Incywincy Posted April 14, 2020 Author Posted April 14, 2020 9 hours ago, MossyBoy said: Incywincy, I think I speak for all those that have commented. Girl, none of us are paying you lip service or just trying to lighten the load you are carrying. WE all feel the same way towards that type of Dom, and have deep feelings of regret, that you have had to go through that. We would not put our own subs through that, and the thought that a supposed Dom would, annoys us ALL. ALL of us wish you well with your recovery and encourage you to not give up on this life, as it has so much enjoyment, excitement and fulfillment attached to it. And as a footnote, your respect and feelings towards hubby about this is something to be applauded, but I am guessing, he has seen your moods slide as this kinky relationship has progressed towards failure. Failure that in NO way can be contributed or loaded on you. Girl, just brush yourself off, and start looking again, and enjoy what this kinky life brings your way (within limits of course). Thank you x I needed to hear this x
Incywincy Posted April 14, 2020 Author Posted April 14, 2020 5 hours ago, Kymi said: probably not, but we feel guilty and agonise over the decision as subs largely I think because we think it is a dominant thing, that's why @Incywincy's post is so eye opening and important for us to take on board, in my opinion that is I think all feeling people whether Dom or sub find it hard to end a relationship and take time to recover . I think anyone who doesn't find it hard is either in a very very bad relationship or probably shouldn't be in a relationship at all. Whether Dom or sub or switch or Top or whatever labels we want to give ourselves we are basically just humans in love with other humans (hopefully) .. the labels are just ... additional needs I guess.
Vandalslut Posted April 15, 2020 Posted April 15, 2020 20 hours ago, Incywincy said: I mean he could have had almost anything he wanted, but chose to focus on breaking hard limits, setting tasks he cared nothing about and just being a miserable sod who thought he could drop me anytime he felt like it. Wanted to break hard limits? What an arse. Sounds like a control freak who called himself a Dom to legitimise his inner ego-malfunction. When we do everything we can to keep a relationship afloat and it still sinks, we're far too quick to assume it was 'my fault' that it didn't work. Sometimes it's a case of two people who didn't match up. Sometimes one grows in a different direction to the other. The best thing we can do is be just exactly who we are and make changes for ourselves, not change to 'keep' someone in our lives or to keep them happy. Sooner or later it's obvious that no matter how much we put in, the goalposts will get moved again. And again. And again. Keep trying and you start dying. Stop the game and walk away. When that happens, you start living - and it's a big world out there.
Ky**** Posted April 15, 2020 Posted April 15, 2020 14 hours ago, cautiousswitch said: If it's someone's first D/s relationship then they may just assume that whatever they don't like about the relationship is the way it's supposed to be. true, I did
Th**** Posted April 29, 2020 Posted April 29, 2020 @Incywincy Quote It's very hard to let go of something that always had potential and not have any answers as to why someone did not value what you had to offer? Hiya there Incy, This sort of loss is so hard to deal with. I will let you into a secret here, it is just as hard no matter what side of the slash your on. We all think what did I do or why didn't they find me doing what they wanted enough. It tears at you. The bottom line is this is not you in this instance, as you had a care taker that was not taking care. In that position your obligation of service is to yourself. You did that and kept your self safe. Well done. What I am going to suggest is what I suggest and practise to anyone in the lifestyle fresh out of a relationship. Feel free to ignore it totally of course. ;) Take some time, hang out here make friends, but most importantly rediscover were Incy is now. Make a list of what your Wants and Needs are in a relationship now. Do some soul searching and rediscover your self. This is so that the next time you start to enter into a BDSM relationship you can ensure the other person knows out the gate what is really important to you and that they can cater to that. I would also humbly suggest the two of you sit down as equals every now and again and just check in to make sure that you are both okay and are both keeping each others wants and needs fulfilled. After all you are both supposed to be having a good time right. Every luck in the future hon. Thebian.
Sensual_Dom_1966 Posted January 12, 2021 Posted January 12, 2021 On 4/14/2020 at 7:40 PM, Incywincy said: I hope it does. We are subs... worth our weight in gold these are relationships like any other. I think we go deeper into possibly unhealthy dependency on our Doms than we would in another relationship but ultimately we deserve more not less in exchange for that. If he isn't treating you like the gift you are then you have to put a stop to that. Two way street I think. I will give everything I have but I expect it to be handled with utmost care and respect xx Being treated with the utmost care and respect ought to be a given in any healthy relationship, but particularly in a D/s one where so many physical, sexual and psychological boundaries are explored and expanded upon. A subs well being - on every level - ought to be the prime concern for any decent Dom. Glad you found the courage to end it and by sharing your ***ful experience you are helping others. I hope you are keeping well now.
Recommended Posts