time doing anything kinky was nonconsensual due to being a victim of human trafficking and becoming a forced sex worker.
The first consensual experience I had was very intense, for all there was nothing to it really. I was playing around with some friends of mine, and we were playing army men, and I was the prisoner of war. I think I was around 16. That scene was mostly built around imagination, as we didn't have any props or equipment. Heck, we didn't even know what the label BDSM was, let alone that it existed.
I'll never forget that scene. How exciting it was, how invigorating. I always wanted to take the backseat in my interactions with those friends from that point on.
I am very upfront about what I want and need. I believe communication is key and since, for me, BDSM is tied with love (I realize this isn't always the case). I need to know that we're all going to be on the same page before I can agree to any kind of relationship.
I start by building a friendship with the potential partner, letting them know I'm into kink, but not being pushy about it. Then, once we both have the feelings that we want to take it further, I just put it out there on the table. With my current partners, if there's something new I want to try, I simply ask. It doesn't always get me what I want, but I've found that open communication and discussion is key.
I don’t hide it. If someone can't accept that I'm kinky, and at least deal with that, then they can't deal with me. I don't expect them to join in if they're not comfortable. And I certainly don't expect everyone to be comfortable, but they can at least suspend their judgment, or we can just agree not to talk about it. You know, kind of like politics.
I think the best piece of advice I can give people is: be yourself, communicate honestly about what you want, don't be afraid to tell people you don't know something and don't go it alone. Whether Dom or sub, Master or slave, top or bottom, gay, straight or trans, we all need help and advice. No question is a stupid question. Remember, we were once beginners, too.
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