When is a sub not a sub…?

[Fa****]

Read my profile, engage with me, look at my comments on forums and you’ll see that I identify as a sub with a masochistic streak and brattish tendencies.

I also acknowledge that I feel life would be easier if I had dominant traits, but I don’t and I have no intention whatsoever of trying to change that part of me. If it so happens that I evolve and change then so be it but I somehow can’t envisage that.

To me my submissive side is that which doesn’t have to make decisions. The side of me that gets to drop her guard and feel free from everyday life and the need to be strong and worry about everyone else. It’s the side of me that allows me to feel and enjoy and escape.

The D type to my s side understands this. He knows that I am strong and capable in everyday life and he enjoys that. He knows that my vulnerabilities are hidden behind some pretty dense armour and he takes the time to work through that. He understands that what I may seem to the outside world and what I really am can be two very different things and accepts both of them and pushes me to give all of myself.

Now, whilst my vulnerabilities are strongly protected my sub side is most definitely not. I scream it with everything I write. So, when someone has the audacity to come into my inbox and not only accuse me (as if it’s a bad thing) off being a Dom, but actually tell me that I’m not submissive I get somewhat irritated. When they then follow that up by explaining they’ve read my whole profile and I ought to delete and rewrite my “about me” to (and I paraphrase) attract the correct people I get seriously p*ssed off.

Firstly, who I am and how I chose to identify has nothing to do with anyone other than me (and those I choose to engage with).

Secondly, I did not request your advice.

Thirdly, there is more than one way to submit or be a submissive. Just because my way doesn’t align with yours doesn’t mean mine is wrong and yours is right or vice versa.

I get that you were trying to “help” but you didn’t, mainly because I didn’t ask for help.

I will continue to do me and my submission in my own way and I shall leave you to yours.

But for the record, many people have read my “about me” yet I believe you are the first person to assume I’m not what I say I am. I’m not sure why that may be the case but I think it speaks more about you than me.

In answer to the question, when is a sub not a sub? When they decide they aren’t and not when someone else says so.

Love,

X

[Ne****]

I appreciate this post very much & am sorry for the negative experience that spurred it. Thank You for sharing your thoughts (and with an apt description of how I myself think on several points.) 👏🏽

[1B****]

@FatefulDestiny, I have read your profile, and in My opinion, you have all the right “stuff” for a suitable submissive: smart, confident, a Sapio, a little bit of sassy but willing to completely submit to the right Dominant. The kind of submissive any Dominant would be content with, and I have over 20 years experience both professionally and personally as a Dominant. Just know that the One that captures you gets a real treasure! Love you! 💕

[gi****]

3 minutes ago, 1BlondeBombshell said:

@FatefulDestiny, I have read your profile, and in My opinion, you have all the right “stuff” for a suitable submissive: smart, confident, a Sapio, a little bit of sassy but willing to completely submit to the right Dominant. The kind of submissive any Dominant would be content with, and I have over 20 years experience both professionally and personally as a Dominant. Just know that the One that captures you gets a real treasure! Love you! 💕

I’m in absolute agreement.  @FatefulDestiny, any dominant who takes the time to get to know you; see, hear, and understand you; and works to develop the safety and trust with you to allow your authentic self to emerge will truly have the honor of experiencing a wonderful submissive.  You have every right to share your submission with those you choose.  Thank you for sharing these powerful insights.

[Ri****]

As a rule thumb I find it much more satisfying to have a string willed and smart woman kneel than someone who actively and immediately gives up their mind. It's like taking a wolf as opposed to a dog. The analogy is a little off but I don't think the meaning is lost. You're a fine submissive and should find someone with hands strong enough to grip your leash. That's my own perspective though

[Pl****]

Any Dom would be lucky to have someone like you. F this idiots who think they have it all figured out. I don’t ever want my subs to be anything but strong willed and have a mind of their own. Please don’t change.

[Fa****]

You guys are amazing. Thank you so much, I didn’t expect comments like this and I’m truly overwhelmed by them.

 Thank you xx

[ge****]

You know what FD? I don't think I've ever properly read your profile, but your post prompted me to, and honestly anyone not understanding who you are, what you desire and which side of the slash you sit obviously hasn't read it properly.
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Sadly in this Internet world there are too many willing to tell you what *they* want you to be, rather than accepting who *you* want to be, but remember by doing so, they're just showing their incompatibility as well as showing themselves up for their own lack of understanding.
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You keep doing you, and pay no heed to those that really don't matter

[Ericaslave]

You do you ! There are as many ways to be a sub or slave or pet or whatever else as there are people. You are you. And pissed off I would be too. I tend to be submissive with men and dominant with women. Yet I truly identify as submissive. Bad submissive, I think not ! Just my kind of submissive. Congrats for not letting some bad dom define you ! Keep up your strength and pride in who you are !

[Do****]

I have read a lot of your comments on various subjects and your profile more than once. You express your feelings and desires with a freshness and openness that I'm sure many wish they could emulate. I'm newish here but I thought this site was about the acceptance of people as they are. The recognition that we are all individuals to be respected, regardless of kinks or fetishes. From that perspective, I do not understand why anyone feels they have the right to criticise or attempt to change someone. I look forward to reading your next comments. I also knew that after the hiatus the storm would rage.

[Deleted Member]

*mic drop* Perfectly said and written, my sub friend. You go girl 🙌🏾.

[Da****]

Dear FatefulDestiny, you so know exactly who you are💯🙏
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I honour your sovereignty.
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You're right to be mindful of those who try to teach without first understanding, and ever so much more mindfulof those who weren't even invited to do so.
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I've read quite a few things you've written and your toil with it all, with all of you (in the way of 'It's hard being me, but it's impossible being anyone else.') is inspirational.

[Su****]

🔥🫡👑

[Brooksong]

I read your profile. Have not followed your writings really. But, if someone is telling you how to project yourself...ignore them. No one should yuck your yum. No one can define you but you. And no one should give you unsolicited advice. All these things are signs, imho, that the person that does so...has issues and it speaks of them...not of you. You do you and stay strong in your views of yourself. No one knows you like you know you. And, yes, you have a right to be irritated when others try to tell you what you are and how to be. You are you...and that is defined by you alone. Keep your head high and know that there is nothing wrong with that. It is beautiful and the "right" Dom will see it and appreciate you for it.

[Ve****]

I relate to you and admire your self awareness.

[Deleted Member]

As a brat who also does sub in her own way that doesn't fit the stereotypical definition I could not agree more with this! Those who don't understand and aren't willing to are worth your time or head space

[Deleted Member]

This post reflects my experience exactly, and I am sorry it happened to you, I suspect it is a very common thing for us Subs. 

I am quite assertive and independent in day to day life, do not like being told what to do and quite frankly I can be a stressbag and a control freak, and precisely BECAUSE of all of that I feel the need to relinquish all control in other areas, namely sex. This is so normal and common that anyone calling us "not a sub" because of our everyday behaviour needs to go back and learn the very basics. This is why the powerful guy in a suit pays a domme to humiliate him. This is why high pressured career people want to be littles and be taken care of. It is such basic human psychology, to need that balance.  Also this is a typical exchange for me on fetish sites:

Him- Hi slut, I am X. Submit to me. I want to see your body.

Me- Hello to you too, and a bit early for that?

Him-Here is my D . Now SHOW ME 

Me- Nope, this is not how I work, you want to dom me, earn it

Him- YOU ARE NOT A SUB. 

C'mon guys, really?? 

 

[MasterDarcy1979]

(Weird. I thought that I already commented on this post)

The more pertinent question is "When Is a Dominant not a Dominant?"

A good Dominant would never initiate contact with an accusations that you aren't what you portray yourself as. A good Dominant would never make you doubt your role.

The Dominant who messaged you is obviously threatened by you. He's insecure and he's clearly unable to Dominate a strong, intelligent and a willfully submissive.

These types of people don't deserve attention.

Personally, I'm a demisexual so a strong, willful and intelligent submissive is a requisite.

Controlling an intelligent and sharp mind is an achievement.

[Fa****]

4 hours ago, MasterDarcy1979 said:

(Weird. I thought that I already commented on this post)

The more pertinent question is "When Is a Dominant not a Dominant?"

A good Dominant would never initiate contact with an accusations that you aren't what you portray yourself as. A good Dominant would never make you doubt your role.

The Dominant who messaged you is obviously threatened by you. He's insecure and he's clearly unable to Dominate a strong, intelligent and a willfully submissive.

These types of people don't deserve attention.

Personally, I'm a demisexual so a strong, willful and intelligent submissive is a requisite.

Controlling an intelligent and sharp mind is an achievement.

I’m sure you had. Don’t know where it’s gone. 

[kitty63]

It’s a shame that some people can’t be more civil and respectful. i guess this place serves different purposes for different folk. Unsolicited advice is such a *** to deal with, tho. i feel for you. They were totally out of order

[Msfergz]

Ohh how I resonate with this .. I stumbled into this journey only 18 months ago. At first I received some similar comments, coupled with my own battles of learning was a submissive (while been a strong independent female) was an emotional rollercoaster.

I was lucky enough to have a Dom who refused labels, who didn't try to mould me to be something I am not, balanced by strong side and submission need to make me a better version of self

Being introduced to a community that rids it self of societies chastity belt is so refreshing... But pockets still remain of judgement/labels etc. That's such a shame.

I like you are very strong willed, know what I need from a dynamic
My submission is a gift ,likely even more so because of my personality , like yours and isn't easily given, in my opinion is truest of submissives under right guidance/hand

P.s My hate is being messaged disrespectfully because I am a sub so up for anything and also term brat .... Scenic route to good girl definitely