In cognito Scenes, Relationships

[Ne****]

For those who may play without ever revealing their faces, how do you build trust? Is it built at all? What sorts of conversations do you have with potentials? Do you/how do you let partners know that it’s You? Is safety and concern for being duped high concerns?

[Th****]

Is this strictly online/long distance or in person too?

[peavley]

As we Englishman would say" To whom am I speaking to"? You must know who and what person you are addressing is their real face .

[Ne****]

9 minutes ago, ThaliaVirago said:

Is this strictly online/long distance or in person too?

Thanks for the question of clarification! I were asking of in-person.

[ge****]

It tends to be a thing that over time trust is built sufficiently to feel comfortable to share a face picture (which if you're going to meet in person is obviously going to happen anyway, so pointless withholding a pic once that's decided) - that trust can be built in many ways, ongoing conversations with no red flags being one of them, gut instinct being another, just generally getting a "feel" for the other person etc

[Ne****]

3 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

It tends to be a thing that over time trust is built sufficiently to feel comfortable to share a face picture (which if you're going to meet in person is obviously going to happen anyway, so pointless withholding a pic once that's decided) - that trust can be built in many ways, ongoing conversations with no red flags being one of them, gut instinct being another, just generally getting a "feel" for the other person etc

No, no. People who don’t intend to reveal their face. In-person interaction wherein one or more parties never reveals their identity.

[typhoon2]

Unless we meet at an event and engage in pick-up play, any prospective playmate is always met in a vanilla setting first; somewhere public where either party can easily leave, where there is safety and security, and where initial feeling can be ascertained. One can confirm that they match their photos (even if no face photo has been supplied). Once can read body language. Only then do I move onto play, with both parties confident of trustworthiness. Gut feelings during online discourse usually weed out unlikely candidates but nothing replaces looking into their eyes, listening to impromptu ratehr than scripted or carefully-considered replies and general tells from personal interaction.

By this stage we'd usually have discussed common ground, agreed safety measures and generally ascertained that we were a good fit. It's common to ask similar questions to what had been discussed online or to expand on stated scenarios and anecdotes, just to confirm that their story remains the same. This builds on the gut feeling that is the basis of trust online. It's possible to sound them out ('vetting') by asking event organisers or mutual friends about the person but that's not always easy or desirable since one person's opinion can be positive but wholly at odds with another's.

[Ne****]

3 minutes ago, typhoon2 said:

Unless we meet at an event and engage in pick-up play, any prospective playmate is always met in a vanilla setting first; somewhere public where either party can easily leave, where there is safety and security, and where initial feeling can be ascertained. One can confirm that they match their photos (even if no face photo has been supplied). Once can read body language. Only then do I move onto play, with both parties confident of trustworthiness. Gut feelings during online discourse usually weed out unlikely candidates but nothing replaces looking into their eyes, listening to impromptu ratehr than scripted or carefully-considered replies and general tells from personal interaction.

By this stage we'd usually have discussed common ground, agreed safety measures and generally ascertained that we were a good fit. It's common to ask similar questions to what had been discussed online or to expand on stated scenarios and anecdotes, just to confirm that their story remains the same. This builds on the gut feeling that is the basis of trust online. It's possible to sound them out ('vetting') by asking event organisers or mutual friends about the person but that's not always easy or desirable since one person's opinion can be positive but wholly at odds with another's.

All of that is great for typical meetups and such and of course I’m aware of how those things go. I’m asking about the situations wherein the whole point is “anonymous interaction”.. masks/hoods… identities aren’t revealed….

[Th****]

4 minutes ago, NexumSange said:

No, no. People who don’t intend to reveal their face. In-person interaction wherein one or more parties never reveals their identity.

Not something I'd be interested in at all quite frankly. I feel it would be outside of my risk profile. 

[Ne****]

7 minutes ago, ThaliaVirago said:

Not something I'd be interested in at all quite frankly. I feel it would be outside of my risk profile. 

Certainly. I just know it exists and maybe I’m not using correct terminology. I’m just curious as to how people meander [safely] within such a dynamic.

[ge****]

12 minutes ago, NexumSange said:

No, no. People who don’t intend to reveal their face. In-person interaction wherein one or more parties never reveals their identity.

Oh you mean not reveal their face at all? Not ever, even in person? Then sorry can't help with that one, not something I personally would indulge in for so many reasons.

[Ne****]

4 minutes ago, gemini_man said:

Oh you mean not reveal their face at all? Not ever, even in person? Then sorry can't help with that one, not something I personally would indulge in for so many reasons.

I’m just looking for information. I *know* it’s a thing that exists LOL

[Ne****]

So hey, I know this has so many inherent issues and there’s bound to be nefarious characters involved/wanting to be involved in such a thing. The potential is super high for terribleness. I’m not seeking this arrangement nor promoting it. Simply I am broaching a subject that came to mind (mostly gleaned from movies haha) but I’m sure there are folks in places like this that have knowledge on it, so I’ve posed the queries.
Thanks, everyone. 🤘🏽

[typhoon2]

Now that it's established that identities are masked - akin to a kinky Masquerade Ball? - I'd suggest that a third party vets both parties and facilitates the interaction or it's done at a party or event where there are people to oversee, respond to ***s, etc.

[Ne****]

5 minutes ago, typhoon2 said:

Now that it's established that identities are masked - akin to a kinky Masquerade Ball? - I'd suggest that a third party vets both parties and facilitates the interaction or it's done at a party or event where there are people to oversee, respond to ***s, etc.

I’d imagine, hosted parties would have these things in place under SSC guidelines…

[Mi****]

It’s risky AF and you are putting yourself in potential danger if you do indulge.

[Ne****]

53 minutes ago, PervyPenelope said:

It’s risky AF and you are putting yourself in potential danger if you do indulge.

Of course. Although, as a woman and with the life I’ve experienced, not much more risky than oh I don’t know, existing? Ok, ok, I know that was somewhat unreasonable and certainly for the sake of *this* topic (despite being true, at least for me.)

Do I really need be the one to include all the disclaimers as to why even considering such scenarios is well unsafe and a bit whackadoodle? Maybe. Thankfully, folks here are chiming in to do exactly that, so thank you. Again, I’m simply asking questions for my own curiosity. ✌🏽

[Mi****]

59 minutes ago, NexumSange said:

Of course. Although, as a woman and with the life I’ve experienced, not much more risky than oh I don’t know, existing? Ok, ok, I know that was somewhat unreasonable and certainly for the sake of *this* topic (despite being true, at least for me.)

Do I really need be the one to include all the disclaimers as to why even considering such scenarios is well unsafe and a bit whackadoodle? Maybe. Thankfully, folks here are chiming in to do exactly that, so thank you. Again, I’m simply asking questions for my own curiosity. ✌🏽

No worries, sweet. Just be safe 😘

[Ne****]

35 minutes ago, PervyPenelope said:

No worries, sweet. Just be safe 😘

Thanks for looking out and being a sound voice here too. ❤️‍🔥

[Pi****]

Sounds like you’re talking about grindr hookups or glory holes.

[Ne****]

32 minutes ago, PillowPrincess1 said:

Sounds like you’re talking about grindr hookups or glory holes.

I do not participate in either of those things yet I’m definitely not talking about nor referring to glory holes.

[Mi****]

This isn’t my thing either but I also know it exists. I’ve seen blindfold parties as an example.

[Ne****]

33 minutes ago, MinnesotaMinx said:

This isn’t my thing either but I also know it exists. I’ve seen blindfold parties as an example.

That’s more in line with to what I’m referring, I think. 🤷🏻‍♀️😊

[ey****]

so this year I played with two people who don't show face *online* 

but both show face in person

there were a lot of ways it was easy to build trust such as in our interactions and mutual friends who could vouch for us both

-

someone not showing face during play is a different kinda power dynamic (intentionally or not) that I'm not sure I could get behind 

[Ne****]

1 hour ago, eyemblacksheep said:

so this year I played with two people who don't show face *online* 

but both show face in person

there were a lot of ways it was easy to build trust such as in our interactions and mutual friends who could vouch for us both

-

someone not showing face during play is a different kinda power dynamic (intentionally or not) that I'm not sure I could get behind 

It’s a very specific sort of perhaps cinematic fantasy thing I’m thinking and not anything I’m into either.. it’s just bugging me that I have questions and few answers regarding it.🤷🏻‍♀️