wwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Posted April 10 Posted April 10 I am new to being submissive but managed to find an amazing Mistress online and have been her pet for a month now. She really is amazing, treats me with respect and cares for me. We trust each other a lot which is an absolute must since I am not only banned from orgasms but I can't even touch myself without her permission. I send her a lot of content she enjoys and in return I get rewarded with orders to follow and videos of her. It is a great experience but I am starting to feel the lack of phisical touch, especially cuddling wich we often talk about and I crave a lot. Does anyone have any advice or general tips for a newbie sub?
sw**** Posted April 10 Posted April 10 Would love to hear more on this. As a newbie sub it’s a struggle
el**** Posted April 10 Posted April 10 What is your Mistress’s name? Because there is a lot of those here on fetlife that do the same thing. Following
wwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Posted April 10 Author Posted April 10 I am not comfortable with sharing my Mistresses name but I have not found here on sites like fetlife or fetish.com. 13 minutes ago, elyria365870 said: What is your Mistress’s name? Because there is a lot of those here on fetlife that do the same thing. Following
wo**** Posted April 10 Posted April 10 if physical presence is a need for you, unfortunately it is simply a need for you. u might want to talk about meeting in person, or maybe having an open relationship to satisfy that need. open relationships are common with online dating. if nothing else, this is a learning experience for you
wwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Posted April 10 Author Posted April 10 Just now, woof_woof said: if physical presence is a need for you, unfortunately it is simply a need for you. u might want to talk about meeting in person, or maybe having an open relationship to satisfy that need. open relationships are common with online dating. if nothing else, this is a learning experience for you I don't know if I would go so far as to call it a need, just something that makes me sad sometimes so I wanted to know if anyone had the same troubles, we never had a voice or video chat but she is open to it and I hope that it someway alleviates this craving. And I am absolutely monogamous so an open relationship is out of the question for me .
el**** Posted April 10 Posted April 10 Be careful of people not wanting to do video chats or talking on the phone. Sounds like Katherine to me tho
wwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Posted April 10 Author Posted April 10 I just wrote that my Mistress is open to a video chat. And I have no idea who katherine is ahahaha
Th**** Posted April 10 Posted April 10 (edited) 1 hour ago, wwwwwwwwwwwwwwww said: I am new to being submissive but managed to find an amazing Mistress online and have been her pet for a month now. She really is amazing, treats me with respect and cares for me. We trust each other a lot which is an absolute must since I am not only banned from orgasms but I can't even touch myself without her permission. I send her a lot of content she enjoys and in return I get rewarded with orders to follow and videos of her. It is a great experience but I am starting to feel the lack of phisical touch, especially cuddling wich we often talk about and I crave a lot. Does anyone have any advice or general tips for a newbie sub? Have you discussed this with her? She's really the one to talk to about it. Have you also discussed with her if this is strictly a BDSM and D/s dynamic or is this also more of a relationship for you both as well. You want to be sure you're both on the same page with that before the monogamy/non monogamy stuff cones into play. I would advise anyone to have phone calls and some sort of video chat *before* entering into any sort of long distance or online dynamic. At least before sending them any photos or video other than selfies or the like. Edited April 10 by ThaliaV
Th**** Posted April 10 Posted April 10 49 minutes ago, elyria365870 said: What is your Mistress’s name? Because there is a lot of those here on fetlife that do the same thing. Following This is a super inappropriate thing to ask. "Here" is also not Fetlife, the fet app is the same as fetish .com and totally seperate from Fetlife .com 36 minutes ago, wwwwwwwwwwwwwwww said: I am not comfortable with sharing my Mistresses name but I have not found here on sites like fetlife or fetish.com. I'm happy to see this is your response to that request
Nopseudonymn Posted April 10 Posted April 10 I would politely ask for a video session because, short of your desired in-person sessions, that would be the least she could do to help you connect with her on some level. It will also assuage any ***s that you are dealing with a scammer or catfish. While a video chat is in no way a replacement for a physical connection, it may help you until you two are able to meet. If she or neither of you have any intentions of meeting, then you may need to seek another arrangement with someone in your vicinity. I know it's not easy, so I do not suggest that lightly.
el**** Posted April 10 Posted April 10 4 minutes ago, ThaliaV said: I'm happy to see this is your response to that request You’re right, I apologize for my choice of words and phrasing them.
Th**** Posted April 10 Posted April 10 3 minutes ago, Nopseudonymn said: I would politely ask for a video session because, short of your desired in-person sessions, that would be the least she could do to help you connect with her on some level. It will also assuage any ***s that you are dealing with a scammer or catfish. While a video chat is in no way a replacement for a physical connection, it may help you until you two are able to meet. If she or neither of you have any intentions of meeting, then you may need to seek another arrangement with someone in your vicinity. I know it's not easy, so I do not suggest that lightly. Agreed, as well as actually talk about intentions if you haven't already rather than assuming.
Th**** Posted April 10 Posted April 10 Platonic cuddling is also a thing that exists, so don't rule that out.
wo**** Posted April 10 Posted April 10 1 hour ago, wwwwwwwwwwwwwwww said: I don't know if I would go so far as to call it a need, just something that makes me sad sometimes so I wanted to know if anyone had the same troubles, we never had a voice or video chat but she is open to it and I hope that it someway alleviates this craving. And I am absolutely monogamous so an open relationship is out of the question for me . nothing wrong with that. you know ur own needs better than anyone else could. was just a bit of advice in case it would help
wwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Posted April 10 Author Posted April 10 (edited) 58 minutes ago, ThaliaV said: Have you discussed this with her? She's really the one to talk to about it. Have you also discussed with her if this is strictly a BDSM and D/s dynamic or is this also more of a relationship for you both as well. You want to be sure you're both on the same page with that before the monogamy/non monogamy stuff cones into play. I would advise anyone to have phone calls and some sort of video chat *before* entering into any sort of long distance or online dynamic. At least before sending them any photos or video other than selfies or the like. One of my rules is to be honest about anything so yes we have discussed all of this together already, I just wanted some more outside opinions on the whole topic since I am so new to all of this. I don't need the video chat as proof for her being a scammer or something like that, I have more than enough proof for that. But thank you for the advice and we will surely arrange a call soon and see where that takes us. We both talked about our desire to meetup in person but have not yet talked about actually traveling so far since the distance is notable. And lastly I wanted to ask if I should create a new topic thing here on this site to talk about other parts of the dynamic I have with my Goddess or if it is fine to discuss it here. Edited April 10 by wwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
Th**** Posted April 10 Posted April 10 4 minutes ago, wwwwwwwwwwwwwwww said: One of my rules is to be honest about anything so yes we have discussed all of this together already, I just wanted some more outside opinions on the whole topic since I am so new to all of this. I don't need the video chat as proof for her being a scammer or something like that, I have more than enough proof for that. But thank you for the advice and we will surely arrange a call soon and see where that takes us. We both talked about our desire to meetup in person but have not yet talked about actually traveling so far since the distance is notable. And lastly I wanted to ask if I should create a new topic thing here on this site to talk about other parts of the dynamic I have with my Goddess or if it is fine to discuss it here. Many of us will respond to OPs and following conversations with the OP as well as other readers in mind. It sounds like you're being reasonably careful, but if you were a friend and I was giving advice in advance that's what I would have suggested. It's difficult to answer the part on further discussion and whether or not it would be considered on topic, there are some inconsistencies in how that stuff is handled here, but IMO since you *are* the OP it seems a reasonable progression in conversation to keep everything in one place for context purposes 🤷🏻♀️
wwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Posted April 10 Author Posted April 10 2 minutes ago, ThaliaV said: Many of us will respond to OPs and following conversations with the OP as well as other readers in mind. It sounds like you're being reasonably careful, but if you were a friend and I was giving advice in advance that's what I would have suggested. It's difficult to answer the part on further discussion and whether or not it would be considered on topic, there are some inconsistencies in how that stuff is handled here, but IMO since you *are* the OP it seems a reasonable progression in conversation to keep everything in one place for context purposes 🤷🏻♀️ I surely have been more than careful, now that I think about it its probably the only thing I have not fully told to her since I don't want to be perceived as a stalker and its not like I disobeyed any of our rule while doing it. When we first started talking I just assumed that I was talking to a scammer since it sounded like a reasonable thing to do for my safety and I managed to dig up stuff about her on the internet wich made me find some of her accounts online like twitter ecc... . She knows that I value my safety and privacy and we fully trust each other that the things we send each other will not be shared. I am still not sure if what I did was wrong since I did it for my safety and absolutely zero intention of harming her.
Th**** Posted April 10 Posted April 10 11 minutes ago, wwwwwwwwwwwwwwww said: I surely have been more than careful, now that I think about it its probably the only thing I have not fully told to her since I don't want to be perceived as a stalker and its not like I disobeyed any of our rule while doing it. When we first started talking I just assumed that I was talking to a scammer since it sounded like a reasonable thing to do for my safety and I managed to dig up stuff about her on the internet wich made me find some of her accounts online like twitter ecc... . She knows that I value my safety and privacy and we fully trust each other that the things we send each other will not be shared. I am still not sure if what I did was wrong since I did it for my safety and absolutely zero intention of harming her. Grey area I'd say, maybe a little creepy leaning. My opinion is to just be up front and open about verification things the other person should be fine with that unless it's a matter of moving too fast for their comfort level but not a full "no" or "well you should trust me" sort of responses of that makes sense.
Nopseudonymn Posted April 10 Posted April 10 I would say that vetting any individual met online is common and is, in fact, encouraged by security companies and sites where information between individuals can potentially be exchanged/shared. Asking to confirm identities before spending (or wasting) too much time is recommended. If you feel you are being misled, I would say a deeper dive would be in order. A few reverse image searches usually does the trick and no stalking is necessary. The amount of scammers I have sussed out that way is unbelievable. They certainly make it harder to connect with real people. Nothing beats a lengthy crisp, clear video chat with plenty of back and forth q & a. Not even AI is good enough to fake that (yet). For me, a dead giveaway is someone asking for *** (for any reason) and personal information. Also, a person that can't or won't do a video chat or at least a phone call raises red flags because they're either cheating, in prison or not who they claim to be. I know we're all leary of giving out phone numbers, but there are a few apps out there that keep that information private while allowing voice and video. It's tough to know when ensuring your safety encroaches on someone else's safety. Just be careful, be safe and do your due diligence.
wwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Posted April 10 Author Posted April 10 (edited) 52 minutes ago, Nopseudonymn said: I would say that vetting any individual met online is common and is, in fact, encouraged by security companies and sites where information between individuals can potentially be exchanged/shared. Asking to confirm identities before spending (or wasting) too much time is recommended. If you feel you are being misled, I would say a deeper dive would be in order. A few reverse image searches usually does the trick and no stalking is necessary. The amount of scammers I have sussed out that way is unbelievable. They certainly make it harder to connect with real people. Nothing beats a lengthy crisp, clear video chat with plenty of back and forth q & a. Not even AI is good enough to fake that (yet). For me, a dead giveaway is someone asking for *** (for any reason) and personal information. Also, a person that can't or won't do a video chat or at least a phone call raises red flags because they're either cheating, in prison or not who they claim to be. I know we're all leary of giving out phone numbers, but there are a few apps out there that keep that information private while allowing voice and video. It's tough to know when ensuring your safety encroaches on someone else's safety. Just be careful, be safe and do your due diligence. Ok I might have not made myself clear in my message, my diggin was a simple reverse image search so nothing too crazy or invasive, that is what I already considered stalking. So it should not be too much of an issue right? The only other safety step I used in the beginning of the dynamic was not sending explicit body images with face, so the face was always separate from the naughty stuff. But now I really have no doubt in my mind that I am not being mislead in any way. Edited April 10 by wwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
Th**** Posted April 10 Posted April 10 1 minute ago, wwwwwwwwwwwwwwww said: But now I really have no doubt in my mind that I am being mislead That's quite the sudden change from earlier, what's up?
wwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Posted April 10 Author Posted April 10 1 minute ago, ThaliaV said: That's quite the sudden change from earlier, what's up? Ok I am losing track of things, are you saying that I am not consistent with what I am telling? maybe the timeline is not well established, I was rightfully paranoid the first few days of talking to her(which is when I looked her up online) but she gained my complete trust weeks ago. I understand that you are all warning me about the potential of blackmail and stuff but I do not have that issue.
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