Jump to content
xoxowowsers

Help! New Lesbian Dom seeking advice!

Recommended Posts

xoxowowsers
Posted

Hey, I'm a pretty new to being a dom, and I just wanted to see if anyone had some advice? My girlfriend is a big sub and she's been pretty adamant about me being more assertive and, well, dominating in bed. I want to do all those things, but I guess I'm just sort of  afraid bc a) its not really in my personality to be dominating and b) I'm insanely and don't want to disappoint her by fucking it up somehow. 

Mistressmolly
Posted
Start slow like tying her hands in a scarf or spanking her with your bare hands
  • Like 2
katjathetoy
Posted

My thoughts, with the backround of a long f/f relationship where D/s, bondage, etc happen, not 24/7 but satisfyingly often - your's truly being the sub.

If you feel it is not "you" being a dom, then you might want to consider how far are you really willing to go to just to please your partner - of course nothing wrong in listening and following your partners wishes, that's how it should work in the first place but something you might want to think - and talk with her about. Talk, that's something to start with.

Being "dominant" has nothing to do with type of bondage or restraints, it's about  you being in control - and that could be an easy way to start it; order her around in the bed, tell her to strip for you (or dress up, whatever floats your boat), spank her bum, pin her to the matrass and, well I'm sure you figure out how to proceed... Vice versa, order her to do to you something that you really enjoy - and make her "practise" it so she learns to please you (Actually, this could be the one to start with, then as a reward, you "take" her hehe). Also there's a thing called "verbal domination" - you calling her a (insert whatever name here) and saying other humiliating thns, those might work. And try to be creative, that's the hard part in being a dom, always figuring out new ways.

Aaand did I say, talk? The way she views being a sub might differ from your view of domming a sub. What does she really want? And go to filthy details, talking about them is almost as frisky as doing it.

As for the actual bondage, like Mistressmolly said, start slow. Tie her hands to the bedposts with scarfs but make sure you don't overextend her joints. As for ropes, it's a world of it's own as for "how-to" - the internet is full of sites telling you techniques and safety tips (try theduchy.com for starters) BUT before going this far I think you guys need to talk and you need to figure out weather you really want this!

Sorry, long whine but it's essential you BOTH feel happy doing what you do - if you don't enjoy it then me thinks you should tell it to her (frantically checking back what I wrote, hoping it doesn't come off too negative!)

:crazy:

  • Like 3
Posted
Such good advice from the ladies. Kink, whatever the flavour, is all about communication. This may be a way to bring you so much closer. I imagine it took a little for her to tell you too. If you really aren't comfortable there isn't any point it's true. But it may just be that when you explore it together you discover a whole new world! Tell her how you feel. But as said below, there are different ways of doing this. Things like sensation play for example, touch, ice etc. Blindfolds. For many (myself included) it's all about mentally submitting. Giving myself to him. My partner is a switch, so while I'm naturally on the submissive side, I'm exploring this other aspect of myself.. but learning who my domme is, not trying to fit other people's idea. I haven't suddenly morphed in to a whip-cracking sadist. Rather she's sensual and dominates by getting devoted compliance...
  • Like 2

×