Am I a submissive?

[Deleted Member]

Hi there,

 

New here, new to the whole BDSM.  Need to ask you wise people how I could tell if I am a submissive and how to explore this side of me. I’ve been brought up in a prude environment but really really get turned on when watching BDSM stuff. I don’t like *** and I have a very controlling personality, yet I love watching videos with women being dominated and imagining what it would feel like if this was done on me, if someone took my control away. This is so confusing and it’s not like I can ask my very vanilla partner ‘Hey, would you mind trying on me these pair of handcuffs I bought whilst grocery shopping yesterday ?’. On top of this, I am so ***y shy. 

 

Any opinions most welcome.

 

Alena

 

[typhoon2]

Many submissves and bottoms - male and female - cite their desire to give up control, to stop making decisions, to forget about being in charge for a while as a contrast to their normal lives. There is no one tried and tested way to engage a partner in kink, but you may want to watch a film together or bring up a magazine article or webpage and invite comment on a kinky aspect - a maid being ordered about in your case or a female suspect being dragged into the police station in handcuffs. mention that you find it strangely arousing and see where the conversation leads...

[Deleted Member]

I agree with everything that Typhoon has said, so the only thing I can reiterate is that you just have to communicate and experiment, but always remember your safeties

[Dom632]

good replies

[KYOGO]

maybe you can start with watching soft bdsm like fifty shades of grey together, and get your partner into it. or some roleplay ? to try it out~

[Lascivity]

It sounds like you fit the definition for a submissive. But, more than that, you are if you decide that you are. There's really no set of criteria to call yourself by that label; so even if it's just a vague inkling you have, that counts.

As to how to make some of those ideas into a reality... that's a tough one. A speculative conversation ("What do you think of...") is always a good place to start...

[MistressAri-8153]

I think that submissive is such a broad term it is hard to know. In my experience there are two general categories: Lifestyle submissive and sexual submissive. 

Lifestyle submissives want to live 24/7 as a slave, belong to someone, serving someone, almost being downgraded to property, completely surrendering their freedoms regardless of sex. That is what my sub is. 

Sexual submissives, meanwhile, are more focused on the sex element, and once the sex stops they switch back to their real life. 

Both are delicious, and exploration is the only way to see where you belong on the spectrum.