@Tillysue I find this helps me feel safer about the idea of trusting a Master and I agree they should be kept separate.....Ive read profiles where the Masters sounded good in skills But then went on to state "your lower body must be avalible all the time" for me Or "you must be naked lower down" Read more… for me all the time ect.....At which point I got kinda freaked.....
You seem to want a personalised Fetish site just for "your own needs"?!? Don't we all Lol But its much more general Fetish site here than being that it seems to try to be inclusive I'd say).....its got very good educational status with stuff to read & learn here and ask Qs and that's Free to Read more… access for all members (just joined a site where you had to pay just to read Bdsm topics) If you've joined a site and its not right for you (which I did recently) then you need to leave to find a better match or whatever?!? Something very "woe is me" and entitled feeling about this post which is tedious ....it does take quite a while and time&effort to work out how best to utilise this and other websites ive found myself.....
People are talking, once again, about the relationship – and the potential conflict – between BDSM and feminism. To mark International Women's Day, Fetish.com asked author Zak Jane Keir to look at how BDSM empowers women to explore and play with their kinks and fantasies - and if you harbour kinky Read more… desires, can you still call yourself a feminist?
BDSM in the mainstream
First of all, bear in mind, if you’re thinking of the feminist criticisms levelled at the 50 Shades phenomenon, that the majority of BDSM practitioners hate it too. The story of Creepy Christian and Apathetic Ana illustrates a relationship that’s pretty abusive and unhealthy in the eyes of nearly everyone who knows anything about kink.
But what that series of books and films did do, though, was bring the concept of bondage, spanking, dominance and erotic power play into the mainstream. And enough women, despite rolling their eyes at the terrible prose style and dubious ethics of the story, found aspects of it that got them hot enough to want to experiment with kinky sex for themselves.
Kinky feminists views
My own experience of being a happy sexual deviant has never clashed with my feminist views, which may or may not be to do with the fact that I am dominant rather than submissive. But the BDSM scene is full of strong, smart, open-minded women who pursue what they want and relish their sexual autonomy, whether their preferences involve giving or receiving pain, pleasure or power. I asked around to see what other kinky feminists thought.
Hannah, who describes herself as submissive but occasionally a top, told me: “We don’t have to politically police our sexual desires. Just because I'm submissive in my relationship doesn’t mean I'm in any way inferior or submissive in any other area of life - in fact, I suspect people who know the “vanilla” Hannah may be surprised to learn that I am submissive because I certainly don’t act it anywhere else.”
Author, Sonni de Soto had this to say about kink roles and feminism: "I think feminism forces you approach your play differently depending on whether you’re a top or a bottom, for better and for worse. When I was young, I would hear from prominent feminists that my masochistic desires were a symptom of there being something wrong with me, from being mentally or emotionally broken to being a victim of the patriarchy. I still hear current, prominent, feminist voices telling me that. Those same voices tell those with sadistic or Dominant desires that they’re violent, abusive predators who are a danger to society."Sonni de Soto. Photo: stonescorpion.Sonni adds: "They also tell those with non-normative fetishes that they are weird or worthy of mockery. Thankfully, as I’ve grown, so has the relationship to BDSM and feminism, greatly because of the conversation between those in the kink community and those in the sex-positive feminist community and, most importantly, those who identify as being in both."
"Now, we’re having nuanced and informed discussions that focus less on demonising certain acts or desires and the people who participate in them, and more on obtaining and maintaining consent between partners. I think the conversation has become vastly more productive and effective by telling bottoms and submissives that there is nothing wrong with them. They have the right to advocate for themselves, to want what they want, to go after it, and to walk away from those who cannot or won’t provide it.”
Kink and sex-positive feminism
Another friend, who prefers to remain anonymous, said “I don’t see a problem with enjoying being dominated and being a feminist. For me, there’s an equality in BDSM in that; if I’m not enjoying myself, then all bets are off. And being dominated is liberating in that I can switch off my mind and give in to someone else’s desire, which I find a huge turn on. So, regarding satisfaction, it’s a win-win. I don’t subscribe to calling someone my master or being called a slave. It’s all in the mind for me and doesn’t need to be framed in that way.”
I have certainly found that most of the women I know on the kink scene, whatever their play preferences, are tough, smart, sensible and self-aware. Everyone I talked to stressed the importance of consent and negotiation when it comes to kink – an area in which the BDSM crowd are generally a long way ahead of mainstream dating.
Sonni de Soto reckons that “Stats tell you, kinky people tend to be more educated, thoughtful, and engaged. And history shows that sex-positive feminism has helped make kink better, safer, and more socially acceptable than it was before, in the same way, that kink has helped make feminism more thoughtful, nuanced, and inclusive. The two owe a lot to each other. And, from my own experience, it’s hard to be in the kink community and to find kink partners if you are not, at some level, a feminist.”
Hannah was a little more cautious about kinky men’s approach, however. “I think men who are into kink are a broad cross-section of society; some are supportive of feminism, others, especially male doms, can be singularly unenlightened.”
Embracing kinky desires with feminist politics
Overall, there is no good reason for rejecting your kinky desires as incompatible with your feminist politics. While you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do – and should always ignore anyone, particularly a man, who tells you that if you were a REAL submissive, or dominant, you would do THIS thing (which just happens to be what he wants from you). It’s okay to explore your fantasies and seek out suitable playmates. There are plenty of resources and a whole social scene out there.
For further reading on feminism and kink, particularly for the curious feminist, try Catherine Scott’s Thinking Kink, which addresses the whole issue of kinky feminists and their portrayal in the media, and their ownership of their sexuality. Happy International Women's Day. Do you have an opinion on BDSM and feminism? Join for free and start a discussion in the forum.
Billed as the number-one bondage community on the internet, Bondage Dating is a treasure trove if you are looking for a bit of neck-biting and nipple-pinching kinky fun. Fetish.com takes a look.
You may already be familiar with Bondage Dating...
If you are familiar with the bondage and kinky Read more… community, you may have noticed that Bondage Dating is nearly identical to BDSMsingles.com. This is no coincidence, for they are both managed by the same firm. So, you might already be in familiar territory. Whether you are into B&D, S&M or you prefer to dominate or be submitted, you are likely to find what it is that you are looking for here.
Much like other professional portals, you have the choice of a free membership or a paid subscription. But you may have already guessed that the only way to truly interact with members is through a complete membership. Setting up an initial account is easy, with the usual basic details required to assess how kinky you are!
Bondage Dating and pictures
One advantage of this kinky dating site is that you can upload as many pictures as you wish. There is one rule: no closeup nudity. So, keep pictures of shafts or gashes a bit discreet! However, free profiles have limited functionality. They are considered to be more of a "teaser" of what is in store.
While you can see who else is on chat, you are unable to interact with other members. Furthermore, you will be unable to see any additional photos besides those that members display as their profile picture. Emails, instant messaging, flirts and other features are also locked. So, a free membership is great for getting an idea of who else is out looking for kinky fun. Unfortunately, it will accomplish little more.
What do you get for paid membership on Bondage Dating?
Paid members of Bondage Dating can enjoy some distinct features such as audio and video chat, a stealth mode for anonymous viewing, access to the private forum and unlimited instant messages. Additionally, live customer support is offered 24 hours a day and seven days a week.
Thousands to tantalise? But bots or real kinksters?
Navigating Bondage Dating...
The portal on Bondage Dating is clutter free in its appearance, and its handy navigation bar on the top of the page is reminiscent of BDSMSingles. So, you will find who and what you are looking for in no time at all. You can browse photos at the click of a button, see who is online and quickly manage your profile. One great way that the "fluff" is cut out of a casual meeting is through the user descriptions displayed immediately below their pictures. You can quickly determine who is looking for a Dom, who wants to be in charge, who enjoys a bit of pain and who may be new to the whole kinky scheme.
One of the only downsides is that (apparently) you will have to physically choose a link to view all pages from a mobile device. Therefore, if you need your Master while out and about, you could be disappointed. In all honesty, such a large site should automatically adjust to a smartphone.
Are the members of Bondage Dating mostly bots or real people?
One of the most common questions involves whether or not all of the users (approximately 450 online at any given time) are real. Unfortunately, Bondage Dating scores poor marks in this category. On the very first page of member descriptions, we found the same picture above two completely separate kinky profiles.
There are also a number of photos which were clearly downloaded from stock sites. Another feature which does not lend much transparency to who you may actually be interacting with. Out of a total of 20 profiles, we encountered no less than five which were suspect - at best. So, you could find yourself rolling the BDSM dice when speaking with others.
Bondage Dating: the Verdict
To conclude, Bondage Dating is certainly a BDSM site worth a closer look. Still, we wonder whether the monthly fee is excessive. Although this kinky dating site is easy to navigate and the features are clearly laid out, the one downfall is the sheer number of apparent bots and users who simply do not have any pictures. If you enjoy being teased, you might become frustrated rather quickly. It is best to opt for the three-day membership to see what you can expect before committing to a more lengthy subscription.
Check our more reviews of kinky dating websites on Fetish.com.
Can't find anything online to read about it?!? Why aren't slaves allowed limits when sub's clearly are?!? Know what real-time slavery is when you don't get a choice because it happened to me) where can I read about the Fetish kind?!?
One of the recurring ideas in The Sex Myth by Rachel Hills addresses our basic impulse to chase and encompass some idea of normal – in everyday life, dating, and particularly as it pertains to our sexuality. Fetish.com writer Zoë Tersche takes a look.
The Sex Myth and what is normal?
We're still Read more… struggling to define it. Hills, with an extensive background in writing for women's magazines, admits in The Sex Myth that mass media continuously sends mixed messages regarding sex. How much kink it should contain, how frequently we should be having it, who we should desire to have it with, and the way in which we should present our sex lives to friends.The Sex Myth is the product of author Rachel Hills's quest to investigate where young people stand publicly and privately, in regards to their sexuality. The collective work reveals how these cultural standards shape and affect actual human sexuality, if at all. To summarise: yes, they do.
Research for The Sex Myth
Hills travelled the English speaking world in search of interviewees willing to discuss intimacy and sex. Her subjects span people in late teenage-hood to those in their early 30's. Their stories are interspersed with a light sociological narrative with a bit of personal commentary mixed in.
Debunking kinky stereotypes in The Sex Myth
I was thrilled to read about the glorification, and sensationalising of kinky and sex-positive people at various points throughout The Sex Myth. Hills directly addresses the hyper-sexed down-for-anything kinky stereotype by drawing from the perspectives of real kinksters to debunk it.
Exposing the falsities that contemporary culture use to glamorise kink is integral to Hills's argument for The Sex Myth as a concept. Her findings are used as evidence not only of its existence but of how it (as well as other facets of The Sex Myth) are perpetuated by mass media and established cultural pre-conceptions.
Nyn is one of the handfuls of kinky and/or poly subjects serving as a comparison against the kind of kink and non-monogamous lifestyle branded by mainstream women's mags and entertainment. BDSM and alt-sex/relationships are utilised here as one example of how culture attempts to be permissive of certain sexual behaviours once (and to some, still) considered devious. But promoting any one brand of sex-positivity is constrictive, not permissive.
Kink in mainstream culture
Hills goes on to say that part of the designated role of kink and alt-sex/relationships in mainstream culture has been to serve as a “counterpoint” to what is normal. Now that certain facets or expressions of kink, gender fluidity, and non-monogamy are viewed as trendy, others will by default, be viewed as abnormal or unhealthy.
Class and kink
As Caitlyn Jenner has exemplified, one of the key factors in determining what kind of kink, gender fluidity, and non-monogamy are mainstream acceptable is class–and by class, I mean financial and social. And for those who feel marginalised, attaining a certain rank of social class is a recurring motivation among Hills's interview subjects in seeking out certain types of sex and romance.
Many of Hills' subjects in The Sex Myth are interested in promoting a vision of themselves projected in their sexual and romantic pursuits. And showing interest in specific brands of people (attractive, generally of the opposite sex) help bring that vision to life. This vision of a culturally deemed perfect self is sometimes so overpowering that people will disregard their actual desires to achieve it.
The Sex Myth and sexual orientation
'A lot of gay guys don't like ¨gay guys'' very much,' Yusuf observes...'[They're] trying to redefine being gay as something that is also very masculine and identifying more with straight men than with gay men.''
Like several other interviewees in The Sex Myth, culture (particularly religious and familial) motivates Yusuf (who is gay) away from an entire socially perceived demographic of people. Furthermore, Yusuf's environment tells him that being gay might mean a loss to his masculinity. For him, “identifying more with straight men” is a means of fitting into a more culturally ideal picture. This is one example Hills provides of the cultural branding of good and bad ways of being sexual.
While sexual minorities may not be the focus of this text as a whole, they certainly have a recurring role that is integral to this book's theme. But among all the virgins, those into kink, asexuals, poly folk, trans people, frat bros, sorority girls, openly gay, and sexually deprived interviewees, it is nearly impossible to distinguish those sexual minorities from the rest. The problem is that each subject feels just as marginalised as the next, for their own unique and often relatable set of reasons.
Zoë Tersche is a New York-based writer focusing on fetish sexuality and the freedom of sexual expression. Follow her on Twitter @ZoeTersche and find out more about her here.Have you read The Sex Myth? Do you agree with this review? Let us know by commenting below or on the Fetish.com forum.
Trying to imagine how when your a Bit/a lot curious and openly/covertly aroused you get your limits or anything across to a Master/pervert someone around?!? Cause it might demotivate them Or you might feel foolish......just general chat on here has been difficult so far)
You seem a pretty respectfully guy.....its the rest that worry me.....I guess if stuff is expected that I'm not into I can be just "out of there" like I'd be generally!! Think some peeps go get caning from pros and its nothing elsa sexual....just the punishment(s)
So I guess also it comes under Limits anyways?!? If your trans you may be/may not be okay with upper/lower body contact(s) Doupht anyone's thought of that part that dosnt deal with genders identity's?!? It sounds like punishment&pain and sexual control/slavery get mashed together in Read more… profiles.....I'd see them as separate aspects totally......Sadomasochistic stuff can be for stress-release mental health self-testing or religious mortification not just for someone to take advantage sexually of someone.....I'm going kinda retro now......and its still giving up control of my body/mind!! Guess most folks won't care or see these activity's as holistic But I do)
Your right Guys ARE the biggest Sluts & Bitches & Man-witches and I do and will call them that often enough when its true.....and yes what others think esp male partners is a huge inhibition to femme self-expression(s) Where as guys as just always "forgiven" any Sin But femmes actually feel Read more… damned/judged/shamed for real......
Well presuming peeps are "slaves" as role-play and not being abused tortured and "held under pressure" for real in real time they'd have limits too.....Didn't realise there was a #2 tier system?!? Sounds like slaves are the most at risk!! Real-time slavery even "mild" slavery is a form of Read more… brainwashing and it destroys peeps......which then leads to medical stuff like Ptsd.....