Vanilla

Can you be vanilla and kinky?

My partner is vanilla, I’m kinky, will we work out?

Can you be vanilla and kinky?

Simply put, vanilla is the opposite of everything we're about here at Fetish.com. That doesn't mean it's a bad thing, though - quite the opposite! All kinds of sex are fantastic for the people who desire them, and the best way to run your sex life is exactly how you and your partners want to.

It's also important to bear in mind that just because someone has kinks and fetishes doesn't mean they never want good old vanilla sex. Sure, there are those amongst us who need a little kink all the while to keep it feeling good - but there are plenty more who crave a little vanilla every now and then and find the experience one that promotes intimacy and builds trust.

What is vanilla sex?

Often called conventional or traditional sex, it’s basically all the sexy stuff you do that doesn’t count as kinky or part of a fetish.

Is vanilla sex boring?

Not necessarily! Sex is awesome, right? And sometimes you just want some straightforward shagging. Not everyone feels kinky all the time and that’s perfectly okay. Enjoying sexual touching, without power dynamics and pain can be just what you want sometimes.

Can you be kinky and have vanilla sex?

Sure, sometimes you want a complex scene with all kinds of psychological depth, power play and pain exchange. You want to get out all your toys and use them in fun, wicked ways. However some days you just want sex. It’s perfectly fine to be kinky and enjoy a bit of vanilla sex from time to time. Variety is the spice of life after all.

My partner is vanilla, I’m kinky, will we work out?

It’s down to your own, personal dynamic. Relationships are all about communication and you need to talk to your partner about the expectations you both have for sex and sexual interactions. It might be that your partner wants to try out some kinky things, you can explore those together! If not, it is your place to decide if vanilla sex is enough for you or not. There may be options for you to get your kink and fetish place elsewhere with a different play partner. You need to chat and work out what is best for you.

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Safety, consent and respect for boundaries

There's more than one 'official' definition of what the letters in BDSM stand for, and plenty of people don't agree on their exact usage! However you use the term, though, it's a catch-all way of describing a whole bunch of kinks and fetishes that are more common than many people imagine: bondage and impact play, sadism and masochism, domination and submission. Safety, consent and respect for boundaries are all key in the practice of BDSM, and it's vital to negotiate properly with your partners before getting into anything heavy-handed. Thankfully it's not so hard to learn - most places around the world have their own BDSM communities that are only too happy to take in newbies and help them learn the ropes.

Have a breast fetish?

Let's face it, folks: breasts are pretty great. Almost everyone who is sexually attracted to women has a fondness for them, and plenty of other people besides can enjoy looking at them or playing with them. For those of us who have our own they're often a big part of the way we dress and the way we dress up, and people who think of their breasts as being one of their best physical features can have a lot of fun with dresses, corsets and plunge bras designed to show them off. There's more than one way of getting your breasts involved in your fetish life, too. If you have a breast fetish, breast worship is a common practice amongst people who enjoy submitting to women, while those who get off on dominating them might want to indulge in a little tit torture or breast bondage. For most people they're a major erogenous zone, making them a great place to bite, suck, spank and squeeze. Just make sure you have the full informed consent of your partner before you get down to anything!

Big or small - we love all butts

A lot of kinks seems to focus on the butt. Our rear ends are spanked, bitten, licked, worshipped and fucked - and that's just the foreplay! Asses are an erogenous zone for many, and a major point of attraction for even more - no matter the shape, size or gender of the ass in question. They're an excellent choice for safe and responsible impact play because they tend to be well padded and make a great target. Time was, the Twiggy-style flat butt was the way to go for women who wanted to look a la mode - until, praise the Lord, along came Jennifer Lopez, Nicki Minaj and Kim Kardashian. Now, quite the opposite is true: women have their posteriors surgically plumped and worrying that they don't have enough junk in their trunks. As with all things, it's important not to let this get to you; the booty beautiful is different for everyone, and the body you've got has a whole lot going for it.