Our profound think pieces

[Ae****]

Had a thought, while reading a thread. Thought I'd express it, see what happens. Not saying I know everything here is true. Who am I to say anything, what do I know? It's just a carefully worded mini-essay thought, a silly, long, little doodle on a napkin.

There's a trait that exists in some people that irresistibly compels them to  constantly create original posts to spark click-bait conversations for the sake of educating or entertaining the masses, and which has them convinced that everyone is clamouring for their wisdom and wit. They spend so much time on these posts as to make it look like a sincere passion, if not a voluntary part time job.

These kinds of educatory conversation-starters are *rife*, with some people obsessed with creating them constantly, to the point the output is genuinely impressive, if for no other reason than it shows the ample amount of spare time they have for thinking about this stuff and then creating carefully worded mini-essays and satire pieces.

They make such effort to be engaging and consistent, inputting so much creativity and artistic flair, I would not be surprised at all to find out that some of them are writers or involved in something creative like that in their real world lives, because they really are so into creating these posts from scratch, dependably and regularly. No one forces them, they simply cannot help but create in order to entertain, explain, answer and gift their observations for unasked questions. Maybe it's an otherwise unmet need for validation or attention being fulfilled.

I feel like they are waiting for the class to applaud at the end of their show-and-tell, just before lunch-time, and then for a big compliment from the teacher, in front of all their peers. It's actually nice in that it is admirable and sweet how they seem to want and need to express themselves so much, and have found somewhere to do it.

Even if the content itself is pretty annoying and sad to have to look at, over and over and over again. The same themes, different variations. It's like a tv show where the writers have a formula and are just trying to riff off of it endlessly because, even though its pretty stale, hey, we gotta stretch this out as long as we can. We're still getting the views.

The spirit of educating everyone else and explaining how some are not good, and who to avoid, and who to laugh at, who's a joke, who to respect and what experiences are valid, and who to blame is alive and very healthy here, and is heartily supported by an echo chamber. It's an ironically judgmental and cruel clique.

But... watching the characters predictably doing their thing, making their posts, and then watching the regular chorus-responses of congratulations and awe bounce around is all at once sad, frustrating, tragic and, genuinely amusing. It's fascinating to see, in real time, an almost deification of the lowest-common-denominator personalities, easy-to-absorb, over-simplified and ultimately incorrect, judgmental and harmful views and beliefs prevailing in a place where, actually, you wish and you'd love to find that the kindest, most patient, understanding and most welcoming voices are the loudest.

It probably does feel like a very kind, gentle and understanding place if you happen to find you have the "correct" views and beliefs. You probably find you laugh a lot, as a clique, at those weirdos who don't fit in with this. And you jointly and courageously comdemn and argue with the truly bad guys when they raise their ugly heads. And you can't see what you're actually doing. Lots of shared derision, which feels very innocent and reasonable - but which looks, from the outside, like grown adults transported into high school scenarios.

Maybe that's the kinda place this activity comes for some people. That would be understandable. I'm sure it felt awful to be made to feel hard-done-by, powerless, or like an outsider, in the past. Maybe things feels that way, still today. It's tragic how that is passed on so effectively, without awareness.

:) that's it 🪴

[Hal727]

Very well said and true! Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

[Deleted Member]

I haven’t been here long, but I have not I observed this from people that create threads. However, there seem to be some people that respond that fit this description. And they usually got bo fluffing idea what they are talking about and get upset when you disagree with them 😂

[ge****]

Or...you could look at it as people using a public forum as it's intended to be used: to air their views, thoughts, experiences, opinions and invite discussion, just as you have done with this thread - the fact that some people agree with a post and others disagree with it is inevitable as we're not all of the same belief and life would be boring if we were - doesn't mean that those in agreement are a "clique" any more than it means those who disagree are necessarily wrong.
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Debate is a good thing, always and there will be those who take one side of a debate just as there will be those who take the other.
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I think on sites like this an element of derision is also inevitable from both sides - is it playground behaviour? Sometimes yes, others not so much - it all depends how it's presented and the context that's bought it about, plus an element of what may be perceived as derision not actually being that at all.
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Sites like this are often misunderstood by some and that can lead to frustrations on either side of the fence, when expectations aren't met or attitudes are wrong etc.
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Ultimately though, it's a public forum and if someone feels compelled enough to post something, as you have here, we all have the choice to either ignore or engage, but that person has as much right to post their thoughts as anyone - that however comes with a level of acceptance that those that choose to engage may not agree and may say so.

[ey****]

I think that on one hand it's never mandatory to read every thread especially if the subject line doesn't appeal and/or it's by a poster where... you know you won't enjoy their content

on another I think...

If I go back 10 years to when I was new to kink spaces.  There were a lot of things like writings, forum discussions, etc. which shaped a lot of my learning.  There's probably a lot of people who I should be grateful to for taking the time to write things, whether it was something which profoundly helped me on my journey, something I enjoyed, or sometimes differing view points.

I joked in the past that one of the things that boosted me was seeing a lot of posts from guys and how they were failing to get what they desired as a means to know I had to go into a different direction and, over the years, it blossomed into a lot of good experiences.

 

I know for myself, I found a lot of things I wrote in my early days was largely for my own benefit and talking aloud, and then I found some of this helped out other people and, yeah, that does come with a good feeling.  Of course, plenty of people have rejected what I've written over time. In some cases cos I was wrong or missed the mark, in others because... they have their own ideas.  But many of them would gladly swap places for some of my experiences.

I think everyone has free time to some degree and chooses to spend it how they'd like.  As you've spent time to write this post as a commentary piece which is a fair use of your time, others have done things to be informative or entertaining.   And that ultimately leads to engaging content.

Which, ironically, is what sites like this love.

[Setrion]

15 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

I joked in the past that one of the things that boosted me was seeing a lot of posts from guys and how they were failing to get what they desired as a means to know I had to go into a different direction and, over the years, it blossomed into a lot of good experiences.

This is a very good point. One of the big takeaways I got from my early days on the forums was from the various threads newcomers write about "How do I do X kink?" and the response from veterans was inevitably "These words aren't that specific, what does X mean to you? Also, have you tried talking to your partner in an honest adult conversation yet?" There was no clearer message to me about how much all these labels are rough approximations, but more importantly the core idea was hammered home that as much or moreso than a vanilla relationship, communication is everything and all aspects remain under the umbrella of a negotiation with your partner.

 

Even an uninspired, clueless, or "bad" thread can still provide good learning material. 

[CopperKnob]

Conversely, I think that this also, absolutely applies to the 'free thinkers' who comment, attaching themselves on the more popular posts regardless as to how old they are, ressurecting them from their graves or creating their own counter posts to receive a crumb of the deflected attention.
If that's not true, if it weren't important to them, they'd keep their thoughts to themselves.

[Bl****]

This is a public forum, true, and so everyone is free to express their views. I agree that over the years I’ve definitely noticed a clique. I also know a few people who were once relatively regular posters in the forum , who left as they felt that the forum had become ‘ a one person show’. Like in school, there will be the loud ones, who feel like they have a lot to say, and the more quiet ones, who won’t share much in case it goes against the clique. It’s inevitable. Luckily , like with everything else, there is always ebb and flow .

[Ae****]

Tuesday at 03:21 PM, gemini_man said:

Or...you could look at it as people using a public forum as it's intended to be used: to air their views, thoughts, experiences, opinions and invite discussion, just as you have done with this thread - the fact that some people agree with a post and others disagree with it is inevitable as we're not all of the same belief and life would be boring if we were - doesn't mean that those in agreement are a "clique" any more than it means those who disagree are necessarily wrong.
.
Debate is a good thing, always and there will be those who take one side of a debate just as there will be those who take the other.
.
I think on sites like this an element of derision is also inevitable from both sides - is it playground behaviour? Sometimes yes, others not so much - it all depends how it's presented and the context that's bought it about, plus an element of what may be perceived as derision not actually being that at all.
.
Sites like this are often misunderstood by some and that can lead to frustrations on either side of the fence, when expectations aren't met or attitudes are wrong etc.
.
Ultimately though, it's a public forum and if someone feels compelled enough to post something, as you have here, we all have the choice to either ignore or engage, but that person has as much right to post their thoughts as anyone - that however comes with a level of acceptance that those that choose to engage may not agree and may say so.

Or... I've always understood and accepted it's a public forum etc, and it's possible to be aware of that and also to make comment on the nature of it. I'm unable to see any contradiction there.
Yes, although I don't think its actually even relevant, I fully agree lots of people agreeing would be boring, but that's not anything I've stated as desirable. Yes, everyone agreeing doesn't make a clique - but that hasn't been implied. Yes, debate is great. Yes, we can all ignore or engage. And it's also fine to connect and observe - as I have done here.

[Ae****]

Tuesday at 03:40 PM, eyemblacksheep said:

I think that on one hand it's never mandatory to read every thread especially if the subject line doesn't appeal and/or it's by a poster where... you know you won't enjoy their content

on another I think...

If I go back 10 years to when I was new to kink spaces.  There were a lot of things like writings, forum discussions, etc. which shaped a lot of my learning.  There's probably a lot of people who I should be grateful to for taking the time to write things, whether it was something which profoundly helped me on my journey, something I enjoyed, or sometimes differing view points.

I joked in the past that one of the things that boosted me was seeing a lot of posts from guys and how they were failing to get what they desired as a means to know I had to go into a different direction and, over the years, it blossomed into a lot of good experiences.

 

I know for myself, I found a lot of things I wrote in my early days was largely for my own benefit and talking aloud, and then I found some of this helped out other people and, yeah, that does come with a good feeling.  Of course, plenty of people have rejected what I've written over time. In some cases cos I was wrong or missed the mark, in others because... they have their own ideas.  But many of them would gladly swap places for some of my experiences.

I think everyone has free time to some degree and chooses to spend it how they'd like.  As you've spent time to write this post as a commentary piece which is a fair use of your time, others have done things to be informative or entertaining.   And that ultimately leads to engaging content.

Which, ironically, is what sites like this love.

I'm confused as to why anyone would think reading every thread is mandatory.
Commenting on the nature of the discussions, stating some of them are underwhelming, doesn't mean they must or have all been read. It's just someone expressing their view on what they have seen. In fact, that's why they're not all read - it's already known that is not interesting to do so. Still, that doesn't mean a person can't express what they think about the what keeps popping up, a trend, a sub-culture that prompts a thought or remark.
Also, it's healthy to read things other people express, to learn about them, how they view the world, and how they think, even if you don't agree. Otherwise you end up in an uninformed bubble.
Indeed, everyone expressing themselves is nice, yes, just as I have done here. And I really do appreciate the responses.

[Ae****]

Tuesday at 06:48 PM, CopperKnob said:

Conversely, I think that this also, absolutely applies to the 'free thinkers' who comment, attaching themselves on the more popular posts regardless as to how old they are, ressurecting them from their graves or creating their own counter posts to receive a crumb of the deflected attention.
If that's not true, if it weren't important to them, they'd keep their thoughts to themselves.

I think that's a result of not actually grasping one of the key point of this post - which is about the attempts to begin condescending topic, unasked. Once a topic is begun, responses are implicitly invited. As to the age of a post, and seeing attention, while or may be important for some, it doesn't matter to everyone, it's not a factor they consider. Myself, if I see something, if a thought occurs to me, I might comment, simply based on the topic itself, and only for my own interest.

[Ae****]

Yesterday at 12:07 AM, BlueRainStorm said:

This is a public forum, true, and so everyone is free to express their views. I agree that over the years I’ve definitely noticed a clique. I also know a few people who were once relatively regular posters in the forum , who left as they felt that the forum had become ‘ a one person show’. Like in school, there will be the loud ones, who feel like they have a lot to say, and the more quiet ones, who won’t share much in case it goes against the clique. It’s inevitable. Luckily , like with everything else, there is always ebb and flow .

Yes. I also know people who have just stopped engaging. I've also met people purely based on what they happen to think are my kinder more even minded responses within some of these gloomy conversations.
I get that it's part of life. Loud individuals and waves of cliques. It's so nice to occasionally end up finding people who share the observation.

[Ae****]

Tuesday at 04:02 PM, Setrion said:

This is a very good point. One of the big takeaways I got from my early days on the forums was from the various threads newcomers write about "How do I do X kink?" and the response from veterans was inevitably "These words aren't that specific, what does X mean to you? Also, have you tried talking to your partner in an honest adult conversation yet?" There was no clearer message to me about how much all these labels are rough approximations, but more importantly the core idea was hammered home that as much or moreso than a vanilla relationship, communication is everything and all aspects remain under the umbrella of a negotiation with your partner.

 

Even an uninspired, clueless, or "bad" thread can still provide good learning material. 

Fully agree. I think there are things to be learned from most conversations, even if it's not delivered in the greatest way. And if there's nothing valuable there, you at least learn about the people and the culture of the participants, which is also incredibly useful, and interesting.

[ge****]

1 hour ago, Aeonova said:

Or... I've always understood and accepted it's a public forum etc, and it's possible to be aware of that and also to make comment on the nature of it. I'm unable to see any contradiction there.
Yes, although I don't think its actually even relevant, I fully agree lots of people agreeing would be boring, but that's not anything I've stated as desirable. Yes, everyone agreeing doesn't make a clique - but that hasn't been implied. Yes, debate is great. Yes, we can all ignore or engage. And it's also fine to connect and observe - as I have done here.

So glad you agree with my post 👍🏻

[CopperKnob]

9 hours ago, Aeonova said:

I think that's a result of not actually grasping one of the key point of this post - which is about the attempts to begin condescending topic, unasked. Once a topic is begun, responses are implicitly invited. As to the age of a post, and seeing attention, while or may be important for some, it doesn't matter to everyone, it's not a factor they consider. Myself, if I see something, if a thought occurs to me, I might comment, simply based on the topic itself, and only for my own interest.

No I fully understood the purpose of the thread 😂😂
.
What I'd add to my previous thoughts is this, when anyone posts anything on social media, they need to accept responsibility and accountability for themselves in what they write. Part of that requires them to have clarity in what message they're trying to convey. When they don't, we have instances such as this, where we contradict ourselves and, as a consequence what was intended to be condescending to those who post/comment regularly in the forums, there's the potential for condescending ripostes 😉

[Ae****]

2 hours ago, CopperKnob said:

No I fully understood the purpose of the thread 😂😂
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What I'd add to my previous thoughts is this, when anyone posts anything on social media, they need to accept responsibility and accountability for themselves in what they write. Part of that requires them to have clarity in what message they're trying to convey. When they don't, we have instances such as this, where we contradict ourselves and, as a consequence what was intended to be condescending to those who post/comment regularly in the forums, there's the potential for condescending ripostes 😉

Ok. I think it was clear, and cannot see the contradiction - but we see and interpret what we are eager to see. If a person is eager to be condescending, they will try to be that way whether it makes sense to the situation or not.