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New Master looking for guidance/direction

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Hi there, a little about me...I have always been interested in BDSM, and felt like I had dabbled in it here and there...but always felt I was just playing dom as most of the women I restrained were just liked the idea of just that. Fast forward to last Thursday, went to meet a couple (my friends) who had a girlfriend that was moving here and wanted me to join for dinner. I was not even thinking about a sub, and never really did the research on what a true sub was...until now.

My friend had told her about me and that I dabbled in the things she liked. We met and had small talk, and she started dropping hints as to what she was...once again, dom/sub was not even in my thoughts.  Dinner ended, and she basically said she was coming home with me...and she did.

The session we had that night was absolutely amazing, she asked how long I had been a master, of course I replied, this was my first time with a real sub. She seemed perplexed, and said no way...she said it came way too naturally to me to be a first time. She said she had been looking for me for a long time, almost 5 years...I told her, that I had been looking for someone like her my whole life! She said if that was my first time, she could not wait to see how I grew as HER master.

Right now I feel like the person that has been handcuffed my whole life, and now have this woman handing me the key to free myself, my eyes had been opened to a whole new world! She asked that night if I would be her Master, to which I excitedly said most definitely...Now even though it felt natural to me (we were together the following 3 days as well) I am still trying to wrap my head around the fact that this woman, MY sub...is willing to do ANYTHING I ask just to please me. Because she is experienced, I just want to be the best I can, for her and myself. What sucks about this is we had and amazing 4 nights together, conversation flowed so easily like we had been together for years...she has gone back to her home state to finish packing for the move here and won't be back for 3-4 weeks. 

Read this somewhere..."Asking another person to give themselves over to you, whether this is for just an hour a week or 24/7, means that you have to make yourself worthy of such a sacrifice." Anyway...sorry for the wall of text, just need some direction/guidance please.

She will be saying exactly the same as you ‘I can’t believe he is willing to allow me to do anything’ & she is getting as much sexual pleasure from pleasing you as you are. She is a sub & as a sub it is a huge turn on to know you can be the best slut that your Owner desires. You are lifting each other to immense sexual heights. My advice is simply ‘Be confident’. If either of you want something the other doesn’t then that’s ok you’re not trying to make each other feel stupid you’re just trying to discover what each others limits are. But confidence is key & there is nothing sexier than confidence. Oh...& remember she is not made of China so she won’t break! Us subs have a high *** threshold & can filter immense pleasure from *** & ***. Be confident, have fun & ‘discover’ 😊

I hear you, BP....Confidence is definitely not my problem LOL… Thank you for the response that helps immensely! She is an amazing woman, And I couldn’t be happier


In all honesty DirtiestSeven it doesn't sound to me like you need all that much direction or guidance, but what BigPolly has already said holds true. Your new submissive is obviously very happy with how you hold and handle yourself already or she would not have given you the gift of her complete submission to your will and desires. You already have experience in the areas you both enjoy exploring and any relationship you enter with her or any other submissive is always going to be a voyage of self discovery for both you. They key is to remain open and honest and to help each other explore more what you know you already enjoy or any fantasies that either of you have that have yet to have been explored or played with and most importantly have fun and remember to let her know how much you both respect her and value everything she does for you. 

  • 2 weeks later...

The only advice I can give is this friend...

Three pillars support every relationship. Vanilla or otherwise. Take away one? It collapses.

1. Trust

she has placed a great amount of trust in you. But it goes both ways. If you are unsure about something? Trust her to be patient with you and express yourself. Trust yourself to be aware of the surroundings and any change in her behaviour (in or out of subspace) that might cause her her harm. Trust her to do the same and the bond will grow stronger.

2. Respect

Respect any boundaries discussed BEFORE a scene takes place. Respect her gift to you and nurture it.  she in turn should respect the power she has given you. If there is a reason she is unable to do a scene or such, ask the reason why.  I have seen many a fake wannabe push past and not respect the boundaries for their own need. I have helped many a sub rebuild after such encounters and trust Me it isn't pretty. 

Respect goes beyond the bedroom, show your sub that you see her as strong and beautiful and if you show it publicly? It will show her you value her as more than a semen receptacle.

3. Communication

This one is incredibly important to Me. Communicate good and bad. How a scene is supposed to go before, communication can be non verbal during in some cases (hooded for example I have subs hold a little red ball. If they drop it? Equivalent to a safeword) communicate after. What you enjoyed what she did that pleased you or may have given you pause. Let her know all the good she brings out in you and ask the same from her. If you know what makes her tick? Then you can make her feel that she is heard and that is soooooo important to both Dom and sub.


Enjoy your newfound path, it's gonna be quite the journey.


I agree with the three pillars. 

I think it’s worth noting my friend that confidence takes us so far as Doms. Like you I strive to ensure I am fulfilling my subs needs and desires, even those that she has only told me through moans and eye rolls and yet to words too. 

The knowledge that we are fulfilling our subs in whatever way makes them hot horny and feeling great about themselves is the reassurance that they will kneeling at your feet waiting next time.

it all comes back to open communication, asking all on here for a steer is great and I’ll be doing so myself - but. It all of us combined could give the insight about her that she can- ask her ? 


  • 4 weeks later...

Thanks to all of you for you responses, it really means a lot. I would definitely take all of yours advice and see if I can transfer that over into our relationship, we have hit a rough spot here since she has moved back, for both of us... Not so much our relationship per se, but more so situations that have come around us that we are unable to have those nights like the first four. But hopefully soon we can get back on track, and see where this journey takes us.

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