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Beginning fem-dom pointers???? (Help?)


Learningtobeamiss

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Learningtobeamiss
Posted (edited)

I just recently started a relationship with a man who is a great Dom and treats me well. I enjoy our sexual relationship so much. Recently he expressed his want to be the submissive and to be humiliated. I have NO clue how to even start. I want to please him and I want to explore my Dom side as we.... I wouldn't say I'm shy, but when I tried (failed so miserably ūüė™) to try the Dom roll....i got nervous and over thought everything I was doing and saying. I got extremely self conscious. I know that's a no-no for a Dom, but how can I get in that mindset? I've never done this and I almost feel a little overwhelmed. I at least want and am willing to give it a try! ...Ive read articles over and over I'm very detail oriented) I just need help. Any pointers, any ideas for how to start, ideas for situations to roll play....? Anything. This whole thing makes me sad because he fulfills so many fantasies of mine and I want to do the same for him, despite him saying he doesn't need it to be satisfied in our relationship. I also want to do this for myself as well, I think it would be a confidence builder.¬†

Edited by Learningtobeamiss
Posted

I'm sorry to have to say this but you can't just conjure "domness"out of thin air,It's something that's either within you or not.That being said I know a lass who was a submissive for many years but now is a successful Domme and from what i can tell she loves itso the change can be made.I th8nk though that was probably always part of what she is whether she realised it or not.Patience is key and this will take time,,you're going to completely have to change the way you think.

Try being more assertive in general as a starting point and not just with your partner,head up,show confidence in everything you do,believe in yourself,make it part of what you are to be a stronger more confident person and hopefully over time that will transfer into the bedroom.Ive never been a switch so I *** this advice may be lacking somewhat but good luck.

Posted

think not too much of worring about being a Dominant but on being a Service Top - if he is generally Dominant and yourself submissive - instead of trying to switch, keep it that way but with him giving you commands on how he'd like you to Dominate him.  Take his lead on activities to learn or try.

this could help build your confidence and grow from there.

Posted (edited)

You just start in the bdsm world, so take your time to adjust. You said he’s a good Dom but already is asking you to jump into a role you know nothing about and not even comfortable with. 
has he told you before you started the relationship that he was a switch ? 

Edited by Deleted Member
Learningtobeamiss
Posted

He has been EXTREMELY respectful toward me. He has never expected me to do anything I'm uncomfortable with. He has said this over and over. He also said that if I'm not into it and don't enjoy it we don't have to do it. He has even said he doesn't need it to feel sexually satisfied. It's just a fantasy that he has wanted to try, and I was wanting to explore it as well.

Posted

Switching from a sub to a Dominant is something you can do IF you are interested in it. But It does take confidence to be in the Dominant position.  You will be nervous to start off with because it is a bigger commitment than when you are in the sumissive position.  As the Dominant it is up to you to take the lead and some of this can be learned with practice.  If he is as good as you say then ask him to be patient,  Talk before hand on some of the things he would like to try and read up on them so that you have an idea of what is expected. 

Think about what you like yourself when you are in the submissive position and try some of these things out on him if he is up for it.  Most of all take your time and keep communication open between the two of you.  You can try to blindfold him,  sometimes when they are unable to watch as we stumble over things ( this happenes to Dominants even after years in the lifestyle) helps to carry on. 

Lastly enjoy yourself but if you find that you get no enjoyment out of it then its not for you,  Talk to him again and explain why. 

 

Posted
6 hours ago, Learningtobeamiss said:

He has been EXTREMELY respectful toward me. He has never expected me to do anything I'm uncomfortable with. He has said this over and over. He also said that if I'm not into it and don't enjoy it we don't have to do it. He has even said he doesn't need it to feel sexually satisfied. It's just a fantasy that he has wanted to try, and I was wanting to explore it as well.

I didnt implied he wasn't respectful. All I am saying is that's fairly early in your relationship to ask for you to switch roles, when you are not experienced.

the first thing you need to do is, not calling yourself Domme. Its easier for you to say Top, you will be the one who run the show only, its like he handle to you the whip thats all. Dominance involve more than that and you are not ready or prob not made for it. 

He likes ***, so start with this, read article about it. Does he want impact play? 

Also don't hesitate messaging Domme on here some will be happy to give you few advice about a session. 

Learningtobeamiss
Posted
7 hours ago, TemptressM said:

Switching from a sub to a Dominant is something you can do IF you are interested in it. But It does take confidence to be in the Dominant position.  You will be nervous to start off with because it is a bigger commitment than when you are in the sumissive position.  As the Dominant it is up to you to take the lead and some of this can be learned with practice.  If he is as good as you say then ask him to be patient,  Talk before hand on some of the things he would like to try and read up on them so that you have an idea of what is expected. 

Think about what you like yourself when you are in the submissive position and try some of these things out on him if he is up for it.  Most of all take your time and keep communication open between the two of you.  You can try to blindfold him,  sometimes when they are unable to watch as we stumble over things ( this happenes to Dominants even after years in the lifestyle) helps to carry on. 

Lastly enjoy yourself but if you find that you get no enjoyment out of it then its not for you,  Talk to him again and explain why. 

 

Thank you so much!! I appreciate your feedback immensely!! 

Learningtobeamiss
Posted
7 hours ago, FabSeverus said:

I didnt implied he wasn't respectful. All I am saying is that's fairly early in your relationship to ask for you to switch roles, when you are not experienced.

the first thing you need to do is, not calling yourself Domme. Its easier for you to say Top, you will be the one who run the show only, its like he handle to you the whip thats all. Dominance involve more than that and you are not ready or prob not made for it. 

He likes ***, so start with this, read article about it. Does he want impact play? 

Also don't hesitate messaging Domme on here some will be happy to give you few advice about a session. 

He never asked me to switch rolls, he was explaining what he wanted to try. We were sharing with eachother. He's still extremely new to everything as well. We both have never been with someone who was excited and curious about this kind of sexual experience. So we both feel excited to try new things and have new experiences. 

So top is more my speed? Perfect! Do you have nlany ideas on how to start exploring as a top? I will need to look into being a "top" more because I'm not 100% sure what that involves but I'm excited to do so.

And I wouldn't say I'm not "made" for being dominant....i think I've never tried and I am NEW to the whole thing....so I'm going to at least start from the bottom, which I've been a submissive, no other place to start!

And I'm I am on this awesome page because I could Google till I'm blue in the face but I wanted to talk directly with people who are passionate about this stuff! I was looking for other people who share some of my same interests and for some encouragement in starting something newish and developing my kinks and learning how to safely, sexually explore with my partner. 

I will definitely try and contact some people on here for some pointers. 

Learningtobeamiss
Posted
20 hours ago, Donnykinkster said:

I'm sorry to have to say this but you can't just conjure "domness"out of thin air,It's something that's either within you or not.That being said I know a lass who was a submissive for many years but now is a successful Domme and from what i can tell she loves itso the change can be made.I th8nk though that was probably always part of what she is whether she realised it or not.Patience is key and this will take time,,you're going to completely have to change the way you think.

Try being more assertive in general as a starting point and not just with your partner,head up,show confidence in everything you do,believe in yourself,make it part of what you are to be a stronger more confident person and hopefully over time that will transfer into the bedroom.Ive never been a switch so I *** this advice may be lacking somewhat but good luck.

I love your idea to try and be more assertive in general! Great idea! Not a switch or not, I appreciate your feedback! Thank you

Learningtobeamiss
Posted
19 hours ago, eyemblacksheep said:

think not too much of worring about being a Dominant but on being a Service Top - if he is generally Dominant and yourself submissive - instead of trying to switch, keep it that way but with him giving you commands on how he'd like you to Dominate him.  Take his lead on activities to learn or try.

this could help build your confidence and grow from there.

"Service top" will be looking into that. I love your idea and will definitely bring that up to him! I think he would love that. "Take his lead on activities to learn or try" I love that and im thankful for your pointers! I do believe the more I try things that are more assertive, the more comfortable I will be. Thank you so much! 

Posted (edited)

Hi @Learningtobeamiss, I'm happy to offer a perspective on becoming dominant. It is possible and can be a very enjoyable journey but you have to be really kind to yourself because it will seem very strange at first. I wouldn't attempt a whole scene yet, as it takes confidence to lead like that. I suggest you try turning the tables on him occasionally, during play. Find your inner brat, be a bit defiant. Flip over and bite him hard on the chest. Then don't accept any attempt from him to punish or put you in your place... he wants you to dominate him, so this is how it starts. 

Start thinking of yourself as a Goddess. Tell him to fetch things for you. Make you tea/coffee. Tell him he's not worthy of sitting on the couch with you and make him sit at your feet. None of this has to be done in an aggressive way so don't feel you have to act a part. 

Read up about foot worship, too, and have him start with that. 

Then look up Femdom porn if you really want to go headlong into the delights of Female Domination and Male Submission. But don't rush. Only do what you're comfortable with. It has to come naturally from within you, though it will feel a little ***d at first. 

Edited by Deleted Member
Typo
Learningtobeamiss
Posted
21 hours ago, MsWhiteRose said:

Hi @Learningtobeamiss, I'm happy to offer a perspective on becoming dominant. It is possible and can be a very enjoyable journey but you have to be really kind to yourself because it will seem very strange at first. I wouldn't attempt a whole scene yet, as it takes confidence to lead like that. I suggest you try turning the tables on him occasionally, during play. Find your inner brat, be a bit defiant. Flip over and bite him hard on the chest. Then don't accept any attempt from him to punish or put you in your place... he wants you to dominate him, so this is how it starts. 

Start thinking of yourself as a Goddess. Tell him to fetch things for you. Make you tea/coffee. Tell him he's not worthy of sitting on the couch with you and make him sit at your feet. None of this has to be done in an aggressive way so don't feel you have to act a part. 

Read up about foot worship, too, and have him start with that. 

Then look up Femdom porn if you really want to go headlong into the delights of Female Domination and Male Submission. But don't rush. Only do what you're comfortable with. It has to come naturally from within you, though it will feel a little ***d at first. 

Wow. I love this. This is the kind of advice I've been looking for. Thank you Mswhiterose!!  I definitely feel like I could turn the tables a little (as in pulling out my inner brat) in a situation. I love that idea.... I love everything you said. Thank you so much for the advice!! 

Posted
3 minutes ago, Learningtobeamiss said:

Wow. I love this. This is the kind of advice I've been looking for. Thank you Mswhiterose!!  I definitely feel like I could turn the tables a little (as in pulling out my inner brat) in a situation. I love that idea.... I love everything you said. Thank you so much for the advice!! 

Great. Happy to have helped. 

Start small and see how you get on. It should be fun for you and I'm sure he'll like it too. 

And if it really doesn't feel like fun when you've tried some of this, just tell him that domination isn't your thing. 

Learningtobeamiss
Posted
2 hours ago, MsWhiteRose said:

Great. Happy to have helped. 

Start small and see how you get on. It should be fun for you and I'm sure he'll like it too. 

And if it really doesn't feel like fun when you've tried some of this, just tell him that domination isn't your thing. 

I will definitely tell him if it ends up not being enjoyable for sure! Thanks again! 

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