Love and The Dynamic.

[Deleted Member]

Is this possible?

Can the two live side by side or is love....

The the feeling of longing, devotion, needing, wanting...

How does one distinguish between the two?

[DeviantInside]

Yes it is absolutely possible.

As to the other… that’s a rather more philosophical question and brighter people than I have argued over what love is and how to tell it apart…

(Resisting the urge to launch into a rendition of “if it’s love, and it really is, it’s there in his kiss”)

[ge****]

Of course they can live side by side - a dynamic is essentially a relationship so love can of course come into it - in fact in some respects for a full D/s dynamic (as opposed to kink play in one off/occasional situations) to work I'd argue that a degree of love or at least affection is an essential ingredient.
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It may be a different kind of love from a traditional vanilla relationship, but it's still love

[DeviantInside]

4 minutes ago, DeviantInside said:

Yes it is absolutely possible.

As to the other… that’s a rather more philosophical question and brighter people than I have argued over what love is and how to tell it apart…

(Resisting the urge to launch into a rendition of “if it’s love, and it really is, it’s there in his kiss”)

But from personal experience all my relationships have been both relationship and dynamic intertwined. It’s never been a role just a part of the relationship, where the dynamic is always there but not always played upon. I’ve never felt the need to prove my dominance and don’t worry about if something fits the role… it’s just a part of the relationship, which also includes all the aspects of a vanilla relationship.

[St****]

1 hour ago, DeviantInside said:

Yes it is absolutely possible.

As to the other… that’s a rather more philosophical question and brighter people than I have argued over what love is and how to tell it apart…

(Resisting the urge to launch into a rendition of “if it’s love, and it really is, it’s there in his kiss”)

I thought you were going to launch into a rendition of "what is love" by Haddaway which sadly now is the earworm of the day.

[St****]

I think the two dynamics are definitely possible and I think it can make it stronger but it requires at communication and understanding boundaries, and most of all trust.

 And on a sidenote I love the idea of a safeword outside of the bedroom in case my partner is feeling uncomfortable in a situation in public.

[Se****]

I don’t necessarily need to be in love with someone for a D/s dynamic but the possibility needs to be there.

For me, a relationship and a D/s dynamic are intrinsically linked. I haven’t been able to have a D/s dynamic where there hasn’t been the possibility of an actual relationship outside of this and ergo, love.

Strangely though I could do a vanilla type relationship and love and not require (but sorely miss) the D/s element.

I have no interest in pick up play or play partners. I am very guilty of developing feelings and emotions far too quickly and whilst I am learning to slow down I most certainly do not want to disconnect the 2.

I want to fall in love, have the fairy tale romance AND have the deliciousness of D/s that may be incorporated (but likely not to the M/s extreme) into my day to day life.

(What I’m trying to explain is much more obvious in the fiction I read - anyone further interested try the Masters and Mercenaries series by Lexi Blake). 

Edited November 14, 2023 by FatefulDestiny
Fat fingers 🤦🏼‍♀️

[Si****]

6 hours ago, DeviantInside said:

But from personal experience all my relationships have been both relationship and dynamic intertwined. It’s never been a role just a part of the relationship, where the dynamic is always there but not always played upon. I’ve never felt the need to prove my dominance and don’t worry about if something fits the role… it’s just a part of the relationship, which also includes all the aspects of a vanilla relationship.

I couldn’t agree more…

[Do****]

Is it as simple as lust and love? Is the Dynamic you seek pure lust which for many people leads into a longer lasting love for each other? Maybe to seek simultaneous development is too great an expectation? I'm sorry to answer a question with questions. Many dynamics involve a great deal of trust again does trust equal love? Your question triggered these questions when I read it, I apologise for my answer being so vague.

[Deleted Member]

On 11/14/2023 at 1:04 PM, gemini_man said:

Of course they can live side by side - a dynamic is essentially a relationship so love can of course come into it - in fact in some respects for a full D/s dynamic (as opposed to kink play in one off/occasional situations) to work I'd argue that a degree of love or at least affection is an essential ingredient.
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It may be a different kind of love from a traditional vanilla relationship, but it's still love

What difference do you speak of please? I do understand, love can creep into any relationship, unwanted, sort after or needed but...  It's the different kind of love that causes the conflict in my mind.

Maybe the question I should be asking is, Do I want to be loved as a sub first or as a partner/girlfriend first....

 

To those who have found love, If there were no dynamins, would you still love?

Or, have the foundations, to which the relationship has been built, only enabled the possibility? 

[DeviantInside]

10 minutes ago, LaylaNess said:

What difference do you speak of please? I do understand, love can creep into any relationship, unwanted, sort after or needed but...  It's the different kind of love that causes the conflict in my mind.

Maybe the question I should be asking is, Do I want to be loved as a sub first or as a partner/girlfriend first....

 

To those who have found love, If there were no dynamins, would you still love?

Or, have the foundations, to which the relationship has been built, only enabled the possibility? 

I find this a little hard to disambiguate. For me the dynamic is a part of our relationship. But so is enjoying their company, making each other laugh etc etc etc. Kink is a part of who I am, and the same for my partner, not just roles we play, but also not solely what defines who we are, as individuals or as a couple. So to imagine if the relationship would work without kink is trying to imagine if I wasn’t me or if I was different and so were they then would it work… I don’t know that I can answer one way or another.

[DeviantInside]

1 minute ago, DeviantInside said:

I find this a little hard to disambiguate. For me the dynamic is a part of our relationship. But so is enjoying their company, making each other laugh etc etc etc. Kink is a part of who I am, and the same for my partner, not just roles we play, but also not solely what defines who we are, as individuals or as a couple. So to imagine if the relationship would work without kink is trying to imagine if I wasn’t me or if I was different and so were they then would it work… I don’t know that I can answer one way or another.

Basically it has helped form the people that we are, and that’s the person I love.

[ge****]

22 hours ago, LaylaNess said:

What difference do you speak of please? I do understand, love can creep into any relationship, unwanted, sort after or needed but...  It's the different kind of love that causes the conflict in my mind.

Maybe the question I should be asking is, Do I want to be loved as a sub first or as a partner/girlfriend first....

 

To those who have found love, If there were no dynamins, would you still love?

Or, have the foundations, to which the relationship has been built, only enabled the possibility? 

I think "love" can take many different forms, and also be a very subjective thing, and a lot of it will be guided by individual relationships and dynamics, which further adds to the complexities of defining what love is.
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I do think though it's entirely possible to have a loving BDSM relationship without necessarily having the "traditional" more romantic trappings of a vanilla one - where the submission or dominance of the other is at the root of the love - if that makes sense?

[Deleted Member]

On 11/19/2023 at 6:19 PM, gemini_man said:

I think "love" can take many different forms, and also be a very subjective thing, and a lot of it will be guided by individual relationships and dynamics, which further adds to the complexities of defining what love is.
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I do think though it's entirely possible to have a loving BDSM relationship without necessarily having the "traditional" more romantic trappings of a vanilla one - where the submission or dominance of the other is at the root of the love - if that makes sense?

Yes, I think so. Love yes, just maybe a different, unknown (to me) kind of  love.

[na****]

For those who have experienced it. To love is to love. Being in love is to be in love ❤️ Love does NOT have or hold a vanilla or kink separation. It’s ridiculous to suggest so. The want of feeling, longing, devotion, needing and wanting can be experienced in many dynamics and relationships. This does not have to equate to love.

[Chloebear]

Of course you can have both, and they can be complimentary. A healthy, long term dynamic is one that has mutual devotion imo, and what is love if not devotion? Real love, long term, is growing and learning together, sharing goals, supporting each other. All these are parts of a dynamic too. Whilst the emotion you feel over the course of a relationship shifts into different types of love, perhaps the style of your dynamic will also shift, but they can absolutely coexist. Equally you can be closely bonded without love if that’s your style, or separate kink and romance entirely. It’s about finding someone who has the same outlook and desires as you.