Question about vetting first dom

[My****]

First of all, you are as important as you’re dumb you are actually equal and deserves mutual respect always ghosting isn’t anything anybody who has respect for the other does to them

[Pi****]

I'd call it a red flag. You don't just vanish without a damn good reason, especially in a brand new dynamic.

If you can, talk to others in your area about the person, and see if this is a common thing from them. If it is, run for the hills.

[wi****]

Rude bc that type of stuff was not communicated as something to be expected. Any proper sub/Dom relationship consists of lots of communication to set expectations, rules, boundaries.

[DickGozinya]

A Dom/Sub relationship is like any other in that you need that trust and respect. You have to discuss boundaries and agree to them, and if they are crossed repeatedly then it's not for you.
I will say this loudly. Most guys that claim to be Doms are not. Don't confuse a Dom, with a narcissist ****. They will start off as "Doms" but pretty rapidly show they don't care about what you're trying to get, it's all about them. I would wager this guy put you on the back burner. He got what he really wanted from you and was working on someone else. They probably weren't very receptive as he would like so his permanent ghosting turned into a "micro ghosting" bs excuse.

Edited Monday at 11:54 AM by CaraVirt
insult removed

[Co****]

I’m going to have to agree with everyone else. I am still semi new myself, and I do present as a dom. But no that is unacceptable. Ghosting is not something that should be part of a dynamic, Unless previously discussed. Even then I think it’s alittle off. But like I said. Semi new. So don’t know if that’s actually something people are into. But more sounds like he got what he wanted. Put the work in till that point. And then started looking around. When he found someone else he ghosted you. Then is trying to comeback cause he failed with the one was pursuing. Don’t accept this. Do not take him back as a dom. In every relationship there needs to be trust. But I want to argue that there should almost be more trust between a dom and their sub. Cause things take a farther turn then “standard play”. So if you feel the trust was broken or betrayed. Then don’t go back.

[Ca****]

A dom is a dom...sub needs to respect and Dom will humiliate the sub in every imaginable way.

[Sh****]

22 hours ago, CalRiz24 said:

A dom is a dom...sub needs to respect and Dom will humiliate the sub in every imaginable way.

I can tell you for a fact that you're wrong. I'm a sub but that doesn't make me a doormat. It's fine within agreed upon boundaries but outside those boundaries It's not okay.

[Mo****]

Yeah that attitude just proves a fake Dom and proves beyond a shadow of a doubt you have NO idea what you are doing.

[TN****]

All things in a relationship need to be discussed in detail. If those things were not talked about as part of the negotiation then they are off the table.

Because you are new I’d like to propose you do this to help. Figure out your hard limits and write them down. Then do the same for your soft and then every few months revisit. Things change. So will you.

Also before engaging in any scene or play you always talk out what is and is not acceptable to both parties. And for god sake if someone says they have no limits they are inexperienced and you should be careful.

[La****]

Things like this need to be discussed and consented to beforehand, not simply imposed upon the other person without warning or explanation. Micro-dosing anxiety in order to create a dependency is absolutely a d**k move, and to me, this shows that this person didn't respect your feelings or your well-being. I'm genuinely sorry you experienced that.

[Co****]

Yes, I think you may be overreacting. Nothing is ‘standard’ in this community - that’s sort of the point and there is no definitive manual on the ‘right’ way to Dom or the ‘right’ way to Sub.

The difference between “cheap manipulation tactic” and an experiment to explore feelings and reactions with a partner can be difficult to define.

If your Dom’s task upset you so much you are no longer interested then that is fine. D/s is consensual and you have an absolute right to back out anytime for any reason. However, if the relationship was interesting to you, maybe it would be a good idea to try to talk to the Dom about the issues you have with the ‘task’ and trust and whatnot. Discussing why he thought this would be a good idea might be more useful than simply labeling it ‘cheap manipulation’ and dismissing it entirely.

Finally, you should keep in mind that nothing is standard and at the end of the day we are all making things up as we go along. Even a very experienced Dom may come up with an idea that seemed good at the time, but just fell flat in practice. This may have been one of those.

[Sp****]

Totally rude.
Communication is everything and he isn't working with you as a sub, he's just being an a**. If someone isn't taking the time to get to know you, your needs/wants, etc. And to set up the scene with you they are using and manipulating, not being a dom.

[Cu****]

Seems rude or like an excuse, DOM doesn't include emotional *** unless previously agreed upon.

[Le****]

If you are not getting what you want or are uncomfortable, TALK WITH YOUR DOM. Ask 100 people what a D/S relationship looks like to them and you'll get a wide variety of answers. At the end of the day, it's your comfort and pleasure, nobody else's. Tell him you want better communication, no micro-ghosting. If its cool, carry on. If he's shady, move on.