Tips - Navigating submission if you’re the more experienced partner

[Al****]

I know that I want to explore my naturally submissive side in my dating life. But I feel like I’m the experienced one sexually - especially when it comes to kinky desires - which makes me feel like I need to take control which is inherently not submissive. Does anyone have any tips to navigate this? I’m new to this scene so apologies if this is a dumb questionn!

[ge****]

The key is to seek those that are equally or more experienced in D/s as you are - which obviously is a good reason for being on sites like this.
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Also key is you yourself having a good idea of what both submission and dominance mean to you, and what your desires, wants, hopes and expectations are beyond the simple act of wanting to explore your submission - for example what kind of submissive do you think you are? What activities specifically would you be interested in exploring? What are your limits and boundaries etc?
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It's important to understand yourself as much as it is to understand what you're looking for in others.
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Being from a large city like Boston I'd also recommend getting along to any local munches and kink events happening - not with an expectation of meeting someone or anything happening but purely to interact with others who have similar interests.

[Deleted Member]

Having been the inexperienced Dominant to a very experienced sub, I’d say you don’t need to take control per se, but do suggest research and reading. Good YouTube videos Miss ElleX is Amazing!! For both new and experienced Doms and subs!
Answer their questions and let them know some things you would enjoy doing for them. Give them the opportunity to make suggestions and small rules to boost confidence in themselves soon in the dynamic. I had just one small rule at first but it was something I needed in any relationship and it was empowering that my sub did my task daily.
Be clear on your limits and be sure they are very clear that they should take it slow and see what works for them.

[s_****]

in addition to the ideas above:
teaching your skills, sharing your experience, and/or taking a more active role in scenes and sexual encounters can all come from and be done in a submissive mindset. you and your potential partner can brainstorm fun ways to do this!
maybe it's a weekly homework exercise for you to research and report to your dom on a specific kink or technique. maybe you have to write about your previous experience for them, either as an educational essay or a fictionalised erotica story. maybe you can use your experience to give them extra helpful feedback after a session, earning a special reward.
however you go with it, the important thing is that you feel comfortable and have fun together - and there are no hard rules for how to achieve that.
(and that's not a dumb question at all! asking about such things is exactly what this community is for)

[mi****]

You should both dominate a third where you can guide by example. Seeing him dominate someone less experienced could be what both of you need to ease into your newer roles together

[RainbowTea]

I second the replies to suggest research and reading to them to help bring them up to s***d on what to expect or help them learn where they fit and what they want. That way they can do all that in their own time and figure things out for themselves, and you don't have to "direct" them. Also ofc discuss and negotiate the things you want in a dynamic. And if they show NO interest in learning and growing as a Dom whatsoever and don't want to do the research - RUN. That's a red flag for a poor Dom. They also most likely don't actually wanna be a Dom, they just want to be a Top. Which is fine for sex, not so much for an actual dynamic. I speak from experience that just because someone calls themselves a Dom doesn't mean they really want to Dom you. They may just wanna be a Top during sex and that's it. Which doesn't work for having a dynamic outside of the bedroom.

[ol****]

On 1/9/2024 at 8:29 AM, RainbowTea said:

... And if they show NO interest in learning and growing as a Dom whatsoever and don't want to do the research - RUN. That's a red flag for a poor Dom. They also most likely don't actually wanna be a Dom, they just want to be a Top. Which is fine for sex, not so much for an actual dynamic. I speak from experience that just because someone calls themselves a Dom doesn't mean they really want to Dom you. They may just wanna be a Top during sex and that's it. Which doesn't work for having a dynamic outside of the bedroom.

This is so true. In fact it's perhaps answered a question i've been asked in another place.

Edited January 14, 2024 by oldfellow

[Mim1666]

On 1/9/2024 at 8:29 AM, RainbowTea said:

 And if they show NO interest in learning and growing as a Dom whatsoever and don't want to do the research - RUN. That's a red flag for a poor Dom. They also most likely don't actually wanna be a Dom, they just want to be a Top. Which is fine for sex, not so much for an actual dynamic. I speak from experience that just because someone calls themselves a Dom doesn't mean they really want to Dom you. They may just wanna be a Top during sex and that's it. Which doesn't work for having a dynamic outside of the bedroom.

I have been through this one.  Once they find out what is involved then they seem to run themselves.  That tells me all I need to know, my experiene and time would have been wasted.  Just wish they had never wasted my time in the first place.  

[RainbowTea]

On 3/2/2024 at 12:37 PM, Mim1666 said:

I have been through this one.  Once they find out what is involved then they seem to run themselves.  That tells me all I need to know, my experiene and time would have been wasted.  Just wish they had never wasted my time in the first place.  

Yup, exact same experience. After they started to learn what actually being a Dom and being in a committed dynamic meant, they ran. They were only interested in casual FWBs and only wanted to "Dom" during seggs and that was it. Was a total waste of 3 months trying to encourage them to start actually Domming while trying to avoid "topping from the bottom" and felt like pulling teeth.

[1V****]

I love being woke up that way. Or cuddling in bed naked and she wants to hold it to go to sleep.

[Deleted Member]

This has been so hard!