Like Yourself, I come from an Era where people met, face to face, in pubs, at parties.
We went in ‘cold’, knowing nothing about the person we were attempting to start up a conversation with, and therefore we HAD to make a proper effort.

And I think that is the biggest change -and disappointment Read more… for me.
The lack of good grace and manners around ‘first contact’ situations.

I believe, generally, that it is worse for Women than it is Men as a rule… and I believe Transgender people suffer the same, however as Men (and I can only speak for my own sex in all honesty) we also experience that same disrespect also.

For example, my profile clearly states that I am a Dominant Male with an interest in Women, however I do repeatedly receive “***” offers from alleged “Dommes”, and approaches from Men.
This demonstrates to me, that these people are either NOT reading my profile, or chancing their arm in the hope that, by casting the net wide, they might pull in some bycatch.

Politeness, good manners, approachability -good grammar, all matter.

Common sense needs to prevail here.
Spend enough time on sites like this one, and you will realise -and recognise the patterns of scams -and scammers.

“Remote Domination” - the real thing anyway, takes effort, and time. Possibly even moreso than in-person Domination.

BUT.

It is also seen as an Read more… easy way to make (and scam) *** by many unscrupulous people.

I am a Dominant Male, and I STILL get messages from so-called Pro Dommes, offering me online Domination for a few hundred pounds here and there.

They don’t even bother to read my profile.

Ask questions. LOTS of questions.
Scammers don’t want to waste time on chat, especially when they could trip themselves up doing so.

Anyone who expects payment before any conditions have been discussed, or an arrangement has been reached that you believe is fulfilling your needs, should be avoided like the plague.

As well as reported and blocked - in my view.

Simple.
They matter.

I have a sub female friend -new to bdsm and kink who, before we met was being schooled by another Dom… who was also quite new to the scene.

He took her one evening to the house of another Dom so that she could experience something quite specific … they were there less than an Read more… hour.
She complied with all the instructions she was given, but at the end of the session, She (and the Dom she went with) couldn’t wait to leave.

The place was messy, filthy, there was debris everywhere. Both parties were concerned about the hygiene of the toys and equipment.

BUT, she had felt obligated to continue, for fe@r of letting others down.
In her own words, “I left, not with the healthy glow I was hoping for, but wondering if I would need antibiotics afterwards. Never again”

She is now wiser for the experience… and always vets a venue before agreeing to anything.

In my personal opinion, if you don’t respect yourself and your environment, -how can you be expected to respect anyone else ?

You don’t need to be an OCD Zen Master, but first impressions DO count.

“Dom drop” is actually a very real thing too.
Although it is seldom talked about, or admitted to.

Many in our world see Doms discussing Dom drop as a form of weakness -which of course is absolute rubbish. We have feelings too, which sometimes manifest in a negative way.

A Dom has a duty of care Read more… to any sub that they engage with …… but who has a duty of care to us - the Dom?

And how often is that duty of care (if indeed it exists) observed ?

It’s an interesting question.

Your story is unfortunate, but sadly not unique.
You mention ‘horrible’ sub drop.

Are you able to verbalise better how that manifested ?
It might help us to understand your Dom’s reaction to it ?

I feel personally in the absence of an acceptable explanation from your Dom (and I in no way support Read more… his behaviour whatsoever…) that you should try to compartmentalise that experience if you can, and try to refocus on the fact that no two experiences are ever quite the same.

With a new Dom, it would be important to find a way to describe and verbalise how that sub drop affected you, so that you could mutually discuss your needs - if should that happen again.

There is NO EXCUSE for a Dom walking away from you after sub drop.
Ever.

We have an obligation- and a duty of care, to make sure you recover and are in a good place after sub drop, which can have long term effects.
Thankfully they are manageable, and you WILL be able to move forward from this.

Be open and honest about this experience with any future Doms that you choose to engage with, and be sure they know and understand what you need before you engage in any kind of play.
Clearly that also means that you need to figure out what you need yourself.

I hope this helps.

I don’t believe that your kink is supremely niche, no.
I know several women who enjoy being deprived of an orgasm, and some even who wish to be punished for having them.

I think that Men (or SOME of us anyway,) are inately programmed to ensure that our partners enjoy sexual experiences as much as Read more… we do.

I know that’s not always the case, but it seems to me that those are the men you are finding.

It’s almost a validation of our sexual prowess or ability perhaps.
I personally don’t see it as such, although I do generally enjoy giving more pleasure sexually than I receive as a point of fact….

But I have spoken to other Men - and Couples, who feel that validation.

So it follows that, for those men, depriving a woman consistently can feel alien… almost unbelievable that they should actually want that.

Perhaps these men are jusging by their own needs - and standards?

I can’t be sure, because that’s not how I see things.

But it might be a starting point for discussions ?

Over the years, I’ve tended to find that older women have more presence. They know what they want, -AND how to get it.
Some I know can stop a conversation dead , simply by walking into the room.
THAT is power - and presence.

They have experienced a bit of life, have the battle scars and aren’t Read more… afraid to show them.

I’m attracted to younger women too sometimes, but I find them often too self centred and perfunctory.

If your favourite topic of conversation, is exclusively You, then we won’t have much in common. I like people who are well read, well travelled, flirt, have a sparkle about them, are capable of communicating using body language

That’s not to say there aren’t some incredible younger ladies out there - there are. But they do take a bit of finding..!

I also have a fetish for big, hanging breasts, and curves …… more mature women generally have bigger boobs 🤷🏻‍♂️

:1774179012,7018735,
Congratulations on your divorce. Your life now is what I could have whenever I want, it disgusts me. Clearly, my post wasn’t about how using other people’s bodies makes is fulfilling to you. Thanks for the mansplaining and helping me Read more… prove my point. Take care

No ‘Mansplaining’ intended.

I think You’ve missed the point of my comment.

I’ve always had a genuinely high sex drive - since my ***s, and somehow found myself in a sexless marriage, sleeping in separate rooms for three years before we finally called it a day.
Sex for me was only if my Wife wanted it, and then it was only ever oral on her, then she would get up and head Read more… for a shower, leaving me to finish myself off - every time.

When I was finally single and the world was once again my oyster, I was both excited to be back out there, and hesitant in case I fell into a similar situation again.

For me, it was a period of experimentation, -of engagement with other people, but only ever on a casual basis.
Simple rules.

Chat before meeting.

Meet publicly before going any further.

Never having anyone back to my house…. (I had a stalker once, who broke into my house. I found her sat at my kitchen table drinking my red wine…😳)

And perhaps the most important of all, concise, transparent conversations about what we BOTH expected to get out of our collusions…. Including safewords and aftercare where appropriate.

Eleven years on, and I am still happily single, and very satisfied -in every way. 😉