Respect is given and earned

[pe****]

My trust is never given. It must be earned. I require a long vetting process to establish this. Even my Vanilla partner was not given immediate trust by me. He had to earn it. I do not trust easily. Especially in this lifestyle. Too many predators and way too much deceit. If you don't put in the time to vet your partner, then don't complain when they break your trust that you gave so easily.

[Deleted Member]

It's both, it's a dynamic: initially a certain degree of trust is given, as that is not violated greater trust is given in increasingly larger chunks. For me trust is earned through a respect and an acknowledgement or how I perceive things, though not necessarily in a limiting sense as limits can still be pushed, though the method in doing so may be modified etc. If trust is broken, it does move one backwards and how retrievable that is depends on a mixture of the enormity of the breach, the engagement in the learning over it and acknowledgement of it.

[Do****]

I tried to live my life by my late father’s credo: “I’ll give you more respect than you deserve, until you prove otherwise”

[Joise]

For me it depends on the level of trust needed

[Deleted Member]

As a submissive, trust definitely has to be earned. If a Dominant respects me, I'll respect him. But if you break my trust or deceive me, then it's over, done with, gone in a heartbeat. I've been around too long to play games unfortunately.

[Sh****]

It takes time to build trust, and if you lose it trust takes even longer to restore.

[An****]

I agree

[Deleted Member]

How does one earn trust without putting in the necessary time. Awful way to live life trusting no one and making people earn it. Nobody owes you anything or needs to jump through hoops to prove something in order to have sex with you because you made some bad decisions and ended up with a few lunatics. Sorry but that's baggage I don't need In this online sex game

[Li****]

pov …can’t be fixed, if someone broke the bond of trust.
Although some tend to shut parts of themselves down in order to reestablish alike dynamics.
No one can bring the past back, we all
have to move forward. It will never be the same, no matter what it will be.

[ec****]

Not having trust is one of many sub’s kinks. If they have total trust, it’s not dangerous enough to turn them on. Actions always speak louder than words. Trust is feigned until it’s earned. Ultimately, don’t trust anyone completely, not even yourself.

[cr****]

Trust is earned before a dynamic is considered. I have to be able to trust someone and have their trust before any sort of play or scene happens. If that trust is broken by either party the dynamic goes full stop until it can be repaired and shown the offense won’t be repeated.

[Deleted Member]

Like you, I take people as I find them with Trial Trust, I suppose. If it's a spontaneous first night thing, you go with the flow. Maybe she needs taken in hand, maybe it's tickle fights to see who is taking charge that night. More about the situation and the people involved. Not a yes or no answer

[Deleted Member]

Besides, the fact that trust and respect can be two different subjects, it will also depend on the person itself. Some may regard it as a normal fact, while others would take it seriously. For example, let’s say Bob has bad experience and giving trust to people only to get stabbed in the back constantly the outcome would be he will have no trust in anybody or small possibility of having only a handful of people he could ever trust, but would burn the bridge once it is lost. now for respect, you could respect somebody, but not fully give them your trust, and I could say this from my experience. I can respect someone’s life and most of their choices, but trusting someone with like my secrets or my life is delicate subject that would need to be considered thoroughly.

[An****]

I agree

[NoPantiesAllowed]

4 hours ago, Lillithsx said:

pov …can’t be fixed, if someone broke the bond of trust.
Although some tend to shut parts of themselves down in order to reestablish alike dynamics.
No one can bring the past back, we all
have to move forward. It will never be the same, no matter what it will be.

Unfortunately, I am finding this out firsthand if I'm being honest. I fell hard for my kitten, which was only supposed to be a FWB, so/kitten dynamic, not a full on committed relationship. She did not reciprocate. I may never have that connection back. I will earn her trust back in other areas, but I'm certain out playtime is over. If the arrangement is set, keep it that way. You will most likely scare the other person away if you fall for them and they cannot or do not feel the same. This actually can be the breaker of the trust... They trusted you to keep emotions out of it, and you didn't.

[NoPantiesAllowed]

4 hours ago, cronus93 said:

Trust is earned before a dynamic is considered. I have to be able to trust someone and have their trust before any sort of play or scene happens. If that trust is broken by either party the dynamic goes full stop until it can be repaired and shown the offense won’t be repeated.

Yes! Well said. Again, first hand experience. Our Sir/kitten dynamic was very quickly and abruptly shut down, and doubtful it will ever resume in the near future...

[re****]

Trust is earned, it's also maintained in listening to limits, making them feel safe, if it's broken it's gone

[Deleted Member]

The respect side should be mutual. Unfortunately, when I went on a revenge sex rampage with randoms a few years ago, I was settling a score to feel better. That's not me but it happened

[ye****]

I think it depends on how many times the person answering has been hurt by someone they trust. I would assume that a lot of the "trust needs to be earned" people have been through some shit in their life.

[Deleted Member]

Everybody here has had to deal with What their ex did.

[Ro****]

Trust can be given and earned simultaneously.
I live by the "give them just enough to hang themselves with"
You don't need to give them any more than that until they earn the next length of rope on a slightly more risky mountain.
Whatever you do, have faith in your instincts.
Never know when someone may surprise you, but if you never let it happen, you'll never know.

[Deleted Member]

Never worded my last comment properly. I meant we have all had to deal with the issues carried on from their last relationship.

[ke****]

Trust in people is like trust in your government, just don't get to comfortable until you know all the cards dealt, and then agian other people make decisions based on their own personal decision making capabilities, so while you may not understand their reasonings u don't have to that's where the trust comes in, you shouldn't have to tell a partner every single thing, someone's trust is relative just like someone's perspectives and ideals, so tolerance and patience with alittle understanding

[Cu****]

It’s interesting that you headed your topic as “respect”, and yet your whole piece immediately talked about conversations to do with “trust”, even to the point of asking people’s views on trust. What happened to respect?
To gain trust in a human interaction, you have to appreciate that it’s part of communicating; it’s a two way process. At the outset, it’s two humans making an effort in seeing if there’s the potential for making a connection and to achieve that, both parties have to trust. But trust isn’t really arrived at, until many other integral parts of the trust jigsaw are displayed.
Some, in the post, have touched on some aspects already. Having respect for each other, being honest, transparent, consistent, being aware of likes and dislikes, listening, being open minded, taking onboard the other person’s opinions and considering/accepting them if appropriate, taking time to discuss and develop ideas together, caring and being able to admit it, if you’re wrong. These, put together, begin to promote understanding between the two people, and from all of that, if mainly positive, you may well begin to feel that you can trust someone.
Using and taking time, to gain this understanding, gives loads of opportunities to really discover the other person in more detail. Yes, you need to ask questions. It can also help to show up inconsistencies too, which you might call red flags, as well as showing a longer term interest and seriousness in how the connection might develop, if both people want that.
Because trust is made from so many parts, it’s easy to see how quickly it can be broken. Whether that can ever be repaired, or rekindled, is entirely up to the determination of both involved. Accepting responsibility for your own actions, is also part of the relationship being made, or broken.

[Te****]

Trust has to be earned in my opinion. I give a level of basic trust to all I encounter. The person's actions determine whether that trust grows and deepens or dries up like water in the wastes.