Kink Shaming | You're too Old, Fat or Tall for Your Kinks

What do you know about the Caregiver/little lifestyle? Is there such a thing as being too old/fat/tall for your kink? Writer Kayla Lords explores her DD/lg relationship and reveals issues with kink shaming she had to overcome to become the kinktastic little that she is today.

 

You don’t have to be physically small to be a little

The world of kink, BDSM, and fetish is filled with plenty of myths about what it means to be a kinkster.

• Dominants are all white men in three-piece suits.
• Submissives are lithe, fragile women who will kneel and bow before the strongest Dominant man. 

Ugh. Those might be the two most common, but they’re not the only ones. We’ve talked about myths in BDSM before, but there’s one type of kink shaming that gets under my skin and is enough to make me stomp my baby girl feet while dropping a few F-bombs.
 

“You’re too old/fat/tall to be a little.”
 

This one is said to both women and men. Apparently, the only kinksters allowed to enjoy either age play or the Caregiver/little dynamic of Domination and submission are people who look like adolescents. Well, I’m here to say, “Fuck the kink shaming.” When I first met my Daddy Dom, I cringed at one small detail. I am about an inch taller than him. If I wear my ‘fuck-me heels’ I tower over him. I hated it.

Who's taller now?

Until the day he grabbed my hair and through his physical and mental strength pulled me to the floor until I was kneeling at his feet. “Who’s taller now?” The only possible response was, “You, Daddy.” I never forgot that moment. It doesn’t matter how tall I am when we’re on equal footing in a vanilla world. As kinksters, he has the power and control, and he’s my Daddy Dom. Physical height is irrelevant.

Fast forward a couple of years. Living together after 18 months in a long-distance relationship made us both complacent. We were living those “honeymoon” years where you stop paying attention to your diet, your wardrobe, or your looks. We both gained weight. I, however, ended up 30 pounds heavier than him. Even now, after we’ve both gotten serious about our health, I’m still 15 pounds heavier. My butt and hips make my body wider than his, even though he’s got broad shoulders. My thighs are bigger. My stomach is fuller and softer. I’m not the biggest woman around, but I’m heavier and bigger than he is.

By some standards of thinking, I should put away my pigtails and my Hello Kitty blankie and resign myself to a life outside of the “Daddy/little” dynamic. I’m too big. Too fat. And hell, I’m in my mid-30s, so clearly I’m too old, right? Bullshit.

Littles come in all shapes, sizes and ages - don't get discouraged by anyone kink shaming you!

Don't judge a person by their 'cover' - kink shaming is never ok

I know littles who are 60 and older. I know little boys that could be a linebacker on a football team (and probably were back in the day). I’ve met plenty of Daddies who are quiet and unassuming people. If you didn’t know them, you would never suspect they’ve got a sadist side. They watch Disney movies or are the only ones who can get their partner to calm the hell down and sit still (with a single look).
 
Being a Daddy or a Mommy, a little boy or a little girl has nothing to do with age, weight, height, clothing size, or any other physical attributes. Living and enjoying the Caregiver/little dynamic is a mindset. It’s about feeling safe enough to let a more vulnerable part of your psyche out to play. For the Dominants, it’s a way to be a nurturing, caring kind of person with your own playful side and finding a person who wants to be loved and nurtured in the way that works for you.

Kink shaming? Get outta there!

If you find yourself in a group of kinksters and they make you feel like your dynamic is wrong because you don’t look the part or you don’t match their preconceived notions, put on your big girl or boy pants walk away from that group. Turning around and sticking your tongue out at them or threatening to tell your Daddy (or Mommy) is also an option.

For some reason, if you’re doubting your feelings or your relationship because you’ve internalized this false belief that our physical appearance makes the kinky dynamic and play, stop right now. Think about what makes you come alive and feel the most fulfilled as a kinkster. Remember all that matters is playing safe and having the consent of your partner. If your partner is just as willing to enjoy the Caregiver/little dynamic with you, that’s all that matters. Not your height, your weight, or your age.

Kayla Lords is a freelance writer, sex blogger, and a masochistic babygirl living the 24/7 D/s life.

Are you a Caregiver or a little? Have you experienced kink shaming based on how you look? Share all in the Fetish.com forum.

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