In 2015 flagging seems like a pretty ancient pastime, but those 20th-century hanky codes were a subtle and sexy way for deviants to share their preferences. In public, with strangers and lovers alike. Red meant the wearer wanted fisting. Purple was for people into piercings. Grey, ironically, stood for bondage. There were over ten colours in all. This secret language bloomed as a reaction to sexually repressive social rules. Now coded kinky foreplay can be relished just for the hell of it.

Decoded Kinky Foreplay Secret #1: Talk it up


Whether it’s during phone sex or just chatting over coffee, many couples use a range of secret kinky phrases that only make sense to them. These code words can become a kind of foreplay. They reflect stuff you love doing in bed. For example: wearing leather, the music you have in the background or a particular food you eat from each other’s bodies. So a mention of ‘dressing up tonight’, ‘buying some ice cream’, or getting back early to ‘listen to some vintage Prince’, can make your BDSM freak’s heart race with anticipation.

Decoded Kinky Foreplay Secret #2: Dress the part


If you live with other people, like your kids, flatmates or parents. You have to wait for privacy before arranging any serious bondage action. Get around that problem by wearing a specific item of clothing that they love to see you in. It can be something as simple as yoga pants, jeans or that ripped black skull t-shirt you look so hot in. Whatever gets your partner weak at the knees is going to have an effect. Combine that with regular eye contact and surreptitious lingering hugs. Leave them in no doubt about what’s on your mind. Using coded foreplay can be cranked up to super-erotic levels by wearing fetish gear under your normal clothes. Give them a peek of what’s to come when you’re alone and let their imagination do the rest.

Decoded Kinky Foreplay Secret #3: Take out an ad


Some forms of coded foreplay work best in long distance S&M relationships. Situations where the frustration you both feel can be easily intensified. Writing a classified ad that you know will attract the attention of your love interest, is a cool way of letting them know you’re kinky enough to think outside the box when it comes to slutty flirting. What you decide to write depends on the kind of bondage pleasures you know have the most impact on your lover’s libido. Unleash your most shameless literotica, then be sure to keep an eye on the classifieds for your reply.

Decoded Kinky Foreplay Secret #4: Go (almost) public with your desires


If you’re sick of the humblebraggers and drama queens who dominate our social media streams with their endless self promoting drivel. Why not chuck in a few updates of your own that seem bland, but in reality are utterly sadomasochistic. Be sure to tag your cutie so there’s no doubt of your intentions. For a lot of BDSM lovers the idea of public exposure is pretty hot. Often the rush comes from knowing other people are watching. You can recreate that anytime by posting coded foreplay messages to one another on Facebook or Twitter. Phrases like ‘I’m hungry’ or ‘I can’t wait for my work out tonight’ are pretty common online. If it’s written with a secret meaning which only the two of you understand, it can make your partner long for home time. In their article, ‘The role of Facebook in romantic relationship development: An exploration of Knapp’s relational stage model’. The Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that it’s very healthy for couples to make a relationship public on social networking sites, especially in the early stages. It builds trust, lets your partner know you’re thinking of them and displays genuine commitment.

Decoded Kinky Foreplay Secret #5: Snuggle down in front of the TV


This is not the time for breaking out your Sopranos box sets - unless that’s what floats your kinky boat. Try choosing something steamy and stimulating. Maybe a film with a few scenes you’d like to try out yourself, before cuddling up to your S&M plaything on the couch. You can either let events unfold naturally, or if they need a bit of a push, start whispering into their ear about how much you’d love to do what you’re watching on screen. If you have an extensive collection of fetish porn this can be an excellent form of coded foreplay. Just slide in a particular disc and let your lover know exactly what’s on your mind.

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