Characteristics of a high valued female Dom/Domme/Mistress

[Alpalmson]

Going to the flip the script on a recent topic regarding the characteristics of a male sub.

What characteristics do you seek in a Dom/Domme/Mistress.  Here are my 5 top ones.  Comments, elaborations, additions requested.

I'm taking a lot of mine from the business world because I see it as an appropriate comparison.

1) Experience-- You want a dom who knows what they are doing and not just winging it.

2) Confident-- It is hard to serve someone who doesn't exude a sense of superiority.

3) Creativity-- A dom needs to keep her sub on his toes.  Routine is boring. Developing curious role-play scenes and fantasies will keep the sub very interested in serving

4) Knows how to take/keep control-- A good dom knows how to use the carrot and rod when dealing with a sub.

5) Expectations-- A dom needs to communicate expectations of the relationship like limits and activities the relationship will take on.

[in****]

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

[La****]

🫶🏼🫶🏼

[TimberTara]

What I’m looking for is all called sex appeal does she get the engine started. I’m also looking at her attire so she can project a dominant attitude and of course her attitude is she actually dominant.

[in****]

50 minutes ago, TimberTara said:

What I’m looking for is all called sex appeal does she get the engine started. I’m also looking at her attire so she can project a dominant attitude and of course her attitude is she actually dominant.

The whole sex appeal and clothing thing makes no sense to me. I think the ultimate show in dominance is being able to wear a onesie and still command a room (have done) it's not up to you as a sub or anything else to decide what "looks" dominant.

[Alpalmson]

11 minutes ago, insanitysheart said:

The whole sex appeal and clothing thing makes no sense to me. I think the ultimate show in dominance is being able to wear a onesie and still command a room (have done) it's not up to you as a sub or anything else to decide what "looks" dominant.

Sure I like eye candy as do most red-***ed guys, BUT confidence and a dominating attitude is such a huge turn on for me.

[Ma****]

1 hour ago, TimberTara said:

What I’m looking for is all called sex appeal does she get the engine started. I’m also looking at her attire so she can project a dominant attitude and of course her attitude is she actually dominant.

You're looking for a woman to objectify for your pleasure only. You're not seeking a domme, you're seeking a fantasy wrapped in a pretty little package 🙄

There's something to be said about a baseline attraction to your partner, sure. But what you wrote shows you're more interested in the body to fuck, rather than the actual human being

[in****]

4 minutes ago, Maygen said:

You're looking for a woman to objectify for your pleasure only. You're not seeking a domme, you're seeking a fantasy wrapped in a pretty little package 🙄

There's something to be said about a baseline attraction to your partner, sure. But what you wrote shows you're more interested in the body to fuck, rather than the actual human being

It really amazes me that people think it is ok to treat femdoms like kink dispensers and porn factories.

[Alpalmson]

8 minutes ago, insanitysheart said:

It really amazes me that people think it is ok to treat femdoms like kink dispensers and porn factories.

I totally agree.  It is the other way.  Dommes/femdoms are the one who should be objectifying their subs.  That is one of the top thrills I seek.  I want to be an object for my domme/Mistress.  I'm her toy.

[Ma****]

3 minutes ago, Alpalmson said:

I totally agree.  It is the other way.  Dommes/femdoms are the one who should be objectifying their subs.  That is one of the top thrills I seek.  I want to be an object for my domme/Mistress.  I'm her toy.

Being used (consensually) as an object (which I agree is 🥵) is very different than being objectified though

[Alpalmson]

24 minutes ago, Maygen said:

Being used (consensually) as an object (which I agree is 🥵) is very different than being objectified though

All I know is I have a hot fantasy and am looking for the right domme or dommes to play it out.

[Th****]

3 hours ago, TimberTara said:

What I’m looking for is all called sex appeal does she get the engine started. I’m also looking at her attire so she can project a dominant attitude and of course her attitude is she actually dominant.

Sounds like you watch too much fetish porn. Clothing doesn't make a dominant. Her demeanor and attitude do. I am no less of a dominant if I'm in my comfy clothes. I am no more dominant of I'm wearing a tight black dress and garter belt.

[ey****]

So, right at the moment I am not actively looking - however, my last D/s relationship came when I wasn't actively looking - so who knows.

Some of what is important for me may differ to others because of 1

1 - I am married, this would be an additional relationship with my wife's knowledge, our relationship shouldn't encroach on that.   This means I'm more likely to be suitable for someone for whom I'm also an additional relationship - or - where actually, someone they don't have to live with, or deal with daily, etc. is more apt.

2 - We have common ground outside of 'play' and common interests inside.  We should be able to hold a conversation outside of kink if we're out for lunch, on a train together or having any other social time

3 - Good with communication. Their wants, needs and expectations from the relationship as a whole, along with any problems or changes on the way. While also being someone I can approach - be it that I can raise a problem without *** of consequences, share stuff (happy or sad) and vice versa

4) Experience is not a dealbreaker, dishonesty about experience is (as it puts us both at risk) but this is something where we can grow together (and even someone who is super experienced also has scope to grow/learn - none of us are the finished product) 

 

[Mi****]

Ask her what her after care plan is.. if she doesn't know what after care is.. you might want to avoid.

[Ho****]

High Values? She is not de-masculine her Man. That’s true high Value in a d/s relationship. It’s always about respect.

[Th****]

40 minutes ago, HornedGod said:

High Values? She is not de-masculine her Man. That’s true high Value in a d/s relationship. It’s always about respect.

This about is Female Dominant and male sub.  Some are into feminization of men 

[Ty****]

Communication. Nothing can start without it, and make sure you go into what your expections are, what hers are, and if you are compatible.

[Ty****]

1 hour ago, HornedGod said:

High Values? She is not de-masculine her Man. That’s true high Value in a d/s relationship. It’s always about respect.

Some men love to be degraded and demasculinized by their dommes. Or even sissified. Some men are cross dressers. Not all men are a monolith just like not all women are a monolith.

[Alpalmson]

2 hours ago, MistressOrPrimal said:

Ask her what her after care plan is.. if she doesn't know what after care is.. you might want to avoid.

That was #6 on my list.

[TimberTara]

We’re visual creatures, but eventually there has to be more than just the visual connection and that’s the hardest part

[Mz****]

OK, let me give it a whirl starting with 1. Experience. When I think about experience in this community, I think about folks who actually go to classes too munches two conferences and off the times it’s dominant women and even pros that do this. It is very rare to see submissive man at these conferences, so I agree in terms of being high valued, I certainly feel the same way in regards to a high valued male submissive.
2. Confident. Yes indeed confidence is a high value attribute the thing is with males is that sometimes they’re lack of confidence as a effect on the dominance confidence and then there’s the component of submissive treating dominant women as vending machines, and also trying to “convert“ vanilla women to dominant women when she has no idea about this community with your course she loses confidence because she’s following his lead.
3. creativity is indeed the spice and high valueness. I would love it if mail subs to code of the creativity spice and it starts with when you first contact of dominant woman be creative actually it stars even before that will be creative with your profile
4. knowing how to control and I will add knowing how to submit. if you want to build a strong dynamic, then both parties or all parties should be conscious and continuously developing their craft or their role. It’s constant learning, so yes, have valued submissive and dominant needs to know how the on top of where they are in the dynamic.
This was very cool thank you for posting. I love the dialogue.

[ey****]

7 hours ago, MzHydra said:

I think about folks who actually go to classes too munches two conferences and off the times it’s dominant women and even pros that do this. It is very rare to see submissive man at these conferences, so I agree in terms of being high valued, I certainly feel the same way in regards to a high valued male submissive.

I'd just like to lean into this a little, if I may.

Definitely!  Like, if someone as a male sub goes to some of the conferences, classes, workshops, etc then it's a win in the sense of (a) improves their/our own knowledge and experience (b) there will be women there who are looking at improving their knowledge/skills/experience and those are traits we may wish to see (c) great opportunity to meet other folk in general (d) any demos which requires a volunteer or gives an "opportunity to try"... well... here we are. (e) it also shows our willingness to learn

(one of my good Domme friends and regular play partners I met at a workshop/training day - another I also met through a networking event where we both had drive to improve knowledge)  

[Ki****]

Emmmm. As reasonably new to this side of me, where then, may a Subbie go to learn to be “what a good *pick yer own damn gender!!🤣”!!) boy” in my case? Munches offer a certain amount of information but. So, I turn to the Sage Ones!

[ey****]

Just now, Kinky_Auld_Bastehrd said:

Emmmm. As reasonably new to this side of me, where then, may a Subbie go to learn to be “what a good *pick yer own damn gender!!🤣”!!) boy” in my case? Munches offer a certain amount of information but. So, I turn to the Sage Ones!

Some of this is a little bit of a post code lottery at times; so for example locally to me there are many munches, which are a good way to connect etc - there is one local dungeon and they have a monthly 'play munch' which often can include talks or demos, some of the other events there also have demos 

Sometimes there is a case of casting a wider net - so for example KinkFest in Birmingham is very much recommended - though I often joke that Birmingham/Midlands are more difficult and expensive to get to than they should be - but it is still a weighing up what is on offer - and of course travelling down to London opens many options

So for anyone outside the UK, I'd say start with what is reasonable travel distance (i.e. locality) to see what is available but also keeping an eye on surrounding areas - especially if it's reasonable travel distance and/or you can do transport share.

[Ki****]

I’m partial to Wales, oor more so, Scotland 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿, ye ken.