Single Male 101

[ge****]

This is not meant to be an ironic post, nor is it white knighting, or intended to be derogatory in any way, but something based on many years experience of using sites like this observing what works and what doesn't, and as such is intended as a guide to help take those next steps - I also appreciate it's not definitive and doesn't cover all the bases, or every angle, but think it a fair guide to at least improve the experience of the single men on sites like this.
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Yes, much of what I've said below could also apply to women, but as (a) I'm not one and (b) the problems they face on sites like this are different, I've deliberately chosen to aim it at single men - if that offends or upsets anyone then it wasn't the intent.
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So, you're a single guy, you've signed up to a site like this, your head full of ideas of kinky fun to be had and you're wondering where to start in the hope of having your wildest fantasies realised.
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First step, put any ideas of finding what you want out of your head - not because it's not possible to find it here, but because having false expectations is the worst possible place to start.
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Second step, take a step back, think about what motivated you to join, if it's the thought of easy sex and people queuing up to provide it to you, then consider deleting your account!! Sites like this are of course sexual in nature, and are designed to help you interact and potentially meet likeminded others, but they are most definitely not about easy sex. So give some real thought to things, do some self-analysis and understand yourself, your needs, desires and more a little - this is particularly important on a more kink related site such as this - it's not quite as simple as saying "I'm a Dom/submissive come get me", you need to understand and be able to express for yourself, why you think you're that way and why you're looking for whatever you are looking for.
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Once you've done all that - have a think about your profile, a one liner that says "Ask me anything" isn't going to cut it - it doesn't have to be War And Peace either.
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Your profile should give a flavour of you, and be designed to interest others, tell them what you're about and are hoping to find - it's your shop window so dress it well.
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Likewise with pictures, be tasteful and not blatant, a face picture is not essential, just something that enhances your profile and again gives a flavour of you.
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So having got as far as a decent profile and knowing who you are and what you are hoping to find, you're ready to head out there and find it right?
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Well first up you need to decide on how you're going to approach this - there are many ways to do so, the most popular yet possibly the most frustrating is to send messages to others whose profiles you like the look of and hope to get a response.
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Other ways to approach the site are by getting involved in the forums or chat rooms where you can show a little more of yourself and your personality beyond your profile blurb, and if you get it right you'll be surprised how often it'll spark interaction with others.
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Then there are other approaches like getting along to local munches (social meets for kinksters) or kink events - it's far easier to get to talk to people face to face than it is via initial messages.
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What's key to remember at all times though is that all the norms of respect, trust, consideration and more still apply, finding people you have a connection and chemistry with still applies, in fact at a high level it's no different from normal dating, you establish a mutual attraction, you find a connection and chemistry and let everything else fall into place naturally.
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Don't be pushy, don't try and be someone you're not, don't try and fit yourself to what you think others are looking for and don't try and rush things, and most definitely don't message everyone within a certain radius hoping to get a bite!!

[Mi****]

Well said G. I hope all men on here read it and take it in! Xx

[Rainydaye88]

Bravo! Beautifully written! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽💐

The only thing I have to add is actually read people's profiles. I know the swipe game of meeting people is fun, but if you just message without reading, then it's like skipping the tutorial of a video game and being mad you're not good at it.

[kimutu72]

Interesting read and totally agree with what your saying just to add alittle from a womans side, when messaging someone for the first time dnt send dick pics (I just say " no thanks" ) Dnt introduce yourself by saying " Im your Dom (oh no your not), Maybe think more as if your out with friends see someone you like and think how you will approach them. definatley read someone profile and see if you are both looking for the same thing, And if someone does reply to you (and does not ghost you) then dnt take it as a insult and send abusive messages just move on. Hopefully everyone will read your thoughts gemini _man

[ge****]

Thanks all and whilst I did state it wasn't definitive or covering all bases there are some basics I missed you've mentioned - absolutely reading others profiles properly before approaching them is necessary, as is having enough of a match to make messaging with a view to anything other than chat.
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Ditto with sending inappropriate pics or messages.
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Another I'd add is always accept rejection whether actual, or implied by no response, gracefully and with courtesy and definitely don't turn abusive when it happens.
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Am sure there will be more besides.

[DarkArts1066]

This is one of the best ‘advice’ posts that I have read on here.
If you are a single male .. please, definitely read this!

There really is no such thing as ‘easy sex’ on sites like this - ever.
And not should there be.
Spot on with your analysis there.
This is not 2012…. And this site is not Ti*d*r !

If I were to add anything useful to this post, it would be these three things.

One . Try to see your profile - and every potential post you plan to make from someone else’s perspective.

Preferably that of your intended target audience. You may well find that what you read doesn’t correspond with what your target audience may be looking for themselves.

Two. Politeness, manners and courtesy cost nothing, but they may pay you back in spades.

Three. Everyone on this site knows someone else on this site - whether face to face, or through chat.

Chances are, if you *** someone’s trust - or, God forbid *** someone, verbally or physically, they WILL tell others. That eventually reduces your target pool to a big fat zero. (And most likely gets you booted also).

So to recap.
•See yourself as others might see you.
•Be polite.
•Play nice.

[CopperKnob]

You know, all day I've been figuring out a way of derailing this thread because, so many times you've done it (with help from the co-conspirators) to me, and I really can't because it's an honest to God, sensible post (and it's been a while!) that makes so much sense.
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I'd only add, when new, don't dive right in like a bull in a China shop. Sit back and get a grip of how the site works, watch how others are interacting, and then consider who you want to make contact with.
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But yeah, if someone, anyone would like to derail with me, I'm game 🤣

[Ar****]

16 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

But yeah, if someone, anyone would like to derail with me, I'm game 🤣

So, I've just had ice cream whilst watching some of the X-Men Animated Series from the 90s with my brother (we're trying to get it finished before X-Men '97 drops next month). The ice cream was his, he offered.

The thing is, he absolutely takes the pi*s and we both end up splitting our sides whenever this particular ice cream pops up. When he first offered it to me a few months ago (it's one he buys regularly) I politely said I'd probably decline as I didn't really do/like chocolate ice cream. Then he pointed out that it was triple chocolate, and I went "oh okay" and decided to give it ago. Because clearly that is very logical, and he has never let me forget it 😆

[CopperKnob]

4 minutes ago, Aranhis said:

So, I've just had ice cream whilst watching some of the X-Men Animated Series from the 90s with my brother (we're trying to get it finished before X-Men '97 drops next month). The ice cream was his, he offered.

The thing is, he absolutely takes the pi*s and we both end up splitting our sides whenever this particular ice cream pops up. When he first offered it to me a few months ago (it's one he buys regularly) I politely said I'd probably decline as I didn't really do/like chocolate ice cream. Then he pointed out that it was triple chocolate, and I went "oh okay" and decided to give it ago. Because clearly that is very logical, and he has never let me forget it 😆

Uhuh, so like chocolate, chocolate and chocolate ice cream. Any toppings? Marshmallows, sprinkles etc etc?
Also, did either you or your brother warm it up in the microwave before serving? We all know that that's the correct way to serve it else it'll be 10 lashes of the barbed wire flogger

[Th****]

8 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

Uhuh, so like chocolate, chocolate and chocolate ice cream. Any toppings? Marshmallows, sprinkles etc etc?
Also, did either you or your brother warm it up in the microwave before serving? We all know that that's the correct way to serve it else it'll be 10 lashes of the barbed wire flogger

Wait what!? What's this about microwaving your ice cream? Are you Brits ok over there? 

[Th****]

7 hours ago, Rainydaye88 said:

Bravo! Beautifully written! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽💐

The only thing I have to add is actually read people's profiles. I know the swipe game of meeting people is fun, but if you just message without reading, then it's like skipping the tutorial of a video game and being mad you're not good at it.

Sooo much this!!! They're just throwing out the cheat codes and hurting their own feelings. 

[CopperKnob]

5 minutes ago, ThaliaV said:

Wait what!? What's this about microwaving your ice cream? Are you Brits ok over there? 

We're fine 🤣😂
Ice cream is too cold straight from the freezer. It needs 30 secs in the microwave to warm it up!

[Th****]

As usual @gemini_manis giving excellent advice and @DarkArts1066has some really great additions. Especially the part about taking a step back and looking at your profile in it's entirety from the perspective of your target audience. This *includes* your username. It's probably not the greatest plan to go with something that your male friends might think is "funny". Consider if your chosen username sounds like something made up by someone in Jr high school or not. 

Hang out for a while, explore READ before interacting. 

[Th****]

4 minutes ago, CopperKnob said:

We're fine 🤣😂
Ice cream is too cold straight from the freezer. It needs 30 secs in the microwave to warm it up!

So impatient, then the edges are all runny 

[PrinceCruel]

From meeting newbies at Munches (mostly male), it seems that the general perception is that the Kink community is a bunch of sex craved promiscuous people and they get very disappointed when they realize that it is the most "regulated" environment with codes, rules, respect focus behaviours... 

Online, it feels like a job search where people will send 100s of resume hoping  that volume will compensate for quality. The "my time is ***, yours' free" attitude is also predominant.

Thank you for your advice as it aims not at pointing shame but finding ways to fill gaps and build bridges.

More solutions, more suggestions, more peace

[CopperKnob]

33 minutes ago, ThaliaV said:

So impatient, then the edges are all runny 

Nail on the head but also, there's a fine line between soft and melted 😉

[Se****]

58 minutes ago, ThaliaV said:

So impatient, then the edges are all runny 

That’s the best part 😋😋

[Se****]

On 2/13/2024 at 9:57 PM, gemini_man said:

Likewise with pictures, be tasteful and not blatant, a face picture is not essential, just something that enhances your profile and again gives a flavour of you.

Wait, what? Pictures are meant to be tasteful??  Well knock me down with a feather, I thought the idea was to be as exposing as possible. 😉

On a serious note I’d like to add, if you ask for constructive criticism then please take it on board and don’t argue about it. On the flip side if you’re posting stupid sh*t on forums or in messages be prepared to be shot down and called out. Own it, don’t try to wriggle out of it and, I dunno, maybe apologise and learn from it. 

[Th****]

43 minutes ago, FatefulDestiny said:

On a serious note I’d like to add, if you ask for constructive criticism then please take it on board and don’t argue about it. On the flip side if you’re posting stupid sh*t on forums or in messages be prepared to be shot down and called out. Own it, don’t try to wriggle out of it and, I dunno, maybe apologise and learn from it. 

Just highlighting more great advice so maybe it will actually sink in. This also circles back around to the kink & bdsm world is really relatively tiny and knowledge of bad behaviors get around. Even between totally different websites and completely different continents so you betcha actual locals talk to each other. I have group chats with friends where someone will often message and say "hey friends, does anyone know about or have interactions with this person?" References are still a big deal for a lot of people in their vetting processes and friends want their friends to be safe so they look out for one another. 

[do****]

👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿 excellent post Gemini. Much appreciate the support and knowledge you are giving to the unknowledgeable. Thank you to all the additional comments filling in the gaps. Great community teamwork 👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿. I hope this thread gets a lot of reads. Even though I did not quite get the ice cream conversation all the way, it still made me laugh 😂. I love posts like these. Keep up the great work family. It's much appreciated 😊

[Vi****]

Yesterday at 12:25 PM, Rainydaye88 said:

Bravo! Beautifully written! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽💐

The only thing I have to add is actually read people's profiles. I know the swipe game of meeting people is fun, but if you just message without reading, then it's like skipping the tutorial of a video game and being mad you're not good at it.

Exactly!! It is a huge turn off trying to explain over and over again what was stated in the profile itself.
If you are asking for more specifics, then say that.
Also, life experience plays a part into the vetting process.

[Th****]

10 hours ago, doubletrouble129 said:

👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿 excellent post Gemini. Much appreciate the support and knowledge you are giving to the unknowledgeable. Thank you to all the additional comments filling in the gaps. Great community teamwork 👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿. I hope this thread gets a lot of reads. Even though I did not quite get the ice cream conversation all the way, it still made me laugh 😂. I love posts like these. Keep up the great work family. It's much appreciated 😊

The ice cream talk was just friends poking fun at each other with a bit of nonsense. 😁

[ge****]

8 hours ago, ThaliaV said:

The ice cream talk was just friends poking fun at each other with a bit of nonsense. 😁

"Friends" you say? A weak attempt at thread derailing more like 😂🤣

[CopperKnob]

13 hours ago, gemini_man said:

"Friends" you say? A weak attempt at thread derailing more like 😂🤣

Weak you say?
I think it demonstrates that you're the lead derailer 😉🤣

[Th****]

21 hours ago, CopperKnob said:

Weak you say?
I think it demonstrates that you're the lead derailer 😉🤣

Trouble, that one. 😆