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Confidence in D/s


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Let me preface this by saying I'm very new to BDSM.


My partner and I have explored some aspects of D/s, but are struggling because of our roles in daily life. I love the feeling of being submissive and she loves being dominant. When we are in these roles it is nothing short of magical. However, due to my work, I spend all day every day being/acting dominant, and unfortunately it unintentionally carries over at home. I'm currently the "breadwinner" as my partner is a full-time student. At the same time, my partner is struggling with confidence due to changing from full-time high-powered job to full-time student. This makes entering into the roles we prefer very difficult.


I'm curious if other people have been in this situation and how they handled it. I'm also wondering what things I might be able to do or say to help me come across as more submissive and put her in a more dominant state of mind, without it seeming awkward or forced.


This isn't a unfamiliar topic as many BDSM roles that people desire are the polar opposite of real life roles/positions. 

Unfortunately here isn't much help available, all I can do is share how I prepare for a play that my partner loves and I do not like. What I am sharing might be of help, but there again might be completely useless.

DDlg (Daddy Dom, little girl) for my partner, she likes to escape and become a little girl...and I'm not really that comfortable with the Daddy Dom role, I much prefer my victorian gentleman/disciplinarian - sadist.

How we manage this involves a earlier planning:

Firstly, some text messages....so there is some playing the in roles remotely. This allows me to prepare for a Daddy Dom role gradually.

This helps by giving me time to settle into the Daddy Dom role and use play language.

Secondly, we have have prepared separate cloths, to trigger a physical change for the role (This is like a suit giving a man or a dress giving a woman unspoken confidence). And dressing for the part.

Thirdly, using the language builds and shapes roles.


So what am trying to share.

Use some time to prepare for a role change between life and the bedroom. Start preparing for the your roles earlier, text messages, post-it notes....Avoid pics....imagination is more fun.

Use costumes and prop's that your identify with your roles, have sometime in your costumes.....allow yourselves to change character.

Use the language master, mistress, princess, girl......word have power....use them, let your voice and tone change naturally...this will be a good signal for yourself and your partner.


Final note.....try some D/s between both of you that isn't in the bedroom:

Submissive serves dinner naked.

Dominant directs submissive what cloths to prepare for the next day.

Hope this helps.


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