Respect is given and earned

[Deleted Member]

@RogueLynx I never thought of that. But it does make sense. I like the way you think.

[Shilo66]

On 2/26/2024 at 1:32 PM, GreyHog said:

I trust my subs, but I remain wary of signs of deception. For me, anything less than total honesty BOTH WAYS is a breach of trust. Withholding feelings, likes, dislikes, or concerns can lead to some very bad outcomes, especially with BDSM and some of the more extreme kinks. As a sadist, I use honest feedback to make things better, hotter and safer.

 

On 2/26/2024 at 7:57 AM, eyemblacksheep said:

trust is a two way street and is something earned between two people

it's not just the sub has to trust the Dominant, the Dominant also has to trust the sub : and that can mean lots of things.

 

 

19 hours ago, Ciaobella21 said:

How does one earn trust without putting in the necessary time. Awful way to live life trusting no one and making people earn it. Nobody owes you anything or needs to jump through hoops to prove something in order to have sex with you because you made some bad decisions and ended up with a few lunatics. Sorry but that's baggage I don't need In this online sex game

These three quotes, all day long. 

[An****]

As a Veteran we give respect and trust freely they can be lost obviously but initially always given. I think in this kink environment trust is limited initially and built upon.

[Jo****]

I appreciate your understanding of viewpoints. I think there are a lot of fake subs and doms, mostly women whove hit the wall as well as people in general who really should be going to therapy

[To****]

This is a an excellent topic and I am glad someone brought this up . Speaking from experience my personal opinion and assuming that we are talking strictly about the DOM/SUB relationship I feel that as a DOM, you have to first and foremost install confidence in your sub in order for trust to be established. Once your SUB has confidence in your abilities, your knowledge, the fact that what ever style your training, your sub has to have complete confidence in your abilities. I believe in this situation, confidence and trust go hand in hand. I don't believe from a subs perspective, I could establish trust if I'm not confident in their abilities. In life, this trust issue is quite broad. It would depend on who your testing and under what circumstances. It's not necessarily a bad thing to start out with trusting someone until they prove you wrong because that's just life I don't believe it would be a great quality of life if one went around mistrusting everything . Like RONALD REGAN SAID: TRUST.... BUT VERIFY. For a sub, the verification is in the confidence they have on their DOM. CONFIDENCE EARNS TRUST AND TRUST EARNS SUBMISSION. As a sub, I have to have complete confidence my MISTRESS is knowledgeable enough to trust her to give her complete submission. If you're sub is nervous about your ability, their trust in you will not be as complete as you need or want her to be in order to completely submit to your commands. In short order, I gained the confidence in my MISTRESS as a result of the confidence I had in her ability in everything she commanded and that is what gained my trust enough for complete submission, which is always the ultimate goal of a good DOM.IMO, if I lacked any confidence at all, as I did in the beginning, obviously it was hard to trust completely and I could not relax enough to completely submit. A DOM should always install confidence in their subjects in order to gain their trust. After all, that's why the sub came to you To be trained. You gain their confidence and the trust is automatically there Don't know if this helps, just an experience. GOOD LUCK

[AngelOfDark1013]

As a sub you must earn my trust

[To****]

Thanks for your opinion and that's exactly what we are doing here, to have an open honest discussion that includes the opinion of others. Though our options may differ, we all have something to gain by sharing

[A-****]

I'm new in here. Respect goes both ways. You got respected to get respect. One may not like the other at the end of the. Give respect, and u will get respect back. Some people won't give you any at all

[Sh****]

I’d find it hard submitting to someone without at least a baseline level of trust, it’s the reason I couldn’t just jump into a scene without chatting for a month beforehand. Equally i’d want to establish trust if I was going to be the Dom in a scene.

[Sn****]

You get wat u give to me anyway... u give respect to getbit back in return that way your privingbyourbwirth and showing your partner your trustworthy of holding there trust on other hand I kinda agree with jay?? ^^ above me I'd have a hard time trying to sub to someone new not noing wats there at this point I'd take wat I can get lol but some level of friendship and trust would b preferred first

[To****]

Top2Bottom2, I agree also that trust IS A 2 WAY STREET, and for most people, trust is initially given automatically until they have a reason not to. But yes, it has to be given to be earned. As I said earlier though , in a DOM/SUB relationship, the DOM BEING THE AUTHORITY FIGURE IMO should be the one that gives out an established trust right from the start. Experience should tell them that especially new subs are nervous until their confidence in there DOM is established enough to be absolutely comfortable without hesitation to submit totally. In this day and age, AUTHORITY FIGURES ARE THE ONES THAT HAVE TO BE THE ONES THAT ESTABLISH TRUST IN THEIR PUBLIC. If there is there is a slightest hint in that trust that say they did something wrong, most people automatically lose that trust and confidence until it's restored

[Mi****]

Trust comes before any link. Without trust it's hard to be consenting.
Anyone wanting to dive in and tie someone up without their wholehearted consent and trust has so many red flags it's insane.

Trust is paramount, consent is never implied and can be withdrawn... and the hot take the Sub is the one in control.

They set their limits and have the right to say no to anything. A dom works within those limits and might push them but should never cross any hard lines

[Ki****]

I have so much experience reading people that after a few interactions I know. I have learned to trust my gut more these past four years. Trust is key. I give it freely but trust that women and men know when you are moving sideways. It makes it impossible to return to the level of comfort and trust needed to do the shit I wanna try. LOL

[Sh****]

It can be a little more difficult to read people if you’re starting the conversation online though, for example, earlier today, I was having a conversation with a woman on another platform seemed to be going fine until unprompted. She demanded that I start using honourifics and that I was to pay her because FinDom was her thing,  fortunately, being an online interaction, it’s also easier to end the conversation. 

[Be****]

Trust is something like a crystal ball . To build it up requires a long process similar to crafting a crystal ball. To craft a crystal ball, you heat the sand to thousands of degrees, remove impurities, shape it to sphere, which is the most resilent shape in the universe then you cool it . It is clear round without sharp edges to cut you and intact. If you break it it shatters into many pieces and even you repair it marks of cracks are still there. In todays life due to help of technology, society is too used to do "do overs." For example, delete a message re send it re arrange the mail you wrote and etc. The same goes with relationships. There will be challenges that heat things up shapes life with opportunities and cools it off with rest.when you look ,It is better to not to break trust because it is not a computer game which you can save and load or a text message you can delete and rewrite.

To gain trust, what i do is generally mirror method. If the person takes a step, i take a step. If i take a step and the person does not, i push a bit, and still no reaction from the other side, i move on. If i invest and try to progress and they dont, i just move on and dont bother.

In short, dont break people's trust. It is difficult to build.

[Ha****]

Trust must be there since beginning. Without trust no reason to develop. But giving from start your trust to someone, is that someone responsibility to keep it. Ones broken, never get it back. As someone here mentioned, spending time to read people it’s waste of time. Even experienced person, I am wondering if it is really possible to know someone. Sometimes even lifetime is not enough to know well someone. Time changes and together we must adapt and change ourself accordingly as well. Again, from my perspective, it should be easy to get the trust but sometimes impossible to keep it more than a minute

[CopperKnob]

6 hours ago, HardMaster13 said:

Trust must be there since beginning. Without trust no reason to develop. But giving from start your trust to someone, is that someone responsibility to keep it. Ones broken, never get it back. As someone here mentioned, spending time to read people it’s waste of time. Even experienced person, I am wondering if it is really possible to know someone. Sometimes even lifetime is not enough to know well someone. Time changes and together we must adapt and change ourself accordingly as well. Again, from my perspective, it should be easy to get the trust but sometimes impossible to keep it more than a minute

I find this somewhat contradictory. You trust someone without ever knowing them?
Do you mean respect, you respect someone from the outset whether you know them fully or not?

[Deleted Member]

Respect is scarce these days. I engaged with a woman here only to find out she was stringing me along. Despite my suspicions, I gave her some trust, believing she was genuine. How mistaken I was. So, it is what it is. Move on, their loss.

[Mi****]

f you trust someone, you believe that they are honest and sincere and will not deliberately do anything to harm you. Trust has to be present in order to even start a dynamic such as MASTER/sub/slave.

[Co****]

Trust, but verify. To start a relationship you each have to give the other a certain degree of trust, but trust grows as each person “walks the walk” and shows that they do what they say and are worthy of the trust. Similarly, if someone shows that they are not trustworthy, it is very difficult to get that back.