Classification D or s for oral

[th****]

I have a question about just one aspect or type of encounter. I'm a little new, so please don't give me a hard time for being dumb. If my favorite thing is to have a partner tie me down and orally please me, am I a Dom or sub? I know there are different dynamics of course but if you come over to my house, cuff me and blindfold me and edge me forever, who is the Dom and who is the sub? For fun, let's add that I'm only allowed to finish when permitted and I have to warn you if I'm close so that you can slow down, but ruined orgasms are strictly forbidden. Am I being dominated, or is my sub doing my bidding?

[ey****]

not *everything* is D or s

it sounds like you're having sex.

[no****]

You're a bottom.

[Th****]

Topping from the bottom is the phrase id use, their obeying your wishes to satisfy your needs

[Do****]

Personally my guess would be sub. I’m Domme. Being controlled like that is not comfortable for me. Ruined orgasms would be a hard line for you. You’re required to say when you’re close. The Dom is in control of everything else. That’s my guess as I’m a female Domme and edging is something I’d do with a sub, not them with me unless I tell them to but they’re not actually in control of that decision.

[kree90]

Remember that you can be a switch, even with the same partner. Sometimes you take control, sometimes your partner takes control.

[me****]

Does it matter? You have a fantasy that you want to see being fulfilled. But in the way you describe it, your the one in charge and have specific guidelines which to follow up.

[Deleted Member]

This extends to loads of healthy BDSM practices though so maybe it helps to consider other kink things. If I tell you I consent to being caned thoroughly, and you do it to me, and because we are sensible people we have a safeword by which I can opt out at any moment where it stops working for me, the same question applies surely. And there most folks would say I am the sub and you are the dom.

For some of them it's a bit of a grey area but in those situations you describe people would I think tend to say you were being the sub, you are handing the moment-to-moment control over but you retain the control of being allowed to opt out at any time.

Remember, none of this is 'real', it's in a way all just grownups playing games... sometimes for half an hour, sometimes for years!

[th****]

@eyemblacksheep fair enough

[Mi****]

Usually the restrained one is in a submissive position. Sounds like that's what you are from this desc

[Si****]

You are the Dominant. You’re “topping from the bottom”.

[Ma****]

You know there are so many variations that you really shouldn't get hung up on titles. But if I had to label it I'd say you are a switch with bottom tendencies.

[Deleted Member]

I think you’re getting too caught up with labels. Not everything is one or the other. Focus on finding somebody who you feel safe with (and vice-versa) and connect with and then work on the spicy details.

[Da****]

It sounds like people have answered very well. I would agree to not worry about labels. Although it does make it easier to explain to someone who doesn't know you when you have a few labels to throw around.

[ca****]

I would say that in a way (and possibly the most important way) - only you ca answer your won question.............

 

"Am I being dominated, or is my sub doing my bidding?"

 

Do you sense / feel like you are being DOMINATED !!! ??
And, is your sub doing your bidding ?  (by the sounds of it they are)

[Th****]

Ugh, I wish I could have commented earlier when Eyem was the only comment but I wasn't nearly awake enough yet. 

D/s involves power exchange, it's a negated dynamic where one partner has more authority than the other. Not all kink and bdsm has to involve power exchange. Topping and bottoming are separate from Dominant and submissive, as acts aren't inherently dominant or submissive, anyone can like giving or receiving whatever and still be a D type, s type or switch. 

Personally I would argue that "bedroom only" isn't actually a D/s dynamic. 

A few have suggested that what you describe would be "topping from the bottom". I disagree, I'll explain why in a bit, in a separate comment after the coffee has kicked in more. 

 

**Edit... I'll likely go back and address others' comments directly as well. *Sigh* bums me out when I don't get to chime in as the conversation goes and play catch-up with several comments at once. 

Edited August 2, 2023 by ThaliaVirago

[Th****]

2 hours ago, notick said:

You're a bottom.

Possibly or potentially but not necessarily. More information and context would be needed to determine if they are *a* bottom or if they are simply *the* bottom in this particular scenario. 

 

@therxiscats2022 if your practice is "bedroom only" I would consider you to definitely be the bottom here with ruined orgasms being a hard limit. If you're bedroom only and alternate between being the doer and the receiver of actions then I'd consider you to be a top/bottom switch if you feel you must but a label to things.

However... depending on the rest of your dynamic, if you were in one, this scene could be that of a submissive with a hard limit of no ruined orgasms *or* that of a Dominant bottom or Dominant switch with the hard limit of no ruined orgasms. 

I do agree with other commenters that sometimes people get too hung up on labels and how other people might define roles and it's not that serious. I'm not really a fan of labeling and forcing ourselves into boxes but I do feel there is some value there when trying to communicate and describe our preferences to an extent. 

[Da****]

In that particular scenario, I would say that you're a sub.

[th****]

Thank you @ThaliaVirago, I agree labels are dumb, it's more interesting to see how it all plays out!

[De****]

Power bottom

[Tr****]

I had this same thought not too long ago actually lol because I love having that done to me, and i definitely categorize it as sub because I am handing over complete control to my partner, because i am trusting them with me in that state where i am *** and ***, and of course you want the big finish after all that edging because a little fyi for those who don't know, blue balls is a thing! And i don't consent to that level of *** lol

[UR****]

Your the sub. And a naughty one for questioning

[Je****]

Sounds a little switchy :)

[xc****]

you’re a sub because you’re relinquishing control.

[Shananddr]

Leading a bit from the bottom it sounds like…