Overcoming anxiety when going to events or meeting up with others

[Deleted Member]

As someone who is diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and social anxiety disorder I have a hard time actually going out and meeting other people. I’d love to go to a BDSM event sometime, but at the same time it sounds like my personal hell😅, even meeting one new person is extremely stressful for me. Does anyone have any tips or tricks they do to overcome their anxiety?

[Tifferdoodles69]

I have the same issue, if you find any tips let me know 😭

[Deleted Member]

Gosh i struggle so much with anxiety myself and throw in a gentle sprinkle of depression in there too and it makes for a wild mixture 🥲🥲

[pe****]

For someone who also has diagnosed GAD I find when I try to be outgoing and put myself out there dark rooms help me as my anxiety is always if I know someone or there's to many faces preset in a dark room event this has never played on my GAD hope this helps x

[Cu****]

If you’ve been diagnosed by a medical professional, surely they’ve also given you advice on coping tactics and achievable, personal targets to encourage your improvement? Without appearing uncaring, asking a whole load of strangers who don’t know you, could unintentionally make matters worse for you. Go with the professional advice. If they haven’t given you satisfactory help, then go back and ask again, or ask if they can advise you on therapy and counselling. Best wishes.

[Deleted Member]

We can go together ?

[jo****]

I feel that

[jo****]

It’s really just taking a leap sometimes dm maybe we can talk I still haven’t been to events due to that

[Li****]

I've been to therapy for the exact same reasons, meaning anxieties, not the going to gigs and places bit. I have found my own ways to recognise, treat and deal with (every new form of) anxieties manifesting and taking a toll on me. Once I've dealt with it all, all the difficulties (and particularly the social aspects of them) have slowly faded away. So, in the end, and given that what works for me and my particular manifestation/the way I suffered from them, may be not the same as yours, I'd advise to find a pathway with your therapist that can lead to properly dealing with anxieties. While, in the meantime, just not exposing yourself to what triggers you. I know, it sucks, but I am, as many others, the living testimony you can deal first and then overcome all of this.

[xM****]

One thing that helps me a lot is to remember that pretty much everyone is experiencing these same emotions to varying degrees.

If I focus my thoughts on the idea that someone else might be too anxious to come and say “hi” to me, then it helps me anchor my thoughts around the idea of how silly it is to feel that way. Imagine someone being too nervous to say hi to you lol.

You can do it! And if you don’t like it, then just leave after 5 minutes. :)

[bi****]

The single best way to feel more comfortable is to go with someone else. Could be tricky if you don't know anyone to go with so the 2nd best way is to contact the organiser, nearly all of whom will go out of their way to meet you, take you in under their wing and make sure you are looked after.

[TheBookCollector]

Some organisers will agree to meet you before hand especially if you explain you feel anxious, and they can ease you into the munch.
.
Or nominate another female member to meet you and chat generally before hand so you know atleast one other person there.

[Deleted Member]

I have anxiety but I get over it but repeating my moto; you can't get what you want if you don't go out there and get it.

Also don't go with any expectations.

[Deleted Member]

My way might not be the healthiest of ways, but I find having a drink or two normally calms down any nervousness I might be having. Or my friend has THC gummies that have also helped. Beyond those two, im sure there are other ways such as meditating before going out or maybe drinking some chamomile tea or something like that. But figured I'd comment with my methods. Again, I'm sure most people on here have far better options but this is what works for me.

[sm****]

it helps if you can form some sort of repport or communication with someone who may be going to the same event, with both having some sort of prior communication and can have an common interest of theme to back on to.   You will be very surprised that most events a lot of people will be feeling this way, even though they do not show it outwardly.   Your best bet is start of with some of the scene Munch's that are there to help people in their first steps into meeting other likeminded souls.  They are designed to me non intimidating and are always set in a place where from the outside it will just look like a lot of friends meeting in the pub etc.

[ey****]

If going to a kink event feels like your idea of Hell - you don't have to go  

(unless of course it is a "no, I want to go - but argh people")

So generally - a lot is, what are your normal coping strategies?  If you don't know/haven't got any - then that is what you need to find out; work with a mental health professional and/or look at different online resources and use trial and error in other scenarios

the thing is also, you can go to a munch and sit a few tables away to get a feel to decide if you can face joining or not.

One thing - avoid alcohol to calm the nerves, because alcohol as a coping technique is how you get dependency - and, potentially worse than that : if you turn up too drunk you run the risk (actual and perceived) of giving a poor impression. It's never a good impression when someone turns up drunk.

 

[theroperockstar]

I have anxiety too the best thing you csn fo is power through it, do things thst make you uncomfortable, put yourselfvoutbofvyoyr comfort zone if and ehrn you cxn and eventually it'll get easier, you csn always feel free to message me for tips n' tricks or even to make friends, or maybe more :)) (btw i had a look through your profile and thought i should tell you that your look stunning :) (don't be deceived my by looks I've been told I'm a great person to be around, and I'm good at ehst I do if that makes sense 😉)

[NA****]

No matter what anyone tells you as far as a helpful hint or clue; it’s still up to you to “Do, or do not; there is no try.”
You have to be willing to summon up that courage to make the step forward. It’s going to be hard regardless, I don’t have anxiety but I understand that it’s hard, but once you take that first step and go to that first whatever, it will get progressively easier. Especially if you are fortunate to meet a really cool person.
I hope this helped. And I wish you the best of luck here. Feel free to message me if you need to. And believe me when I say everyone here will have your back. The community is full of cool people for the most part. Cheers darlin; you can do it!

[Ki****]

7 hours ago, CumbriaLeather said:

If you’ve been diagnosed by a medical professional, surely they’ve also given you advice on coping tactics and achievable, personal targets to encourage your improvement? Without appearing uncaring, asking a whole load of strangers who don’t know you, could unintentionally make matters worse for you. Go with the professional advice. If they haven’t given you satisfactory help, then go back and ask again, or ask if they can advise you on therapy and counselling. Best wishes.

I agree, wholeheartedly with everything you say. I would also like to add that the first couple of posts were from other people realizing that they weren’t alone and had somebody else thinking the same thing so they reached out and said, “yeah, I know what you are speaking of, and I can empathize“. I know I had a late diagnosis of ADHD at 61. I was fortunate enough to have a physician who finally asked if I’d ever been diagnosed. She had been diagnosed by another colleague a couple of years previously. So, we are all in this together.
And I cannot stress enough, your advice to seek professional help is probably THE most helpful comment here. And this is with the background of 26 years in Emergency and Trauma. I’ve triaged a lot of people at the end of their rope. And no idea how to reach out and get out of the hole. Or, in some cases, incapable of reaching out bc of PTSD, anxiety, and all the shite that comes with it.

Oh, and apologies for the info dump. I didn’t realize I did this until I had been diagnosed and started reading up.

[Ki****]

6 hours ago, xMxyzx said:

One thing that helps me a lot is to remember that pretty much everyone is experiencing these same emotions to varying degrees.

If I focus my thoughts on the idea that someone else might be too anxious to come and say “hi” to me, then it helps me anchor my thoughts around the idea of how silly it is to feel that way. Imagine someone being too nervous to say hi to you lol.

You can do it! And if you don’t like it, then just leave after 5 minutes. :)

The ADHD in me gets really bad for that. And then I do a mental splash of water on the face by telling myself that there is at least one person around who is feeling the exact way. Anxious, nervous, not wanting to be “that guy “. I’m just starting to be able to recognize and “anchor”. TY for the reminder!!!

[Ki****]

41 minutes ago, NAfunfornall said:

No matter what anyone tells you as far as a helpful hint or clue; it’s still up to you to “Do, or do not; there is no try.”
You have to be willing to summon up that courage to make the step forward. It’s going to be hard regardless, I don’t have anxiety but I understand that it’s hard, but once you take that first step and go to that first whatever, it will get progressively easier. Especially if you are fortunate to meet a really cool person.
I hope this helped. And I wish you the best of luck here. Feel free to message me if you need to. And believe me when I say everyone here will have your back. The community is full of cool people for the most part. Cheers darlin; you can do it!

you have hit the nail on the head actually. With certain types of ADHD, of which anxiety and depression are major factors, the ability to overcome the inertia and entropy in our brains makes it hell to get to that first step. And after a while, it’s like we can’t do it now, even though it desperately needs to be done. And, I found out that I wasn’t alone in trying to overcome the aforementioned inertia and entropy.
Seeking professional help, getting medicated, and learning how to use new tools to get going helps immensely. So, I concur. The best thing is seeking professional help. And for anybody else out there suffering, I’ve been there and done that and still learning. Feel free to reach out.

[Ki****]

3 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

If going to a kink event feels like your idea of Hell - you don't have to go  

(unless of course it is a "no, I want to go - but argh people")

So generally - a lot is, what are your normal coping strategies?  If you don't know/haven't got any - then that is what you need to find out; work with a mental health professional and/or look at different online resources and use trial and error in other scenarios

the thing is also, you can go to a munch and sit a few tables away to get a feel to decide if you can face joining or not.

One thing - avoid alcohol to calm the nerves, because alcohol as a coping technique is how you get dependency - and, potentially worse than that : if you turn up too drunk you run the risk (actual and perceived) of giving a poor impression. It's never a good impression when someone turns up drunk.

 

“No, I want to go but arrrgh, … ppl” is hitting me below the belt… 🤗 Either you are wiser than your years or “Get out of my head”!!!
And TY for addressing the use of addictive depressants (ETOH). Never EVER a good idea. (With the possible exception of a bottle of Dom Perignon or Cristal with your s/o. 😇😁)

[ey****]

43 minutes ago, Kinky_Auld_Bastehrd said:

“No, I want to go but arrrgh, … ppl” is hitting me below the belt… 🤗 Either you are wiser than your years or “Get out of my head”!!!

haha, I've had my own "argggh... people" moments over the years  

I guess it depends overall who the people might be and if they're threats ("I'll say something stupid and a total stranger will think I'm an idiot") or opportunities ("who will I meet, will we get on, I might make new friends", etc) 

[ProTa24u]

Bring a teddy bear, a support pupper doggo if you've got on or just a friend.
Then too, it's not uncommon for some to wear a mask at events and it's even easier with COVID oddly enough (to wear a mask) and in so doing, there is anonymity.

[Ki****]

30 minutes ago, eyemblacksheep said:

haha, I've had my own "argggh... people" moments over the years  

I guess it depends overall who the people might be and if they're threats ("I'll say something stupid and a total stranger will think I'm an idiot") or opportunities ("who will I meet, will we get on, I might make new friends", etc) 

Perspective. I’m finally getting the tools to start thinking in your latter mode.
I also want to thank you and let you know that I am grateful for your posts and comments. You are a font of wisdom in this demesne and I appreciate the education.