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Not so Vanilla? How to Spice Up Your Sex Life With Kink

Read a dirty book that got your juices flowing? Saw a certain movie and thought, “Oh yes, please tie me up!”? Then perhaps it's time to spice up your sex life with some kink. Writer Kayla Lords suggests how.

 

Spice up your sex life

You could get naked, lie spreadeagle in bed with a ball gag in your mouth, and a riding crop laying across your bare ass and wait for your partner to “find” you. Surprise! For the rest of you who are worried about how your partner will take your particular kink, let’s try a different approach, shall we?

If you and your partner have been together for a while, you probably have a good idea about how they might react. And even then, you may have convinced yourself that you’re about to be completely rejected. Take a deep breath to discuss the following ideas. See if they help you take the step from pure vanilla to spice up your sex life with kinky fun.

 

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Introducing kink is a great way to spice up your sex life Image: via Shutterstock.com

 

Don’t bombard your partner

To introduce kink, you want to set aside time to talk to them or wait for a quiet moment when they’re focused on you. (After great, sweaty sex is always an option.) Throwing this at them when they walk in from a busy day at work isn’t good timing.

Start with the small stuff. Your fantasy may include consensual non-consent *** and kidnap scenes or a gangbang. Perhaps it could consist of *** play or something equally in the “advanced” category of kink. Don’t lead with that. Pick something a little less threatening to spice up your sex life, something that you think you and your partner might enjoy, and start there.

Share how you were introduced to kink or things you’ve watched, read, or seen that turn you on. This could be a new territory for your partner. They may need to take some time to learn about it before they’re willing to commit. Be willing to listen to your partner's desires. I’ve met plenty of people who thought they were the only ones in their relationship with kinky desires, but then they began discussing kink and learned their partners had their own fantasies. You may be surprised at what you learn once you open up the discussion about ways to spice up your sex life.

 

Take it slow

Understand you might not get everything you want all at once. Even the most established people in the kink community take their time when they have a new partner. This isn’t any different. Yes, you want to do All The Things after you introduce kink, but you need to ease into it slowly.

Realise your education in kink has only just begun. If you get your partner on board with the idea of being kinky, now the real learning begins. Read, watch, and learn as much as you can. Additionally, come to understand that sometimes that kinky scene with ropes, vibrators, and blindfolds isn’t going to go according to plan.

 

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Discuss safety

Many people consider kink dark and dangerous. Be sure to mention safewords and consent. Moreover, ensure that you understand the importance of playing safe - and how to spice up your sex life without either one of you getting hurt.

If after you introduce something and the absolute worst happens - your partner completely refuses to experiment with kink or find the middle ground in your sex life - you’ll have some decisions to make. Stay where you are and find happiness without kink (something people do all over the world, every single day).

Leave that relationship and look for a partner (or multiple partners) who can fulfil your kinky needs. Some people find kinky partners outside of their vanilla relationship (openly or secretly). There’s no right answer to this one. Only you can decide what’s best for you and your relationship.

If your need to tap into your kinky side is important and you want to discover that part of yourself, don’t hide it away. As scary as it may be, you need to talk to your partner if they’re the one you want to get kinky with. You never know what might happen. One conversation to introduce kink could turn into a life of kinky fuckery and every sexual fantasy coming true.


Kayla Lords is a freelance writer, sex blogger, and a masochistic babygirl living the 24/7 D/s life. 


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How have you introduced kink into your relationship? How do you suggest kink as a way to spice up your sex life? Share your experiences in the Fetish.com forum. 

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    What kind of Dom is this?

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I rented four of them and made three trips to the store because she'd casually mention something she wanted, and apparently my brain interprets a passing thought as a mission requiring immediate execution. 🤣 And I LOVED it. She'd mention wanting takeout, and I'd be delighted to go get it. She'd remember another movie halfway through the one we were watching, and suddenly we were switching films. And the funny thing is, I didn't care about the movies at all. I loved that she'd remember a particular scene and get excited because she wanted to show it to me. We'd be watching something completely ridiculous, and she'd tell me to pay attention because her favorite part was coming up. She wasn't just watching a movie. She wanted to share something she enjoyed with me, and she didn't want me to miss it. I absolutely adored that. 🥹 And then there was the chocolate milk. ❤️ At some point, she'd mentioned that she needed a toothbrush. 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Not because there was anything special about chocolate milk. But because of how she interacted with me. The calmness. The kindness. The simplicity. The way she could communicate exactly what she wanted without demanding anything, and receive it with this wonderfully sweet disposition. It was an energy I hadn't realized I'd been missing for so long. There was no tension to navigate, no uncertainty to decode, no feeling that I was doing too much or that my attention was somehow unwelcome. Just two people sitting beside each other, making a cup of chocolate milk exactly the way one of them liked it. And I was ridiculously happy. 🥹❤️ We also spent something like two hours on the back patio, singing songs she picked while we rocked together and bum*** into each other, singing, smiling, existing. Nothing planned. Nothing accomplished. Nothing that needed accomplishing. Just her singing, me singing parts I knew, me listening to her beautiful voice, and the two of us sharing space. 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    KINK: THE FORBIDDEN FRUIT

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