I read your profile

[Needoral]

A few months ago someone messaged me, saying they'd read my profile (there's a lot of it - I could do with changing it to make it clearer, but it won't be much shorter). We had quite a discussion over several days until I had to point out something that was in the profile that clearly had NOT been read. I was then blocked. Not my fault as I'd included the details so that people could see. 

 

[Deleted Member]

What irritates me about the "Ask me" is the disrespect for other people's time. What's the point in a conversation just to discover we're fundamentally incompatible? Give me the basics, and if that matches what I'm after, we can chat an

[Th****]

6 hours ago, TallBastard said:

I love this, and nothing says “bare minimum” more than “ask me”.

Really though I don't consider it to even meet bare mminimum, it definitely screams zero effort or care. It's almost worse than nothing at all, at least those may be intending to return and fill it out. 

[Th****]

4 hours ago, QuietlyKinky said:

As someone who isn’t exactly a natural at breaking the ice with new people, I understand it can be difficult, but I also understand it’s important to make an effort, it’s the same even on vanilla platforms

I get it, especially if someone's more of an introvert. If you're shy and awkward, fine, be shy and awkward but be respectful and say *something*. Authenticity is appealing.

[Ta****]

10 minutes ago, ThaliaVirago said:

Really though I don't consider it to even meet bare mminimum, it definitely screams zero effort or care. It's almost worse than nothing at all, at least those may be intending to return and fill it out. 

I agree. To me, blank tells me there might be more to come, or just looking, but “ask me” tells me I’m going to have to do all the heavy lifting, including carrying the conversation from the start, and that’s a pass for me.

[Th****]

4 hours ago, QuietlyKinky said:

That makes sense, I’m still not sure I would lead with it as an icebreaker though

That's the point though. *Consent* there are plenty of women who enjoy recieveing NSFW pics but only after they ask for them or have granted permission. 

[ge****]

5 hours ago, ThaliaVirago said:

I get it, especially if someone's more of an introvert. If you're shy and awkward, fine, be shy and awkward but be respectful and say *something*. Authenticity is appealing.

I think the problem is with a lot of men is they think the *only* way to approach platforms like this is to send "blind" messages to profiles they've had no interaction with previously - and that *can* be awkward trying to find the right angle/ice breaker (though still doesn't excuse the crude messages) even for a confident person.
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Personally when I started using sites like this some 6 or 7 years ago, I very quickly worked out it wasn't an approach that was far me, so got involved in other aspects of sites such as the forums and chat rooms and soon found it was far easier to break the ice privately with people I'd interacted with in those spaces.

[Th****]

5 hours ago, gemini_man said:

I think the problem is with a lot of men is they think the *only* way to approach platforms like this is to send "blind" messages to profiles they've had no interaction with previously - and that *can* be awkward trying to find the right angle/ice breaker (though still doesn't excuse the crude messages) even for a confident person.
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Personally when I started using sites like this some 6 or 7 years ago, I very quickly worked out it wasn't an approach that was far me, so got involved in other aspects of sites such as the forums and chat rooms and soon found it was far easier to break the ice privately with people I'd interacted with in those spaces.

That's not quite the awkward I mean, I'm talking about the perhaps a bit socially awkward in general sort, especially those of us who are neurodivergent. Believe it or not, I feel I'm pretty awkward af and definitely a little weird but I'm cool with that. I've learned to just own it and embrace it, I like being my sort of weird. 🤷🏻‍♀️

The key is to also be genuine, kind, respectful, own your shit and be willing to learn and grow.

[ge****]

34 minutes ago, ThaliaVirago said:

That's not quite the awkward I mean, I'm talking about the perhaps a bit socially awkward in general sort, especially those of us who are neurodivergent. Believe it or not, I feel I'm pretty awkward af and definitely a little weird but I'm cool with that. I've learned to just own it and embrace it, I like being my sort of weird. 🤷🏻‍♀️

The key is to also be genuine, kind, respectful, own your shit and be willing to learn and grow.

Oh, though I think it can apply to any kind of awkward to be honest - ultimately it still boils down to finding the right approach that's going to generate a response, or at least stand a chance of doing so.
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And the sending the blind messages thing isn't always the way, in fact in my experience it's possibly the most frustrating way.

[Je****]

I have said it a million times over, people will be less inclined to message someone for the sake of it, if Fet done away with those one liners. 

IF they done away with them, people will literally have to generate their own messages and that would be based off potentially why their even messaging?! Now I know it won't rule out those who copy and paste one liners, smut and fantasy stories, or even god forbid dick pics, but if someone has to think of something to write to get your attention, and in a positive way, I think the one liners being gone would be beneficial. I've received 1000s of messages over my time here, and honestly I'd say about 75% are one liners that fet has ready prepared when opening a chat box. It's a waste of time for both parties then in my opinion. And I have a bio to work off. The filters don't always work, and I even have as my limits "people who don't read profiles", which is pointless if someone doesn't read it anyway, but should I not reply and they check me again, perhaps they will read this time. A small amount of times I have had people message one liners, then half hour later apologise because they went back and read my profile, then I have responded to them. Sadly though most efforts are pointless as many just go off photos and don't care for bios. But the rare exception that does, perhaps is a keeper haha.

[Th****]

18 minutes ago, Jeneral_Whore said:

I have said it a million times over, people will be less inclined to message someone for the sake of it, if Fet done away with those one liners. 

IF they done away with them, people will literally have to generate their own messages and that would be based off potentially why their even messaging?! Now I know it won't rule out those who copy and paste one liners, smut and fantasy stories, or even god forbid dick pics, but if someone has to think of something to write to get your attention, and in a positive way, I think the one liners being gone would be beneficial. I've received 1000s of messages over my time here, and honestly I'd say about 75% are one liners that fet has ready prepared when opening a chat box. It's a waste of time for both parties then in my opinion. And I have a bio to work off. The filters don't always work, and I even have as my limits "people who don't read profiles", which is pointless if someone doesn't read it anyway, but should I not reply and they check me again, perhaps they will read this time. A small amount of times I have had people message one liners, then half hour later apologise because they went back and read my profile, then I have responded to them. Sadly though most efforts are pointless as many just go off photos and don't care for bios. But the rare exception that does, perhaps is a keeper haha.

I totally agree those canned messages should be done away with, they're really bad to start with and some are exactly in the same vein as a lot of the ick approaches many take. Luckily I haven't actually received many of them. 

 

If and how I respond to those and other undesirable openers really is dependent on my mood and what their overall profile looks like. A lot of the time I just don't have the bandwidth to deal with it, especially when I'm often met with defensiveness and rude reaponses. I have occasionally been pleasantly surprised after giving sort of a correction and constructive criticism, often enough that I continue. I'm more inclined to give the younger ones a bit of a chance, hoping that it's just a case of "young and dumb" but ultimately a decent human. Realistically, we were all a little dumb when young and still figuring out life. 

[Hal727]

I have found that very early on after someone makes contact, if they haven’t read my profile it becomes obvious. That’s a big red flag, at least to me. When I then ask, why have you not read my profile? They almost always disappear. Usually scammers I expect. Thinking that because I’m an older guy, perhaps I’m lonely and an easy target, which I’m not…lol

[Deleted Member]

Absolutely H, you have the right approach, most of them will try and get you to go to another paysite 'to become special to them', when they couldn't give a sh_t',. H if you are in the UK my experience would say, forget anyone from abroad, outside the UK, they are just scammers or website mols! I have been on two other sites as a paid member and the amount of younger website mols I get hit with is incredible; I just delete and block them. This site is free communication hence why it is popular especially with younger people it seems and, you have to ask yourself why is this so, when all the others charge a fee?? I have also actually had two paid memberships on this site with no better advantage whatsoever, so no more for me.

Lastly , a lot of the women who complain about men; don't pay for membership, expect the men to pay the membership, then just ignore their replies at will, so now I do not write to any woman who can't be bothered to pay for membership; they might think they are important, but they are not, and just a waste of time and effort.

[FETMOD-MB]

A reminder folks - keep things civil or there will be consequences. That means no name-calling, belittling, patronisation, ANY of it.

I'll be cleaning up this thread now. This thread gets back on topic immediately.

[Deleted Member]

I did read on the FBI website that scammers copy and paste profiles especially if they have personal content. So while I totally get a well thought out profile, I prefer interaction above all.

[Deleted Member]

FETMOD-MB, why not make this site pay only. Otherwise no access whatsoever, then only those who are genuine would be here!

[Deleted Member]

2 minutes ago, Justme66 said:

FETMOD-MB, why not make this site pay only. Otherwise no access whatsoever, then only those who are genuine would be here!

Unfortunately, some scammers can still pay. But it might help reduce the influx 🥴

[Deleted Member]

Yes they can, but they will not like doing it because they will have to give legitimate card details to pay,  but having everything for free is a scammer's paradise/playgound!

[Th****]

1 hour ago, 165Sw33t said:

I did read on the FBI website that scammers copy and paste profiles especially if they have personal content. So while I totally get a well thought out profile, I prefer interaction above all.

It's totally possible to have a reasonably well done profile and still be vague enough to protect privacy. 

[ge****]

4 hours ago, Justme66 said:

FETMOD-MB, why not make this site pay only. Otherwise no access whatsoever, then only those who are genuine would be here!

A lot of the pay only sites attract their fair share of scammers too - the cost of paying for access is outweighed by the potential *** they can make, so that wouldn't put them off.
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Then you have the added problem of those members who have paid and then expect to get meets etc *because* they have paid.
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Making a site pay only isn't the answer - people being more wary of scammers and keeping their guard up against them really is the only way, and that can only come from education and people not being so desperate for interaction that they are easily taken in when they get someone contact them.

[ey****]

6 hours ago, Justme66 said:

Yes they can, but they will not like doing it because they will have to give legitimate card details to pay,  but having everything for free is a scammer's paradise/playgound!

I notice you do not have a paid account.  Are you a scammer?

[ey****]

the kinda problem with making access to a site to be pay only, or mandatory verification (excluding when there's a compliance reason) or extra hoops etc isn't that it stops people that users might not feel should be here - but that it creates a barrier to those who should, or we'd like to be here.

Certainly there are some advantages - but for example - some of the pay-only dating sites turned out to be scams - and people are wary about handing over personal data for *** of another Ashley-Maddison-esque leak

But yeah, people with a poor attitude who pay tend to breed entitlement.  We've had this problem on here "I paid for membership I demand you get more women on the site! I haven't got a single date, I want a refund!" - no, this happened! 

Those with a financial interest again they offset outlay versus reward - the Dominatrix Profile on here, for example, isn't that common outside of Germany but is massively popular in Germany because they cost to be here as a source of advertising is worth it.  Mind this is apples and pears in the sense that sex laws in Germany are quite different to UK and US.

And even the scammers. Some will pay people to verify for them given a false positive - or pay themselves - if they're removed from the sites, they'd get a refund on outlay.

When I was going through a lot of newly created accounts the other day, a lot of the "I am a Findom" accounts had VIP profiles - presumably in the hope it gave them legitimacy or made them less likely to be removed.  While they are now removed, they'll not have problems getting a refund (7 day cooling off if nothing else) so the financial outlay isn't an issue. There's nothing to lose.

 

[MisstressStorm]

I don’t pay for a subscription cause I don’t need one. I can chat with people anyway. The area I am conflicted with is posting my photos. It takes time/hard work to produce great images and I’m proud of them as it shows evolution of my particular kink BUT with these images , seems to engender a reaction in some people that is far from positive.

It feels like some individuals use this site for free porn ( a suprise I know 🙄) not for the celebration of Kinkiness and diversity.  There is a vibe of I paid to see pics so the Domme is somehow obliged to engage with anyone who contacts her . Often they try to dictate chat and overlay their kink on your images to fulfil their fantasies. 
 

Maybe education is key. But then again on the academy , a recent post , click bait…. How do you like a Mistress to dress ? ….. an a avalanche of men spewing their fantasies, with the upshot of these men thinking that they have a right to rock up to Dommes accounts wanting that particular itch scratched. 
 

Women are sick of this pursuit and change their behaviour to feel more safe. A beautiful, Domme has changed her account from Domme to Hedonist and reports less harassment . I’m proud of Storm  and all her flaws as she is a product of her experiences, being a Domina is in her DNA ⛈

[Deleted Member]

eyemblacksheep - I notice you do not have a paid account.  Are you a scammer?

Me: Funny man!  But people are entitled to their opinions whether you like it or not....and vice versa here!. But for your information I will waste some breath as they say. Prior to now I have had two, maybe three paid memberships here, one at VIP, but have not been using this site much at all of late, preferring another (as a current paid member!) so no point.  The internet; the web as we know is nowhere near infallible, whatever the site you are on; all you can do is provide 'hurdles' and arrange those as good as can be. In my personal view; pay membership only means everyone is at least equal in membership terms on a similar level; no one gets a 'free lunch'...and guess the refund rule you speak of could be changed to.

You mentioned about 'paying members' as having some sort of 'self-entitlement expectation' complex in respect of others (in your opinion, not necessarily mine or applicable in my case), well on the other sites I have also seen the opposite, non-pay/standard member profiles complaining that...'oh, this site is rubbish..'   'Is there anyone there..' 'this site is dead.'. 'where are all the men..'. and so on. The proverbial shoe is, on the other foot; someone who is relying on someone else to make the effort, pay so they can be contacted for free...what can they expect other than nothing, if nothing is the result?  On another site, if you want to contact free/standard members, you also have to pay a supplement on top of your membership to do this, so you can bet not a lot will.  And, secondly on this point, some perceived 'self entitlement over and, to others' , is a main characteristic of a dom is it not!!  Self-created superiority in the various ways it is enacted, but with one singular aim and result (which could lead me into another 'gripping' debate on when is a dom, a dom or not a dom? Of course, when the fat lady sings! But rather than suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous 'misfortune', I will forgo it ). But if you are in that 'dom' category then you might be looking at a smoking barrel and a hole in the foot yourself to!

Oh and,........greetings from sunny Lagos!!!!

[ey****]

33 minutes ago, Justme66 said:

But people are entitled to their opinions whether you like it or not..

indeed they are  but, yeah - in short it doesn't work because of user doubt and it being a barrier to genuine users.

34 minutes ago, Justme66 said:

and guess the refund rule you speak of could be changed to.

not without consumer rights laws being changed also.

if you pay for an online subscription and do not get said subscription then you are entitled to a refund

38 minutes ago, Justme66 said:

some perceived 'self entitlement over and, to others' , is a main characteristic of a dom is it not!! 

err, no - there's a difference between being a Dominant, even with a structure that prioritises your needs, and being an entitled cunt   

the whole "you might be a Dominant but are not my Dominant" also applies to relationships with websites.