Help me, please. (About empathy and reassurance)

[Yo****]

1 hour ago, AngelOfDark1013 said:

I am Autistic. I have Autistic children as well. It is a big deal to a lot of females to have verbal reassurance. No one is a mind reader. If you do not tell someone then they do not know. A lot of ASD people take words, for instance, extremely literal. Without the spoken communication that my significant other and I have worked really hard to build, we wouldn't be together. We almost weren't.

As an autist, what are some examples of verbal reassurance you used in your relationship? I learn by examples. Thank you 🙏

[An****]

Bro you are 100% not a horrible person or a psycho. People have different ways of showing there love however, people also want different ways of getting love from their partner. For it just seems she needs more of a verbal thing. I will say she should have at least given the physical affection a try to see if that helps but, for her to call you all that because, you lack that skill is not ok at all for her to say all that to you mainly if you tried.

[Ha****]

Learn about energy vampires and don't let people disrespect you. Especially people you have never met. They make a lot of demands but it's just to nip and belittle you. You are too trusting and *** and don't make enough demands yourself. People that say too much and get into a weird place often are using it as a mask for other motives. Don't let people get at your core. There are energy vampires that feed off this drama and depression. The psychoanalysts called it abaissement du niveau mentale. Lowering of the mental level. It's one of the signs of a psychic attack. Be wary of people who affect you this way. Godspeed.

[Yo****]

1 hour ago, HardArts said:

Learn about energy vampires and don't let people disrespect you. Especially people you have never met. They make a lot of demands but it's just to nip and belittle you. You are too trusting and *** and don't make enough demands yourself. People that say too much and get into a weird place often are using it as a mask for other motives. Don't let people get at your core. There are energy vampires that feed off this drama and depression. The psychoanalysts called it abaissement du niveau mentale. Lowering of the mental level. It's one of the signs of a psychic attack. Be wary of people who affect you this way. Godspeed.

Whoa, I've never heard of that! 👀
Would that be like the emotional version of gold digging? I need to look that up that is super interesting

[Yo****]

1 hour ago, AngelRose2224 said:

Bro you are 100% not a horrible person or a psycho. People have different ways of showing there love however, people also want different ways of getting love from their partner. For it just seems she needs more of a verbal thing. I will say she should have at least given the physical affection a try to see if that helps but, for her to call you all that because, you lack that skill is not ok at all for her to say all that to you mainly if you tried.

Thank you. This means a lot 🙏😔

[Pr****]

She isn't able to provide reassurance at all. She doesn't like you really like and is placing the responsibility and the emotional burden on you.
So, get over her and look for the next one.
It's hard words, I know and I so sorry, but, it's necessary to say to you: That's not a fair relationship!

[Yo****]

3 hours ago, PrazerAlex said:

She isn't able to provide reassurance at all. She doesn't like you really like and is placing the responsibility and the emotional burden on you.
So, get over her and look for the next one.
It's hard words, I know and I so sorry, but, it's necessary to say to you: That's not a fair relationship!

Thank you 🙏 Well said

[AngelOfDark1013]

You can add me as a friend if you ever want to talk or need support to bounce ideas off of someone who scores very high on the Empathy scale tests for ASD.

[ka****]

You expected too much of her. U met her. She might have liked u, but not enough to stay. Its time to pack up and work on u

[lo****]

There are a few free online assessment test that everyone should take which allows people to better understand themselves and their partners.

1) Love language test

2) Attachment style test

Start by taking these two test which may help you better understand yourself.

You can GOOGLE it, they’re FREE and helps immensely when communicating with a partner.

Best of luck!!

[Da****]

You expect too much of yourself. You're asking questions which will lead to your growth and that's never a loosing formula. You may decide you have some work to do and that's ok too . Make growth your purpose to move on. To move up. All skills can be learned but only if you're kind to yourself first. Then little steps and lots of practice.

You're not evil for lacking a skill.

Reach out to me or any of the people here who have offered. Don't be alone if you're in a shitty or desperate place emotionally.
✌😎

[Ci****]

Grow a pair and move on.

[do****]

Listen you want to show her your the right guy for her then you have to be willing to grow with the knowledge you get. It’s not impossible to improve on yourself but don’t let it devour you as well just for her. Show sympathy by saying damn I’m sorry you’re going through that what else can we try to improve your situation at hand ? And when she throws whatever it is that is bothering at her be like listen can we try this in order to see if that works ? And if she just trying to vent let her talk and when she done and ask you questions try to be as honest but not as brutal with the answers that way she knows you mean no harm by it . Then but there’s a lot of ways to be reassuring and sympathetic to her depending on the situations .

[ca****]

16 hours ago, Ciaobella21 said:

Grow a pair and move on.

You only show your inability to understand or offer anything of value....   as for the detail, he probably has a pair and is moving on....

[ChocolateRopeBunny]

It doesn't sound as if you are a horrible/ugly person. It just sounds as if your styles were not compatible with each other. Folks have a tendency to show love/concern/affection the way they want to receive it and not the way their partner needs. I think we can all agree that love is a language/a form of communication. If you're speaking totally different languages then there's a communication barrier. Doesn't make you a bad person in the least.

[Da****]

2 hours ago, ChocolateRopeBunny said:

It doesn't sound as if you are a horrible/ugly person. It just sounds as if your styles were not compatible with each other. Folks have a tendency to show love/concern/affection the way they want to receive it and not the way their partner needs. I think we can all agree that love is a language/a form of communication. If you're speaking totally different languages then there's a communication barrier. Doesn't make you a bad person in the least.

Love this! ❤️

[Ki****]

On 3/2/2024 at 3:25 PM, YourLovingDaddy said:

Thank you!!! I'm really worried that I AM a selfish narcissist 😬 I don't want that! I'm definitely indeed looking! I've been googling empathy and watching empathy YouTube videos, trying to learn this social skill like I have all others before (I'm autistic so every social skill I know I looked up. Social skills don't come natural to me)

I read your profile and I don’t think you need to worry about being a narcissist. My parent is one, so I am very familiar with them. Your profile reads like someone who really cares for and has concern for his partner. 
 

Most people will not truly understand the challenges that you have as an autistic person. Open, honest communication is the best thing that you can do. I believe that you strive for that. Knowing your love language and your partner’s will help you in understanding each other. (I think  that she was just not a match. While any breakup hurts, please don’t take it so hard on yourself.)

 

I know that you want to learn to be empathetic. That is something innate, that you either have or don’t, just like autism. It cannot be taught. But you can work on learning to be more sympathetic. Especially in expressing care the way your partner needs. Learning their cues (facial expressions, body language, routines and habits) for when they need a hug, or to hear a special phrase, or a cup of tea and a blanket. Many people mistakenly use the word empathy instead of sympathy, so empathy is still a good search word for your research. 

Just be patient and kind to yourself. The right partner will come along. 

[Ki****]

Also wanted to add, please message or friend me if you ever want to talk. My brother was autistic. I get it. I see your heart. 

[Yo****]

9 hours ago, Kitanya said:

Also wanted to add, please message or friend me if you ever want to talk. My brother was autistic. I get it. I see your heart. 

Hi! I just tried to but it says your profile is locked and I need premium. Sorry about the spank that was a mis click 😅

This glitchy app I swear to god 😤

I would very much like help and advice with being autistic. Any and all are needed and welcome thank you 🙏

[Wi****]

I feel like many People lack personal empathy skills, it’s a sad miss of a trait.

Especially for those (such as me) who are overly-emphatic.