ThePhoenix Posted January 13 Posted January 13 Feeling mighty envious when I read and hear about the submissives that have a Dom that treats them with respect, respects their limits and boundaries and cares about their mental and physical health. They have a happy and healthy D/s dynamic even those that aren't 24/7. I've been on this journey for a year now and still seeking the elusive ole school-experienced Dom. I've been used, and ***d and those times when I thought I'd found my Dom, lasted a matter of weeks as family, work or his mental health came in between. There are so many fake and bedroom Doms out there, that I'm vetting and quickly picking up the red flags. I've been a member of numerous BDSM/ fetish and even swinger sites. Many are toxic and are certainly to be avoided by new submissives. Even on here I've been lied to and used and getting very close to thinking he's not out there, well, at least not close enough to me where we can have a healthy, fun D/s dynamic. So for those that have their Dom - a good one. Hold on to him tight, as they are a rare breed.
Jo**** Posted January 13 Posted January 13 Sorry people are doing that to you that is not right at all
al**** Posted January 13 Posted January 13 You need to find a pleasure Dom the respect and care for there partner and respect all boundaries, needs and desires above all 🌹 Good luck
Li**** Posted January 13 Posted January 13 I'm sorry your search has lead to such experiences. Thank you for sharing. It can help others and put things into perspective. While it's easier said than done, stay hopeful.
vi**** Posted January 13 Posted January 13 Yeah thats all we can do and keep on trying but at times is just just 🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽
Puppy6411 Posted January 13 Posted January 13 Unfortunately there is a world of difference between "a" and "your " on both sides of the slash, when we consider what we are seeking it really is a needle in a haystack.
Ri**** Posted January 13 Posted January 13 Sorry you’ve had that experience. The challenge is meeting a person whose needs match equally with our own. However, this is never an excuse to use, *** and ignore limits that have been put in place. That’s not D/s that’s just ignorance and arrogance and lack of self awareness and respect. I hope you get to find your D, and to be their s, rather a D, who can’t respect or understand the dynamic from both sides of the coin.
Ch**** Posted January 13 Posted January 13 Well said. From the dom's perspective I have the same experience. The vast majority of the subs I have interacted with are fake. They never go beyond texting, avoiding meetings and finally dissappear... I am really thinking to delete my account. Is meaningless
BigsimonH Posted January 14 Posted January 14 I think the main problem here is, generally the guys here in these sites are literally ass missing desperados and low grade people so it’s highly and likely that the chances are extremely low . I’ve not even read the comments or looked at the guys but I bet I’m right even based on the people commenting
vi**** Posted January 14 Posted January 14 Assuming that just because you can hear you can listen And because you can see u can read 🤷🏻♂️
Madpat Posted January 14 Posted January 14 I can't relate to this, but I know it's a thing and there are too many narcissistic 'men' free around with their sadistic play. It's all about respect and flowing on each other energy. The level of *** and any other trigger is something you need to explore in a safe environment based on trust and understading.
checkmyego Posted January 14 Posted January 14 It is a frustrating process, isn't it? ***fully so, at times. I have also felt jealous, at times, of others who found their person(s). Although I just joined this site a couple days ago, I've been on this journey for two years now, trying to find my submissive partner. One of the things I have noticed along the way is that a shocking number of people presenting themselves as Dom(mes) are incredibly toxic. But it makes sense. The idea of being dominant is extremely attractive to many individuals with narcissistic personality traits, as well as to men who see it as another trick they can use to get laid. It also attracts a lot of scammers, looking to lure in gullible and naive subs. On one site I use, >50% of the active Dommes at any given time are obvious scammers. (Once you know what to look for, scammers stick out like sore thumbs.) However, on the other side, I have also noticed that a lot of submissives are quick to label someone as a "fake" Dom(me) simply because the dominant didn't fit the specific, and at times very unrealistic, mold the sub was looking for. From my perspective, as a D looking for his s, I encounter a lot of women who are looking for an unrealistic fantasy. The nature of these fantasies seems to vary pretty widely, but some of them can get pretty outlandish. Other subs are really just looking for a sugar daddy, using the promise of sex as a lure. And we have scammers on this side, too. Not as many, but they're definitely there. I have also encountered quite a few new subs who don't really seem to know what it is they want. All of this is to say it's hard for everyone. Maybe someday we'll start to see a little more authenticity in online dating. But until that happens, all we can do is keep wading through the haystacks looking for our needles, and offer each other a little encouragement along the way.
ThePhoenix Posted January 14 Author Posted January 14 1 hour ago, Christian-2070 said: Well said. From the dom's perspective I have the same experience. The vast majority of the subs I have interacted with are fake. They never go beyond texting, avoiding meetings and finally dissappear... I am really thinking to delete my account. Is meaningless I'm sorry to any Dom who has been played and taken for granted. There really should be a vetting process, before you're allowed to label yourself as a Dom and openly look for a submissive on sites such as this. A protection for both parties. (Just an idea) This situation annoys me as well. Because there are genuine submissives that are looking for a serious D/s relationship. I've had members accuse me of having a fake profile because I sound too good to be true. It's frustrating that they can't see what's right in front of them. However, when your trust has been crushed so many times, it gets hard to go through it all again on the off chance they are the one.
vi**** Posted January 14 Posted January 14 Jumping back in the water is very frustrating but if we love what we love we have to just do it … this time with a bit of caution and yeah i guess just that … this is like going fishing u never know when u going to get the good one 😁i guess
lo**** Posted January 14 Posted January 14 The frustration is real. Do I currently have a dynamic? Yes. Time between this one and last one? Over a year. While I am happy in my dynamic, part of me is sitting back waiting for that other shoe to drop so to speak. Seems every time, just as I let myself fully give in, shortly after something happens in their life and they break it off and I either never hear from them again, or it's months later and they want back in my pants, but not the dynamic.(Which is pretty hurtful as well.)
ThePhoenix Posted January 14 Author Posted January 14 14 minutes ago, locketheart said: The frustration is real. Do I currently have a dynamic? Yes. Time between this one and last one? Over a year. While I am happy in my dynamic, part of me is sitting back waiting for that other shoe to drop so to speak. Seems every time, just as I let myself fully give in, shortly after something happens in their life and they break it off and I either never hear from them again, or it's months later and they want back in my pants, but not the dynamic.(Which is pretty hurtful as well.) I hear you. It's hard not to get invested when it feels like the real deal. But then you're scared of getting too invested, in case it all crumbles as it has done numerous times.
Mo**** Posted January 14 Posted January 14 Same…. I’ve been looking for 4 years. I’m envious of the happy couples looking for a 3rd for themselves and I can’t even pull a class act of a woman… sigh
LARopeTop Posted January 14 Posted January 14 Finding a vanilla compatible person is tough. Throw in a set of dynamics and kinks, and it's even tougher. You've been searching for a year. It seems like a long time. In twenty years of being specific about what I wanted, and of honoring what others wanted, I've found about five really compatible people, and maybe another ten that were mutually fun to be together with but short term. Hang in there. You'll find it.
Po**** Posted January 14 Posted January 14 They are out there. I was looking after my dom, and subsequent husband, died last year. I wasn’t careful enough and the first dom l met ignored my hard limits and safe word and did truly abhorrent things to me. The second dom l met just clicked with me. He’s totally different to how my husband was. I feel so lucky to have met him. Yes 7/ 8th of the Dom’s here are total time wasters and it’s infuriating. All l can suggest is to review your profile and see whether you have been clear enough about your wants/desires. It could be you’re just attracting the wrong types because of what you’ve not said and yourself. Good luck with your search. I hope you find him soon.
A_**** Posted January 14 Posted January 14 It does take time when you are looking for quality. Don’t ever give up, no matter how frustrating it is. . Do you go to any local events, such as munches, classes, play parties, etc.? Being part of the local community can put a lot of new people in your life, even if only platonic, and potential for meeting people who are positive for your journey.
ThePhoenix Posted January 14 Author Posted January 14 1 hour ago, A_Brit_Kinky said: It does take time when you are looking for quality. Don’t ever give up, no matter how frustrating it is. . Do you go to any local events, such as munches, classes, play parties, etc.? Being part of the local community can put a lot of new people in your life, even if only platonic, and potential for meeting people who are positive for your journey. I went to a local munch, but there were very few people. Every time I find someone to go to an event with, it just never happens. So, I'm yet to have that wonderful experience. I don't drive and have social anxiety when it comes to travelling alone. I'm on two Discord servers and chat with people on there, but have never met up and most are kinksters and not in this lifestyle.
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